Wounded: Book 8 (A Rylee Adamson Novel) (31 page)

Chapter 21

THE WORLD BLACKED out for me, there was nothing in me but a dark and painful emptiness that could never be filled. People wandered in and out of my hearing range, and Alex stayed close to me, but I could feel nothing but the exquisite loss of Liam.

Nothing could have ever prepared me for his death, nothing.

“He’s not really gone you know.” A soft voice whispered in my ear and I slowly turned to stare into India’s eyes. I said nothing and she put her fingers under my chin, lifting my face. “He says you need to read the letter he left with Doran. That it’s important. And if you don’t he will keep pestering me until you do.”

I didn’t want to get up, didn’t give a shit if the world fell down around us. What was the point, what was the reason? My left hand drifted to my belly. Liam’s child, wasn’t that reason enough? That was why he’d done it, why he’d sacrificed himself. Not only for me, but for the life we’d sparked together.

Less than four hours had passed since he’d died and yet it felt like four years, the weight of time pulling me down. Reluctantly, I Tracked Doran and followed the threads to one of the spare rooms. India walked with me, as if to make sure I did as I said.

Before I could lift my hand to knock on the door, it opened and Doran ushered me inside. India didn’t follow, and I didn’t even realize Alex had been with me until Doran spoke to him. “You wait here. This is for her ears only.”

“Okay,” Alex whispered, the sorrow in his voice turning me around. His ears were slumped and his eyes never lifted. I wasn’t the only one who’d lost Liam. The thought only started a fresh round of tears that I couldn’t stop. Doran shut the door behind me, but I just stood there, numb, too numb to take even another step.

“He left you a letter.” He pulled a thin envelope from under his shirt. “He asked me to give it to you, after.”

His words slowly sunk into my head. “After?”

“Yes, for after he died.”

Doran had known what Liam was going to do, and he’d let him. The shock hit me so hard my knees buckled. My first instinct was to attack Doran, to kill him for letting Liam go. As quickly as I thought it, I let it go. There had been too much death, and I wouldn’t risk the child, Liam’s child, for revenge. Not yet anyway. The envelope waved in front of me and I took it, opened it and stared at the words as they blurred in front of me.

I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you. You and the baby are the only ones who matter to me, and you needed time and a safe place to go. The doorway will stay shut for six months; it is my last gift to you, a respite from Orion for that time.

Don’t be angry with those who helped me, they did it for the same reason I did.

Because they love you. Because I love you, because you are the only one who matters right now. Coyote knows of a place that will be safe for you and the baby, holy ground protected by the first guardian. That is the only place Orion cannot find you. Please, for me, do this. Be safe for a little while, be selfish, and don’t tell people about the child. Already too many who would kill or trap you both know.

I wish I could be with you, wish I could see and hold our child in my arms.

His penmanship grew shaky with that last line, and I couldn’t see anymore, and had to hold the paper away from my face in order to catch my breath. The sound of paper fluttering opened my eyes. My hand was shaking and I fought to still it.

You are my world, and I promised you I would never leave you, that we would always be together. Death won’t keep me away. I am always with you. I will be there when our child is born. I will be there when you cry in the night. I will be there when you think you are done in and have nothing more to give. I will not leave you.

You are my world, my heart, my soul. Never forget that.

I have one last request of you.

I want you to live, Rylee, truly live. You know what I mean, so don’t argue with me. Just live. Love. Don’t let the darkness and grief beat you.

Forever yours,
Liam

So easy for him to say. I folded the paper and tucked it into my shirt. “I have to go.”

I didn’t wait for Doran to say anything, just bolted from his room and headed for the main doors. Outside in the fresh air I broke into a run until I hit the edge of the pond. The dock had never been repaired, and the splinters of it were still scattered around the edge of the water. Fog curled about my feet, hiding the ground and quickly soaking the bottom of my jeans.

I squeezed my arms around my middle, as if I could hold myself together as I stared into the pond. The surface of the water reflected my image back to me. I blinked, unable to believe what I was seeing.

Liam stared back at me.

I whipped around, the last of the night fading and the fog holding just the faintest image.

“I told you I wouldn’t leave you.”

I reached for him, already knowing my hand would pass through. “How could you do this to me?” The words were broken, tear-filled, and they didn’t sound like they could come from my mouth.

Pain rippled across his face. “There was no other choice. But I knew you’d never let me do what I had to, not without a fight. I couldn’t risk you, either of you.”

He lifted his hand and let it trail down the side of my face, a breath away from my skin.

“How are you still here, you closed the veil.” I stared at him, drinking him in, trying to think of anything I could say just to keep him with me a little longer.

His smile was full. “We bound our souls together, Rylee. Where you go, I go. I never crossed the veil. I won’t, not without you.” The smile slipped and his eyes grew serious.

“You have to go. Go now while things are still in upheaval on this side of the veil. Take Coyote, Blaz, and Erik. Those are the three you need.”

I shook my head. “How do you know?”

His lips, those gorgeous lips I would never kiss again curled into a smile. “I know a lot now, more than you can imagine, now that I’m on this side of things. You have to trust me that in the end, this will be for the best. Can you not trust our love is strong enough?”

His words pierced me, through the heavy grief laying on my heart and soul. “I trust you, Liam. With all that I am.”

“Then go. And let the grief go. I won’t leave you.” He began to fade, but his voice stayed a moment longer. “I will always be with you. And call on Charlie.”

I stood on the edge of the pond, my heart pounding. Those last words, they were both sweet and not. Charlie had baby Zane. Zane needed to be protected as much as I did.

Time to go again, to somewhere safe. For me, for our child, for Zane. A steady thrum of resolve began to beat in time with my heart. This was a salvage in reverse, stopping the loss of a child before it happened.

I went to my room first and packed a small bag. The fire opal Doran had bestowed on me still held heat in it, a few small knives, a change of clothes, and what else was there? Nothing.

Alex crept into the room. “Rylee is going without Alex.”

I sat on the bed so I could face him, knowing he slipped into third person because of his sorrow. The fur on his cheeks was streaked with tears and I knew this would be the hardest of all my goodbyes. “I need you to stay here, to look after Pamela, Frank, Kyle, and India. Can you do that while I’m gone?”

He climbed into my lap and put his muzzle on my shoulder. “You will come back to me?”

I wrapped my arms around him, squeezing him tight, my throat constricting on the words. “You and me, to the bitter end, buddy.”

“Yuppy doody,” he whispered, his gangly front legs wrapped tight around me. “I watch the others. Keep them safe for you. To the end, Rylee. You and me to the end.”

He went with me to find Pamela, and though I could Track her, her emotions were completely off the chart with grief and guilt. I couldn’t face her. I chickened out and wrote her a note, leaving it in her bedroom. We still hadn’t had our talk, and I knew I was leaving her when she needed me, but there was far more at stake than just her life. I had to trust that she would be strong enough to wait on our chat, strong enough to hang on without me for a little while.

India and Frank were a little easier. I just told them I was leaving for awhile and that they should stay with Doran. And Doran…. Well, Doran held on a breath too long.

“Try and help Berget. If you can, if you can find her,” I said as I pushed him away, anger lacing my words. I hadn’t forgiven him yet. Nor did I think I ever would. But I couldn’t kill him, either. Liam had done this, had made this choice, and I had no doubt that he’d made sure Doran helped him.

“For you, I will try. But I think we’ve lost her this time for good.”

His eyes were so very full of sorrow, and another bucket of guilt and grief sloshed over me, soaking me through to my soul. All I could do was nod and push away from him.

Another of my loved ones that I couldn’t save.

I Tracked Coyote, almost running away from Doran, heading straight for the Guardian. I still had no idea what job Liam had him doing when we were facing the demons. Why couldn’t Coyote have been the one to die to close the veil? I didn’t know, and now it was too fucking late. I suspected his ‘job’ was to stay alive so he could take me where I needed to go.

Coyote didn’t crack any jokes when I found him in the library, nor did he question me when I asked him to follow me.

Erik was next and he too followed me without a question. We made our way out to the far side of the property where the training building was.

“Charlie.” I said his name softly, and within moments he popped through the doorway closest to us. “How do you always hear me?”

He gave me a wink. “If I bees telling you all my secrets, yous might not think me so interesting. Little Zane and I went for a visit to me family in Ireland. ‘Tis safe, don’t be worrying your head.” His smile faded as he looked at me. “What’s happened, lassie?”

“Liam’s dead.” Two words and yet they were surreal to me, like a language I couldn’t understand.

The brownie stumbled backward. “No. Not the wolf.”

I kept a tight rein on my grief as it surged upward. “I need to know if you can hear me anywhere I go.”

He shook his head, his eyes glittering with tears. I had to look away.

“No, I can’t. Why?”

“I have a safe place for Zane, so I guess you need to bring him to me now.”

Charlie didn’t ask any more questions, just disappeared through the doorway, and within moments was back with a sleeping Zane. I slipped the fire opal over the little boy’s neck and tucked it against his skin. Flying with Blaz was going to be bitching cold and I didn’t want to take the chance on the newborn, no matter how strong a witch he might be one day.

Alex watched us mount, his eyes mournful and hurting as he waved a floppy paw at me. In that moment, I almost let him come with me. Almost.

Blaz leapt into the sky.

Where are we going?

Coyote pointed to where the sun rose on the horizon. “East.”

Erik sat in front of me and I leaned forward into his back, blocking the worst of the wind from Zane’s tiny face. East, somewhere in the east. The unknown awaited me and it scared the shit out of me. Without Liam I felt adrift, and yet he was right. He hadn’t left me, and I wasn’t alone.

I took a steadying breath and lifted my head. Our child needed me to be strong, needed a mother who would fight to her dying breath to protect him or her. Erik reached back and touched my hand.

“You are strong enough, Rylee. Even for this.”

I squeezed his fingers, a sense of understanding sweeping over me. Giselle always said things happened for a reason, even if we didn’t understand them at the time, even if they seemed to be the worst thing imaginable. Well, here we were, my worst fear played out and yet … there was hope.

“I know,” I said, my voice soft, words carried away by the wind. “Much as I hate to say it, I know.”