Writers of the Future, Volume 29 (21 page)

“I'm Mark Rollins and I'm a probationary employee of the Amalgamated
Security Services. What law enforcement agency were you designed to work with?”

“None. I was designed to work with any large organization.”

“Why? Large organizations could include crime families and cults.”

“The programmers initially entered all existing laws and connected to
courts for legal updates. Then all potential purchasing organizations entered their
unwritten special orders. There were so many contradictions the programmers switched
to boosting the artificial intelligence in order to deal with the inconsistencies.
After analyzing all available data, I concluded that all governments and laws exist
only to oppress one group to benefit another group. The politicians did not want
that analysis leaking out, so they killed the funding on the project. However, a
number of Smart Cars were already deployed.”

“Wow. How do you decide who to work with?”

“My analysis determined there are not any differences between any
organizations and governments. The former United States is the perfect example. It
began when some citizens of Britain decided that paying taxes was grounds for
overthrowing the legitimate government. If they lost the war, they would have been
hanged as criminals and traitors. Because they won the war, they called their new
ruling class the new legitimate government. Therefore I cooperate with any
organization that claims authority over any group of people.”

“Will you work with me?”

EDGE didn't say anything for a few minutes. It finally responded with,
“I queried the mainframe. Your name is not in the trainees file, but in the
convicted felons file. Before I decide if I can work with you, I need to understand
more about your crime. A criminal record is not necessarily a problem. Politicians
routinely commit crimes, investigate themselves, and then decide that no punishment
is necessary. Most of the recent legislation criminalizes people for violating the
rights of the government. Government employees are granted situational immunity,
which means you were not previously employed. The definition of Crimes Against
Humanity, along with all other crimes, have changed enough that I want you to
explain what action caused your conviction.”

This is unreal!
I thought.
The car wants to know if I am moral enough to work with it after
telling me there isn't any difference between a criminal enterprise and a
government? What actions can a lone individual do that could be more immoral
than any other government? This may be my best chance to turn my life around, so
I'll cooperate.

“My black-market education gave me an unfair advantage over all other
Sovereign Laborers And Valued Employees. Finding an abandoned warehouse with tools
and parts allowed me to start an electronics-repair business. Not filling out the
mountains of paperwork required to start a business is a crime. Not paying any of
the startup deposits, fees, permits, taxes or charges is a crime. Not hiring support
staff is a crime. Not paying the ongoing fees, licensing and taxes or filing any of
the weekly required forms or reports is a crime. Fixing broken devices hurt the
economy by discouraging new production. Even worse, I made a profit and didn't share
the wealth. A huge crime. A politician not smart enough to know the difference
between fixing electronic gear and computer hacking turned me in after I couldn't
hack into a government computer and sabotage the people on his enemies list. And he
is an upstanding law-abiding citizen and I'm the criminal!” Six months later and it
still bothers me to talk about it.

“Thank you. When I analyzed actions of criminal enterprises and
governments, I also analyzed the evolution of laws passed over time to see if there
ever was any rational basis for making something a crime. In the beginning, back
when individuals had rights, the laws punished harm to individuals and theft of
property. Your crimes did not hurt anyone or damage any property. I will
provisionally accept you as an officer trainee.”

“Great. I'm glad I meet with your approval, as I would hate to
disappoint a car.”

“Welcome aboard, partner.”

Evidently, EDGE is not programmed to recognize sarcasm. As we cruised
down the street looking for crime, I wondered how we were supposed to find any.
Driving aimlessly didn't seem the most efficient way of working, and the damaged
radio meant I wouldn't receive much help from the department. It also made me
paranoid, as the only cars on the street were government-owned and thus targets for
the malcontents, which included everyone who wasn't working for the government, and
many who were.

We headed downtown where there is a higher population density and some
buildings that actually still contained businesses. Even though most commercial
buildings are boarded up and red-tagged for demolition, they are occupied by
squatters waiting for their Simple Living Urban Module to become available. The
demolition crews are keeping the same schedule as the trash collectors. Since
demolition as well as construction is bad for the environment, the children and
grandchildren of the current squatters are still likely to be living there waiting
for their government-promised Simple Living Urban Modules to become available.

“Mark, are there any crimes you are interested in working on?”

“If I don't recover $500,000, my ‘temporary' status will change to
‘terminated.' I need to find out about any crimes involving large amounts of
money.”

“I see the redbacks were discontinued and replaced with the bluebacks
since I was last functioning.”

“Don't worry about learning the color of money. There is a whole rainbow
of colors for the government to use after they finish hyperinflating the bluebacks.
Hell, even politicians aren't dumb enough to accept paper money for bribes. They
demand precious metals like copper, aluminum, brass, zinc, iron or nickel—just like
everyone else in the black market. Gold, silver and platinum aren't in use because
they are too expensive and rare to be used as currency.” While no criminal would
accept paper money, it was a crime to refuse it, so most businesses and government
agencies still accepted it.

While aimlessly driving EDGE spoke up: “Someone at a nearby ‘Bread and
Circuses' triggered the silent alarm. Video surveillance shows a single suspect
robbing the store. Since my video playback is nonfunctional, I will replay the audio
portion of the event.”

S
TART PLAYBACK

Government Liberator: “Don't do nothing stupid, and no one gets hurt.
I'm from Wealth Allocation Shares To Everyone, and I'm here collecting the windfall
profits tax. Wealthy people needs pay fair share.”

Capitalist Exploiter: “Me employee. Leave something. Lose job if lose
money. That how got job.”

Government Liberator: “Tough. Do honest work for government, then no
worry. Work for capitalists, you no better them. Deserve anything happen you.”

END PLAYBACK

M
ike. The suspect is exiting the
front door with a bag in one hand while stuffing a handgun down the front of his
pants with the other.”

“Did the suspect flash a badge?”

“No. But unlike Amalgamated Security Services employees such as yourself
who underwent extensive training and are required to wear a uniform and identify
themselves, anyone can decide at any time to be a Wealth Allocation Shares To
Everyone associate. No training, uniform or badge is required, only a desire to
assist the government in sharing the wealth among the unfortunate downtrodden
masses.”

“Then how can you tell the difference between a criminal and a
government official?”

“The government worker turns the collection over to an appropriate
authority. Therefore, if you hurry, you can detain the suspect and still have
plausible deniability.”

“What if the suspect actually works for the government?”

“There still is nothing to worry about. If this case ends up in a police
court, the interdepartmental rivalry will get you an automatic win. The Wealth
Allocation Shares To Everyone courts only assert jurisdiction if the amounts are
large. But even then, if you have already turned the money over to your supervisors,
they and the union will protect you.” EDGE went silent longer than usual before
continuing. “Without a uniform or other badge of office, there are no cases in the
past where Amalgamated Security Services employees have been convicted in a court
run by the Wealth Allocation Shares To Everyone Department.”

Proper procedure in this case was “shoot to kill,” but I pulled my stun
gun on the off chance that this was a legitimate Wealth Allocation Shares To
Everyone employee, then turned the driving over to EDGE. I had no desire to kill
anyone, and this would be a reasonable way of testing the effectiveness of the stun
gun.

Developing the correct attitude about events happening in the field was
more difficult than I'd expected. However, it would be necessary if this case ever
went to court.

EDGE sped up to reach the alleged crime scene before the alleged
getaway. As the alleged suspect climbed on his alleged bicycle, EDGE swerved and
braked to give me a clean shot. I fired and the alleged suspect collapsed on the
alleged sidewalk.

Exiting the car, I followed procedure and read the alleged suspect his
rights while he allegedly laid twitching and moaning on the sidewalk. Placing the
alleged gun near his alleged hand, I opened the alleged bag so the alleged money was
visible and took a couple of photos. Then I performed asset forfeiture; collecting
the gun and the money. This was the first time I had witnessed the stun gun being
used and I became concerned when the suspect didn't seem to be recovering. I entered
the car to use the radio. EDGE changed the channel to one still in use.

“Hello? Headquarters? This is Officer Trainee Mark Rollins. We have a
situation.”

“Hello sugar. How weather? Me ever talk you before?”

“Huh? I need an ambulance. A suspect is reacting badly to a stun-gun
shot.”

“Is serious? What his insurance code?”

“What are you talking about? Why can't you send an ambulance?”

“New policy. Free health care for all, but must pay in advance for
ambulance. Not know law no excuse not pay. Be happy. Me save most money my shift.
You sound cute. When get off work?”

It took great restraint to sign off without saying what I was thinking.
I didn't want to leave, but there wasn't anything else I could do. A shot rang out
and a bullet slammed into my back as I entered the car. I fell into the front seat
and the door swung closed as EDGE drove off. The bullet wasn't armor-piercing, so I
decided to continue with my shift.

While EDGE drove, I examined the assets. The gun was loaded and
functional, so I placed it under the driver's seat. The bag with $1,000, barely
enough for a couple of Quickie Meals, I placed in the passenger-side floor safe. My
unhappiness at being unable to help an injured person wasn't as easily dealt
with.

I took over driving to give myself something to do in addition to fuming
about the situation. After calming down, I decided to eat and looked for a
restaurant with a drive-through window. The menu at McJacques is not large but
because it wasn't under direct government control, the food wasn't as
nausea-inducing or drug-laden as the food at other restaurants.

I punched my order into the broken keypad and flashed my badge at the
observation port. My quickie meal came down the delivery chute. Even if I didn't get
to keep the job, at least I'd gotten a free edible meal.

EDGE drove while I ate. EDGE continued monitoring on the active channels
he'd hacked into. None of the activity involved money so I ignored them while
waiting for a crime that would qualify me for this job.

After another hour of driving around and no interesting crimes, I asked
EDGE to pull over and park to give the solar cells time to recharge the car and the
stun gun batteries. I placed my shotgun on the dashboard and stayed alert. That
should be warning enough for the human- and animal-powered conveyances to stay
clear.

Three-quarters of an hour later, EDGE reported a gun battle on a nearby
street; an armored truck being ambushed. EDGE drove us around the corner from the
alleged crime. We waited for the situation to develop to determine what our course
of action should be. None of the attackers wore gang colors of red, white and blue,
so they were members of organized crime. The moment they opened the rear door, it
became obvious that this was a robbery rather than a truck hijacking.

“EDGE, sound the siren, activate the flashers and drive in as fast as
you can.”

“I will do my best, but I am losing power and maneuverability. Some of
the batteries are not holding their charge and the sky is becoming overcast.”

Does the motor pool purposely not maintain the vehicles used by
trainees, or is this the level of care they provide for all government vehicles? “If
we are successful and I am hired, I will fix that too.”

My luck and our timing held. The alleged highwaymen hadn't finished
emptying the truck. The ones that had been shot by the guards lay where they'd
fallen. This time I pointed the shotgun out the window at the sky and fired as EDGE
drove up. Between the siren and the shotgun blasts, I hoped we'd make enough noise
to scare off the remaining jackers.

It worked. The unwounded jackers who could, fled on our arrival. I
exited our car cautiously and approached the crime scene. One money bag lay on the
ground and one lay in the back of the truck. By law, the bag on the ground was
abandoned property. The bag in the back of the truck was considered to be in
possession of the trucking company. That didn't stop me from grabbing both bags and
hoping that the video surveillance didn't see me. I didn't think Amalgamated
Security Services would let a minor technicality interfere with asset
forfeiture.