Yellow Crocus (17 page)

“I like them both. But this one is more lovely, in my opinion.” Lisbeth pointed to the pattern with a single row of shallow scallops across the bottom.

“That is fine,” Mother agreed. “We will have this one with the light blue silk chiffon as the underskirt. If Emma Cunningham’s dress will take away from or conflict with Elizabeth’s, please let me know and we will revise our order.”

“Of course, Ma’am. I will inform you right away if that is the case,” replied the seamstress.

Lisbeth slowly reached out a hand to lovingly stroke the blue silk taffeta. It was soft and smooth, so beautiful. Excited, she thanked Mother once again. “This is so lovely! I am very excited. Thank you, Mother!”

“I trust you will make us proud, Elizabeth. We are going to quite an expense so that you may make a good first impression.”

“I will, Mother. I will make you so very proud of me.”

Lisbeth burst into Mattie’s cabin, too excited to contain herself. After settling on a chair with Jordan on her lap she spoke in a rush, “Mattie, my first dance will be in three weeks. I am frightened. Mother says I am prepared, but I am still nervous. We have asked the seamstress to make a gown in deep blue. It is almost exactly the shade of my eyes. I hope I will look beautiful. Mother says beauty is not as important as bearing. But I so want to be beautiful.

“Mother says we will not know the song list until the week before. And even then they may change it. I must be prepared for anything. Oh, I shall die if they play a Cumberland Reel. I am not so good at the Cumberland. But a waltz or the Virginia Reel, those I can do very well. So Mary tells me.

“How do you think I should wear my hair? It cannot be all the way up because I have not had my debut yet—not until I am nineteen as you know, but still I want it to be elegant. I am trying to decide between sweeping up the front and pulling it all back or simply pulling back the sides. What do you think, Mattie? Do I look better like this…or like this…?”

Mattie replied gruffly, “I don’ care how you do your hair, Lisbeth. It just fine either way.”

Shocked at Mattie’s callousness, Lisbeth exclaimed, “How can you say that? This dance is extremely important. Mother says your first dance sets the stage for the rest of your life. It has to be perfect. My entire future depends upon it.”

Mattie sighed, “Ain’t nothin’ ever perfect and it hard to believe one dance can change your life.”

“Well, it is important. You do not even care, do you? How can you be so selfish?”

“Lisbeth, I just worked from sun-up to sundown in the fields after bein’ up all night with Jordan. Jordan weak from havin’ the runs for five days. Wanna know what I care about? I care about my daughter gettin’ better.”

Lisbeth rolled her eyes. “Then give her some salt water with sugar like you served me when I was ill. She will become better soon enough.”

“I ain’t got no salt and I ain’t got no sugar. How I gonna give my daughter what I don’ got?” Mattie stared at Lisbeth.

“Oh,” said Lisbeth, instantly deflated. Then, for the first time since walking in the door, she looked carefully at the child resting against her body. Through the dusky light, Lisbeth made out dark circles under the little girl’s sunken eyes. Jordan was nearly motionless. Jordan was extremely ill and Lisbeth had not noticed. Stunned into silence, Lisbeth felt deeply ashamed.

“Oh, Mattie, I am sorry. Cook will give me sugar and salt if I tell her I have the runs. I shall bring it to you.”

True to her word, later that night Lisbeth snuck down the rear stairs to deliver the elixir that Jordan desperately needed.

“Mattie, the evening was simply awful,” Lisbeth reported after greeting Mattie and kissing Jordan. “I cannot believe I have wanted to attend those dances for years. I hated it. Everyone behaved so cruelly. I missed my last dance because nasty Camilla Anderson spilled punch on my dress. She did it on purpose, I am certain, although Mother says a lady never does such a thing. Camilla Anderson is no lady, I tell you. She gave me cruel looks from the moment I walked into Willowbrook. I think she still holds it against us because Samuel ran away. I do not blame him one bit. They must be an awful family to have such a daughter.

“First I danced with Matthew Johnson. Matthew behaved very kindly and gentlemanly throughout the entire dance. It was a waltz, so I know I did not embarrass myself. He has lovely hazel green eyes, but Mother says I need not concern myself with Matthew’s eyes. His family has only ten acres and three slaves. Mother says they are ‘not in our league and are practically abolitionists’ although she thought it fine for me to dance with him once as a kindness. As she likes to say, ‘It is always proper to show generosity to our inferiors.’ I am glad that I shall be allowed to dance with him because truly he is the most pleasant dance partner.

“Next I danced with Nathaniel Jackson, who has horrid breath. I turned my head to avoid the stench. You can imagine how difficult it is to dance whilst trying to avoid inhaling. After Nathaniel, I was parterned with William Anderson, Camilla’s brother, who could not dance at all, I tell you. He pulled me entirely too close and stepped on my toes on more than one occasion. As a lady, I had to pretend not to notice. It is difficult to stay quiet with a smile on your face when a large, clumsy buffoon smashes your foot. But I behaved as a lady should.

“My last dance, the Virginia Reel, which was not meant to be my last, started with Robert Ford, Mary’s brother. He is entertaining. Robert is very accomplished in mimicking the adults. He did a perfect Mister Anderson, which made me laugh out loud, but I do not think he was bothered. In fact, I think he was pleased I found him so amusing.

“Then while I was waiting for my next dance, Camilla pretended to trip, spilling her glass of punch as well as mine all over my gorgeous blue gown. It was so beautiful. And if I do say so myself, I looked lovely in it. And now it is ruined due to Camilla’s cruelty. I am certain that she did not want me to dance with Edward Cunningham. She already had her dance with him. I do not think she wanted me, or anyone else, to have time with him. Mother says he is going to make the best marriage in the valley. After the incident he attended to me, which I believe made Camilla even more cross. But he did not dare to dance with me so as to not ruin his suit. Instead we sat together, but I was so furious I could not steer the conversation in an amusing or delightful direction.”

The young woman asked, “Mattie, do you think I have ruined my chance at the best marriage on the river?”

“Lisbeth, I can’ say much ’bout marriage. I know a good man make life more sweet. Someone to hold you and love you, someone to share your dreams with, someone kind and thoughtful. A good man’s a treasure.”

“Oh, Mattie, I am sorry. I am being thoughtless again. You must miss Emmanuel very much. It has been two years since he left, has it not? Do you think about him and Samuel often?”

Mattie replied, “Ev’ry day. I pray to God for them ev’ry day.”

Tentatively Lisbeth asked, “Have you heard from them at all? Do you know if they are safe?”

Mattie shook her head. “Miss Lisbeth, you know I can’ answer such a question. They in God’s hands, just leave it at that. You don’ want to be knowin’ any more. It ain’t safe for neither of us to know more ’en that.” Mattie paused. She looked at Lisbeth carefully. She sighed and went on, “’Nuff about that. Tell me more about the dance. You say you had no fun at all? What about Mary?”

“Mother allowed no talk with Mary at all! She ordered me to fetch tea and food to all the old ladies, except for during my times to dance. Then I was to be on the floor for everyone to watch. It was awful having all those eyes on me waiting for me to make a mistake. I cannot believe I have to do this for years to come.”

“You can always say no to the dances.”

“Oh, no, I cannot!” Lisbeth said emphatically. “Father and Mother will not let me forgo the season. They have been preparing me for this for years. I shall be fortunate if they allow me to miss some of the dances at lesser estates.”

Chapter 15

S
everal weeks after the dance, Lisbeth ventured down to the fields to visit with Jordan, but she was not with Grandma Washington. “She ain’t been here all day,” the old woman informed Lisbeth. “Don’t know why. Go looky in their cabin. Maybe she sick.”

Lisbeth trotted up the dirt path to Mattie’s cabin, but it was empty. Lisbeth resisted rushing down to the fields to check for them. Instead she waited on the benches behind the cabin. Lisbeth stared up at the back of her home. She tried to see inside, but the windows reflected all light. Patiently she waited for Mattie and Jordan.

Soon folks started returning from the fields. Lisbeth did not see Mattie, but she recognized Rebecca’s distinctive limp far down the path. She rushed to Rebecca’s cabin, where she was waiting when Rebecca came near. Rebecca stopped walking the instant she saw Lisbeth. Staring at the young mistress, she shook her head.

“Didn’ expect you so soon,” she said. “Come on in. I got somethin’ for you.” Rebecca’s eyes were moist. Tension filled her shoulders as they entered her cabin. Rebecca closed the door tight.

In a hoarse voice Rebecca whispered into the girl’s ear, “Lisbeth, Mattie left this for you.” Pulling a single shell on a string from her pocket, she uncurled Lisbeth’s fingers and placed it in her hand.

Lisbeth felt the shell and knew it at once. A chill traveled down her spine. “Where is Mattie?” Lisbeth screeched. “Where is Jordan?”

“Shh!” Rebecca rebuked. “Honey, they gone. Mattie gone to be with Emmanuel and Samuel.”

“But…? Where…? Why…?” Lisbeth formed incomplete questions. Blinking, she tried to comprehend Rebecca’s words. A sharp arrow stabbed through her heart. Rebecca’s deep brown eyes mirrored the panic and confusion Lisbeth felt.

“Mattie trusts you. No one know she gone,” Rebecca whispered fiercely. “Don’ go tellin’ no one, promise?”

“Where did they go? Will they be all right? Will we ever see them again?”

Rebecca shrugged. “They in God’s hands now. Mattie strong and smart. If anyone gonna make it, she gonna. I pray we ain’t gonna see them again. She gonna be in big trouble if she caught.”

“But…but…how could…? Where did…?”

Rebecca shook her head. “There nothing else for me to tell you. You gotta keep this quiet. Promise?”

Lisbeth agreed before she flew out of Rebecca’s cabin. She ran and ran, fast and far, running past the fields along the bank of the river until she collapsed in a heap on the ground. Her body heaved with sobs, and tears streamed down her face. They were gone. Just gone. They did not say goodbye. How could Mattie leave her? She did not even say goodbye!