Yellowstone Romance Series - Bundle (# 2-5) (32 page)

Chapter 33

Chase entered the stuffy building, and waited for his eyes to adjust to the dim lighting. The air was filled with smoke, making breathing difficult. Someone really needed to open a window in this place. Glancing around, he observed several of the patrons sitting around tables, drinking, smoking, and playing cards. Even for the middle of the day, this place was busy.  The bar was along the far wall, and Chase headed in the general direction.

What the hell are you doing in this place, Russell?
The bartender busily wiped at a nonexistent stain on the counter when Chase leaned his elbow on the flat surface. He looked up and grinned.

“What’ll you have?” he asked, tossing his rag over his shoulder.

“Beer,” Chase answered. He could sure go for something stronger. He hadn’t touched a drop in nearly seven months, since that fateful climb into the Yellowstone canyon. Each time the urge got too strong, visions of his dark-haired, blue eyed angel swam before his eyes.

Sarah. Not a day went by, not even an hour, that he didn’t think of her. Keeping his focus on what he’d set out to do had been hard when thoughts of her kept entering his mind. Memories of their one time together kept him awake during the long and lonely nights. Leaving that morning had been the most difficult thing he’d ever done in his life. Harder than anything he’d endured since. But he couldn’t remain where he was, stuck the way he was. He’d realized that when he held her in his arms. He had to do what was right for her.

“Forgive me, Angel,” he whispered, staring into the frothy beer that sat untouched before him. He knew if he had told her of his intentions, she’d have talked him out of it, or worse, insisted that he take her with him. It was an impossible thought. The last few months had been more challenging than anything he’d ever imagined. And he missed her. Did she ever think about him? Was she too angry to be bothered?

“Hey, there he is,” someone shouted from behind him. “I told you we should have checked here first.” Chase recognized the familiar voice, and whirled around.  A smile formed on his lips. His friends had found him.

“We’re ready to go,” one of them said. “You haven’t changed your mind, have you?”

“Nope. Absolutely wouldn’t miss it for the world,” Chase answered cheerfully. He tossed some money on the counter. Without touching the beer, he walked away from the bar, and followed his friends into the bright sunshine outside.

*****

Sarah stared unseeing out the window. The cold December wind howled ferociously, and the cabin’s eaves groaned in protest. The glass panes creaked. Behind her, the fire in the hearth crackled and popped loudly. She didn’t have to turn to know her mother had added more logs. Sarah wrapped her shawl more tightly around her shoulders. One hand darted instinctively to her belly. The cold seeping in through the cracks in the window sill matched the iciness in her heart.

“I hope your father gets back soon.” Sarah’s mother moved to stand beside her, peering anxiously out the window. “It looks like we’re going to get more snow. With just the three of us this year, he really didn’t need to go out to shoot a turkey for Christmas dinner.”

Sarah caught the wistfulness in her mother’s voice. This would be the first year the entire family wasn’t together for Christmas. A trapper had told her parents at rendezvous that he had met her brothers in St. Louis. They had mentioned they might spend the year in the city, or at Fort Raymond, and return the following spring after the snow melt.

Sarah sighed. She tried to swallow away the bitter taste in her mouth. Nothing was the same anymore. The summer had certainly changed her. She was no longer the naïve girl she had been.  Her delight in the world and her surroundings had disappeared along with the man she thought herself in love with. No amount of coaxing from either of her parents had lifted her somber mood over the months. On some level, she still blamed her father for Chase’s leaving. He’d known about Chase’s plans, and he’d even helped him.

Sarah turned away from the window. The emptiness in her heart would not go away by blaming others. She knew that. Chase had made his choice. How often had he said he needed to find his way home? She still believed he loved her, just not enough to stay with her.
I hope you found your happiness, Chase
. She held on to that thought. Her mother had been right. She wouldn’t want him to stay with her if he truly didn’t want to be here. These thoughts did nothing to lessen her feelings of loss.

Sarah rubbed at her abdomen. She’d already altered her britches several times to accommodate her expanding waist.  At least her loose fitting shirts, and the way she wore her belt, could still disguise the truth.  Without any clothing, the fact that she carried Chase’s child was already evident. She’d kept the pregnancy hidden from her parents all this time. Shame and humiliation held her back from telling them. What would they think of her? Her mother knew she had been intimate with Chase. Did she ever wonder if that union had created a child? Her father would be furious. Sarah didn’t want to think about what he would do to her.

She sighed. A few more weeks at most, and everyone who saw her would know.  What would she tell people? She would never find a husband in her condition. And who would want her for a wife now? She had lain with a man without the benefit of marriage. Now she would pay the price of her actions for the rest of her life. Not that she had any desires to marry. She would never love another man the way she had -still did - love Chase.  That he didn’t feel the same about her hurt deeply.

Sarah smiled softly. Despite all the shame she would have to endure, she would love this child as much, and more, as she had loved its father. Chase had given her a part of himself, and no one could take that away from her. If she had to live as an outcast for the rest of her life, she would manage somehow.

It had taken Sarah several months after Chase disappeared to realize the truth of her condition. Her monthly flow had stopped, and when the nausea took over each morning, she couldn’t deny it any longer. She’d kept her sickness hidden from her parents, although it wasn’t easy at times. Thankfully, it had only lasted a few weeks.

“What can I do to help prepare dinner, Mama?” Sarah asked. She headed for the workbench, picking through the heap of root vegetables on the counter.

“There’s not much to do right now. The pies are ready to go into the fire, but we’ll wait. If your father brings home a bird, it’ll be a while before it’s cooked. You can help with the plucking. You know how much I hate that.”

Sarah smiled at her mother.  “Sure, Mama,” she said quietly. She added more wood to the fire to stave off the cold. Rummaging through some tins on the shelves above the workbench, she found the tin with dried nettles. Reaching for a cup, she dumped a handful in, and added hot water from the kettle hanging over the fire. Perhaps some hot tea would chase away the coldness inside her.

“Unless you’re not up for plucking a bird in your condition,” her mother said from behind her. Sarah spun around. Her mother looked at her, her eyes filled with concern.

“I think you’ve been burdened long enough, Sarah,” she said softly, and placed her hand on Sarah’s belly. With a gasp, Sarah jumped back. Wide-eyed, she stared at her mother.

“How . . . how long have you known?” she asked, her voice cracking.

Her mother smiled. “For months. I’ve suspected probably before you became aware yourself. I thought you’d have come to me by now. You won’t be able to hide it much longer.”

Sarah hung her head. “Does Papa know?”

“I don’t think so. Men don’t pay attention to these kinds of things, until it becomes obvious.” She paused. “Another month, and it will be. Right now, your clothes are still disguising your growing belly.”

“What will I do?” Sarah blurted, the tears flowing freely. Her mother knew. There was no judgment, only understanding. Sarah rushed to her mother, and fell into the older woman’s arms. Relief swept over her that she didn’t carry this secret bottled up inside any longer. She should have come forth with the truth right away. Her mother soothed her with quiet words and shushing sounds, just as she’d done when Sarah was a little girl.

The cabin door burst open suddenly, sending cold air rushing in.

“Daniel, you’re back!” her mother exclaimed. Sarah stepped away from her and hastily swiped at the tears on her face. Her mother hurried to close the door. Her father held a huge turkey in his hands by its legs. He handed the bird to her mother, who shot Sarah a meaningful look.

“We’ll talk later,” her mother said with a reassuring smile, and Sarah rushed over and took the turkey from her.

Her father shook out of his heavy buffalo robe and gloves, rubbing his hands together. “A turkey’s not all I brought,” he said, a wide grin on his face. His eyes darted between his wife and Sarah.

The door opened again. “Merry Christmas, Mama!” Three men spoke in unison. Sarah’s mother gasped and her hand flew to her mouth. The room suddenly became smaller after they all filed in.

“Oh my goodness, you’re home!” She spread her arms, reaching up to hug Sarah’s brothers one at a time, tears in her eyes. “How did you get here in this weather? All the way from Fort Raymond?”

The men all beamed. “We wouldn’t miss Christmas here at home, now would we, Mama,” Samuel said, giving his mother a warm hug. “The passes weren’t that bad. It only took eight days.”

Zach and Matthew, her twin brothers, approached Sarah. Matthew lifted her up and spun her around. “Hey little girl. You’ve grown again since spring,” he beamed.  “Looks like you’ve packed on some pounds, too.”

“Hi, Matt,” Sarah smiled, and hastily stepped away from him.

“We’re gonna have an even harder time fending off the men, Matt. She’s starting to look real fine.” Zach grinned, giving her a bear hug of his own.  He set her away from him and gave her an approving once-over. Except for their mother’s blonde hair, Sarah’s brother’s features and smiles were so much like their father’s.

Samuel, her older brother by two years, walked up to her, a wide boyish grin on his face. His tousled blonde hair hung in strands over his eyes, no matter how often he shook his head to fling them out of his face.

“So, sissy, what have you been up to?” He punched her lightly on the arm. Sarah swatted his hand away, and shot him an angry glare. “I thought I’d come home and be an uncle by now.
Kwyioo
sure talked about you a lot this past spring. We all told him he was crazy.” He turned to grin at his brothers.

“Yeah, we keep saying she needs someone who’s gonna put her over his knee and keep her in her place every day. I don’t think she’s met that man yet,” Matt chimed in.

“Enough teasing, boys.” Her mother stood with her hands on her hips. “A lot has happened while you were gone. This is not the kind of talk your sister needs to hear right now.” She glared at her sons, and no one dared argue with her. Samuel scratched his head, and tried to look demure. Matthew shuffled his feet. Zach coughed.

Sarah’s eyes filled with tears, and she gritted her teeth. Dammit, why did she have to cry in front of them? She’d never hear the end of it. Samuel’s smile faded.

Everyone stared at her. If only the floorboards could open up and swallow her.

“Well.” Her mother clapped her hands together, breaking the tension. “I think we do need to get this turkey prepped. Sarah, can you give me a hand?”

Glad to get away from her brothers, Sarah headed for the workbench to start the tedious task of de-feathering the bird.

“Actually, Sarah, I need your help with something else.” Sarah turned to stare at her father. “Samuel, go pluck the turkey for your mother,” he added. Samuel shot Sarah a disgruntled look. Sarah turned away from him. Any other time, she would have gloated that her brother was asked to take over a chore he didn’t relish doing. There was no satisfaction this time.

“There’s a stray dog in the old cabin. I thought you could take a look and see if you recognize him. You know all the dogs that belong to the villagers. Perhaps you can help this one find his way home.”