You Are Here (8 page)

Chapter 18

Five Minutes Before

T
he footsteps got louder. They might as well have been stepping on my temples.

Each step was heavy and thoughtful, as if the owner were thinking aloud with his feet, if that made any sense at all. A new wave of goose bumps slithered down my spine. Suddenly it was as if the barn cooled by fifty degrees. I figured it was Finn or his brother. Or maybe even his father, but he usually helped out in the afternoons with the horses, not the mornings, so that Finn and I could ride together.

I had no reason to feel bad or guilty. Marisela and I weren’t doing anything wrong or illegal and yet I couldn’t face the owner of those footsteps.

“Somebody here?” said a voice near the door. The voice boomed and echoed all around us.

More footsteps.

A few horses whinnied. Marisela grabbed my forearm, digging blue fingernails into my skin. I turned to her and mouthed a painful “Ow!”

She mouthed “Sorry” and then released her grip so blood could flow through my veins again. “Is that him?” she mouthed, and I shrugged my shoulders. It sounded kind of like Finn but the voice was too far away, too deep. I wondered if the Finnigans had hired another person to help with the horses. I lifted my forefinger to my lips in the universal
shush
sign.

Marisela nodded just as the footsteps got louder.

Heavier.

Closer.

The heels thudded against the barn floor. My heart was ready to make a hole in my chest and leap out on its own.

I held my breath.

The footsteps grew closer.

Two stalls away. Another horse whinnied.

Then one.

My eyes squeezed shut, even as Honey’s front legs pawed near the stall door.

Then everything stopped and the barn fell silent.

I felt his eyes burn the top of my bowed head. “What are you doing inside here?” His voice reached over the stall door like hands.

My head tipped upward, slowly.

He leaned lower over the door, the top hitting him by the waist, and said, “What the...?” He paused. “Jenn? Is that you?”

Marisela turned to me, still gripping my forearm. “Abby? Who’s Jenn?” she whispered an inch from my ear, even though whispering was no longer necessary.

“Who’s Abby?” he said.

My knees ached from crouching. I managed a weak, “Hey, Finn.”

Marisela said, “Finn?” Her eyes blinked rapidly. “Wait.” Then she said, “Finn?
That
Finn? As in Orange Flyer Guy Finn? But you said his name was Will.”

“One and the same,” I said.

“And your name is Jenn?” Marisela said.

I nodded. “It’s both.”

“I’m totally confused.” Marisela’s head shook.

“Ditto,” Finn said, his eyes narrowing.

Marisela’s gaze darted between Finn and me as if we were in a Ping-Pong match. She waited for one of us to take the kill shot. Or do something besides play name games.

With great difficulty I rose, leaning against the wall for balance until the fire disappeared from my knees. With my other hand, I reached for Honey, patting the side of her neck so she wouldn’t rear her front legs. I really didn’t want anyone getting kicked in the teeth.

“Why are you hiding in the stall?” Finn said.

“Well. I wasn’t sure...” I stammered for the right words.

“Do you know I’ve been looking all over Phoenix for you?” His questions lashed out rapid-fire. “Do you know I’ve posted flyers across the whole friggin’ city?” He opened the door to the stall, letting it slap against the wall, his mouth and eyes widening with the opened door. With his other hand, he lifted the rim of his cowboy hat higher on his forehead. His face was flushed from riding. His blue shirt, jeans and boots were smudged in a dozen places.

Marisela looked as if she wanted to bolt out of there, away from his glare, almost as much as I did.

“Maybe I’ll just leave you two alone,
Jenn.
” She punctuated my name as though it were bull’s-eye on a dartboard.

She slunk around Finn and through the opened stall door with her palms up.

“Wait, Marisela,” I said, reaching for her. “I can explain—”

“Oh, you will,” she chuckled. “Trust me. The ride back will be informative.” She fluttered her fingers at me. “I’m going to go make friends with Cisco Oil,” she added, but I knew by her tone she wasn’t mad at me, not really. “Take your time.” She would expect an explanation, though, not the half explanation I’d shared on the car ride to the stable. I’d told her a little bit about Finn, that he loved horses as much as I did, that he was homeschooled, that we were in love once—at least I was. Without a detailed confession, I was pretty sure I’d be hitchhiking back to our apartment.

When Marisela’s footsteps faded away, I thrust my hands in my front pockets, thumbs out, and stared up at Finn. The whites of his eyes were both curious and livid. He was still breathing as heavily as I was. I also noticed that he hadn’t shaved in a while, which was unlike him. There were circles below his eyes but that could have been dirt and dust from mucking stalls and riding horses all morning.

“Do you know how worried I’ve been?” He shook his head in more frustration. “How could you leave without telling me? And then you show up here, just like that? Without even calling?”

“I don’t have a phone anymore.”

“So I’ve discovered.”

I swallowed and tried to slow my breathing, tried to think about all that I should share. Or not share. But my heart still pounded like a freight train.

“And what did you do to your hair?” he added. The Adam’s apple on his long neck rose to the top and stayed there.

Nervously, I reached up to tuck a short strand behind my ear. I finally found my words, the ones that had been bottled up inside of me for weeks. “What do you care?” I shot back.

He leaned back, pressing a palm to his chest as if I’d pushed him. “What do
I
care?” He gasped. “I can’t believe you would say that!” But then he lunged forward and reached for my shoulders. He shook me. “You didn’t answer my texts. Then your phone got disconnected. I went to your house—”

“Don’t!” I said, shrugging off his hands, but they wouldn’t unlock from my shoulders. “Don’t say it.” I didn’t want to hear how we’d lost our home amplified throughout the barn. I didn’t think I could stand hearing it out loud in this place, of all places.

“I saw what happened.” He shook me a little. “I saw the auction notice. I get it. But I didn’t know how else to get ahold of you. And of course that stupid school wouldn’t tell me anything, either.” Our noses were inches apart. His eyes were a fiery blue. “I didn’t know what else to do. It was like you and your family just...disappeared.” Then his voice turned softer. “Why would you do that to me? Why wouldn’t you tell me?”

“I didn’t want to bother you. You had your hands full last time I saw you,” I said coolly, even though on the inside I was a hot mess of nerves and confusion. “I didn’t want to get in between you and Nobody.”

There. I’d said it.

“Nobody?” he scoffed. “What are you talking about?”

Honey began to paw her front legs again behind us and Finn steered me around so that his back was to her. “The girl I saw you getting ready to perform a tonsillectomy on right here, right in front of my horse, the same damn day my family lost our home!” I was yelling. I was becoming hysterical. “You could say it’s kind of a day I’ll never forget!”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Sure you do.”

He laughed, but it was a mad kind of laugh. “No, I really don’t.”

“You didn’t tell me her name but it’s obvious you knew her. You know, the girl with the long blond braid. The perfect teeth.”

His face pulled back. “Sage?”

“So that’s her name?” Of course she would have a cool name, too. Figures. I didn’t know her but I hated her.

Finn’s head dropped and he sighed. “I wasn’t supposed to tell you....”

“Obviously.”

“My parents made me promise.”

My eyes rolled. “Great, now your parents make you
not
reveal your girlfriend? What the crazy hell?”

He squeezed my shoulders. “Jenn, Sage Masters is my cousin.”

I coughed. I blinked back at him, once. Twice. Three times. “Did you say Sage Masters?”

He nodded.

“
The
Sage Masters? Lead singer for Blue Sage?” Only one of my favorite country-western bands of all times. No wonder she’d looked familiar!

“And I don’t know what the heck you saw but I can guaran-freaking-tee you that I was not kissing my cousin.”

Chapter 19

You Are Here

I
don’t remember sinking back onto my knees but apparently I did.

My spine slid all the way down the wall of Honey’s stall. I was a balloon without air. My lips couldn’t form words. My brain turned to mush. I was an idiot. All of the sleepless nights, my tears, my frustration—all for nothing.

“Sage Masters was here? In this barn? Almost exactly where I was standing?!”

“Yep,” Finn said, a cautious smile building on his face.

“Like,
first
cousin?” I said after a few moments of embarrassing silence.

He nodded.

Finn slid down, too, facing me, his hands never leaving my shoulders. My legs spread flat, my feet outward. Finn knelt in front of me.

“What was she doing here?” I whispered.

“She was living at my parents’ guesthouse for a couple of weeks in between tours. She just wanted a couple of weeks of peace, you know? Away from nosy photographers and stuff. My parents made me promise not to say anything.”

“Is she still here?”

“No, she’s gone. Went up to Wyoming to see my grandparents for a few weeks. No one will find her way out there.”

“Dang,” I sighed, still stunned. “To think you’re cousins with Sage Masters...”

“Jeez, Jenn,” Finn said. “This is brutal.” He turned to sit beside me, his legs splayed forward, too. Honey took turns lowering her snout and sniffing the tops of our feet. “I really can’t believe you didn’t trust me. After everything that we’d said to each other. After, you know...” His voice trailed off.

“Well, you wouldn’t be the first guy to cheat on a girl.”

“Yeah, well, I’m not that guy. But thanks for the confidence,” he snapped.

My eyes squeezed shut. Then I opened them. “I’m sorry,” I said, feeling the full weight of my mistake crush my chest. “I just freaked when I saw you two together. Then I bolted like a maniac out of here and all the way home.” My voice softened. “I should have said something right then and there.”

“Yeah, you should’ve.”

I closed my eyes and knocked my head against the wall, once. Honey whinnied. “But when I got home, my whole world was spinning out of control. All I saw was orange. I wasn’t thinking straight.” I paused, still unable to look at him squarely in the eyes, feeling more ashamed by the second. “I saw your flyers. I thought you were only trying to find me because you wanted to sell Honey.”

“
Take
Honey from you?” He didn’t bother to hide his outrage. “Why would we take your horse?”

“I dunno. Auction her off. Because we couldn’t pay the boarding fees.”

“What are you talking about? Mom said your mom was all paid up till the end of the summer.”

My jaw dropped. “She did? I mean, we are?” More air deflated from my chest. My muscles turned limp. “Mom never told me.”

“Yep.”

“She never told me, because I didn’t ask.”

“Sounds like a bad pattern with you.”

I paused. “So I can keep coming to visit her?”

“Of course. Anytime you want. Just like you always did. I hope.”

I closed my eyes again and tapped my head against the wall with each word. “I. Am. Such. An. Idiot.”

“Stop saying that.”

“It’s true.”

“Is not.” His hand dropped to my lap for my hand. He threaded his fingers through mine. Heat flew up my arm. It was as if all of the nerve endings in my body only existed in my palm. Finn’s hands were dusty and dirty and calloused and encompassed everything I loved.

When he saw my mouth attempt a smile, he squeezed my hand. “I’m glad you’re back, Jenn. God, I’ve missed you. I’ve missed you so much. I thought I lost you.”

My voice caught. “I’ve missed you, too. You have no idea.” I looked away for an instant, feeling my voice catch in my throat. “But things are different at home now. At school, too. Everything’s real different.”

“Bad?”

“It was. But not anymore. We’ll be okay.” And I meant it for the first time since those men came and drilled into our lives. It was as if some of the gray cloud over us was starting to lift. Not all of it, but the sun had a chance. We were going to be okay.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, we’re safe. We live in a nice place. Jack and I are back at school. Mom’s going to get a job again. We got a lot of nice people helping us—”

He tugged on my arm. “You got me, too. Don’t forget that. And don’t worry about Honey. We’ll take care of her for as long as you need.” Honey pawed the ground in front of us.

A lump formed in my throat when I realized how foolish I’d been about Finn. About everything. Everything made perfect sense sitting in the bottom of Honey’s stall, looking up at the dusty rafters, all the horses rustling around us. “I know.”

Finn scanned my face before taking his first good look at my hair. “I like what you’ve done, you know.” He motioned with his chin to my head. “That’s different, too.”

“You like?”

“I like.” His gaze returned to my face. “A lot.” He tilted his head.

My whole body shuddered, waiting for a long-overdue kiss. I reached up and pushed his hat higher on his head, brushing the back of my hand against the stubble on his cheek, sinking against the familiar feel of his skin against my fingers. “Thanks,” I exhaled, reacquainting myself with his eyes.

Finn squeezed my hand and smiled, just as he leaned in, a breath away from my lips. “But don’t ask me to start calling you Abby.”

* * * * *

Keep reading for a sneak peek at Liz Fichera’s next thought-provoking and heartwarming young-adult novel,
PLAYED
,

available June 2014 from Harlequin TEEN wherever books are sold.