You Are My Air: Breathless Book 1 (6 page)

"I'm feeling fantastic." He glanced over as Ben sat down next to me. "Who's the new guy?"

"Ben Wiley." Ben reached across the table and offered his hand to Andy before I could introduce them myself.

Andy shook his hand briefly. "I'm Andy Purcell, and this is my fiancee, Lydia Burke." Andy's beautiful red-headed fiancee smiled warmly and greeted Ben. Andy's eyes suddenly narrowed as he looked closer at Ben. "Wait a minute. Are you WileyOne?" he asked as he pointed at Ben.

"Guilty." Ben nodded with a smirk. "And you must be TheAndyMan."

"I sure am." Andy nodded enthusiastically with a delighted gleam in his eyes. Ben and I had been playing on-line warfare with Andy almost every Monday night for months, and this was the first time they had met in person. "I'm so stoked to meet you finally. You rock, dude. That killing streak you had last week was fucking insane."

"Thanks, man," Ben said as he beamed with pride. "That sniper shot you had was pretty insane too."

"I beg to differ, since I was the one you killed," I chimed in with a grin. "That damn shot came out of no where."

"Are you guys going to talk about video games all night, or are you here to watch me fucking play?" Jensen deep gruff voice spoke from the head of the table where he was standing between Sydney and Lydia. His voice sounded annoyed, but the wry twist of his mouth let us know he was messing with us. He was wearing jeans, and a dark-gray button-down shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his forearms. His guitar was hanging behind his back with the neck pointing down to the floor. He reached for the glass of soda on the table in front of him and took a drink.

"Sorry, dude," Andy said sarcastically. "I guess you're just not that interesting." That comment earned Andy an actual glare from Jensen.

"Maybe you should spend more time in the real world with the rest of us," Jensen told him bitingly.

"You're a real dick when your sober, you know that?" Andy glared right back then took a sip from his beer.

"Oh, my dick is very real all the time. Just ask Sydney," he answered with a slow smile spilling across his lips.

"Jensen," Sydney scolded him, her cheeks turning pink with embarrassment as the table burst into laughter. He shrugged unapologetically and took another sip of his drink. Then he leaned down toward her, his eyes heating as he looked at her, and pressed a brief but passionate kiss to her lips.

As I watched, a sudden unwanted image of Natalie and her perfect lips popped into my head. I banished it out of my mind in annoyance. This was getting old. Why did I keep thinking about someone I didn't know and would never see again, even if I wanted to? Which I didn't.

"Wish me luck," Jensen announced to us, then he smiled as we all started shouting encouragements at him as he walked back over to the band. A few moments later, they started playing a cover song by
The Black Keys.
I had only seen Jensen play one other time at his condo, and I had forgotten how good he really was. He played effortlessly, his singing voice just as effortless too. Each note was spot on. He didn't look stressed out at all. In fact, he was practically glowing. This was really his element, and it was good to see him embracing it with everything he had.

I stole a quick glance at Sydney, and saw so much love and pride on her face that I smiled. The two of them really came full circle in their lives. Both had survived horrifying things, suffered through their post-traumatic stress, and somehow came out the other side happy and enjoying life. I was so proud of them.

They played song after song, some new like Gary Clark, Jr., others were old blues standards by Muddy Waters and Albert King. All of them sounded fantastic. By the end of their last set, Jensen looked tired, but genuinely happy. Everybody got up from our table to leave, but I decided to loiter around and keep Sydney company while the band tore down the equipment.

"He sounded great Syd," I told her with a smile as I moved to the seat across from her.

"I'm so proud of him, David," she said with a gentle smile. "Can you believe how far he's come?"

"I can." I nodded. It was amazing how much progress he had made in just a few months. He and I spent hours together during his therapy sessions. We still met every Wednesday to talk, but somewhere along the line the therapy had morphed into just hanging out as friends. Not that we still didn't talk about things that were bothering him, but now I was just as likely to talk about my own problems when we were together. "He's worked really hard to get to this point."

"I love seeing him happy." She looked over at her husband, her eyes soft and filled with affection. Her eyes suddenly came back to look at me with a thoughtful expression. "Are
you
happy, David?"

The question caught me off guard, and I didn't know how to answer her, which was ridiculous for such a simple question. Was I happy? I used to think so not that long ago, but now I really didn't know. I think I was content with my life, and I guess that would have to be close enough. "Sure I am, Sydney," I answered her automatically, realizing with a guilty jolt that I had been lying to the people I cared about all day today.

"It took you an awfully long to time to answer that question, don't you think?" she asked with a concerned furrow of her brow.

I shrugged in response. "My life is pretty complicated right now."

"No," she elaborated, "your life is lonely."

"I'm not lonely," I denied immediately, even though I knew I was digging a hole here. "I have plenty of friends and my family. Why would I be lonely?"

She stared back at me in disbelief. "Deluded much?" she asked sarcastically.

"Look Syd," I said as I leaned toward her, "is my life what I thought it was going to be? No. However, it is what it is. I don't have the luxury of dwelling on the past and wondering what could have been anymore. I've let it go and moved on the only way I know how."

"Bullshit," she said, calling me out. "You haven't moved on from squat. You know it, and I know it. Fucking every woman you can, and refusing even to try to have a relationship with any of them isn't moving on, it's giving up."

I stared back at her annoyed expression for a moment, unsure what to say after that. I know I had given up, but she didn't know my secret either. She didn't know the pain I had gone through or the utter betrayal of trust I had experienced. There was no going back to the man I used to be. The one who trusted and placed their faith in someone who, in hindsight, never felt the same way I did. A deep weary sadness came over me, and I had to pull my eyes away from Sydney's concerned face.

"Jensen told me about the girl you saw today."

I met her eyes again, starting to feel annoyed myself now. "What about it?"

"He said you seemed to have an instant connection with her." She cocked her head as she looked at me. "Why didn't you get her name or her number? Why won't you give someone a chance to be close to you?"

"I...I just can't. Alright?" I asked in exasperation. "Can we just drop this?"

"Do you want to be alone for the rest of your life?"

"What would you say if I said yes?"

"I'd call you a liar," she answered immediately. "You need to get past this, or you'll never be happy."

I didn't know what else to say, so I just sat there and watched Jensen finish putting his equipment away. I didn't think getting past this was even possible, and talking about it was pointless and depressing. I liked my delusions better. Pretending I was happy was better than letting someone destroy my heart again.

When Jensen came up to us to leave, I was grateful that Sydney hadn't pushed me about it anymore. I gave him a congratulatory hug and said good-bye, ignoring the look on Syd's face that said she wasn't done with this subject by a long shot. Jensen noticed the tension between us, but said nothing as he looked back and forth between us with a worried expression. I'm sure he'd get an earful about it in the car on the way home. I hugged Syd stiffly and left without another word.

**********

I dreamed of gorgeous green eyes, and light brown hair fanned out across my pillow. I dreamed of long toned legs wrapped around my waist, and my teeth sinking into the soft flesh of one perfect breast with just enough pressure to leave my mark on her flawless skin. I dreamed of my cock sliding into warm velvet perfection, the tightness making me gasp from the unexpected pleasure.

So when I woke up at five o'clock in the morning, I was left with blue balls and annoyance. There was only one way to banish my irritation and out of control libido. I needed a good long run, even if I was still stiff and sore from the race yesterday. Ordinarily, I would take a few days off to rest, but I was so annoyed with myself that I didn't care. It would be a great distraction from my apparent obsession with this Natalie that I had only seen for a moment and would never see again.

This wasn't like me. I didn't obsess over anything. I didn't have sex dreams about a woman I couldn't have. I was about control. I always kept my distance from any emotional connection with a woman, but somehow she had wormed her way into my head. I had to exercise this damn demon. Now.

I climbed out of bed and threw on a long-sleeve athletic shirt and pants, then pulled on a reflective jacket, so I wouldn't get hit by a car in the streets this early in the morning. I slipped out the front door of my 1920s craftsman bungalow and hurried down the sidewalk out into the darkness. It was pretty chilly out, and I could see my breath, but I knew I'd warm up quickly once I started running. I took off down the empty street at an easy pace, not wanting to go too crazy after yesterday. It didn't take long for my brain to shut off, and the peace I always got from running came over me. It was just what I needed, and by the time I got back home, I had gotten a good five miles in and felt relaxed and centered.

I finished stretching and was just walking into my bedroom, peeling my sweaty clothes off to shower, when my phone rang. I glance over to see that work was calling and answered immediately.

"This is David."

"Hi, David," a female voice spoke. "I'm sorry to bother you on a Sunday, but I'm kind of in a jam." It was my supervisor, Melinda.

"What do you need?" I asked. Melinda was a great boss and only called if she was desperate.

"Could you work today?" Her voice was apologetic. "Lyndsey called in sick, and I need the coverage desperately."

"That's not a problem," I answered immediately. "Give me an hour and I'll be there." What better distraction after my run then going to work? I needed something to throw myself into so my head wouldn't conjure up more fantasies about that woman.

"Thanks, David," she said. "You've really helped me out of a tight spot."

"It's no problem," I assured her. "I didn't have any plans anyway. I'll be there as soon as I can." She thanked me again before we ended the call. I showered quickly, anxious to get to work. I loved my job. Being a psych nurse was a passion for me. It had been ever since my first psych rotation in nursing school. I'd always felt like it was what I was meant to do with my life.

I was out of the shower, dressed, and out the door by six thirty. I got to the hospital and clocked in just before seven. The morning was uneventful for a change. All the patients were doing well. I passed out meds and checked on all my patients. Everyone was calm, and no one needed restrained, which I hated to have to do, and I went to lunch early at eleven or so. I made my way down to the cafeteria with my latest fantasy novel. I got a burger and fries then found a table out of the way, so I could be alone. I finished my food quickly, and had a good twenty minutes to get some quality reading time in before heading back up to the psych unit.

I was well and truly immersed in my book when I heard a sweet female voice say "Excuse me." I looked up from my book with a smile, expecting to decline politely whatever it was they wanted. My smile slipped from my lips as shock came over me. Natalie, the woman from the race yesterday, was standing next to my chair with uncertainty in her gorgeous green eyes and a smile on her face. She looked just as beautiful as I remembered.

"Hi," she said. "Remember me?"

CHAPTER THREE

Natalie

"This is completely unacceptable," my mother ranted as she paced in the surgery waiting room. "I can't believe he wasn't taken back until almost ten. His scheduled time was at nine."

"Mom," I pleaded, "please sit down. Ford is not the only patient here, you know. Sometimes things run late. It's not that big of a deal."

"Not that big of a deal?" she asked, her voice rising higher. "Your father has been donating to this hospital for years. You'd think that would at least get his son some courtesy!"

The other people in the waiting room were staring at us now. I had a sudden urge to crawl under the uncomfortable chair I was sitting in. I was almost wishing that I was the one having surgery instead of Ford, just so I wouldn't have to deal with Mom.

"Mom," I whispered. "Could you please sit down? You're making a scene." She glanced around like she had just realized we weren't the only people here. The only thing Victoria Spencer cared about more than our family being treated the way she thought we deserved was appearances. She finally sat down next to me with a huff.

Once again, she was immaculately dressed in a green cashmere sweater and gray slacks. I was wearing jeans and a casual v-neck red sweater with my tall brown boots. I noticed Mom's disapproving looks, but she said nothing. She knew better than to harass me about my wardrobe choices anymore. This was one of the few times I took after my father and brother. I wore what I wanted, and didn't care what Mom thought. She had learned years ago to stop bothering me about it, when I told her repeatedly that I didn't care what she thought about my clothes. I'd wear whatever the hell I wanted. She always seemed surprised when my stubborn side emerged occasionally. When I was serious about something that I believed in, she usually dropped it and let me do what I wanted.

"How much longer is this going to take?" Mom asked quietly. "It's been almost an hour now. Shouldn't we have heard something by now?"