You'll Think of Me (16 page)

Olivia shrugged sadly. “I was scared to. I think because I worried about your reaction? I had a feeling you wouldn’t want me to go so far…”

The more upset Olivia became with Luke, the more her bones began to rattle. Tears of frustration were making their way up and forcing themselves to sit on her eyelids, but she wouldn’t allow them to fall. She worked hard and she shouldn’t be made to feel ashamed for wanting it. How could he not understand how much this meant to her knowing so much about her past struggles?

“I guess I am selfish then...because I plan to accept their offer once I receive it. I want this really bad, Luke.”

“Yes? Yes... You said yes? Without even thinking about us or discussing it with me?”

“There was never anything to really discuss with you,” she stated pointedly.

“Bullshit,” Luke mumbled under his breath. He spotted his shirt and fisted it. Fuck this. And fuck her. He needed to get out fast and find something to punch and then a few beers to ice his hands.

“This is fucking bullshit. What have I been this whole time to you? These past four years in college and before that? A piece of meat to fuck whenever you want?”

Olivia flinched, her heart shattering. Her voice dropped as she said, “You know that’s not true, Luke. You know how much you mean to me, more than anyone.”

“Yeah? Because it sure as hell doesn’t sound like it if you thought there was nothing to discuss with me.”

“I thought I'd have your support in this, that you'd be happy for me knowing how much I hate it here and the family I had growing up. I assumed we’d continue our relationship, but it'd be a long distance one.”

“Well, Olivia, you assumed wrong. If you thought you’d have my support in this, why the fuck didn’t you tell me from the beginning? You’re not making any sense.” Luke never called her by her full name. “You know what, if you hate everything here in this bum town, then go on up and become a city person.”

“What are you saying?”

“You know exactly what I’m saying. Read between the lines, baby. The fact that you knew this weeks ago and never told me has my blood boilin’. Fuckin’ boilin’. You led me to think it was settled and we were okay. You lied to my face!” he roared, his green eyes lit with fury. “Excuse me, withheld some major details,” he said sarcastically.

Flustered to the core, Livy shook on the inside. This wasn’t what she wanted, but she was so upset and hurt that she couldn’t help what flew from her mouth.

“Who are you to tell me I can't leave? That I’m stuck here forever? What’s holding me back? Nothing!”

“The one who loves you, that's who! The one who wants to make you his wife one day! Me, that's who! Damn woman, you know how to get under a man’s skin like no other. Fuck!”

Olivia cringed. “I never lied to you. So stop insinuating I did.”

“But you held back though, didn't you? You left out a few things for the sake of stringin’ me along. It’s the same damn thing, baby.”

“I never
strung
you along. It’s not the same thing at all. Not even close.”

“If I remember correctly, you said something like, ‘It was merely a thought…honestly…nothing more.’ Nothing more. Nothing more, Livy? Obviously it was.”

“Luke, it’s done. I’m sorry, but it’s done. Can we stop arguing? I want to spend the little bit of time I have left with you before I have to leave for New York.” Standing from the bed, Olivia wrapped the white sheet around her body and walked over to where Luke was standing.

“You’re really doing this? You’re really going to leave?”

She nodded.

“Fine. How about we just break it off now? Let’s end this—us—right here and save us from the heartache. You go your way, I'll go mine.”

Luke saw no reason to keep on going. If she wanted to go to New York, then he would get out of her life now.

Her eyes prickled as tears threatened to fall. Blinking rapidly, she whispered, “No,” under her breath. “You can't possibly be serious.”

“Dead. Serious. Like a heart attack.”

“Luke, there has to be a way we can work through this. Can’t we try a long distance relationship?”

“No.”

“Why not? Why are you being so irrational?”

“Irr—Too bad, Livy. We're…through.” He was fired up, pissed off and needed to stop before he said something he would regret.

“
Please, don't end this. Please...” her voice cracked with despair.

Luke bent his head down as she craned her neck to look up at him. A lone tear trickled slowly down her cheek and he wiped it with his thumb, hating to see her cry. Trying to calm his temper, he took a deep breath.

Kissing Olivia’s forehead softy, he whispered, “Goodbye, Care Bear.”

present

I
t was about time she went home to visit with her parents.

A million emotions were running through Olivia during her drive. South Fork was a place filled with memories, both happy and sad. She hadn’t come home much over the years, it hurt too much.

“Mom?” she yelled walking through the front door.

Olivia’s mother rounded the corner. She wiped her hands on her jeans then pulled Olivia into her arms. “Olivia!”

“Hey, Mom.”

Hugging Olivia tightly, Jane said, “I’ve missed you so much. I can’t believe you’re finally back in Georgia.”

“I know. It’s kind of surreal, but I’m happy to be back. I feel bad for not coming here sooner, though,” she said apologetically.

“Oh, honey. I know you were busy but that you’d come when you could. A move like that takes time for the dust to settle. How about you go get situated and come back down so we can catch up over supper?”

Olivia nodded and grabbed a hold of her bag. The wheels from her suitcase rolled up each carpeted step with a thump.

Plopping her luggage on her bed, Olivia sat down and scanned her phone.

Nate:
Hope you made it there safely. Now hurry back.

Olivia:
I did,
she texted back rolling her eyes.

Nate:
Good. Don’t forget about me while you’re there.

Olivia:
HA! As if I could. You’re either harassing me or trying to seduce me any chance you get.

Nate:
You like it. Say it.

Olivia:
No.

Nate:
Liv…Don’t make me cancel our date I had planned. I know you’ve wanted to go to this specific place...

Olivia:
LOL! You wouldn’t dare.

Nate:
Liv.

Olivia:
Nathaniel?

Olivia knew Nate was purposely baiting her.

Nate:
Say it first.

Olivia:
Nope. Talk soon.

The relationship between them had been going better than she’d expected. Yet, Olivia still found herself holding back. She still kept her heart on reserve. It was automatic.

For the past month, Nate and Olivia settled into a natural and easy relationship—minus the sex. They had gotten to know one another on a more personal level. Between the texts and calls, they saw each other as much as possible and spent many nights at each other’s home. Olivia wasn’t ready for the next phase just yet, and thankfully Nate wasn’t pushing her. Sure, she wanted him and sometimes wanted to give into him desperately, especially when she woke up wrapped snuggly in his strong arms. Nate could hardly take his eyes or hands off her when they were together. He seemed to adore her, like she was the center of his whole world. It wasn’t in her nature to open up so easily on an emotional level, but she was beginning to expose pieces of herself to Nate. But Olivia knew once sex started, heavy emotions would be involved, and she wasn’t sure she was completely ready.

Olivia blew out a weary breath and ran a hand through her hair, pulling on it in frustration. Truthfully, the question wasn’t whether she was ready for it or not. It was if she could handle
all
of Nate, plus her emotions. She had a sinking suspicion that he was going to consume more than just her body. She didn’t want to jinx something that hadn’t started, but when it came down to it, Olivia wasn’t sure she could handle another heartbreak. It was why she barricaded her heart long ago and closed off her emotions.

She never wanted to feel heartache again.

The next morning, after brunch with her mother and catching up, Olivia realized she needed to see Diane Jackson sooner rather than later. A few questions popped into her head in the middle of the night so she called ahead this morning to let them know she was in town and would be stopping by. She’d be lying to say she wasn’t nervous. Stepping into Luke’s childhood home after all this time wasn’t going to be easy. Olivia wasn’t sure if Luke would be there and if he was, she wasn’t sure what to say to him.
Hi? Hello? How are you? How have you been?
It had been nine years since she’d seen him; they were virtual strangers now.

Driving down the dirt road with the windows down and music playing, Olivia was hit with the memorable aroma of fresh cut grass, red dirt and humidity in the air. It was an earthy mixture that was home to her. She smiled widely and cranked up the radio, but just as she did, one of Luke’s songs began to play. Figures. The longing in his voice, the pull in the lyrics, the hint of smokiness, sent a shiver through her body and her smile faltered.

…she’s the one with the lips I miss…but never want to see again, the tears I never want to taste again…who left a bruise under my ribs from the pounding it took…baby, I’m gonna keep on lovin’ you with the words you want to hear…that feeling, been there so many times it’s like a second home to me…you deserve the heartache, that aching pit of regret while I keep on lovin’ you…

His voice was the same as she remembered—raspy, but sexy as hell.

She could just imagine his green eyes penetrating her resolve as his fingers strummed the guitar… The swipe of his tongue across his lips to wet them right before he sang…

Would it always be like this? Would there ever come a time when she’d be able to listen to one of his songs without feeling anything at all?

Nostalgia came back full force as she pulled into the driveway. The Jackson house looked exactly the same. Olivia took a deep breath and exhaled. It was a home she spent many hours in growing up before they turned into a couple. As kids, they always ran around barefoot through the woods trying to catch fireflies in the dead heat of summer nights. The summers, when their only responsibilities were to brush their teeth before bed, were long gone.

Making her way up the steps, she rang the bell and waited. Seconds later the door flew open by a young man who was wearing nothing but denim shorts slung low on his hips. His hair was disheveled but he had the same prominent jaw, just as she remembered Luke having.

This had to be one of his brothers, she realized.

His eyes narrowed and his head angled, sizing her up. “Olivia,” she said before he could guess.

He paused, and then eyes, a shade darker than his brother’s, lit up in surprise. A wide smile stretched across his face as he looked her up and down again.