Your Exception (9 page)

It is now Wednesday, and I have
only sent him a couple text messages in which he answers with one-worded replies, if he responds at all, so I stop.

Zach has noticed a change in my behavior and tries to talk to me, but I ignore him. He’s not the man I want to talk to.

Cassidy is rarely home. We work opposite hours and all her free time is spent with Jack. I desperately need to talk to her, and she has no idea what’s been going on. I’m to my breaking point.

Me: Will you be home tonight? I need you :(

Cassidy: I work, but I can see if someone will cover my shift? Is everything okay?

Me: No.

Cassidy: I’ll figure it ou
t
.

I enter the house after work where Cassidy is sitting in the recliner
, waiting for me. She puts down her Kindle and gives me her full attention.

I burst out crying, bringing my hands to my face.

She races over to the couch next to me. “What is wrong? Is it Logan? What’s happened?”

“I don’t know!” I wail.

She holds me as I ugly cry into her pink sparkly shirt.

That’s a true friend.

After my sobs let up, I explain everything that has happened
.
It makes me feel better when she is just as confused as I am.

“So you’re saying you haven’t really talked to him since Saturday?”

I nod.

“And you’ve tried texting him, but he barely responds?”

I nod again.

“Sweetie, you just need to go talk to him.”

“I think… I think it’s over.”

“You need to go over there and end it then. If you feel deep down that it’s over, it probably is. Go finish it.”

I nod again since that’s all I seem to be able to do.

Knowing what is about to happen, I can’t shake the uneasy feeling of showing up at his house unannounced. I wash my face, then grab my purse and car keys. When I get into my car, I play Radiohead’
s
Cree
p
.

Because if the shoe fits…

Feeling nervous as I make the drive to Logan’s, I listen t
o
Cree
p
over and over. I really do feel creepy driving to Logan’s house when he isn’t expecting me and has been ignoring me for days.

As I pull in the driveway, I see his bike parked next to his truck and what must be his roommate’s red Mustang. I knock on the door, and a bald headed guy who looks to be in his thirties, answers the door.

“Is Logan home?” I quietly ask, waiting for him to say no and slam the door in my face so Logan can continue ignoring me.

He curiously looks me over from head to toe. I wonder if he even knows I exist in Logan’s life. “He’s upstairs.” He points up as he lets me in. He must be the roommate, Josh.

I make my way up to Logan’s room. His door is shut, so I knock.

“Yeah?” I hear him call from inside his room. I open the door slowly. He’s lying in his bed watching a movie. I guess it never crossed my mind that he might have someone in here with him, but he doesn’t.

Our eyes lock. Let’s do this, is the only thought that goes through my mind as I enter his room and approach his bed, kneeling down on the floor nearest to him.

“So what’s going on?” I say softly.

“Nothing.”

“It’s not nothing. You’ve been avoiding me for days. Something is going on. Tell me. Please,” I plead.

He hesitates. “I just don’t think…that I’m the one for you.”

There. He said it.

“Don’t you think that should be up to me to decide?”

“I like to be able to do what I want, when I want. I don’t want to be tied down right now.”

That hurts.

“Tied down? Is that how I make you feel? I feel like I’ve been good about letting you do what you want to do. I don’t bitch if I don’t get to see you every day. I didn’t even bitch when you stood me up. I wasn’t happy, but I didn’t end things over it.”

“I know this is going to sound bad, but it isn’t you. It really is me.”

Really? He just said that? Do guys actually believe we fall for this line?

“So it’s over,” I say.

“Yeah, I think so. For now.”

“For now.” I repeat. What the hell is that supposed to mean? “All right then,” I say plastering a fake smile on my face making my way towards his door. It’s all I can do to keep from crying right in front of him. I’m holding it together quite well, considering I’m getting my heart broken for the second time in three months. I don’t want to lose him, but why would I want to be with someone who doesn’t want me back?

He gets up and follows me out the front door to where my car is waiting for me. We don’t speak to each other. I can hear the crickets chirping, and they’re rather irritating. I stand in his driveway and kick at my tire, waiting for him so say something. Anything.

“I really hope we can be friends.”

I look up and laugh out loud. “Did you really just say that?”

He smiles and looks down. “I think you’re awesome. I really do want to keep being your friend.”

“I’d like that.” Would I? Could I even just be his friend? Probably not. It’s just what guys say to get out of a relationship. Even the ones they claimed they wanted. I feel so sad and let down, even though I had a feeling all of this was coming.

He comes over to me and pulls me in for a hug. Probably the last one I’ll ever get from him.

Then he kisses me, and I let him.
Probably the last kiss I’ll ever get from hi
m
.

I know we’re over.

He kisses me on the forehead and takes a step back, letting me go.

I can feel the tears welling in my eyes, so I go around and get into my car. I plaster a smile on my face and wave at him as I back out of his driveway and head down the street.

The tears instantly start to fall. After I’m a few miles down the road I can barely see what’s in front of me. I pull over on the side of the road and sob. I’m heartbroken. I thought I had moved on and found someone I could spend eternity with, but I was mistaken. Again.

Why can’t I be loved?

Not that love was what we had, but I knew it was there. I could feel it.

After fifteen minutes of tears and snot, I reach over to the glove compartment and grab some extra napkins I have stuffed in there. I clean myself up and blow my nose, pull back out on the road, and make my way home.

Cassidy is sitting back in the recliner reading as I enter. I give her an apologetic shrug as I scurry up the stairs. She doesn’t come after me, which is good, considering the last thing I want to do right now is talk. I just want to go to bed and cry myself to sleep.

I call my dad in the morning and tell him I’m sick. He buys it and tells me he hopes I feel better.

Yeah, now I’
m
that gir
l
.

The one who calls in sick because she’s broken over some boy.

The girl who fell too hard too fast.

What was I thinking?

I don’t even know what I’m thinking right now.

I’m a little hungry…

I roll over and go back to sleep.

*****

I wake up to three missed calls, two voicemails, and one text message.

One missed call and voicemail from Alec, and the rest are from Zachary. I dial my voicemail and delete Alec’s message inst
antly, then I listen to Zach’s.

“Hey, Wren. It’s Zach. Your dad said you weren’t feeling well today and stayed home. I remember when you were sick with mono and would still somehow make it in to work, so I hope you’re doing all right and that everything is okay. Please call me if you need anything. Bye.
”

I look to my texts.

Zachary: Are you feeling better yet? Wanna come over and see Maynard? He’s been asking about you.

He’s so funny, and it’s sweet that he can sense something is wrong, but no, I don’t feel like doing a damn thing today. Not even reading.

I seem to be taking this breakup worse than the one with Alec. I know I was going to stop with the comparisons, but I can’t help it. I don’t recall having been so sad that I actually missed work. It was over and I made a decision, and moved on, eventually. Here, I am confused and strung along, with a sense of promise that this may not be the end and that we shall remain friends. I feel as though I’m in a state of purgatory.

Mid-afternoon, I stroll into the kitchen still wearing my pajamas. I dig through the cupboard that holds my junk food until I find my chocolate and my licorice, grabbing a can of soda out of the fridge and making my way back upstairs. My iPod is playing sappy love songs while I eat my goodies and try not to think as the day goes by.

*****

When I wake up on Friday, it sinks in that I work both jobs today
.
Son of a bitc
h
.
I suppose I should get up and dressed so I’m not late. There’s no way I’d be able to get by with missing work two days in a row, but thank goodness Cassidy is on my shift tonight. That’ll help.

I enter the shop and see Zach out of the corner of my eye looking my way. I make a beeline for the desk and bend down to shove my purse in the bottom drawer before standing up face to chest, with Zach. Whom I have seen in his underwear. I giggle at the thought.

“Is something funny?” he asks, amused.

If he only knew.
“Nope,” I say and sit down to go through new emails.

“You okay?” he asks with sincerity.

I look up and smile. “I’m fine.”

“Yeah. We all know what
fine means.” He winks at me and walks away.

I keep busy and decide not to go in the back to help Zach, or accept his offer to go out to lunch. He was so good about talking me through Alec, but I’m just not in the mood to go through this all again.

I leave fifteen minutes early so I don’t have to face Zach. I head home and get ready for the night at the bar.

When I get there, something seems off and I stop to take in what is going on. I look around at the light colored wood walls surrounding the inside of the place, the little serving area in the back by the kitchen where I spend a good amount of time, and the stage room where sometimes I would just stand and watch the bands play. Some of my favorite pastimes have been here, and so many great memories.

Nothing is out of the ordinary but I get the sense that everyone around me is suddenly irritating. Someone here is always crying, or complaining, or fighting. I hate the fighting. I’ve always liked working here, but I’m fed up with all the fucking drama! It’s horrible. I really don’t want to be here anymore. I feel a sense of comfort here but there’s always some bad shit happening. I have conflicting emotions because it’s not a place I would prefer to spend my time, yet I enjoy being here and most of the people, most of the time. The music and tips help too.

I look over at Cassidy, running around taking orders and eventually running into the back room, where I was standing while having my revelation, to grab extra condiment bottles. “Cassidy, I think I’m done.”

“Done with what?” she asks curiously.

“Here. I’m going to put in my notice. I don’t think I want to work here anymore.”

“Now, let’s not be hasty with making decisions like this. I don’t think you’re in your right state of mind. Why don’t you give it some time?”

“No. I came here to help out. I don’t need this job. I’ll be able to afford the rent just fine with my job at the shop. There’s just too much negativity here. I don’t want to deal with it anymore. I’m sorry.” I shrug.

“I understand. Kind of. But you do what you feel is best. We’ve hired a few new servers, none will be as good as you, but we’ll figure it out. And I guess we’ll have more time together this way. That is, once the newbies are fully trained in.”

I go over to Jen and let her know my decision.

“Is this because of that boy?” she asks.

“No.” I may have called in sick once because of him, but I’d never quit a job because of the guy. That’s ridiculous. “I’m so tired trying to juggle both jobs. I’m wiped out and just need a break.”

“Okay. You’re not scheduled until next week. Did you want to work those? I can easily have them covered if you don’t.”

“I think I’d prefer to be done tonight, if that’s okay.”

“Sure thing.” She starts pouring drinks again.

Well, that was easy.

I feel as though a huge weight has just been lifted off my shoulders. I feel…free.

I start to feel elated as the rest of the night goes by, knowing that I won’t have to come back here anymore. I am happy to have Cassidy here my final night. Draven is playing, and the tips are good.

I go towards the kitchen. “Hey, brother. I suppose I should let you know that I’m quitting.”

“Cassidy already told me.”