Your Heart to Keep: Holly and Jax (9 page)

Chapter Fourteen

Jax

Micah was done when I got to the tattoo shop and was standing talking to Tank.

“Hey, dude. I was starting to think you’d left me here.”
“Nah. Just had something to take care of. You up for hitting the gym?”
Micah looked at Tank with a questioning look.

“You shouldn’t really go lifting weights for a couple of days until the ink settles and dries.” Tank offered.

I didn’t give a toss what big guy said. I was in, with or without my friend. “Noted.”

Micah did the knuckle bump with Tank and we walked to his truck as I threw his keys to him across the roof.

Once inside I looked at Micah. “Would you mind calling by my place so I can change?”

“You’re still going after what Tank said?”

“Yep. I need this Bro. If I don’t let out some of this adrenalin, I’m going to seriously smash something.”

Pulling out onto the road and driving in the direction of my house, I caught Micah’s heavy sigh as he weighed up my words. “You okay, man? Where did you go? You seem…different. Angrier.”

“I went to the car yard.”

Micah shifted in his seat. “How’s the mustang?”

“Totaled.”

“I guess it was hard seeing her all banged up. Must have brought it all back.”

I could feel both legs wanting to fidget as I sucked in a breath and let it out, long and slow. “It was tough.”

Obviously Micah hadn’t noticed the bags in the back of his truck because he didn’t mention them. After a minute of silence, I added. “I collected our bags. They’d been in the trunk since leaving Sterling. I’d forgotten about them.”

A hand came over and squeezed my shoulder. “That’s rough dude.”

I don’t think he knew what else to say because he changed the subject. “Tell you what. Fuck what Tank said about letting the ink dry. I’m feeling in the mood to kick some ass at the gym. Let’s do this.”

I nodded, knowing he was doing this for me. That’s the kind of guy Micah was. He knew me better than I knew myself. He didn’t want to see me lose control and revert back to the asshole I’d once been.

In a few minutes we were pulling into my driveway. Jumping out, I grabbed the mail and headed inside, quickly rifling through five envelopes, tossing the advertising junk aside on the kitchen table as I flicked through the letters on my way to the bedroom to change my clothes.

Bills. A letter from the insurance company regarding my car. A plain white envelope, hand-written address, no stamp.

Looks’s like it’s been personally delivered. Huh. I wonder who this is from.

Laying it on my bed, I fished around in my closet for a fresh shirt and shorts, not hearing Micah walk in. He was carrying the bags from the back of his truck.

“Where do you want these? Thought I better bring them in.”

Quickly glancing at Chloe’s I motioned to the walk through closet. “Throw Chloe’s in there so I don’t have to deal with it. Mine, you can leave over by the bed.” I growled.

Doing so, he must have noticed the unopened letter on my bed. “What’s this?”

God, he could be a nosy prick.

“Not that it’s any of your goddam business but I found it in the mailbox.”

“You gonna open it?” He walked to my bed and picked up the letter.

Pulling the shirt over my torso and then slipping into my clean shorts, I grunted. “Don’t know. Maybe.”

Micah was turning it over in his hands, holding it up to the remaining light coming in from the window to see if he could see anything through the envelope to give away what was inside. Pausing on the back, it looked like he was reading. “Aurora. The address on the back is from Aurora. You know anyone who lives there?”

Thinking for a minute, I couldn’t say that I knew anyone from there. Only University Hospital but I doubted they’d be sending me a letter.

Nabbing it from him, I walked out of my bedroom to grab a cold water bottle from the refrigerator and a fresh towel from the small cupboard in the laundry room. “You ready?”

“Uh huh, but I seriously think you should open that letter. The suspense is killing me.”

“It’s none of your fucking business, shithead so just drop it.”

I must admit. I was curious. Whoever had delivered the letter had obviously gone out of their way to make sure I received it.

Sitting in Micah’s truck he paused before starting it. He looked at me. “Just open it, already.” He could see I was eying the envelope and the fact that I’d brought it with me signified that I had every intention of opening it.

Slipping my finger into the slit on the back I tore it open, surprised when I unfolded the single piece of paper to find some sort of personal message. There was no business letterhead to signify it was from a company, just a date in the right hand corner and then my name.

Dear Jaxon,

They had used my full first name. Sounded serious.

I read on, teeth grinding furiously as I worked through the words.

It was from
her
. Fucking bitch face had written me a letter. What the sleaze balls did she do that for?

The letter scrunched up in my hands as I tossed it aside, dragging my seatbelt across me and then saying to Micah, “Get rid of that fucking shit for me!”

It had landed in his lap and I knew Micah too well. He wouldn’t just dismiss it without reading it. He would want to know what had got me so furious. Not that I wasn’t the poster boy for furious lately but that letter had pushed me beyond.

I could hear the crinkle of the paper as he tried to flatten it out so he could read it. I looked out the window waiting for his reaction.

Just who the fuck did she think she was, contacting me? Holly Jenkins. Did she think I was going to welcome her with open arms after reading her frigging sob story? The fact of the matter was she still had Chloe’s heart beating inside of her when it should have been beating inside my girlfriend. That fact would never change.

That heart probably still had Chloe’s blood inside. The heart that had grown from nothing into a living, beating part of my girl. Her flesh. Her cells. Her everything.

“I think you should go see this girl.”

Micah could have just told me he was the devils spawn and I wouldn’t have been more shocked. “Are. You. Fucking. Kidding. Me?”

“Look. I know you’re pissed right now but look at it from Holly’s point of view…”

“Wait! You’re calling her Holly now, like you actually know her?”

“She is a person, Jax. She has a name. It says so right here.” He was waving the letter around to prove his point. “Look at things from her point of view. Chloe saved her life. She would have died. Imagine if it was someone you cared about who needed that heart. Would you want them just to die because they didn’t believe in organ donation or would you want them to have whatever chance was available?”

At that moment I couldn’t see Micah’s reason. I could only see my own hurt and rage. “Just drop it and get me to the gym. Now!”

I didn’t want Chloe’s donor to have a name or a personality. She was a, nobody to me. If I kept telling myself that, I wouldn’t need to feel any emotion.

***

My workout was fierce. Normally I focused on different muscle groups on different days to allow each group to recover and rebuild but not today. I went full-on psycho. Triceps, Biceps, Lats, Shoulders, Glutes, Hamstrings. You name it. I worked it. Hard. My tattoo was throbbing in time to the rest of my body but I didn’t care. This was what I had control over. This one part of my life that didn’t feel like it had me around the throat.

There was something empowering about owning your body. Putting it through its paces. We were all physical creatures that were meant for movement and work. Not inertia. The weakness I was feeling at the moment would turn into strength. Combined with the six clean meals I ate per day, plenty of protein included and bucket loads of water, my physical body would remain optimal. As for my mental state, well, that would remain to be seen.

All I knew was that while I was fully immersed in my workout, my emotional pain remained at bay.

For a wind down, I rode ten miles on the exercise bike.

By the time I was finished my legs were like jelly. Micah was done a while ago but hung around chatting up some of the hot chicks doing the circuit.

My clothes were wringing wet and I needed a shower but I’d failed to bring a change of clothes so it would have to wait until I got home.

Walking over to Micah who looked like he was handing the blonde chick his number, I murmured, “You all set?”

He looked at me a little annoyed that we couldn’t hang around longer, before leaning in to the toned girl in her hot pink leotards and saying, “Call me.”

She giggled like a silly three year old and nodded frantically. “Okay. Cool. I will. Catch ya.”

She batted her eyelids and twirled her pony tail before waving and bouncing around to head to the leg curl machine.

“Seriously Micah?”

“Hey. What? She’s cute.”

“She looks like she’s still in middle school.”

“Pfft. Who say’s age has anything to do with it? Did you see the rack on it?”

I gave him a flick across the head as we left the gym and headed home.

My mood had improved somewhat since laying into the heavy weights. I was in my post workout buzz. I chugged back the entire bottle of water I’d left on the seat and sank back to revel in my temporary euphoria.

After a moment I realized that the truck was heading in a different direction. “You doing a pit-stop?”

Looking at Micah, he angled his head to offer me a sideways glance. “Uh huh.”

I assumed he was calling in to the store to pick up something for dinner and didn’t question him until the truck turned into the driveway of a suburban home in Aurora.

Panic began bubbling to the surface. “Damn it dude! What are we doing?”

“
We
aren’t doing anything. I am calling in to see Holly, to thank her for your letter, and to try and act like a human being on your behalf seeing as though you are being a dick about this.”

My fist slammed into the passenger door. “Oh, I’m being a dick? Christ Micah! You didn’t even fucking ask me. You just took it upon yourself to come see this girl while I was in the car? I can’t believe you!”

“Someone’s gotta be the mature one around here. I don’t care what you do. You can sit here for all I care but I’m going in.”

With that he was out of the car, slamming the door and walking up the steps to the neat white house with the perfect lawn and gardens. I was going to kill him.

Chapter Fifteen

Holly

Ty and I were sitting in the lounge room chilling with some frozen pizza he’d thrown in the oven and some soda. Leah, the girl I worked with had just left after dropping around with some flowers and a card, wondering how my recovery was going. We’d never really seen each other outside of work so it was nice that she’d made the effort to stop by.

In between eating Ty and I were having some serious rounds of ‘thumbs’ which was a game I could play that didn’t need my sight.

Ty was losing. I wasn’t sure if he was letting me win on purpose or if he was just really bad but it didn’t matter because I loved these special times with my brother. Just the two of us. He’d be heading back to college in another couple of days and I wouldn’t see him for weeks so I soaked up these moments like a sponge. He’d taken two weeks personal leave from college which they’d been okay about but he couldn’t afford any more time away or he’d fall too far behind.

“I think you’re letting me win, Ty.”

“Moi?”

“Yes, Moi!”

“Why Pip-squeak, I’m offended! Thumbs is a very serious game. Do you think I’d willingly, lower my standards in order to let my amazing, yet seriously competitive sister actually have a chance at winning?”

That pulled a laugh from me, “Um, yeah I think you would.” Reaching out for his head, I felt for his cheek and moved in to plant a kiss on it. “Thanks Ty.”

Before he could respond a vehicle pulled in to the driveway. It didn’t sound like moms. I listened intently, hearing only one door shut and then there were footsteps closing the gap towards the front door.

Ty rose from the sofa and walked to the door just as there were a few loud knocks.

I didn’t have a clue as to who would be visiting us at night but I was suddenly on high alert. Skin prickling, stomach doing somersaults.

Upon opening it, Ty greeted the stranger. “Hi. Can I help you?”

“Hey. My name is Micah Sullivan and I’m friends with Jaxon Reynolds. His dead girlfriend donated her heart to Holly who I believe lives here?”

“Ohhh!” It tore from my mouth before I had a chance to stop it. This was totally unexpected and had me moving nervously on the couch.

I knew Ty would shake Micah’s hand because that’s the type of guy he was.

“Nice to meet you, Micah. What can I do for you?”

“Tyson! Don’t be rude. Invite Micah inside. It’s freezing out.” I called over from the sofa. If this guy was friends with Jax, I wanted him inside.

“Oh, sorry man. Yeah sure. Come on in.” Ty closed the door and then offered an introduction. “Micah this is my sister, Holly. The one with Chloe’s heart.”

Micah neared and stood in front of me as I rose off the sofa. I held out my hand in greeting. “So nice to meet you, Micah. Please sit down.” His hand was large and calloused in places but his handshake was firm.

We sat down beside each other. “What brings you here?” Curiosity had me on the edge of my seat as I turned to face him.

“I’m sorry to call in un-announced but I really wanted to meet you and let you know how pleased I am that your heart surgery was a success and that you’re on the mend.”

I was a little confused at how he knew so much. Like my name, for instance. “Thank you. That really means a lot but how did you find out?”

“The letter.” He fumbled around and pulled something out of his pocket. It sounded like paper.

“The letter I wrote Jaxon and only delivered this afternoon?” How and why did Micah have it?

“Yeah. I hope you don’t mind me reading it. I was with Jax when he collected his mail. I think you’re amazing. All that you’ve gone through yourself and you still took the time while you’re recovering to write and offer your sympathy to Jax. That was really something.”

His voice sounded smooth and sincere. I liked Micah already.

“And you’re here instead of Jax because?” I knew the answer but I wanted to hear the words.

“He’s being a dick at the moment. Excuse the expression. The guy’s torn up over the loss of his girlfriend. His car is going to the scrap heap so he’s dealing with some heavy stuff.”

I knew Micah was being kind about his friend’s true feelings towards me. “It’s okay. I understand.” I didn’t really but I wasn’t going to let on.

“So how are you doing? Health-wise?”

“Getting better each day. Blessed that I was given a heart so quickly. Many people don’t survive the wait.”

“I’m sure Chloe would be happy to hear that her death wasn’t in vain.”

“I’m sorry I never got to meet her. What was she like?”

Micah huffed. “She was a firecracker that one. Short and blonde with plenty of sass.”

“Did she live around here?”

“She lived close to Jax. In fact they were talking of moving in together.”

“The whole thing sucks. They must have been really in love.” Just sitting this close to his friend gave me some sort of connection to him. I wanted to keep Micah talking for as long as possible.

“She was totally not his type but somehow they just worked. The whole opposites attract thing and all, I guess.”

“What is his type?” Did I really just say that? Oh my God! What was I doing? Ty, so far had been sitting opposite us in the recliner and had yet to join in to the conversation but I knew what he would be thinking at my latest question.

Micah laughed, breaking the tension around me. I was trying to look where I guessed his eyes were, wondering if he had figured out that I was blind yet. If he had, he had been polite and not let on. “Well, take you for instance. Brown hair and eyes. Slim. You look like you’re fairly tall. I’d say that I’m sitting right beside his type.”

Suddenly the air was too thin. I was standing on a tall mountain in the clouds with not much oxygen, teetering on the edge. Chloe’s heart was in overdrive. I’m sure Micah must have been able to see it thumping under my shirt.

Ty cleared his throat and stepped in to save me. “You want a soda, Micah?”

“No. Actually I really should get going. I just wanted to stop by and introduce myself.”

There came a pounding at the door. Not just a knock but a very controlled, heavy thump, thump, thump.

Micah stood up. “That will be Jax. He’s been hiding in the car. He’ll be coming to tell me to get a move on.”

I was in a daze. He was here? At my door? He’d been here the whole time?

Ty threw the door open when the pounding started again. My eyes flew to the doorway to the large shadow that was Jax. The man I had been thinking about the last few days. The man whose name tweaked something in me that I couldn’t explain. My palms were clammy as I stood.

I could feel him standing there, peering in. Was he looking at me? What was he thinking? I must look untidy in my house clothes. Sweats and a floppy jumper. Hair up in a messy pony tail.

I didn’t know what to say or do.

“Jax?” Ty was asking politely to clarify who the stranger at our door was.

A grumble and then the black shape moved inside. “What the fuck, Micah? What the hell are you doing? I’m freezing my ass off out there. You said you were just calling by for a minute. It’s been over twenty!”

That voice! It rumbled out like thunder, yet drizzled delicately over me like decadent, liquid caramel. My muscles became weak and pliable as if I might drift to the floor like a feather, weightless and fragile.

“Hold your horses, Dude. I was just leaving.” There was a morsel of disappointment and embarrassment in Micah’s voice at his friend’s harsh tone. “Jax this is Holly and her brother Ty. Guys this is the infamous Jax.”

“Hey man,” Ty spoke but there was no reply from Jax as I felt and saw him move closer towards me. I was his target. I looked away, waiting on the wrath I knew was coming.

His energy was all around me. Through me. Even knowing he was pissed, I wanted him closer, to maybe touch me. I craved it with my new heart. A pull beyond my control.

He stopped. His shadow loomed over me. I knew he was taking me in. No one said anything but I could see Ty and Micah move in closer as if to stop Jax from doing something stupid.

“You!” His low, tight voice greeted me and I stifled a whimper at his nearness as his breath touched the side of my face causing me to close my eyes and let it wash over me. What was wrong with me?

Turning my head and raising my eyes to the outline of his face, all I could hear was his heavy breathing. At that very second I wanted nothing more than to have full vision. To look into his eyes and see the storm I knew would be brewing. I sensed the distaste rolling off him, swirling around me but it didn’t matter. I didn’t care. Even with the front door open, his large body shot waves of heat through me as if I was standing beside the burning flames of hell.

We stood like that for an eternal minute before he sucked in a breath and on an exhale he growled, “I can’t fucking do this!” And then all the heat evaporated as he disappeared out the front door again. I forced my feet to stand still and not go after him.

Micah was in front of me in an instant. “I’m so sorry for his behavior, Holly. Here. If there is anything you need, call me. I’d like to come see you again if you’ll let me.”

I couldn’t really see what he was doing. Was he giving me something? I looked at him in confusion before Ty broke in.

“Holly’s blind. Here let me take that.”

“She’s blind?” Micah whispered.

“Yeah. It’s part of Marfan’s syndrome which is the reason she needed the transplant.”

“Shit. I didn’t realize. Jax, he…”

I put my hand out feeling for his arm and when I thought I was close enough and was touching him, I soothed, “It’s quite okay. I assure you. I’ve been like this for so long now that it’s normal for me. I only have around ten percent of my vision so I’m legally blind and normally carry a cane when I’m not at home. That would have been a giveaway for you had we met elsewhere.”

His hand came on top of mine. He patted it. “It was lovely meeting you. I’ll call back to see you soon, I promise.”

“Thank you. That would be great. I don’t get many visitors.”

It was true. My blind students didn’t visit and apart from my family and Leah there was no one else in the area I knew.

Saying goodbye to Ty, Micah left. I sat back down on the sofa replaying my first meeting with Jax. My skin tingled and he hadn’t even touched me. My heart seemed to unfurl and open up in my chest like a flower bud, blooming. I needed to see him again.

“What a prick!” Ty slammed the door. “Jax, I mean. Micah seemed cool.”
“He’s hurting.” There was a strong urge to support him.

“How can you defend that asshole, Hols? You’re too nice for your own good. He was so rude. Couldn’t even say hello to either of us, grunted like a pig and then stormed out with his whole body clenched tight like a compressed spring.”

I knew my brother was right but I couldn’t bring myself to be mad. It must have been hard to see me, knowing Chloe’s heart was beating so close. Put in that situation, myself, I don’t know how I would have reacted.

“I don’t want you seeing the guy again if he’s going to be like that. I mean it.”
That was something I knew I wasn’t going to be able to hold myself to.