Your Perfect Life (18 page)

The sound of the doorbell pulls me out of my reverie. I put
on a silk robe from a chair beside Casey’s bed and head toward the front door. When I peer out the peephole, Charlie is standing there with a cat-who-ate-the-canary look on his face. I pull the door open only far enough to see him through the chain.

“Hey.”

“Hey,” he mimics. “So you gonna let me in or what? I have big, make that huge, news.”

I debate asking him to tell me through the chain, but think better of it. If he’s making a house call, it must be important. I pull the tie around my silk robe tighter.

“Give me a second.”

“Um, okay, you know where to find me,” he says and laughs as I close the door on him.

I hurry into the bedroom, throw on a sweat suit, run into the bathroom and rub toothpaste across my teeth, and fling the front door open. “Sorry about that. The place was a mess,” I say, thinking Casey’s housekeeper comes so often I barely have time to mess it up.

“You missed a spot.” He runs his finger over the dust-free table.

I grab a pillow off the couch and swat him with it. “Whatever, just give me the news already.”

“Sure you don’t want to organize your closets first or clean out the refrigerator or something?”

“Tell me!”

“Are you sitting down?” he says with a chuckle.

I look down at my feet planted firmly on the floor. “Should I be?”

“Uh, yes, for sure.”

I lower myself onto the couch slowly, starting to have a pretty good idea where this conversation is going, but suddenly
I’m not at all sure I want to hear the news. Not because it won’t be good, but because it won’t be mine.

Charlie watches my face change. “It’s good, you know.”

“I know.” I force a smile. “Okay, lay it on me.”

“The New York executives are so excited about the buzz the show is getting from the promo clips of the Daisy and Ryan phone call we fed out last night that they’re coming to L.A. to meet with you.”

I consider the news. So it’s happening. They’re going to offer me, well, Casey Lee her own show in New York. The only question is, what am I going to say?

“Casey. Hello?” Charlie waves his hand in front of my face. “You know what this means, right?”

“I think so . . .” I bite my lower lip, fighting back the tears. Suddenly remembering, of all things, my college graduation. I was so pregnant that I could barely walk, but I’d insisted on going to the ceremony. I needed to see Casey accept her diploma. To see John get his. I needed the fact that I didn’t graduate to be real. As I’d watched Casey fling her graduation cap in the air and hug John tightly, I’d rubbed my stomach, feeling incredibly sad and jealous and also incredibly happy all at the same time. It was exactly how I felt now.

“I thought you’d be excited. I thought this is what you wanted.”

“This is what I wanted.”
I just didn’t realize it until it was twenty years too late
.

“Then why don’t I believe you?”

“It’s complicated.”

“Try me.”

“I can’t. You don’t know how badly I wish I could explain it
to you . . . all of it. But you’d never understand. Never in a million years.”

“Come on.” He sits on the couch next to me, so close that I can smell his scent, which has driven me crazy the past few days. It makes me want to grab him and bury my nose in his neck and inhale deeply.

If he only knew how much I’d love to tell him everything, how the woman he’s been falling for is really an exhausted stay-at-home mom; that if I lean in like I want to right now and kiss him passionately, that it will be the first time I’ve kissed a man besides John in over twenty years; that it scares me how strongly I’m considering doing just that. “It’s nothing,” I finally answer and pull myself up off the couch, away from temptation. “I’m just in shock, that’s all.” I walk over to the mirror and look at Casey’s reflection. “It feels like it’s not really happening to me.”

Charlie walks up behind me and wraps his arms around my waist. “Casey Lee, you better get used to this. Because this is just the beginning of the biggest damn thing that’s ever happened to you.”

CHAPTER 23

casey

I freeze when I see the black convertible Bentley sitting in the driveway. “What the . . .”

“Don’t get too excited.” John laughs as he tosses the key in the air. “It’s just a loaner from a friend.”

“It’s gorgeous,” I say and walk around to inspect it before hopping in.

“Bet you never thought you’d be sitting in one of these, huh?”

“Right,” I say, not mentioning that I almost bought one just like it last month. I was at the dealership, ready to sign the papers for my dream car when I spied a couple in the showroom, kissing gently. I imagined them driving around town, top down, a slight breeze flowing through their perfectly coiffed hair. I tried to think of the person I could have my own convertible adventure with but the image of Destiny and me driving down Wilshire Boulevard kept popping into my head. Buying the Bentley suddenly seemed like a childish, silly thing to do—just
another way to amuse myself. I grabbed my purse and hurried out past the lovey-dovey couple, ignoring the calls from the confused salesman.

“This is great,” I say sincerely. “What a gorgeous day.” It had been unseasonably warm for the past week, even for Los Angeles. I lean back and close my eyes to breathe in the sunshine. And even though I’m still pissed at her, I wish Rachel could be here to enjoy it. Rachel, who drives an old minivan with crushed Cheez-Its mashed into the seats and discarded juice boxes crowding the floor, would appreciate this. “Where are we going?”

“Down the coast,” he replies vaguely as he backs the Bentley out of the driveway gingerly, as if he’s afraid he might break it.

“If you’re going to drive like that the whole way, we may never get there!” I tease.

“Oh yeah? How’s this?” He guns the engine as he pulls out onto Washington Boulevard.

“Much better! How far down the coast are we going?”

“Far enough to get away from it all,” he says and puts his hand on my exposed leg. I resist the urge to flinch and try to settle back into my seat. The warmth of his hand is so comforting, wrapped tightly around my thigh. Is this how it feels to be someone’s someone? I plug in the iTouch and select Pearl Jam, our favorite band from college, and am rewarded with a huge smile from John. “You remembered.”

“Of course. It wasn’t that long ago.”

He sighs. “It sure feels like it sometimes.”

We chat the entire way down. Me, asking questions about his work; John, surprised that I asked.
Doesn’t Rachel want to know what he does all day? Who he interacts with? What’s in his head?
He opens up about his company’s top drug going generic
next year and the possible layoffs that will likely come along with it, how although he’s not too fearful for his own job right now, he worries about all the sales reps and district managers who work with him. He tells me that he’s been losing sleep about the future of pharmaceuticals in general. He’s been there so many years. Where would he go?

“It’s never too late to reinvent yourself,” I say, trying to make him feel better although it’s not something I’m sure I believe. If I had to switch industries, I would be devastated. But it’s clearly weighing heavily on his mind and he’s gone to so much trouble to make me, or rather Rachel, happy. I feel strangely desperate to make him feel happy too.

We pull up to our destination, a charming hotel in Laguna Beach. My heart starts to pound as I imagine being trapped in a hotel room with him all night. I’m definitely going to have to throw down the period card. “We aren’t staying here tonight, right?” I ask briskly, and then not wanting to sound ungrateful, quickly add, “I’m just not sure that Audrey can handle the baby overnight.”

He hands the keys to the valet and comes around to help me out of the car. “Don’t worry. There’s an amazing bar on the roof. I thought you might like to watch the sunset with me.”

I exhale deeply and smile. “I would love that,” I answer as he grabs my hand and takes me into the lobby and up the winding staircase that leads us to a beautiful rooftop patio. John gives them our names and the server shows us to the best table and removes the
RESERVED
sign. “Wow,” is all I can say as I take in the panoramic view of the Pacific Ocean and the palm trees swaying in the slight breeze, the sun sparkling on the water below us. “This is gorgeous!” Something about getting out of L.A., down to the more easygoing pace of Orange County, is
so refreshing. Sure, I had been to a ton of beautiful places in Malibu and Santa Monica, but I still had to be “on.” Whether at a party or a shoot for
Gossip TV,
I always had to work my ass off at those things, schmoozing and kissing the asses of people I could barely stand to be around. All, except of course, Destiny and Charlie. But I don’t want to think about Charlie right now. I grab John’s hand. “Thanks. This is perfect.”

The server sets our drinks down and we toast the wonderful view. John asks me if I’d ever consider living down here and I tell him I’m not sure. The thought of having Rachel and the kids this far away from me makes me uncomfortable. I sip my drink slowly as Rachel would. John had looked at me funny when I ordered a Belvedere and soda, probably remembering the reunion and how belligerent Rachel got. It was obvious that night that she usually didn’t drink that much. But now, after living her life, I understood why. So much effort went into making sure the kids were taken care of that I almost didn’t blame her if she was too tired to go out, too tired to devote much energy to anything, even John.

I think back to the John and Rachel I knew in high school and in college, the way they lit up when the other was around. The three of us were inseparable, except for the temporary boyfriends that would flit in and out of my life. I was so picky, Rachel would constantly tell me. But the truth was that I wanted what they had and wasn’t willing to compromise until I found it. As I look at John smooth-talking the pretty blond server into moving the heater closer to our table, I realize that I’m still looking for it. And I can’t quite understand why Rachel and John just let it slip out of their fingers so easily.

“So, Audrey’s really been on cloud nine all week,” he says when he turns back to me.

“I know, right? It’s like she’s a completely different person,” I say, smiling to myself and for a split second considering that maybe she’s switched bodies with one of her happier, nicer friends. “What do you think of Chris?” I ask, still feeling a nagging bad vibe.

“He’s a great catch,” John says with a twinkle in his eye. “They say he’s going to make the All-CIF team this year. And that he’s being scouted by USC and Michigan.”

“I know!” I feign excitement before carefully adding, “I just hope Audrey’s not so awestruck by him that she makes bad decisions.” I look at him hard, trying to snap him out of his man crush.

He holds my gaze. “I thought you were the one who was pushing this whole dating thing. Now you’re against it all of a sudden?”

“No! Not at all,” I backtrack. “I still agree that Audrey should be dating. But I’m just questioning whether Chris is the guy she should be dating,” I say, thinking back to the queasy feeling I had in my stomach when he smirked at me, hoping I’m just being paranoid.

“He gave me his word as a man that he would treat her with respect. And I believe him.”

I had forgotten how seriously John considered someone’s promise. Never one for contracts, he was always a
let’s shake on it
kind of guy. Not exactly popular in today’s overly litigious society, he believed that a person’s word was the most important promise he could give. It was something that had always infuriated Rachel but that I found endearing, and I caught myself smiling at his faith in Chris. Maybe I should have some too.

“Okay,” I concede. “I’m just excited to take her shopping for her formal dress!”

John frowns. “Just promise me you’ll stay off Robertson Boulevard this time?” he asks, referring to the area famous for its designer brands and ridiculous prices.

Even though he’d explained his concerns, it still felt odd to have to answer to anyone about how I spent money. I’d done well for myself, especially since getting my hosting gig on
Gossip TV,
and I made sure to put enough away so I could live comfortably when they decided I was too old to be in front of the camera.

“Casey offered to pay for it when I told her Audrey was going,” I say, deciding that’s easier than dealing with John’s rage when I bring home a thousand-dollar dress. Because you only get one first formal dance, and I am determined to be the fairy godmother to Audrey’s Cinderella.

“Where has Little C been anyway? Out of town?” John asks.

“She’s been in New York,” I say, not wanting to talk about Rachel. Not wanting to think about our fight, the harsh words we both said. How this body-swapping thing has only driven us further apart. Wondering again what the point of it all has been. And if we ever switch back, will we be able to stay friends?

“New York! Wow, that girl, she really gets to live the life.”

“I don’t think her life is all it’s cracked up to be,” I respond lightly and turn to stare at the view.

“Hey, are you feeling jealous again? Is this because she finally beat
Access L.A.
?” He laughs sheepishly, and then catching the confused expression on my face, adding, “I do read the entertainment section occasionally.”

Jealous? Again? Was Rachel jealous of me?

“I’m not jealous,” I say defensively. “Why in the world would I be jealous? I’ve got a husband, a family. I’ve never even had to hold down a real job!” I regret the words the minute they leave
my mouth. I know now that being home with three kids is probably the hardest job I’ll ever have.

“Hold on.” John puts his hands up. “Don’t be like that. We’re having such a nice time.” He reaches over and strokes my arm. “It just seems like Casey’s really hitting her stride at work lately, that’s all.”

“Yeah, I’ve noticed,” I say quietly and lean into the curve of his arm despite myself.

“Hey,” John says gently. “It’s not too late for you to live out your dreams too. I know you’ve been dead set against going back to work, but if Casey’s success is getting to you, then maybe it’s time for you to get back out there. Didn’t you just say it’s never too late to reinvent yourself ?”