You're My Baby (4 page)

A family. It had all been so promising in the beginning. Sure, he and Shelley had been young and naive,
but when Andy was born, he'd been certain they could raise a fine son, have more children. Live happily ever after.

But that hadn't happened. He could never please Shelley. And Andy, poor kid, had been the one who'd suffered most. Damn.

Grant had to do something. He couldn't let this opportunity pass him by.

A family. More than anything, that's what Andy needed.

Prickles cascaded down Grant's spine. A hammering sensation reverberated in his chest. No. It was a crazy idea.

Lunacy.

Grant raked both hands through his hair. But if…?

Pros and cons rocketed through his brain. He shook his head. “Crazy” didn't even begin to get it.

Somewhere outside a neighbor's dog barked. The air-conditioner compressor cranked on. But Grant didn't move. Maybe, just maybe, it could work.

He turned and grabbed his car keys from the counter and, before he could reconsider, strode toward the garage.

Hell, what did he have to lose?

 

P
AM SAT
on her living room floor, the multiple pages of her senior English syllabus spread all around her. Collating was hard work when Viola and Sebastian insisted on regarding the papers as playthings. Finally she'd had to close the cats in the utility room. She compiled one complete set, tamped it on the coffee table, then stapled it. As she gathered the next sheets, she deliberately avoided looking at the headings, especially those for second semester. It hurt too much to realize
that someone else would be teaching the Romantic poets, Thomas Hardy and Wilfred Owen.

Sorting and stapling, she mentally reviewed her search through the Sunday want ads. There were openings for secretaries, of course, and receptionists. She'd thought about real estate, but what would she live on while she took the licensing course and established her clientele? College teaching might be a possibility, but openings were scarce.

She sighed. Tomorrow teachers' meetings started. And after that when would she have time to follow up on job opportunities? She'd read in the pregnancy book that the lethargy she was experiencing was common in the first trimester. How ironic that when she most needed her energy, she was so bummed out.

She scooped up the collated syllabi and got to her feet, feeling oddly top-heavy. Eventually she'd have to tell her father she was pregnant. Although he might not approve, she knew he'd stand by her. That's just the way he was. She smiled fondly. He'd be the greatest grandpa. Soft-spoken Will Carver had a heart as big as the West Texas skies.

In fact, it would be far easier to tell him than her sister, twelve years older than she and impossibly narrow-minded and sanctimonious.

Barbara, who'd always blamed her for their mother's death. No doubt her sister had suffered a devastating loss at an impressionable age. But Pam had never understood how she could continue to hold an infant responsible for the difficult delivery, the hemorrhage, the loss. Barbara had, though, apparently steeling herself against any show of affection for her baby sister. Finally Pam had had to make up her mind not to let her sister's indifference matter. But it still hurt. Big time.

Overwhelmed with helplessness, Pam set the syllabi on the counter. She'd never know the comfort of a mother's love and advice during this pregnancy. Or a sister's.

Maybe it would be a blessing when her condition became known. She hated hiding things. Perhaps from her friends would come the support Barbara couldn't give. Above all, Pam didn't want the baby to suffer—not from lack of affection and certainly not from stigma. Whatever it took, she'd protect this child.

She liberated the cats from the utility room, then changed out of her jeans into her pajamas. She wanted to get to bed early. She'd need all her strength for the teachers' meetings tomorrow—and for the days ahead.

Curling up on the sofa with a copy of the English lit text, she yawned as she reread—as she did each fall—the introduction to the first unit of study. Keeping her eyes open was a challenge, and the book slid out of her lap.

When the doorbell rang, she reared up, looking around dazedly. What? Who? Had she fallen asleep? The bell pealed again.

She tiptoed to the door, amazed to find Grant Gilbert standing outside. Again? She reached for the robe lying on the back of the sofa and, glancing in the hall mirror to be sure she was presentable, opened the door.

Whatever Grant had intended to say had been lost apparently. “Oh. I…I'm sorry. You were in bed? I'd better leave.”

She checked her watch. It was only eight-fifteen. “I was planning an early evening, but not this early. Please come in.”

He hesitated. “You're sure? I don't want to intrude. I should've called first.”

She hid a smile. It amused her to see the normally self-possessed Grant flustered. She resisted the impulse to take his face between her hands and tell him it was all right. “Please. Come in.”

When he stepped across the threshold, Viola emerged from under the couch and twined herself between his feet, purring audibly. The look on his face was priceless. Pam chuckled. “You're not much of a cat lover?”

“Does that make me a bad person?” His features relaxed into a sheepish grin.

“Not exactly. But you'll have to demonstrate other redeeming qualities.”

He studied Viola, who refused to budge. “I would if I could move.”

Scooping up Viola and cuddling her, Pam settled cross-legged into the armchair. “There. You're free. Have a seat and tell me what brings you out on D-Day eve.”

“D-Day?” He plopped onto the sofa. “The invasion doesn't really start until next Tuesday when the students show up.”

“Okay, then. D-Day minus seven.” Despite the bantering, he seemed uncomfortable, crossing and recrossing his legs, then stretching them out in front of him, his arms spread-eagled along the back of the couch.

“Did you get to the doctor?”

“Not yet, but I will. Soon.”

“It's important to take care of yourself.”

For some reason, he seemed nervous, plucking the sofa fabric between his thumb and index finger. Surely he hadn't come over merely to inquire about her health. “How's the interviewing coming?”

“You don't want to know. ‘Disaster' about sums it
up. Nannies expect babies, not a hormone-driven fifteen-year-old.”

She leaned forward, clutching her knees. “So what are you going to do?”

“Throw myself on Shelley's mercy, I guess. Unless…” He shifted his weight and turned to look directly at her.

“Unless what?”

“I don't quite know how to suggest this.”

“Spit it out, that's how.”

He rose to his feet. “Nah, it's a crazy idea. I don't know what I was thinking.”

She went to him and guided him back to the sofa, then settled beside him. “Get it off your chest, Gilbert.”

“I didn't want to do it like this.” He looked miserable.

“Do what?”

He lifted her hand, studying her fingers, then said in a hoarse voice, “Propose.”

Her ears echoed with the word—a preposterous word.
Propose?
“Come again?” She leaned forward to be sure she had heard correctly.

“I should get on my knees, present you with a rose or something,” he went on lamely. “Isn't that how it's done?”

She held up her hand, as if asking for a time-out. “Wait a minute. Are you actually suggesting we get married?”

“I told you it was a crazy idea.” His shoulders slumped. “But I thought maybe we could work out some sort of arrangement. You need a father for your baby, I need a housekeeper. I know it wouldn't be easy, but…”

Chaotic thoughts whirled in Pam's head. “Marriage? That's a pretty extreme solution.”

“It was just a thought.”

For one idiotic moment Pam actually considered the idea. “Why would you be willing to marry me?”

“You'd be a great influence on Andy. Not a housekeeper, really. But Shelley would be off my case. Besides, if we were married, you could keep your job and you'd have a name for your baby's birth certificate.”

She sat speechless, skeptical, but helpless to ignore the benefits of his idea. Marriage was sacred. It was about much more than mutual convenience.

“We're friends,” he continued.

“That's a start,” she conceded.

“I'm suggesting a kind of open-ended arrangement, but it would help me out if we could agree to live together for at least a year. After that, Andy'll go back to his mother. So, come September, we can terminate our formal relationship. You know, we can—”

“Divorce?”

“Yes.”

“I don't know, Grant. It's a drastic step.” Just then, he put his arm around her shoulder. The embrace made her feel warm, protected—and unexpectedly fluttery, like when she was in junior high and the boy she had had a crush on smiled at her.

“It would be what we make of it.”

She looked up into his eyes, so serious yet hopeful. “Even if I were to entertain the notion, how would we ever carry it off?”

“You're the drama teacher. The imaginative one. Surely we could think of something.” He massaged the sore spot between her shoulders as he went on speaking.
“Somehow we'd have to convince everyone at school that we're so in love we acted on impulse.”

“What do you mean?

“It would make sense for us to be married this weekend. Before school starts. Before Andy comes. We could pass it off as a whirlwind courtship.”

“But…but…”

“You're right, they'd suspect. It's not like we have a dating history.” His hand stilled on her back.

“Weren't you here in town all summer?” She couldn't help herself. She was actually playing out the scenario in her mind.

“No. I attended a three-week coaches' clinic in Austin the end of July and the beginning of August.”

Pam studied the ceiling, wondering why fate was playing into their hands when she desperately needed a reason to say no. “I was there, too,” she said quietly.

“In Austin?”

“For summer school.”

He smiled for the first time since he'd arrived on her doorstep. “Do you think we might have fallen in love there?”

Her heart thudded. “It's possible,” she found herself whispering.

“I don't want you to think I'm using you. I would never do that. I would genuinely welcome your baby for whatever time we're together. In fact, if the kid needs a father—” He stopped as if he'd realized he was presuming too much. “I mean, well, my name would be on the birth certificate.”

Pam studied his face—the plane of his cheeks, the set of his mouth, the depth in his eyes. Implicitly she knew he would never hurt her or her baby. Outlandish as it was, his offer was tempting. A momentary panic
fluttered in her stomach. She needed time. “You've given me a lot to consider.”

He smiled. “Then you're not rejecting the proposal outright?”

“I should.” She took a deep breath. “But I can't.”

“If we're to pull this off, we don't have much time.”

“I know.”

“Tomorrow evening, then?”

Twenty-four hours to make a life-altering decision? Impossible. “Okay.”

He nodded thoughtfully, then excused himself. She trailed him to the door, her emotions in turmoil. Before leaving, he paused to say one last thing. “I would take good care of you, Pam.” Then he was gone.

She wandered back to the sofa, pulling the throw around her as a shield against all the doubts, anxieties, questions.

She had some serious thinking to do. Fast.

T
HE ONCOMING HEADLIGHTS
, the flashing neon of fast-food joints, the intricacies of traffic—none of it penetrated. Grant drove more by instinct than conscious action. Had he made an utter mess of things? What had seemed like a reasonable, if somewhat far-out suggestion an hour ago now could be categorized as sheer idiocy. Although he'd wanted to help Pam, too, she had to interpret his proposal as self-serving. And it was.

But not entirely for the obvious reasons.

The idea appealed to him on another level, one he wasn't yet ready to put into words. He'd dated lots of women since his divorce, one or two rather seriously. But none had been as fascinating to him as Pam, who embraced life and didn't give a darn what other people thought.

Turning onto his street, he tried viewing his neighborhood as Pam might. An older section of town with taller trees, these few blocks were in the process of making a comeback. Most of the houses, like his two-story, had been rehabbed by young professionals interested in preservation and renovation. A few, though, bore signs of neglect—fading paint, overgrown yards, seedy porch furniture. Would she be willing to move into his home? He hadn't even mentioned that restriction, but Andy needed the yard and neighborhood, not a cramped condominium. And what about the sleeping
arrangements? Swerving at the last minute to avoid a neighbor kid's bike abandoned in the gutter, he pulled into his driveway.

Sleeping arrangements? A sudden image of Pam's smooth, rosy-hued skin and full breasts unnerved him. He was a red-blooded male, for Pete's sake. Could he withstand the temptation? There was a vast difference between being a husband in name only and the real McCoy.

He parked the car and sat brooding. Was he nuts? He was acting as if this was a done deal when, in fact, Pam had to be wondering if he'd lost his mind. Heck, he was wondering that himself.

Well, the die was cast. He walked toward the house, experiencing the same kind of jitters he felt before a crucial game. While he was still unlocking the back door, he heard the phone. He caught it on the fourth ring. “Hello?”

“Where have you been? I've been trying to reach you for over an hour.”

Typical Shelley, always diving right in. No pleasantries. “I'm home now.” Darned if his whereabouts were any of her business. Especially tonight.

“We need to talk about Andy. Are we all set?”

“I think so.” He took a deep breath. “But I may have a delay on this end.”

“Delay?” With her emphasis, she managed to convey both incredulity and exasperation. “What delay?”

“I'll have someone, but she may not be in residence right when Andy comes.”

“We have an agreement, you know.”

“I know, but surely a few days won't matter. It's important that Andy begin school with the others. Bas
ketball practice for me doesn't start until mid-October, so I'll be around to supervise him.”

“Grant, don't you be pulling a fast one.”

Ordinarily he'd resent the hell out of that remark, but is that what he was doing? Pulling a fast one? “Like you, Shelley, I have Andy's best interests at heart.”

“I certainly hope so.” He could hear her long fingernails rat-a-tatting on the receiver. “All right, then. But as soon as you employ a housekeeper, I expect you to give me and my attorney the particulars—her name, social security number, and so on.”

For the first time since Grant had entertained the wild hope that Pam would accept his offer, he had an admittedly unworthy thought. He'd sacrifice a first-place finish in the prep league to see Shelley's face when he told her his housekeeper just happened to be his wife. “I'll be in touch.” He pulled a kitchen stool close and sat down. “Is Andy there? Could I speak to him?”

He waited for what seemed a long time while Shelley went to find their son. When Andy finally picked up, Grant could hear the frantic beat of a rap tune in the background. “Andy?”

“Yeah.”

“It's Dad. How're you doing, buddy?”

“Okay, I guess.”

“Looking forward to the move?”

“Oh, yeah, I'm jumping through hoops.”

So that's how it was.
“It's gotta be tough, leaving your friends and all.”

Nothing.

“I think you'll like Keystone, once you get used to it. I'm really looking forward to having you live with me this year.”

“Well, I have to stay somewhere.”

Like Fort Worth was the last alternative. “I'm glad that ‘somewhere' is with me.”

“Whatever.”

Andy wasn't going to let his father slip easily into his life. Hopefully things would be better when they could communicate face-to-face. Grant had dealt with surly, unhappy kids before, but the challenge was different when it was your own son. Could he rise to it? He had to. He might never have another chance. They talked then about the arrangements for meeting at the airport. Finally there didn't seem to be anything further to say. “Good night, son.”

“See ya.”

Grant hung up. Pam had to say yes. For so many reasons. Not the least of which was how lonely and helpless he felt.

 

T
UESDAY MORNING
the Student Council officers, the boys dressed in crisp khakis and sport shirts and the girls in sleeveless sundresses, greeted the teachers as they slowly filtered into the cafeteria for the coffee-and-doughnut reception preceding the kickoff faculty meeting. Pam stopped to chat with Brittany Thibault, the StuCo secretary, who had been in her junior English class last year.

“Can you believe it?” The girl gestured to the other officers. “We're actually seniors.”

Pam smiled. “Yes, I can believe it. The faculty's expecting great things from you.”

“We won't let you down.”

“Good. I'm counting on a nice, easy year.” At least at school. It was a cinch nothing else in her life would qualify as easy.

Connie caught up with her at the food line. “You're
in luck, Pam. They've got your gooey doughnuts with those disgusting sprinkles,” she said, reaching for a maple stick.

Pam eyed her favorite confection and realized that the nauseating whiff of freshly brewed coffee was up-ending her stomach. “I've eaten, so I'll settle for an apple.” She plucked the piece of fruit from a tray and bypassed the coffee.

Connie stirred a packet of sugar substitute into her own coffee. “What's up with you, caffeine addict?”

Pam waved her fingers airily. “Didn't I tell you? I'm on a health kick. All those veggie, whole-grain restaurants in Austin convinced me.” Surely that inspired explanation would satisfy Connie, because nothing right now sounded more purely revolting than black coffee.

“Gee, we'll have to be careful in the future about letting you out without a keeper. No coffee? That's practically sacrilege.”

Pam chomped down on the apple. “But think how healthy I'll be.”

After ten minutes of chitchat, Jim Campbell stepped to the microphone and asked everyone to take a seat. Out of the corner of her eye Pam saw Grant enter with a group of coaches. Why had she never noticed him before? Really noticed. He was by far the best-looking. He was the same tall, attractive, loose-limbed man he'd always been, but this morning she reacted to him in an entirely different and disturbing way. A physical way.

Before she could process that reaction, Jim Campbell began his opening remarks. He was a good speaker, mixing humor with motivational anecdotes. But today she couldn't concentrate on a word he was saying. A single thought kept drumming in her brain. Grant Gilbert was willing to marry her.

Looking around the room at her colleagues and the self-important Student Council officers, she was moved by a wave of love, nostalgia and regret that tripped her breath. How could she leave all of this?

But people don't get married to fulfill a bargain. She'd lain awake until the wee hours of the morning considering what was best for her child. If Grant was willing to give the baby his name, how could she refuse? Yet the logistics were overwhelming. How could they live together with Andy? Convince their friends and colleagues that they'd had a mad summer romance culminating in an elopement? And then carry on the charade every day for a year under intense scrutiny? She was a good actress, but this was an impossible role.

She studied Grant's profile. And what about him? He was candor personified. Such duplicity wasn't in his nature. They'd be discovered. And never mind that Andy sounded like anything but the ideal teenager. She wasn't afraid of that, exactly, but he was a big unknown in the equation.

No, it was too complicated, too devious, too desperate.

Then she thought about the tiny person growing in her womb. Who was she kidding? Was there such a thing as “too desperate”?

 

G
RANT COULDN'T HELP HIMSELF
. The first thing he did when he entered the cafeteria was scope out the room for Pam. She was sitting next to Connie Campbell, her face animated. From his vantage point, no one would guess Pam was weighed down by vital decisions.

Grant moved toward an empty row of seats near the podium. Just in time. Jim Campbell had begun his address—the usual welcomes and platitudes about having
a great year—but Grant had difficulty concentrating. All he could think about was his offer to Pam. Had expediency overwhelmed reason? Had he crossed some line between right and wrong?

Finally Jim's words penetrated. “…and so I urge you to give equal attention—or more—to the kids in your classes who, let's face it, try your patience. There's an old saying, ‘Children need love most when they seem not to deserve it.' It's easy to single out and enjoy the friendly, cooperative, motivated youngster. But as teachers, we have to go further. The boys and girls who need us most are often least capable of reaching out. They feel unappreciated, alienated, lonely. So here's my challenge to you for the coming year. Reach out to your students—all of them—so not one leaves us at the end of the day feeling ignored or unworthy.”

Grant shifted uncomfortably. Jim's remarks were hitting way too close to home. Parents could heed his words, as well. Is that how Andy felt? Alienated? Unappreciated? Would one year be enough to make a difference in their relationship?

He turned slightly in his chair to glance at Pam. She was staring at her lap, her shiny hair obscuring her face. Was it fair to burden her with his problems? Marriage was a huge step. Was he trying to kill a wasp with an atom bomb? Beside him Jack Liddy coughed. Sitting here, surrounded by his co-workers and friends, Grant felt truly crummy. How could he ever have entertained the idea of deceiving so many who trusted him? Sure, he wanted to help Pam. No infant deserved to come into the world with the label “illegitimate.” But he'd insinuated his own situation with Andy into her life. That wasn't fair.

With a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach, he made
a decision. His “solution” sucked. They'd have to find another way.

The meeting broke up shortly, and he managed to locate Pam in the hallway on her way to a department meeting. He fell in beside her. “Could we meet for dinner tonight?” Up close, he noticed the dark shadows under her eyes, the uncharacteristic paleness of her complexion. He felt like a cad. His proposition had probably led to a sleepless night for her, as it had for him.

She continued walking, looking straight ahead. “If we make it early.”

“How's six? I'll pick you up. Maybe I'll show off my barbecue skills.” Home would be good. They certainly didn't need to have their discussion in a public venue.

She paused outside her classroom and looked up at him. “Okay. We do need to get some things straight.”

He was drawn into the amber depths of her eyes and realized belatedly that he needed to say something. “Yes, we do. I'm afraid—”

“Is this where the English department meeting is?” A young man who looked scarcely old enough to shave paused in the doorway. “I'm Randy Selves, the new journalism teacher.”

“Yes, please go on in.” Pam shrugged apologetically. “Sorry, Grant, but I need—”

“No problem. See you tonight.” He watched her adopt a professional face and turn to address her department members.

He headed down the corridor toward the math meeting, for once not caring that he'd be late. Pam deserved the best. A man who would love and honor her.

His proposal had been ill-conceived. Unworthy of
her. But at least he'd figured that out before he made a huge mistake.

 

G
RANT HAD BEEN
ten minutes late to pick her up, but that had suited Pam fine. She'd laid out three different outfits, but none of them worked. They were too frilly or too loud or too…something. Then her hair decided to have a mind of its own. Finally in desperation, she'd pulled on purple crinkle-cloth slacks and the matching boat-necked caftan top, knotted her hair on top of her head, put in big gold hoop earrings and called it good. All the while, though, she'd wondered why she was going to such trouble. After all, Grant saw her every day at school. What difference did it make how she looked tonight?

Her attempts at small talk in the car had gone nowhere. He had seemed unusually preoccupied, though that was understandable given the nature of the serious conversation looming ahead of them.

“Here it is. My neighborhood.” He glanced at her, apparently expecting some sort of reaction.

“I love it when people rehab these beautiful older areas. There's much more individuality and artistic expression in these homes. I've never been a cookie-cutter subdivision kind of person. I bought my condo because it was the one thing close to school I could afford.”

“I needed a yard for the rare occasions when Andy visits. Although I had to do a lot of painting and refinishing, the basic structure of the house is sound.” He slowed in front of a two-story brick home with a full front porch and a detached garage. “Here we are.”