You're Teaching My Child What? (16 page)

I discovered that standard sex-ed curricula spend little time, if any, describing the emotional consequences that often follow a diagnosis of herpes or HPV. Kids don't hear about any of the anguish and drama. Educators often mention the hardships of living in a sexist and homophobic society, but rarely describe how devastating it is to discover blisters “down there,” to worry about cervical cancer, and to learn that these viruses might stick around—for a long, long time.

Students don't hear what men like learn2luv have to say, or the voices of women like “scaredjerseychic” or “regretsdonothing.” Sure, they're taught about the different bugs that are out there, and how millions of people are infected. They're told the experience “can be annoying.”
⁷
They learn some of the hard facts: transmission, testing, and treatment. But the gist of the message is that genital infections commonly occur, and that most people have one at some point in their lives. The only sure way to avoid them, kids are told, is to abstain from sexual behavior—forever.

That's right: kids are told the only way to completely avoid an STI, is never to have sex. Now, c'mon, who would do that?

Teens are repeatedly taught that STDs are nearly inevitable for any sexually active person. So just decrease the risk, they're advised: use condoms, get tested, and be honest with all your “partners.”
⁸

Excuse me?

It is a preposterous falsehood that the only way to avoid infection is lifelong celibacy. I've often come across such statements
⁹
in my review of sexuality education, but they never cease to astonish me. What's implied is that infections are a nearly inevitable consequence of being sexually active. Good grief! Here they go again, assuming that because something is common, it's normal.

We've all heard that the body is regularly host to countless bacteria—germs. While healthy internal organs—the heart, brain, uterus and so on—are free of bacteria, surface areas—like skin, the surface of the eye, mouth, nose, gastro-intestinal tract, vagina and so forth—are colonized by a huge number of them.

The mixture of bugs regularly found at any site is called the
normal flora
, and it's a win-win arrangement. We benefit from the bacteria, and they benefit from us.

However, STIs are not naturally found in the body.

Sexually transmitted infections occur only when an infected person comes in sexual contact with another person. Two uninfected people who are sexually active only with each other will
never
become infected with an STI. End of story.

Students can remain free of genital herpes, HPV, Chlamydia, HIV, and other bugs
without
joining a monastery and sexuality instructors know it. All sexually transmitted viruses and bacteria are
100 percent avoidable
without taking a lifelong vow of chastity. Why do they lead kids to believe they can't dodge these bugs?

As for the advice educators dish out about being honest with partners, I'm afraid that won't help much in staying free of infection.

You see, most people don't know they have an STI,
¹⁰
and most transmission of HPV and herpes occurs while the skin looks normal. So in addition to the millions who know they're infected, there's a group at least as large who don't know. To make matters worse, some infections are dormant for months or years before becoming active, as learntoluv discovered. While honest discussions with one's partners are commendable, their utility is limited. Worry instead about the flood of questions that typically follow a diagnosis:
Was it Lisa, Mandy, or someone else? Did it happen last month or last year? Did I pass the virus along to others? Who do I tell, and how? Will this affect having a family?
And perhaps the hardest question of all:
Who will want me now?

As for the almighty latex, condoms provide varying degrees of protection, from around 80–85 percent for HIV, to zero for HPV. It depends on the bug. HPV, herpes, and syphilis can live on the skin surrounding the genital area—areas a condom doesn't cover.

The medically accurate message is that
all
sexually transmitted infections, and the anguish that accompanies them,
are 100 percent avoidable.
A life free of herpes, warts, chlamydia, and the others is possible. One simply has to delay sexual behavior, find someone who also waited, and then be faithful to one another. Those fortunate enough to do so
never
have to worry about blisters, warts, and discharges; the
awkward sharing of “sexual histories”; what to tell and when; doctor's appointments and medications; getting poked, swabbed, stuck, and biopsied; and always wondering:
Am I getting another outbreak? Will blisters ruin my wedding? Will I give warts to my spouse? Will the virus affect my baby?

To teach kids the cold, dry facts about viral STDs—
40 million people have this one, one in four have the other
—but omit the dire emotional consequences that usually accompany them is a shameful whitewashing of an urgent national catastrophe. For many people, especially teens, the diagnosis is a devastating, life-changing event—the worst thing that's ever happened to them. To pretend that such an event is unavoidable is nothing short of irresponsible.

Perhaps, you might think, sex educators are just trying to downplay all drama? Not at all. SIECUS-endorsed websites—like sexetc. com—are replete with moving anecdotes: Jaclyn's lesbian moms had to wait years to marry
¹¹
(
It is part of the First Amendment
, teens are told,
it's freedom).
Tashina went to Wal-Mart for emergency contraception, only to discover the pharmacist didn't carry it, for moral reasons.
¹²

But for every Jaclyn and Tashina, how many more young adults are freaked out about having blisters and warts? How many regret their sexual behavior, and wish they could turn back time? Some studies indicate their numbers are significant.
¹³

In a comic on
gUrl.com
, “The Sex Mission,” a girl wants to have sex because she thinks she's the only virgin around.

Many teens responded to the comic. One girl wrote:

Why would sex educators spotlight one drama and ignore another? The answer is simple: their priority is not disease avoidance. It's to promote a specific worldview—
sex is not an appetite to be restricted—
and rally kids toward social change.

While the numbers of cases of sexually transmitted infections have swelled, especially the incurable herpes and HPV viruses, there has been a parallel increase in teen depression and self-injurious behavior, particularly among girls.
¹⁵
Isn't it time for sex educators, physicians, and mental health professionals to investigate a link?

Teens should be warned that for many people, the diagnosis of an STD is a nightmare, a complicated and confusing event that can disrupt their lives and return to wreak havoc years later. Learn2luv's discovery came while his wife was pregnant with their third child. They had been together for six years. For a teen, a first outbreak could occur before finals, SATs, or the prom. It can be the curve ball they're not expecting. It can happen at the worst time, and change everything.

“
I really need somebody's advice/help/comfort”
is the title of
all_alone23
's post. She was diagnosed with HPV over a year ago, but, she reports,
“It's still the only thing I can think about everyday.”
Her warts did not respond to standard treatments; now her doctor says they may be another STD. “I am so confused, and have pretty much lost all hope....I feel like I am going to be alone forever. I guess I just
look at myself as ‘ruined'....I can't even hang out with friends at the pool or beach because when I wear a bathing suit you can see them.”

“Do not underestimate the impact of [a herpes] diagnosis on your patients,” advises the medical director of a large STD Center in New York, “They will require extensive, thoughtful counseling . . . the physical impact of genital herpes is nothing compared to the psychological one.”
¹⁶

The scourge of genital infections alone is not to blame for the mental health crisis among teens and young adults. But it surely deserves a seat at the table. In a nationally representative sample of teens aged 15 to 17, the number one concern—expressed by more than 80 percent of them—was sexual health issues.
¹⁷
These epidemics are exacting a heavy toll on our youth. Platitudes such as “most people get these viruses at some point” and “usually it goes away” are irresponsible and foolish. For a young person who is already struggling emotionally with other issues, an abnormal Pap or STD diagnosis can lead to suicidal behavior. Where is the SIECUS or Planned Parenthood lesson plan about that?

As much as you've heard about HPV—the human papillomavirus that causes genital warts, abnormal Pap tests, and, very rarely, cervical cancer—you haven't heard it all.

First, the basics: HPV appears to be in many cases benign, it is extremely common in sexually active teen girls,
¹⁸
and infection is likely from one of their first “partners.”
¹⁹
About two out of three people who have sexual contact with a person with warts will also get them.
²⁰
After treatment, warts return in at least 25 percent of cases.
²¹

Much of the research about HPV in young people has been done at Washington State University. In one study,
²²
female students were followed after becoming sexually active. Of those who used condoms
consistently, 37 percent were infected with HPV after one year. The percentage for women who rarely used condoms was 89 percent.
²³
Another study at the same school identified a number of factors—such as being on the pill and smoking cigarettes—that placed women at higher risk for infection. Of these, the greatest hazard was having a “partner” with a history of prior sexual activity.
²⁴

Infection in virgins was rare, but possible. “Any type of non-penetrative sexual contact was associated with an increased risk of HPV infection in virgins.” Translation: the virus was sometimes passed along, even
without
intercourse.

A virgin with an STI—you don't hear much about
that
on sex ed websites. With kids being told they are “sexual” from cradle to grave, and provided with lists of “no-risk safer sex play,”
²⁵
it's worth taking note.

To understand why female students at Washington State had such high infection rates, the researchers decided to study male students. Here's some news I bet you never heard. Sixty-two percent of sexually active men
²⁶
had evidence of HPV. It was found both where you'd expect—in their genital region—and where you wouldn't: 32 percent
²⁷
had it under their fingernails.
²⁸

Yes, you read that right. The DNA of HPV, the virus that causes warts and cervical cancer, was found under young men's fingernails. Not the entire virus, just the DNA. It was “a surprise,” said one of the researchers, an epidemiologist.
²⁹
The significance? No one is certain, but it raises the possibility of HPV transmission by finger-to-genital contact.

You won't find news of this “surprise” on Planned Parenthood. They're still telling teens that “outercourse,” which includes “mutual masturbation,” is a safe alternative to intercourse.
³⁰

So what
are
the sex ed sites saying about HPV? Columbia's Alice offers some comforting advice: “... the only way to be 100 percent certain you don't get any infections is to not have any oral, vaginal or anal sex. Most people eventually decide to take the plunge and explore the joys of sex.”

At the website of the American Social Health Organization, a site recommended to young people by SIECUS, readers learn:

Reading these, our kids would never know that this infection is 100 percent avoidable—simply by waiting, then being faithful to someone who also waited. The closer they get to that ideal, the better.

But what about the new vaccine, Gardasil?
³²
You may already know that your daughter can be significantly protected against HPV if she gets the vaccine before becoming infected. That's probably true, but you need to know the whole story.

There are reasons to be hopeful that Gardasil will prevent a lot of disease, but it's not a done deal. Many critical questions remain. The drug has the potential of preventing disease in females who have not been exposed to four strains of HPV. It targets two of the approximately 19 types of high risk (i.e., associated with high grade cancers) HPV, which together are responsible for 70 percent of cervical cancers. It also targets two of the approximately 12 types of low risk (i.e., associated with warts and lowgrade cancers) HPV, which together are responsible for about 90 percent of warts.