Yours Always (12 page)

“Miss Savannah, you can’t wear that.”

“Why not?”

“Because!  What about this?” She holds up a more modest bikini, but it’s still not something I’m very comfortable wearing, especially if I’m going down water slides.

After much back and forth between the pros and cons of certain suits, a final decision is made, and I’m about to take my navy blue one piece to the register when I stop and face Molly.

“Why don’t you pick out a new suit for yourself?”

“What?  Really?” Molly asks.

I have the extra money thanks to Ben buying Grampy’s boat, plus I don’t usually have the opportunity to buy for others, so I act on it.  “Yes, it’s my way of thanking you for helping me to pick out my suit.”

“Thanks!” she says, bouncing up and down as she peruses the racks of swimsuits in the junior section.  My biological clock sounds a slight alarm.  With no nieces, nephews, or friends with children for me to spend time with, I’d pretty much ruled out children.  It’s an out of sight, out of mind kind of thing.  However, spending time with Molly has me yearning for the child who was taken from me. 
Lucas would be in school by now.  No uniform shopping, no shopping for school supplies, no taking him for a fresh haircut.  What I wouldn’t give to tousle that beautiful blond hair of his. No pep talk about how he’ll have so much fun making new friends. 
The feeling is so overwhelming that I can’t breathe.
  No watching him open Christmas presents.  No birthday celebrations.  I’ve been robbed of so much!  I used to be able to imagine his scent.  Can I even do that now?  Oh, my God!  I’m losing him all over again.

“Miss Savannah, are you okay?” Molly rescues me from my thoughts by tugging on my arm.

“Huh?  Oh, yeah… Yes, I’m okay,” I answer softly.

“Something’s wrong. I can tell.  Should I get Uncle Fletcher?”

“No!” I say louder than I intended.  “No, sweetheart.  Everything’s fine.  I was thinking about my little boy, that’s all.  I still get sad sometimes.  I’m sorry if I worried you.”

She rubs my forearm with her palm.  “It’s okay to be sad sometimes.  I still get sad when I think about my daddy, too.  Sometimes I cry all night because I miss him so much.  Please don’t tell my mom that, though.  She’ll worry about me, and she’ll ship me back to the therapist.  Crying helps me.  I cry, and cry, and cry, and then you know what?”

I shake my head.

“I think my daddy comes to me.”

“Really?  What makes you think that?”

“Because every time I do it, something happens that reminds me of him.  Like once, a teddy bear he gave me fell off my shelf and landed on top of me, like it was giving me a big hug.  And I’ve found things in my school bag that I didn’t put in there.  Things like that.  Also, I dream about him a lot.  Not things that have happened before, but new things that we do together.”

“That’s nice,” I say.  “I bet it makes you feel good when you get those signs.”

“Yep!  I’ll bet Lucas gives you signs, too.  Have you ever had any?”

I shake my head.  “No, sweetie.  I don’t think so.”

“Oh,” she says, a little forlornly.  “Maybe he will someday,” she says, perking up a bit.

“Maybe so.” I manage a half smile.  The panic I was experiencing slowly dissipates as I redirect my thoughts to checking out.  Molly takes my hand in hers as we leave the store, and instead of jerking back like I normally would, I give her hand a little squeeze.  A broad smile crosses my lips—I’m growing as a person, I’m casting off my demons, and it feels absolutely wonderful!

I’m seeing the world in a fresh light, and I’m no longer fighting new experiences.  I embrace them instead.  Take the water park for instance, hands down the best time I’ve probably ever had. The cool water offers relief from the scorching sun, and the rush felt while barreling down slide after slide has me begging for more.  Molly clings to my side while Fletcher hangs back just a bit.  I’m not sure if he isn’t enjoying it, or if he is simply trying to give us some “girl time.”  Regardless, it’s a day I’ll not soon forget.

I reflect on it all as I sit on the sofa, softly stroking Molly’s hair while she sleeps soundly.  Her head is nestled in my lap while her legs are draped across Fletcher’s lap.  Poor thing was so exhausted after the day at the water park that she keeled over in the middle of the movie we were watching while huddled on my sofa.  Neither Fletcher nor I have the heart to move her, so there we sit next to a relaxed Molly, undoubtedly dreaming of something carefree and happy judging from the smile on her lips.

“How long has she been out?” Fletcher asks, breaking the silence.

“I’m not sure.  I think we lost her somewhere around the horseback riding scene.”

“You think she’s out for the night?”

“Yeah, I think so.  She did a lot of walking, swimming, and climbing stairs today.”

“We all did,” Fletcher remarks, yawning as he raises his hands high above his head to stretch.

“I’ll get her pillow and blanket,” I whisper, carefully sliding her head off of my lap and onto the sofa cushion.  By the time I return from my bedroom, Fletcher has freed himself, as well, and is arranging the air mattress on the floor.

“I forgot to ask you, how is that?  Is it terrible?  I’ve never had a reason to use it before.”

“It’s fine.  Much better than sleeping on the floor.”

“Maybe we should have accepted Julia’s offer to stay at her place?”

“Nah, really, it’s okay.  Plus, Molly wanted to be here.  I think she just wanted to check things out because she’s nosy.”

I smile.  “Well, she’s probably disappointed because there’s not much to see here.”

“I can’t speak for Molly, but I happen to like what I see.”

It takes me a second to realize he’s talking about me, not my apartment, and my cheeks instantly redden. 
Do I or don’t I?
  He’s oblivious to my internal struggle as he arranges the sheets on the mattress, so I make a dash for the kitchen to finish thinking it through.  After a few deep breaths, I call him.

“Fletcher?”

“Hey, you called me?” he asks poking his head through the doorway.

“Yes, I did.  I, uh…”

He comes closer, his eyes searching mine for a hint of what I might need.  “What is it?  Is something wrong?” His voice is laden with concern.

He’s within inches of me when I finally manage to shake my head.  I don’t say anything; I reach my hand behind his neck and pull him closer, so close that my lips rest upon his.  He’s startled at first, but soon his palms rest on the sides of my face and he’s kissing me in a way that leaves me weak in the knees. 

“You have no idea how many times I’ve wanted to do this in the weeks we’ve known each other,” he says before kissing me again.  “I’ll never push you to do anything you’re not ready for, and it was absolute torture to see these full, beautiful lips and not be able to worship them properly.”

“I…”

“Shhh, don’t use words.  Show me what you’re feeling,” he says, lacing his fingers in mine.  I gently touch his face with my free hand before offering him my appreciation, my passion, my heart.  It’s only after our lips part that I realize our faces are damp from my tears. 

“You’ve helped me to feel again.  You’ve brought me to life, Fletcher.”

He shakes his head.  “You allowed yourself to feel again, Savannah.  It’s all you, sweetheart.”

“I’m still so scared, though.”  I debate that for a second.  “No, scared is an understatement.  I’m terrified, Fletcher.  I don’t know if I can handle anymore heartbreak.  It’ll surely crush me if it happens again.”

“Hey,” he says, tipping my chin so I’m forced to look him in the eye.  “I’m right here with you. If your heart gets broken, I assure you, it’s not going to be because of me.  We’re in this together, Savannah.  I’ve never felt this way about anyone, and I’m convinced that we’re meant to be together.  I’m not telling you this to intimidate you, or to rush you into anything.  I’ll wait forever if need be, but I’m going to be here, anticipating the day that you see it, too.”

I slowly nod my head as I brush away the fresh tears.  “It might take me a while.”

“No rush.”

“Thank you.  I… I’m pretty tired.  I guess I should probably go to bed now.  Goodnight, Fletcher,” I say, offering him one last kiss before leaving him in the kitchen.

“Goodnight, Savannah.  Sweet dreams,” Fletcher says with a smile that makes me feel assured that all is right with the world.

The next couple of weeks are a blur of wedding preparations, which I was assured wouldn’t be a big fuss, but is turning out to be quite the ordeal.  Work and the occasional date with Fletcher also fill my time.  I finally get an opportunity to launch Operation Rescue Lizzy from Diva Land and return her to the town of Reality.  Things begin to run quite smoothly after our little conversation, and I couldn’t be more relieved.

I work fewer hours since I’m no longer supporting Grampy, and I enjoy the free time with Fletcher.  I still find myself afraid, but even so, I continue giving the new experiences my all.  With each self-imposed obstacle I overcome, I feel more energized and passionate about living each day to the fullest.

One unusually crisp night, Fletcher picks me up for a date, and tells me that our destination is top secret. At first I’m intrigued, but when he drives his truck down a dark, secluded trail, I begin to get a little nervous. He stops the truck once we enter a clearing, and I’m unsure what’s going through his mind. He pulls a blanket and two pillows from the back of the cab, and I become so nervous that my stomach quivers.

“Come on.  Let’s go stargazing.” 

“What?  You drove me out here to look at stars?” I ask, relaxing somewhat while following him to the back of the truck.

“Yep, but we don’t have to stay if you’re feeling uncomfortable.”

“No, it’s fine.  It’s such a beautiful sight.  I’ve never seen so many stars,” I say, slowly twirling to take in the massive night sky.  He lowers the tailgate and places the bedding in the back of his pick up, then gives me a boost up.  We lie there for hours holding hands and talking about anything and everything while admiring the cosmos.  We’re discussing our desire to travel when Fletcher rolls onto his side and props himself to look down at me.

“Nothing’s stopping us.  You know that, right?  It’s just you and me, sweetheart.  We’re gonna conquer the world, and there’s not a thing that can stop us as long as we’re together.”

I reach up to touch his face.  “You promise?”

“Absolutely,” he assures me before lying flat on his back and tucking his hands under his head.  I roll to snuggle against him, and his hand falls to cup my lower back.

“Where are we going first?”

“Alaska?  We could see some glaciers, pet a moose or two…”

I laugh.  “I’ve always wanted to participate in one of those dolphin encounters.  I love dolphins so much.  My secret dream was to become a trainer.”

“Then we’ll go to the Bahamas first, and you’ll have that dolphin encounter.  I want to make all of your dreams come true.  What else ya got?”

“I don’t know.  Some of them are absolutely silly now that I’m a grown woman.  Most of my dreams were contrived when I was a kid.  Once I reached adulthood, I quit wasting time on silly daydreams because they depressed me too much.”

“Come on.  Tell me some of them.  It doesn’t matter if they’re from your childhood,” Fletcher encourages.

“They’re really silly.”

“Let me be the judge of that.  Come on.  Tell me.”

“Well, I used to dream of having a princess party where guests would show up in gowns and tiaras.  See, I told you they’re a waste of time and extremely stupid now that I’m an adult.”

“Stop being so negative.  I know there are more fantasies.  Think back.”

I grow serious.  “I used to dream that someone would come along, someone like a distant aunt or cousin, who would actually love me and want to raise me.  Once I got older, that dream shifted to anyone who would take me away from that house.  It’s what I wished for the most, and I think that’s why I settled with Paul.  I saw him as a way to escape my parents’ house, but look at what it cost me.  I’d have been so much better off by simply staying alone.”

“We can’t change our pasts, but we can write our own futures.  I want your future to include me.  What do you think about that?”

I smile. “I think it’s a good idea.”

“Good or great?” he jokes.

“I guess time will tell,” I tease back.

His demeanor turns very serious, and he slowly raises a finger to touch my chin.  “Savannah, it’s time that you know just how hard I’ve fallen for you.  The day you answered my call, you turned my world upside down, and everything has finally fallen into place for me.  You’re my angel, and I love you.  I’m so madly in love with you that you’re all I think about.  I want to spend my days making you happy because that’s what makes me happy.  It’s love—one hundred percent unconditional love that I have for you.”

“You just said the ‘L’ word, and you said it a lot,” I say with disbelief.

“Yes, I did, and I’m going to say it again.  I love you, Savannah.  You’re the reason I wake up smiling, and the reason I fall asleep with a smile, too.  I hope the feeling is mutual, because I hate to tell you this, you’re not getting rid of me now.”

“Fletcher,” I let his name hang in the darkness for a little while.  “I…I,” I stutter before giving up on saying anything verbally.  I decide to show him how I feel instead.  Rolling so my body is on top of his, I give my heart permission to open up to him as I softly press my lips against his.

“Oh, Savannah,” he whispers into my ear, “please kiss me like that again.”  He gently pulls against the back of my thighs so my body lies flush against his.  He’s every bit as passionate with his show of love for me, and before I fully comprehend what is happening, I find myself naked with a man for the first time in years.

“Fletcher, I haven’t…”

“Shhhh, unless you’re going to tell me to stop, it’s not important,” he mumbles as he leaves a soft trail of kisses across my collar bone.  “I’ll go slowly, I promise, but only if you truly want this?  You have to want me.”  His eyes search mine for the tiniest hint of hesitation.

“I do.  I want you, Fletcher.  I need you,” I admit, caving to the carnal desire.  With a gentle touch, he slowly acquaints himself with all of the curves and lines of my body.  My skin prickles with goose bumps, but inside I’m burning with desire.  I’ve been with other men, but experiencing these intense emotions along with the physical sensations of sex is foreign to me, and it’s absolutely incredible.  I’ve missed out on so much all these lonely years.  Fletcher makes me feel beautiful, sensual, and most of all, loved.

I want to show him pleasure and make him feel as special as he’s making me feel.  Under the brightness of the moon, we become one flesh, and I’m carried away to a world that until now has only existed in my deepest fantasies.  The sensations: his lips searing against my sensitive flesh, his hands roaming my most intimate places, his manliness filling me to my core, and his passion consuming every bit of the desire that I hold—they’re overwhelming and magnificent.  I can’t hold it in anymore.  In the midst of our lovemaking, I cry out into the night, repeatedly professing my love for the man who has awakened my soul.  My old life is gone.  Fletcher Reilly has captured my heart, and now it’s his forever.

The morning of Lizzy and Ben’s wedding arrives, and Fletcher picks me up from my apartment bright and early.  I’m dressed in the typical shorts and t-shirt combo, but I have my dress, which is tucked away safely in the garment bag slung over my shoulder.  I hop into the truck and give Fletcher a quick kiss before buckling my seatbelt. 

Even though the affair has limited guests, it’s completely abuzz with activity.  Caterers unload crates from the back of a black van, a rental company sets up tables and chairs at various spots on the lawn, a huge white tent is being set up to provide shade during the reception, and at the hub of all of the activity is none other than Lizzy’s mother, Prissy Cole.  Prissy’s dressed in white from her wide brimmed hat to down to her strappy sandals.  Her ample girth is tucked into layers of spandex, covered by white knit pants, a white sleeveless blouse, and a wispy white over shirt.  A thick gold chain wraps around her even thicker neck, while gold hoops peep from behind her puffy platinum hair.

“Oh, Savannah, my darling!  Look at you!  It’s been far too long, my dear.  You look amazing, and you’re absolutely ravishing!  I presume that this very handsome young man is the reason for that?”  She flirtatiously smiles at Fletcher.  “How nice to meet you.  I’m Prissy Cole, Elizabeth’s mother.  Who might you be?”