Yowler Foul-Up (22 page)

“House?”

“Razors.”

“Oh, dear me, really?”

Modeset ignored the archivist’s sudden intake of breath, and nodded.

“Yes,
really.
”

“Very well, then. Here it is! The notes below each name are mine. You understand: I do so like to keep things up to date.”

The archivist tottered back to the duke and deposited a heavy book in his lap. It was open at the correct page.

Modeset allowed himself a smile as his gaze spilled over the text:

CRESTWELL SENIORS:

LEAVING YEAR 985 HOUSE OF RAZORS

OZRYK, SHELMETH

[became Earl of Beanstalk 991, died, 993 (poisoning)]

CURFEW, RAVIS

[heir to the throne of Dullitch, ascended following Duke Modeset’s expulsion from the city, 1002]

SAPP, VADNEY

[heir to the throne of Crust, disappeared in mysterious circumstances, 995]

DIVEAL, SORRY

[trained as a sorcerer in Shinbone, then went bad and tried to destroy the town: fled when reinforcements arrived from Crust. Disappeared, 1001]

VISCERAL, VORTAIN

[trained as a sorcerer in Shinbone, then ascended to the throne in Spittle, 990; found religion and helped to banish sorcery as a legal pursuit in Illmoor]

BLOOD, VIKTARR

[crown prince of Legrash, took the throne shortly after leaving Crestwell, 986]

MUTTKNUCKLES, JIVE

[heir to the Barony of Sneeze. Left Crestwell, then ran away when his father died, in 987, and had to be dragged back and chained to the throne in order to rule. Has enjoyed a reluctant (but peaceful) reign]

Modeset swallowed as his eyes found the last entry on the page:

MODESET, VANDRE

[heir to the throne of Dullitch, ascended to rule the capital in 986, following the death of Duke Edwyn Vitkins (uncle), but was firmly ejected during the infamous “rat catastrophe” in 1002. Currently in disgrace, though rumored to be a sure bet for the “complimentary” chair of the Great Assembly. Owns an ancestral home in the district of Fogrise, but remains the only living lord without a city.]

Modeset read the last line through twice before slamming the book shut, his eyes welling up as the truth of the statement bit into his soul.
The only living lord without a city.
How had it come to this?

Modeset shut his eyes, ignoring the archivist’s incessant chatter, and tried to focus on the positives. As far as he could determine, he had three things going for him: a loyal manservant, a plan to rid the continent of an unwanted menace, and … and … and a healthy dog. The rest would come. He
would
rule again. As his father so often used to say, an opportunity would present itself …

Buy
The Shadewell Shenanigans
Now!

M
Y MOTHER, BARBARA ANN
Stone, who watched me craft this book and prizes it above all others. My girlfriend, Chiara Louisa Tripodi, the rock of support to which I regularly anchor. Thanks also to Anne McNeil, who’s lived in Illmoor almost as long as I have; and Joanna Solomon, who ably assists her. Finally, I must mention the legendary Irish comedian, Dave Allen, my first inspiration in the world of comedy writing. From the age of eight I listened to Dave describe life in his own inimitable style: nobody did it better. Dave, I’m glad you’re still at large—this one’s for you! (I’d also like to thank Susan Williams for obtaining Dave’s permission to mention him here!)

All rights reserved, including without limitation the right to reproduce this ebook or any portion thereof in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of the publisher.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, events, and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, businesses, companies, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

Copyright © 2003 by David Lee Stone

Cover design by Mauricio Diaz

Cover Illustration by Bob Lea

978-1-4804-6148-2

This edition published in 2014 by Open Road Integrated Media, Inc.

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