Zombie Rules (Book 3): ZFINITY (12 page)

“This brings back memories,” Janine said between mouthfuls.

“We try hard, but unfortunately, we’re running out of coffee. We’re going to have to find another coffee shop to raid,” I slid a jar of honey toward her. “Those eggs taste really good with a healthy dollop of this,” I said casually. The three of them gasped in unison. Julie and Andie chuckled.

Fred, Tommy, and Joe, came in a few minutes later and joined us. Tommy ran in, kissed his sister sloppily and dragged a chair up to the table.

“Tommy is Julie’s little brother,” I explained. “Fred and Joe met in West Memphis, and Fred brought him home. They all live together now.”

Fred took his cowboy hat off, set it on the kitchen counter, and ruffled Andie’s hair before he sat down. Andie responded by rolling her eyes at him.

“Are Terry and Rowdy joining us this morning?” he asked.

Andie shook her head. “They went to the school. Those two idiots are on the prowl.”

Julie giggled. “If those women knew what a stud Zach and Fred are, they’d be here every day,” she finished off a piece of bacon and smiled sweetly. “Oh, by the way, my sexy husband must have Superman sperm, I’m pregnant again.”

I froze with a forkful of eggs halfway up to my mouth. The expression on everyone’s faces told me I wasn’t the last one to find out, for a change. Fred reached out and offered his hand. As I shook it, everyone offered their congratulations. Julie beamed as I muttered my thanks and wondered if there was any alcohol in the house.

I took a deep breath and looked at my son, who was happily munching on something. “Did you hear that? You’re going to have a little brother.”

Julie reached over and punched me in the arm. “He’s going to have a little sister.”

I took a cold bath before bed and as I was drying off a thought sprung into my mind. I got a hand mirror, and with the aid of a lamp, hiked one leg up on the bathroom counter and began inspecting my genitalia.

“What in the world are you doing?” Julie asked. I looked up to see her standing in the doorway staring at me with a puzzled expression.

“Anogenital distance,” I replied. Julie’s puzzled expression intensified.

“Oh sure, everyone knows what that is,” she replied sarcastically.

“It’s the distance from the anus to the base of the penis. I’ve no idea how they came up with the idea, but someone decided to conduct a study. They decided the length of the anogenital distance is linked to fertility in males. Men with a median length of two inches or more tend to be more fertile,” I put my leg down and looked to see if Julie was bored yet.

“So,” she said as she walked into the bathroom, dropped to her knees, and started inspecting me closely, “you think your anal distance is longer than normal.”

I was about to correct her verbiage, but before I could, she began fondling me. I felt myself getting aroused and let out an involuntary moan.

“All I know is when I do this, you get worked up. When you get worked up, I get worked up,” she looked at me coyly before abruptly standing and taking her nightshirt off. As I followed her to bed, I decided my anogenital distance was unimportant.

As I drove on Concord Road and came within eyesight of the bridge, I realized something was wrong. The telehandler, along with the cage, were both missing.

Gone.

Nowhere to be seen.

“Shit,” I muttered angrily and accelerated toward the school.

“Where the hell did the zombie go?” Terry asked.

“Those two damned psychologists,” I said as an answer.

The two men were standing at the entrance, waiting for us as we got out of the truck. I was pissed, as in seeing red, I was so pissed. Terry must have sensed it. He ran ahead and then stepped in front of me with his arms out.

“Zach, I’ve seen you this way before. They’re no match for you, you’ll kill them,” he said in an urgent hushed tone. I stood looking at Terry and realized I was breathing heavily and clenching my fists.

“Is that what you want to do, Zach? Beat the hell out of us?” Ward had walked out and was now standing a few feet away while Marc remained cowering in the doorway. “It won’t take much, you know we’re not fighters, so go ahead, beat us to a pulp if it will make you feel better.”

Terry shook his head slowly. It took me a full minute to get my temper under control. Ward stood there also, silently watching me.

“You want to tell me why you did such an idiotic thing?” I asked.

Ward had a habit of making a tisking sound with his tongue before he spoke. It was a mannerism which I found annoying, even more so now.

“Are you familiar with the expression, unconditional positive regard?”

I replied with a small nod. “A humanistic theory in which it is believed all people need human contact, interaction, and acceptance, and if given a basic support and acceptance of a person, regardless of what they say or do, a person can be treated and change for the better.”

Ward’s eyes lit up. “Yes, Zach, that’s it exactly! I see you’re familiar with Carl Rogers.”

“Oh, I’ve read his stuff, and I’ve even read some stuff by Irvin Yalom. They’re both highly intelligent men, no doubt about it.”

“So you understand then,” Ward said with a small, hopeful smile, “with the proper treatment, we believe we can restore his humanity.”

I shook my head angrily. “I understand one thing, Ward. When Rogers and Yalom were positing their theories, they were talking about people, real people, not monsters. These things will never get their humanity back. They’re beyond any hope,” when I said it, Ward’s smile vanished and he looked downright heartbroken.

“Are you going to tell me where you’re hiding him?” I asked. Ward bit his lower lip and shook his head.

I forced myself to take some slow deep breaths, and nodded. “Alright, I suppose I understand your resolve, but I want you to understand this. If that thing escapes, and he will, you better hope to God that he doesn’t harm any member of my family. In the meantime, it would be best for the two of you not to come anywhere near me. Now, go inside and tell Benny we want to see him.”

Ward hurried off without replying, and a minute later, Benny came outside. He was followed by Tonya and Carla.

“Ward said you just threatened him,” he said worriedly.

“It was a conditional threat, Benny. They think their pet zombie is like a little stray puppy dog that has been abused, and all it needs is love and understanding. I hope you don’t think the same.”

Benny glanced behind him and shook his head. “Hell no, those things eat people,” he frowned as he looked at me. “I see your face, you think I know where it is,” he shook his head. “I don’t know where it is, Zach.”

I stared at him for a long ten seconds. Satisfied he was telling the truth, I sighed. “The more I talk about those two, the madder I get, let’s change the subject. How are you guys doing?”

Benny shrugged. “We’re progressing, slowly but surely. We’re all moved in, but we still have a long way to go. We could also use some more food.”

“I’d also like a list of your food inventory,” Carla added.

“Sure,” Terry responded, “that’ll be no problem.”

I suppressed a snort of contempt and felt my blood rising again. Our food inventory was none of her business. They looked at me expectantly.

“We can discuss it, but I’ll have to say this. The last time I ate dinner with you guys, I saw a lot of uneaten food being thrown away. It was blatant wastefulness.”

I waited for a response from either of them, but instead of expressing regret or any attempt to rationalize their actions, they simply remained quiet.

“Well, I’m sure we have many issues to discuss,” Terry said. “Perhaps we need to schedule a group meeting. In the meantime, our main reason for coming this morning is to discuss with you guys a project of clearing out any remaining zombies in this immediate area.”

“I thought you guys had already done it,” Tonya said.

“We thought so too,” I responded, “but the other evening, when we were going home, we encountered four of the nasty critters in an area we had previously cleared. This is something we need to do for the safety of everyone and we need to do it while it’s still cold. Zombies don’t move very well when it’s cold, which is rule number five by the way. Plus, when spring comes, we’re going to have a lot of work to do with farming and gardening.”

“Zach wants to triple our crop production,” Terry added.

“I do, and with everyone pitching in, we can do it. So, the plan is this, we form up a group, go house to house from here all the way back to our farm, and clear every house in between. Terry and I have worked out the details.”

I reached into the truck and retrieved a map. As I straightened, I saw Marc peeking at us out of one of the windows. The sight of him made me clench my teeth. I was getting angry again.

“Why don’t y’all go inside where it’s warm and discuss it further. I’m going for a walk and cool down,” I grabbed my rifle and a walkie-talkie. “Shout at me on the radio when you’re ready to go,” I said to Terry, handed the map to him, and walked off without waiting for a response.

I walked to the spot on the bridge where the zombie was caged and saw some scrapes where they had drug the cage away, presumably with the Cat. Although I was no tracking expert, it was plain to see which direction they took. I walked back east, thinking of where they would hide a telehandler, and a six foot by six foot cage containing a zombie. They wouldn’t have travelled far. Those two chunky butts would want him close by so they wouldn’t have to ride far.

I stopped for a moment and thought, where would two goofy psychologists attempt to hide a big, yellow piece of machinery and a man-sized cage with a zombie inside? I went with my first hunch, which was a nearby park.

I arrived at the entrance ten minutes later. It was overgrown with weeds and bushes. Nobody used it, at least not lately, and it was in close proximity. I could plainly see large tire tracks at the entrance where no vehicle had traveled in over a year. Bingo.

I moved the selector from safe to fire on my AR15 as I walked to the rear of the park, shaking my head in exasperation. The two psychologists should stick to academia and counselling. The big, yellow piece of machinery, although parked behind some trees, stuck out like a turd in a punchbowl. I worked my way around so I would have a good line of fire on the occupant of the cage. As I got closer, the muscles in my neck constricted. Much to my chagrin, the cage was empty.

I brought my assault rifle to bear and quickly made a sweeping three-sixty, fully expecting to be attacked at any second. Satisfied the hulking behemoth was nowhere around, I inspected the locking mechanism on the cage door. There was no intelligent design noted, no special lock picking tool fabricated from bones of the dead rats he’d been feeding on and glued together zombie shit. Nope, none of that.

It looked like the big motherfucker simply banged and pushed on the cage until the lock mechanism broke. There was tissue and black ooze all over. I imagine he caused himself a lot of damage in his effort to get out, much like a wolf chewing its leg off in order to escape a trap.

I walked back out to the roadway and called Terry on the radio. He drove up five minutes later. Anthony and Carla were riding with him. I wasn’t surprised, but for some reason, their presence irritated me.

“What’s going on?” Terry asked. I pointed over my shoulder with my thumb and explained.

“The two dumb shits tried hiding the zombie back there in the tree line. It’s escaped. I’m going on a little walk and find it. Do me a favor and don’t tell Julie. I’ll explain it to her when I get back,” I said as I grabbed a camel back filled that was still a quarter full of water, an MRE pack, and night vision goggles out of the back of the truck.

“Wait, you’re going to hunt it?” Anthony asked incredulously.

I looked at the three of them. “This one is dangerous. The faster I find it and kill it, the safer all of us will be,” I focused back on Terry. “Maybe you should go get Fred. Fill him in and tell him I’m following its tracks.”

Terry nodded. “Do you want me to go with you?” he asked. I shook my head. He started to argue, but then decided against it. “You be careful, bro.”

I overheard them talking as I walked away.

“Is he seriously going to hunt that thing by himself?” Carla questioned. Apparently, Terry nodded or gave some other indication. “He’s crazy,” she said in a half-whisper.

I grunted to myself as I walked away from them. Carla was probably right, but I knew this was something which had to be done.

When I returned to the cage, the distinctive track of the zombie’s running shoes was easy to spot. Instead of walking along the pavement back to the roadway, which would have been the path of least resistance, it headed off into the thick woods.

“You may be violating rule number ten, but you’re not smart enough to hide your tracks, are you big boy,” I said under my breath. No matter what the two esteemed psychologists thought of their new friend, he wasn’t very smart.

Unless he wants to be followed
, a little voice in the back of my head whispered. I shrugged it off. Whether or not he was leading me along, and if he had a specific destination in mind, I had no idea.

It didn’t matter. I wanted him, and the only way to get him was to follow. The tracks led due south. I started off and followed slowly, cautiously. His walking pattern was curious. He’d walk forward, veer left, veer right, but always reoriented himself in a southerly direction. I was a novice when it came to tracking, but one thing was certain, a blind man could follow this trail.

The tracks finally emerged out of the woods and continued through the backyard of a home. I crouched behind a large hickory tree and studied the house for several minutes. It was a Spanish style motif, fairly large, somewhere around five thousand square feet I estimated. The bottom floor had two sets of sliding glass doors leading out to a large patio and swimming pool. One of the doors was standing open.

Seeing neither movement nor a big ugly fucker pointing at me, I hurried across the yard to the patio. Looking around, I absently marveled at the set up. There was an outdoor bar complete with a stainless steel grill and a beer tap. The pool was full of water, which was covered with a thick layer of green algae, but at one time, I’m sure it was an awesome place for a party. The terra cotta tile was dirty and there was a distinctive path of multiple muddy footprints leading inside.

My mind was flooded with questions. Did the zombie go to this house on purpose? Did he open the door himself, or was it already open? Why did he go inside? Did he have zombie friends inside? What the hell was I doing here by myself?

Terry could have come with me. Hell, I could have waited for Fred and Rowdy, but no, I wanted to do this alone. This one, this particular zombie, he unnerved me and my ego compelled me to do something about it. Drawing a deep breath, I walked toward the door.

*****

Terry watched Zach disappear into the woods, and after a moment, he glanced over at Anthony and Carla. He didn’t think much of Anthony. He was physically fit, but he seemed soft, weak, with a perpetual hang dog expression and eyes like a weasel, darting back and forth constantly.

He cast a quick glance at Carla. She was a looker with a nice body. He found himself thinking constantly of wanting to get inside those pants, and he had an inkling Carla wouldn’t mind letting him in. He caught Zach’s look this morning and realized he somehow knew what Terry was thinking, but kept his opinion to himself. Terry knew he should have insisted on going with Zach. Watched his back, that’s what friends did for one another.

“Shit,” he muttered. He started the truck, threw it into gear, and sped down Concord Road.

“What are you doing?” Carla asked.

“We’ve got to get Fred,” Terry responded. He increased the speed as he reached for the CB microphone.

*****

From the appearance of dust and dried dirt on the door jamb, it appeared the door had been standing open for quite a while, so at least one question was answered. I entered the house using a technique Rick taught me called slicing the pie. Taking one small side step at a time, I moved across the entrance of the door, scanning the room. Seeing no threat, I darted in and ran across to the far wall in case the bastard was hiding in a blind spot by the door.