Zombie Theorem (Book 1): The Culling (10 page)

Brian was there in a flash, he reached out grabbed my hand and pulled me to my feet and out of the way. Brian was mad and I was glad to be away from him. He grabbed the door and launched it into the office, out of his way. He reached down and lifted the man off the floor and slammed him ruthlessly against the bathroom wall. Brian had used a towel to secure the guy’s wrists with some specialty knot. All I can do is a bow when tying my shoe so I had no idea what kind of knot he used, probably something he learned in the Marines.

The man was yelling in between sobs of pain. “Shut the fuck up before I break your scrawny little neck in half.” Brian whispered into his ear. That shut him up quickly. Hell it shut me up and he didn’t even say it to me. He just said it with so much venom that I figured you never know. “Hey Dan look this fucker over and see if he was bitten.” Brian lifted the man off his feet turning him around in the air then planting him back down on his feet so I could get an all-around look.

I saw a bite on his right wrist up high. He had pulled his shirt sleeve down trying to staunch the blood. He had another one on the left calf muscle. I informed Brian and he threw the guy against the wall hard shaking the whole bathroom.

“Look you piece of whale shit, I’m not very happy you shot me in the arm and I took that very hard. So I’m not gonna be very nice back to you. Answer my questions and I’ll end your life quickly. Lie to me and I will take you to realms of pain you never knew existed. Now all we want is the sat phone and maybe some water.” Brian had said this in a voice I had never heard from him before. Shit I would’ve given him my grandmother’s safe number if he asked with that voice.

The guy took a little too long to answer so Brian reached out and twisted the man’s left wrist, sounds like corn popping issuing forth. “I said I was not in the mood right?” The man screamed out loud and Brian smacked him lightly in the back of the head. “Stop being a pussy, hell, you shot me and you don’t see me crying do you?”

“The sat phone is broken. I tried to use it yesterday but it wouldn’t turn on.” He squealed out.

“How did it break?” Brian asked.

The man squirmed in obvious pain. “I was pouring some bourbon and I knocked the phone off the desk and it fell into my garbage can. Then I lost hold of the bottle and it fell into the can, submerging the phone in its contents. It was wet when I turned it on, it flickered for a second and now won’t come back on. I was mad so I threw it back into the can. See it’s over there by the far side of the desk.” He was really starting to squirm now. “Hey if you guys help me get out, I’ll pay you a lot of money, I’ll even promote you to vice presidents. What do you say?” 

I looked at Brian with disgust on my face and nodded at the guy. “I’m sorry but we tender our resignations ass hat.” With that Brian broke the man’s neck and laid him in the shower stall. “You want to do the honors?”

I nodded yes and grabbed my trusty bent spike. I squished through the eye and made brain pudding. We both walked back into the office and lowered ourselves onto the leather couch by the door.  We were both lost in our own thoughts.

“So, what the fuck do we do now?” I asked.

“I’ve got no idea Boss, I’m out of ideas. We have nothing to take downstairs to share as a win like we set out to do. We did find Lisa but that does not have a happy ending.” Brian intoned.

“We could go up to the 48th floor. It’s a much smaller floor plan, has a nice conference room looking over the entire bay and it has access to the roof wings on the sides of the building.” I got up and started rifling through the guy’s desk and pulled out an LED flashlight that I turned on and was greeted with a bright light. I also picked up the gun and ammo and handed them to Brian, then headed over to the wet bar set, “What’s your poison?”

“Scotch, bourbon, and whiskey in that order.” He gave me a smile and started checking out the gun.
He chambered a round then dropped the magazine from the magwell, to top it off, now he was loaded and ready.
He got up and retrieved the empty magazine off the floor by the desk and the one in the bathroom he had noticed after ending the man’s misery. He reloaded each one and put them next to him and the gun on the couch.

I handed him a large bottle filled with an amber liquid. “That's Macallan 1939 it's like 40 years old and priced around $10,000 a bottle. I guess I will be drinking fine tonight. What did you find?” Brian said appraising the bottle of amber liquid.

“I have no idea; it says Taylor Fladgate 1965 single harvest port. Sounds good, oh and I found these.” I held up four big cigars with rings that proudly announced Cohibas.

“Hell yeah that’s what I’m saying.” He smiled wide and reached out for the cigars.

I handed him two and put mine in my breast pocket. I went back and grabbed the hurricane lighter from the bar. “I wonder what this fucker was eating.”

Brian got up and starting going through the desk and cabinets. “I found a small bag of jelly beans and a box of crackers.”

“It’s only been like 30 hours Brian, maybe he was just drinking alcohol. That would explain why he wasn’t thinking right.” I suggested.

“I’m not going to drink or spend any more time in here. Let’s move back to the other office. There is less blood and corpses in there. You can have the executive chair in there I’m taking this guy’s throne chair.” He got up walked over placed his gun, ammo, scotch, and cigars on it. He lifted it over the bodies and then wheeled it out of the office.

I just stood there and watched him go. I grabbed my bottle, the bag of jelly beans and crackers and followed him to the other office. I placed my newly found treasures on the desk, turned around and shut the door and locked it before taking a seat on the leather chair by the window “I figured you never know right. If I get drunk I don’t want to worry about someone coming in to eat me.”

I took the foil off the top of the bottle and sat staring at a cork. Brian started laughing at me then reached into his pocket and took the cork screw out of his pocket and flipped me off. I threw a pen at him, that he dodged easily. “I figured you would need it.” He pulled the cork out of my bottle then his and took a healthy swig.

I sat on my chair lit my cigar and put my feet on the desk. Took a puff, a big swig on my bottle of port and let all the day’s stress go. I looked over and saw Brian mimicking me.

“So Brian I never got a chance to know you very much till today. Did you join the military right out of high school?” I eyed him over my cigar.

Brian took another couple of puffs off his cigar and a big swig from his scotch. “I usually don’t talk much about my life.” He took another puff and stared at me for a hard five count. “My father was in the forces and we moved a lot. I was always getting in trouble because I was always the new kid. So my mom took me out of public school and home schooled me instead. I studied and learned more than I ever would have at school. When dad came home from work he would take me out shooting and took me to the base gym. He said other kids joined sports to stay in shape so dad had me lifting weights and running with him. By the time I was 13, I was running five miles a day keeping up with the old man. At 17 I had enough credits to graduate from homeschooling. I refused to take the SAT and instead had Dad sign a letter allowing me to join the Marines a year early.”

He stopped his story and took another big hit off his bottle and cigar. I could see a little glazing covering his eyes. “Since Dad trained me in military history, tactics, guns and physical training, I sailed through boot camp. Afterward I joined my platoon and was pretty much shipped out to Iraq. I trained with my team and did some things, was involved in some firefights. I came home, was promoted and given my own fire team and sent out to Afghanistan. While there we climbed through a bunch of mountains, explored some tunnels, shot some people, and got shot at. When I came home I took some college courses got my Bachelors in Project Management. I was tired of being shot at so I got my discharge, came here to San Fran and got this job. I know, not much detail. I really don’t like talking about my time over there.” He took some more puffs of cigar and drank more of the bottle.

I sat back and thought about what he said. “So you are really only like 26 or 27?”

“I’m 26, you are correct. I tend to read a lot and am pretty fast at learning.” He smiled and took another big swig of the bottle.

I had been taking drinks off the bottle of port and puffing my cigar. I was starting to feel very warm and had that wonderful buzz going on. I wasn’t a person who liked to talk about himself so I gave Brian a quick edited rundown of myself. “You told me so I’ll tell you. My dad worked for Lockheed and did some classified stuff there. Mom was the perfect mom that also worked at MCI when they were still relevant as a telecommunications company. I have a brother and sister who are professionals and don’t live here. While in college mom died of cancer and that’s when I took her advice and changed my life. I used to be kinda of a party guy and didn’t really have a direction. So I buckled down, got my degrees and well I work here. I never served and never even thought about serving.  Never been married or even thought of it. All I do is work. Dad lives up in Spokane so I have no family here.”

I took a big swig of my port and puffed more on my cigar enjoying the taste and smoke. Brian opened the crackers and jelly beans and we enjoyed our feast. Seemed our pairing of alcohol and food worked just fine. We told stories and jokes and laughed. Just at the edge of our conversation was our situation which sat like a pregnant hippo. The last time I looked at the clock on the desk it showed 8pm.

I woke up with a headache and my eyes hurting. The office was bright and I felt stiff. I looked over and saw Brian holding his bottle of scotch like a teddy bear, lying back on his chair snoring so loudly I thought the windows were going to break. I got to my feet and bent over and tried to stretch and knuckle out the knots in my back.

“You are not a pretty sight to wake up to man. I feel like something shit in my mouth.” Brian had a grimace on his face as he stretched back on his chair.

I continued to stretch and work out the aches I had gained from sleeping in the chair. Brian finally gained his feet and was doing stretches getting limbered up. “I think I need to take a leak, you coming? I think wandering alone around this place is a stupid idea.”

“Yeah I need to piss like a race horse, grab your bat. If it’s ok though, I’d rather not use that private bathroom next door. The dead guy might spoil the mood.” I suggested.

“I totally agree man.” He grabbed his bat and walked to the door.

I was looking at his arm as we walked to the door, his wound seemed to have stopped bleeding at some point. “That looks a little better.” I said pointing at his arm.

“It feels a little better. But I am bringing the rest of scotch as a rudimentary antiseptic. I have more gauze in my pocket to give it a fresh bandage.” He opened the door and stuck his bat into the hallway. Then his head came out as he looked around. “All clear, let’s hurry though before I end up pissing in my pants.” He walked away with the bat on his shoulder looking more like a major baseball player.

I followed in his wake nursing my new and improved migraine. I only got hangovers from fricking wine so I guess that’s what port is made out of then. I massaged my neck with my free hand then thought better of it, since I was walking with my head down. We got to the office that had been locked the day before and glanced inside. The place was a blood bath; there was blood on the walls and window and some even on the ceiling. I walked in to look around; all of a sudden having to pee was just not a high priority anymore.

I found three dead men and one woman, well dead as in being in pieces. The woman had the most damage to her body, her pelvis and abdomen were basically eaten down to the bone. Her spine and hips could be seen, half of her chest and most of her face had also been eaten. The three men had their faces, chest, and abdomen also eaten through to their spine. These four just didn’t have much left on them to become mobile enough to be part of the attack yesterday. I had forgotten my spike so I took my bat and bashed in the head of the male zombie, who was trying to crawl toward me. I looked over and Brian had used his bat to take out one of the other men. I turned toward the woman and watched as Brian moved toward the last male. We took them out quickly.

“Looks like they were trying to hide in here but one of them must’ve been bit. You ever notice how some are really slow while others move very fast? I think it has to do with how badly they are messed up. At least I’m hoping that’s it. I really don’t want to worry about too many of them being fast and strong. Now can we please go take that piss?” He walked out the door without checking to see if I was coming.

I followed him as fast as my aching back would allow. We got to the lobby doors and found one side open all the way. “Wow I must’ve been in a hurry yesterday because I never secured them. Whoops.”

“I think the floor was secure, so no harm no foul.” Brian said as he took off jogging toward the bathroom.

I got there and opened the door just as it was closing. I could hear Brian already relieving himself so I stood there holding the door open, keeping watch on the hallway.

“Oh that feels so much better.” He finished up and came toward the door. “If you can wait a second I’ll go grab something to prop the door open.”

I nodded my agreement and did the pee pee dance while waiting for Brian to come back. Finally, after what felt like ages, Brian appeared with another rubber door stopper from the lobby and shoved it under the bathroom door to keep it open. Once he did I ran to the urinals and barely got my zipper down in time. I reached out to flush and Brian interrupted me. “Just in case we only have a limited amount of water pressure left, let’s use it for cleaning up and drinking.”