Zombie Theorem: The End Game (18 page)

“I found chili and warmed it up for you. I also added the tabasco sauce already for you. Here’s your spoon, I want you to eat all of that and then the dessert. In a bit, I will have Brian come over and help you up and into the Humvee, so you can sleep.”

She started to rise when I put my free hand on her forearm.

“Make sure the watch gets set and everyone gets rack time. We need everyone refreshed for tomorrow. Tell Kuppers, I said to wake me if anything happens.”

She shook her in bewilderment. “Dan, I think we can survive one night without you. But don’t worry, I will see to it all personally. Now eat, before I feed it to you.” She rubbed my bristle-like hair and then kissed my forehead before getting to her feet and disappearing into the organized chaos surrounding us.

I ate all of my chili and devoured the cookies. I was sitting there, drinking my canteen of water when the crowd of men parted quickly, allowing Brian passage to our Humvee. He squatted down in front of me and winked.

“Hey, Boss. How you feeling?”

I thought for a second and noticed that the pain had finally subdued to a point that I could handle. “I am alive and the pain is manageable. Think you can help me into the Humvee?”

“Of course, Boss.”

He reached down and helped me to my feet, making sure to take most of my weight for me. After helping me to my feet, he stood nearby ready to jump in if I needed him as I slid into the Humvee under my own power and then tried to find a comfortable position. I looked up and saw Brian had a weird look on his face.

“Spit it out, Sasquatch.”

“Spit what out, Boss?”

I rolled my eyes theatrically, making sure he saw it. “I hurt too much to beat around the bush. You have something to say, its written all over your face. So speak already, not like we haven’t shared some pretty delicate secrets. Don’t start hiding shit now.”

He chewed on his lip for a while, you could see the battle he was having inside. He sat cross-legged on the ground right inside the open door, so no one could hear him. I felt like what he was about to say would change my world. Dread started rolling around in the pit of my stomach like a bunch of piranhas on the hunt for a meal. I knew his next few words were going to be the sign of the end times.

He finally broke his silence and opened his mouth. “I found someone I really like, and he is really cute. I think he is..” He stopped and looked around himself conspiratorial. “Gay, too.” This last part he said quietly so only I could hear.

I sat there expressionless, staring back at him. After a beat or two, I rolled my eyes, slapped my forehead with my hand, and busted out laughing. Brian’s face fell and he looked like I had just stomped on his puppy. After a couple of more bouts of laughing, I tried hard to gain my breath. Brian looked like he was ready to get up and leave.

“I don’t mean to laugh, brother. It’s just, I thought you had something dire to tell me, like a giant horde or aliens were ready to attack us. Instead you tell me, that you think you found a guy to have relations with. Come on, brother. Can’t you see why I busted out in laughter?” I snorted again and tried to cover my spreading grin with my hands.

Brian sat there not moving, with a scowl chiseled onto his mug. I started to feel like maybe I had finally gone over the line. Then like the rising sun, his scowl broke and turned into a smile as a giggle broke free. Just a side note, when someone the size of Brian, my Sasquatch giggles, do not start laughing harder. I of course am not smart and busted out laughing harder than before, then regretted it as pain bloomed across my torso. First, the tears were from laughter then, they transformed to tears of pain. Now, it was Brian’s turn to laugh. The more he laughed, the more my tears ran down my cheeks.

After what felt like a lifetime, he took pity on me and stopped laughing. I opened my eyes and he held out a canteen to me. I took it, twisted the top and tilted my head back, pouring the liquid down my throat. That is, until a burning not that much different then drinking a can of gas ignited in my mouth, throat and belly. I pulled the canteen away from my lips and breathed in deep to try and fill my lungs with air and hopefully put the flames out that threatened to kill me. My eyes felt like they wanted to explode out of their sockets. I wiped tears from them and focused on the canteen, then at Brian.

“What the hell did you try and poison me with?” I croaked out, once I had enough air in my lungs.

“A little whisky I found at the base before we left. I had been saving it, should help with your pain.” He winked at me.

“So now that you found someone new, does this mean we aren’t going steady anymore? Do we need to divide up our stuff?” I coughed out.

“You are such an ass, Boss.” Brian patted my knee.

“Okay out with it. Who is he? Does he know about you? What’s your plan?”

“His name is Lieutenant Lorne Lewiston.”

I cut him off before he could say anything else. “Wait his initials are L, L, and L? Like as in la, la, la?” I broke into a new laughing fit and immediately regretted it. I wrapped my arms around my torso and softly hugged myself. I willed myself to stop laughing.

Brian had that irritated look like he wanted to hurt me again, but it broke quickly and he even giggled again. Which of course drew even more laughter from me. Oh my God, I thought I was going to die if this kept up. I again willed myself to stop laughing and took a deep as breath as I could.

“Wow, that is funny, I never thought of it that way, Boss. He knows about me because I am the one who put him on guard duty. We had a nice talk today about life, and who we lost during this Initiative shit going on. He confided in me that he lost his boyfriend before all of this happened. He then asked me about the last guy I had dated. He knew, I never even had to tell him. He said I was really good at hiding it.”

“I am sure ninety-eight percent of the people here do not know. Loren and I are the only ones who do, brother. So, what is your plan?”

Brian’s smile slowly fell from his face. “I don’t know. I am in the closet and not ready to come out. But he likes me and I like him, which is weird cause I am very picky.” He reached down and picked up a rock in his hands.

“Brian, during these days you have to start living life in fast forward, man. If he dies, or God forbid you die, won’t you look back at your decision and regret the chance you had at being happy, if just for one day?” I reached out and put my hands on his shoulders. “Big man, who the fuck cares about your sexuality? I don’t, and if anybody does, they can answer to my size eight and a half boots.” I raised my right boot for effect.

He gave me one of his deep grumbling laughs. It was good to hear him do that. “How do I do this, Boss?”

“Why don’t we call in our SWAT and Delta team and talk to them first. They are the leaders here and can run interference or deal with any problems. We are now a family, and not one of those men or Apache will judge you.”

He looked down for a second, then back up at me. Fresh tears gathered in the corners of his eyes. This was the weirdest thing to be doing, but this man was not my friend or just a fellow soldier. He was and is my brother. I reached out and wiped the tears from his eyes with my fingers.

“Brother, man the fuck up already. If this was a battle, you would charge right in without thinking.” I looked around till I saw someone walking by, and shouted at him. “Soldier, I need a radio, pronto.”

He whipped his head to me and his eyes went wide when he saw who was yelling at him. “Uhm Sir, yes, sir.” He turned and took off running. I was proud of him; he didn’t even try to salute.

I flicked my eyes down and saw Brian had put his game face on, his eyes had cleared and he looked more in control. He met my eyes and he kept them there.

“I trust you, Boss and you are right on this matter. But don’t let that go to your head.” I could tell he was charging through his fears.

Just then, the soldier I’d yelled at appeared, running up to the Humvee. He handed me the radio and then stood at attention. “You waiting for a tip, son?”

“Sir, no sir! Waiting to see if the Major has anything he needs.” He stood ramrod straight and waited.

I flicked my eyes to Brian and smiled. “You do this man’s army a great service, son! Good job, now go, get two cups of coffee black, no sugar.”

The soldier saluted smartly and held it. “Sir, yes sir.”

I gave him a look, then saluted back. He turned on his heel and took off. Brian hunched his shoulders trying to hold in his laughter.

“You do this man’s army a great service?” he mocked me.

“I think I heard it in an old movie or something once. I just wanted to mess with him. Isn’t that what most officers do?”

“You did it scarily good, Boss,” he said dryly.

I raised the radio to my lips and was about to hit the transmit or PTT button, also known as push to talk. I then let it go and looked to Brian. “What are the call signs?”

“Just talk, man. There’s no reasons for decorum anymore.”

I tilted my head in agreement and pushed the PTT button again. “Kuppers, Vic, anyone? Over.””

The dripping sarcastic answer came back pretty quick. “Yes, Dan. Over.”

I smiled down at Brian again. “I need a leadership meeting over at my Humvee ASAP. Bring the SWAT and Delta team. Over.”

The answer took a little longer this time. “Can it wait? Over.”

“Do you really want me to pull rank? Over.”

“Major, how do you outrank a Colonel? Over.”

“Easy, I promoted myself to Admiral General King of all I survey. Over.”

“Yes, your Majesty. Give us five minutes. Over.” Before Kuppers pulled his finger off the PTT button, I could hear him and Vic laughing in the background. I flipped off the radio and threw it on the driver’s seat.

“Okay, big man, help me out of this thing. If you can help me sit on the hood, I would appreciate it. Oh, and have you figured how you want to do this?”

Brian provided me his arm and I used him to help pull myself out. He steadied and walked me to the hood. Once there, he lifted me and sat me on the hood.

“You need a pillow or something, Boss?”

“You’re funny.” I delivered in a flat tone.

“Last time I try to make you comfortable. Go ahead and ruin your back, see if I care. Ass.”

“You are so cute when you’re mad. Anyone tell you that?” I patted his cheek.

He pushed my hand away and looked around quickly. “Stop doing that.”

“Fine. Who’s being the ass now?”

A woman’s voice called out. “Whose ass are we talking about now?” Apache slid onto the hood and sat next to me. She put her arm around my shoulders.

“Yours, Apache. Do you really think it would be anyone else’s? Well, I mean except for Julie’s, but she ain’t here right now.” I answered, covering up for mine and Brian’s conversation.

“I’m afraid it’s going flat from sitting in these damn vehicles all the time.” She rolled onto one cheek and looked down at her ass. Which was, let me tell you, perfectly round and muscular. And I digress.

“Oh please, Hase still likes it, I’m sure.” I quipped.

“Hase likes what?” Hase’s voice drifted over from where he had just walked up from.

“Apache’s shapely rear end.” Brian answered.

Apache threw one of her numerous magazines at Brian. He caught it one-handed without even looking. “Enough talk about my ass already.”

“If we all got called over to talk about Apache’s ass, I am going to be really disappointed.” Kuppers called out.

The rest of Delta and SWAT followed him. Once they circled up everyone looked to me. Well, except for Brian who was looking at his feet. “No, I am not the one who called this meeting. Brian, the floor is yours.”

All heads turned as one and gave Brian their full attention. He ran his hands over his fuzzy head. Mine must look a lot like his. We really need to find time to shave, I thought.

“I called this meeting to inform you of something.” He cracked his knuckles and looked over at me. I could see he was struggling.

“Brian has come to a decision; a very hard decision. He is afraid some people at the camp here may have a problem with it. He wanted to let you all know first. Come on, Brian, get it out.”

“I am a homosexual man, have been one since an early age. There is a man here at the camp that, we may have feelings for each other, and I do not want to surprise anyone or hide our relations.” He blurted out quickly and in one breath. He clammed up and took a tentative step back.

“The big news is you’re gay?” Kuppers gave a sour look that at first, I thought was judgmental of Brian’s announcement. “None of us here give a rat’s ass whose ass you want to squeeze. I got other shit, more important shit to deal with.”

Apache let out a loud exaggerated, theatrical sigh. “What Kuppers means to say is we support you, big man, and happily support your decision to tell us, and recognize how much courage it took for you to tell us.” She slipped off of the hood as she said it and wrapped her arms around Brian, giving him a big hug. She turned her head to Kuppers and gave him a look that would’ve wilted lesser men. “Right, Kuppers?”

“Yes, Apache is right, that took guts.” Kuppers dead-panned.