Zonaton (21 page)

            If truth be told, she was too inexperienced to hunt and too weary to eat. She was too exhausted to do anything except curl up on the pallet and sleep. When and if she finally managed to fall sleep, if she was lucky, she would never wake up again. If she was luckier, she would dream of Zonaton, and of all the moments in their lives that meant so much to her.

            Pausing outside the mouth of the cave, she stopped to stare out at the vista, and the way the sun's rays painted the inside of the mountain range in so many colors. No, there was nowhere else she would rather live. Nothing in the village could come close to the beauty of these mountains. Nothing in the village could coerce her to stay among people who hated who she was and what she'd done, despite the fact that she'd been only five years old when her life had been saved by one of the largest yet gentlest of creatures on this planet.

           
I'd better get inside and prepare my dinner. The suns will be setting soon. If I remain out here much longer, I'm going to turn into another blubbering mess.

            She took four steps inside the dark cavern, when a sound came from the rear, near where the pool was located. Emmala stiffened with fear. She'd totally forgotten to check for intruders first. For creatures that would sometimes slither in to get out of the weather while she was away. Dangerous creatures. They were the reason why Zonaton always lit up the cave's interior and ensured it was safe before entering.

            The sound came again. A sliding sound. Definitely not the kind of noise made by falling rock or dirt.

            The noise drew closer. She turned around, ready to bolt and race back down the trail if she needed to. She lifted the backpack for protection, to shield herself, and took a single step backwards, when a soft, low voice echoed within.

            "Emmala?"

            Curiosity unhinged her jaw and gave her enough saliva to loosen her tongue.

            "Wh-what? Who's there?"

            "It's me, Emmala." The voice hesitated, as if it was about to say more but decided not to.

            "Come out here where I can see you," she demanded. Now that she was certain a deadly animal wasn't lurking inside, she felt more confident. But now her mind was filled with a hundred questions. Who was in the cave? It sounded like a man's voice, but none she'd ever heard before, or recognized. Had he been hiding out in here during the attack on the village? Or had he been waiting for her specifically?

            "Come out here," she ordered again, more sternly. "Come out where I can see you."

            Gradually, like a ghostly presence, the stranger walked into the sunlight where she could see him. She immediately knew the figure, although this was the first time she clearly saw his face.

            He looked worn out, but otherwise he had not changed from the last time she'd seen him. Or rather, dreamt of him.

            Emmala covered her mouth with one hand in shock. "No. You're not real."

            He smiled timidly. "I am real now." Holding out his arm, he gestured to her. "Here. Touch me."

            She started to, then backed off. "No. This is just another dream. It's just..." The implication hit her with the force of an avalanche. "If this is another dream, it means Zonaton is alive! He's giving me these dreams! He's alive!
He's alive!
” Her voice failed her as a huge invisible hand grabbed her lungs and squeezed them dry. Unable to believe, unable to hope it was true, she fell to her knees.    

            "Zonaton! Zon! Where are you?
Where are you?
" She tried to see into the farthest corners of the chamber, but her vision was blurring over. Glancing again at the man, at her imaginary lover who had visited her so many times in the past because Zonaton had placed his image in her mind, she refused to try and make sense of it all. Her Zonaton was alive! How else could his presence be explained?

            "Zon!
Zon!
"

            "It is me, Emmala. I'm Zonaton!" He reached for her, but she waved him away.

            "No! No! I don't want you! I want my Zonaton! I want Zonaton!" The tears were back, blinding her with hope and joy. "Zon!" she yelled again, and the name bounced against the cave walls.

            The strange young man hurried over and dropped in front of her, clasping her shoulders and bending forward so his mouth was next to her ear.

            "I am Zonaton! It is me! I was given a second life, Emmala, and I chose this one. I chose this form. Yes, I am alive, and this is not a dream. "

            Slowly, she sat on her heels and looked up at him. Wiping her eyes with the back of her hand, she stared at the face that had long eluded her.  The features of her secret lover that had never been distinct. Never to the point where she could see individual strands of short, snowy white hair. Or the small scar above his left eyebrow, exactly where Zonaton had cut his forehead on a rock a couple of years ago.

            The stranger kneeling before her was real. His hands were warm. His eyes were...

            "Clear. Your eyes are clear, like..."

            "Like a geron's eyes?" He smiled, which seemed to surprise him. He touched the corners of his mouth with his fingers and gave a little chuckle. "So this is what it feels like."

            "When what feels like?"

            "To smile. To laugh." His eyes captured hers, and slowly they took on a golden hue. On Zonaton, his eyes always told her how he felt, but she especially loved the deep, sun-yellow color that showed her he cared about her. "It is difficult to smile when one has a rigid beak."

            Hesitantly, Emmala lifted a hand to touch his face, tracing the arch of his eyebrows with her fingertips. "Even your hair is that silvery white shade. The same color as you. Is this you? Really you?" she whispered.

            He pressed her palm to his cheek. "It is me, Emmala."

            "But...how?"

            "We have two life spans. The first as a geron. The second as an indistinct entity, unless we choose a different form."

            She frowned and tilted her head. "Why didn't you come back as a geron again?"

            "Many do," he admitted. "But I had another reason why I wanted to take this form."

            "What reason?"

            "You."

            She blinked, not wanting to believe that what he was telling her was true, yet knowing it was. He had come back in human form because of her.

            Emmala shook her head emphatically. "No. No. You're dead. I mean, Zonaton is dead. I saw him die. I saw you
die!
" She started to tear up again when the man lightly squeezed her hands.

            "You, as a human, you have one life. But do not believe all life forms follow the same pattern. My outer form was dead, but my essence was not."

            "Heavens, you even sound like Zonaton. All preachy and philosophic," she commented, trying to sound sarcastic. She got another smile in reply, and she took a deep, shaky breath. "I thought you were dead. You died in my arms. I watched the other gerons carry your body away."

            "I did die. That life was over."

            "But people who die...it's forever." The memory of Zonaton's slow and agonizing demise while she held him in her arms filled her mind's eye. Her vision blurred once more. She sniffed, but the tears continued to sting. Neither could she stop her chin from trembling.

            "Emmala, your past, the world where your ancestors came from, that planet has many stories of rebirth, like your butterflies that once were caterpillars. Aside from plant and animal phenomena, your human history is filled with tales of reincarnation. Why would the natural evolution of my species seem impossible?"

            He wiped the tears from one cheek with his thumb. "During those years I tended to you, and raised you, and took care of you, I came to love you. Then, when you became a young woman, and you became restless for a similar soul, I created your dream lover to keep you happy." Biting his lips for a moment, Zonaton continued. "I thought, if I was to return to spend my second life with you, this form would be the most acceptable for you."

            He was worried. She could see it in his eyes, in the little crease in his forehead, in the soft pleading in his voice. At first, she'd thought she didn't know his voice, but now she realized she did. She always had. It was the voice she'd been hearing in her head all these years. A voice she'd felt in her heart. A voice that calmed her when she was afraid. A voice that lulled her to sleep when she was exhausted. The voice of her silvery dream lover. She just hadn't heard the voice with her ears.

            Zonaton lowered his gaze and made a move to get to his feet. Impulsively, she grabbed his face and kissed him. At first, he didn't respond. His hands found hers, but he didn't remove them. After several moments, she broke their connection to look at him and give him a small smile with her questioning look.

            "That was a kiss. You've kissed me before. In my dreams."

            "I know," he sheepishly replied. "But that was in your dreams. This is real, and I am at a loss how to proceed."

            "Like this. Pucker your lips like this." She showed him. When he tried, she leaned in again. This time, she gently covered his mouth with hers. At the same time, she slid her arms around his neck, pressing her body against his. His hands traveled down her sides. When they met her hips, one arm circled the small of her waist as the other arm reached up to embrace her back.

            They melted together, feeling each other's heat, even through their clothing. Emmala gave him soft little kisses, teasing his lips until he kissed her in return. Moving her mouth across his until he grunted softly and tried to imitate her actions. She kept her actions gentle while reminding herself this was not her silvery white lover. This was not the experience lover who had visited her in her dreams. This was Zonaton. And although, in some ways, he
was
the young man who'd claimed her body these past few years, this moment was no longer a dream. This was real, this was now, and he was the one being who was and would always be her whole world.

            "Make love to me, Zon." She placed a hand to his buttocks and pushed him closer. To her delight, she felt the hard ridge of his erection through his breeches. "Are you like my dream lover in every way?"

            Zonaton stopped long enough to gaze into her face, meeting her eyes. "I remember those times I came to you," he admitted softly. "I followed your lead. I gave you what you desired. But that was all in your mind."

            "I know." She smiled.

            "I do not know how to physically love you," he further admitted. "We are both virgins."

            "But you want to, don't you?"

            "I want to be with you and love you in every way possible. That is why I came back to you."

            "Then let me show you how to please me. Let me be the teacher this time."

            One corner of his mouth tilted upward as he grinned. "Please do."

Chapter Thirty-One

The Promise

            "Kiss me."

            Eagerly, he pressed his mouth to hers and waited for her response. It was soft, tentative, but quickly grew more eager. Emmala smiled and moved from his lips to kiss his cheeks, then his nose and closed eyelids before taking his mouth again. They kissed again, awkwardly, holding their lips together until Zonaton finally pulled away in puzzlement.

            "I do not feel anything. I enjoy the sensation, but is there something I am missing?"

            She shook her head slightly. "You're trying to hard. In fact, we both are."

            "Perhaps I am doing it wrong?"

            Breaking from his grasp, she took his hand and led him further into the cave. Once she reached the pallet, she shimmied out of her clothing and tossed them to the side. He quickly followed her example as she stretched out on the blanket on her back. Lying beside her, he stared at her profile as she gazed at the ceiling. "Let's try it this way," she suggested.

            "This is different from when I loved you in your dreams," he admitted.

            "I know. Why is that?" She turned her head to look at him. The tiny lines between her brows a sign of her concern.

            "I wish I knew."

            She looked so beautiful, lying there. Her skin shimmered in the first morning sunlight. The rays glanced off her dark hair in golden shards.

            "It shouldn't be that different," she continued. "You look like my dream lover, but I love you even more because you're also my Zonaton."

            Sighing, Zonaton propped his head on his hand and reached over to run his fingertips across her belly. She shivered at his touch.

            "That tickles."

            "It does?" Smiling, he trailed his hand down to her mound where he lightly twirled the soft nest of hair into curls. "How about this? I remember doing this to you in your dreams."

            "That doesn't tickle, but it feels good."

            One firm breast danced in front of his face, its nipple slightly protruding. Enthralled by the dark pink on a creamy white surface, Zonaton impulsively leaned over and placed his mouth around it. His teeth closed around the slight button, and he took care as he lightly bit down. The experience with having teeth would need to be taken slowly and cautiously.

            Her reaction was immediate as she slapped his shoulder and then tried to cover the offended body part as she gasped. Zonaton looked up at her, and for that singular moment in time their souls connected in silent communication.

            Their need was there, smoldering. It only waited for the spark to ignite it.

            Slowly, Emmala leaned closer and slid her fingers into his hair until they reached the back of his head. Then she guided his face to her other breast.