Chasing Beautiful (Chasing Series #1) (18 page)

How does one balance an ex and a
“possible” new man in her life? It was Kyle’s first day here and I was having a hard time already. I hated what he did and at the same time, I wanted to help him, but it was evident that he wanted more than that. And with Blake, where do I even begin? He was so baffling. Holding our rhythm, I was starting to have fun dancing with Kyle. We both relaxed and started to enjoy each other. When the music ended, I expected us to dance more, but Kyle led me to the entrance door.

Outside
on the pavement, he asked me to take a short walk. I obliged.

“I’ll give you a few minutes and then I’ll go back inside. I
don’t want my friends to worry.” I said to Kyle as he simply nodded in agreement.

When he stopped walking, he leaned on the building and closed his eyes. With
them shut, he spoke softly. “When my parents pitched the idea of me coming here, I was happy and scared—I was scared because you might not love me the way I love you—well, not anymore. I was cruel and I can’t forgive myself for what I’ve done to you. If we turn out to be friends like how it was before we started dating, I’ll take that in a heartbeat. I’m really thankful that you’re even giving me time, but it was hardly a surprise.”

Opening his hazel
eyes, they were miserable and anguished. “You have such a good heart, Sienna. You’re smart, beautiful and brave. When Christy started beating you, I made a promise to myself that I wouldn’t dare hurt you. But I did—I broke that promise. You trusted me—you loved me. How could I betray someone I love so much? I was so consumed with anger and hurt that I forgot to think about how I was hurting you. I’m sorry—” Kyle started to massage his temples, sadness racked my body.

I walked over
and hugged him tight. The mention of Christy Brown’s name sent shivers all over my body; that woman was horrid. “I know you are—that’s why I can’t stay mad at you for long. What you did was painful—I’m hurt. I just wish that you could’ve told me about what you were going through. Instead, you looked for a replacement to forget about me. That hurt.”

“And
look how successful that turned out, Sienna—the moment I saw you again—I was a goner. I was invaded by the thought of you. It’s always been you Sienna, no matter how much I try—my heart belonged and will always belong, to you.” He professed, a little breathless.

I looked down
and studied my toes.
Why is it painful when he tells me he loves me?
I love Kyle, I do and I guess I’ll always love him—but a big part of me wants Blake—no point in denying myself anymore. I was always attracted to him and I can’t pass this chance up or I might regret it for the rest of my life.
Fuck, baby steps.
I want him and that’s that.

What I feel for him is complex, but as fascinating as he is—I’m not going to let anyone trample
on my heart. That’s one thing I won’t compromise. Once was humiliating enough.

“Kyle, I’m sorry.
I really am
—but right now, I’m not in a place where I want to be in a relationship. Everything is too deep and too much between you and me. I need to step back and think about what I
do
want. All my life, I was attached to your hip. I lived and breathed you and I loved you with all of my heart—but you must understand—that things changed. It’s different now—” I looked at the man I used to love with unshed tears.

His thumbs started to wipe the sides of my eyes. “Don’t cry, baby. I feel like a total bastard right now.
Please
, don’t cry.” Kyle hugged me tightly.

My head was on his torso as he tried to calm me down. He gently stroked my hair and kissed my cheek.

Pushing myself off his body, I folded my arms as I waited for him. “Let’s go inside. We’ve been out for awhile now.”

He pulled me close to him and draped his arm around me as he headed to the club’s entrance where he immediately stopped. “Go be with
your friends, I’m going back to the apartment. I was pooped before we came here but I wanted to spend more time with you. Now, I’m ready to crash.”

“Alright, it was good to see you again. Be safe
.”

Kissing my lips gently, much to my surprise,
he bade goodnight. “I’ll be in touch baby; I love you.” With that, he headed to where several cabs were waiting on the curb.

I waited until he got in
a cab before I let myself past the bouncers who were listening intently to our exchange. I smiled, understanding how boring it must be to stand there all night. “Can’t say I blame him love, I would want to spend all of my time with you.” One of the tall bulky men said as I walked past.

Men
, I thought amusingly.

My mood took a sour turn when I saw a
tall blonde sitting on Blake’s lap.
Here’s a reality check for you.
Moments ago, I was thinking of being with him and now his hands were on that woman’s waist as he fed her olives.

Barf.

My blood was boiling and I wanted to throw something at them.

“Turn around
.” Chad whispered behind my back.

“The old Blake lashed out when he saw how you danced with your old lover. She’s an old friend of his—who just happened to be here with her own party—but as you can
see, they’re quite engrossed with each other. Don’t mind him; I’m sure he’s gutted inside. This is his way of coping.” Chad looked sorry as he squeezed my shoulder. I didn’t even respond to that because I didn’t expect it, but
why shouldn’t I have?
It’s fucking Blake we’re talking about!
Here was a side of him that I had never gotten to see before.

I was beyond angry, but
Hell would freeze over before I let him see how hurt I was. “He just glanced here—don’t look back!”

U
gh. I can’t do this.

This is beyond pathetic.
I am beyond pathetic!

“
Take me to the dance floor lover.” I nervously smiled at my friend, offering my hand to him.

“Thought you’d never ask
.”

Chad’
s a blast on the floor and before I knew it, Luce, Toby and Sam had joined the commotion. Chad grabbed another man’s attention, so he was dancing somewhere amidst the throng of people. Luce and Toby were dancing and laughing at each other. So, that left me with Sam who was giving me a kind smile. As we danced next to each other, he leaned and asked, “Where’s the boyfriend?”  

I laughed.
“No, no, he wasn’t my boyfriend; an ex is more like it.”

Smiling,
he leaned in a bit more. “So, what do you do Sienna? Apart from breaking hearts, that is?”

Ha! If he only kne
w!

“Well, I’m still in uni—but for the most part
, my time is dedicated to breaking hearts here and there—lighting up drama whenever I can.” I was laughing and fluffing him up with his own joke. He was certainly easy to converse with. He wasn’t handsome, but his kind eyes and demeanor made him likable.

“Come on, love—let’s get som
ething to drink! I’m parched!” It was announced by the thirsty Lucy as she tried to catch her breath while she actively fanned herself with her hand.

“Let’s
!”

The scene at the booth
hadn’t changed much. The fucking woman still on his lap, but she was now openly caressing his neck and chest from his unbuttoned, midnight blue dress shirt—that matched his eyes.

They can g
o fuck themselves. I could care less.

Ignoring them, Sam poured us both champagne and
I gladly took a huge gulp.

Arching her brow with curiosity,
Lucy asked Sam and I, “What were you two discussing earlier? I’ve never heard Sienna laugh like that.” Lucy leaned on the table as she eyed us with amusement.

“
We were discussing her full-time job as a heartbreaker!”

“Yup! He was telling me how his heart was broken when
I turned him down. He wanted a quick shagging in the bathroom, apparently.” I even
tsk-tsked,
loving the whole light-hearted banter. “Such a naughty boy you are, Sam!” I added to boot.

Everyone laughed
; Luce almost choked on her champagne. Chad appeared out of nowhere, dripping with sweat and a huge smile like he had just won the lottery. “OMG! Did you see how hot that guy was? I must have died and gone to heaven.” He sat next to me and grabbed my champagne glass, empting the contents.

“Excited much?”
I studied my friend, peering at him. Sheen of perspiration glazed on his forehead. And his face lit up like Christmas.

“I am. Oh by the way, I meant to tell you, we’re shooting on Thursday. So, you better make sure
you bring your sexy-fucking-kitten look. You and Troy are going to be Hot! Hot! Hot!” Chad’s excitement was bouncing off him.

“Wait, what? You model for him?”
Sam looked interested and intrigued.

“
Yeah, he’s a photographer and he’s awesome! But he sort of needs me to do a few stills for his upcoming show which is in— what? Seven weeks?” I squeaked, glancing back at Chad who was busying himself with another glass of champagne.

“Definitely—and Sam
, you’re invited,” He finally managed to reply to Sam, winking at him.

Such a flirt, this Chad!

“Wouldn’t miss it. I want to see the ‘sexy-fucking-kitten’ look out of curiosity,” Sam responded with ease.

I’m sure he
did. What the hell did ‘sexy-fucking-kitten’ look like anyway?

I cringed. I’ve never modeled before
. Let alone have it shown in front of everyone and have it dissected for everyone’s pleasure. It’s mystifying—but I already promised Chad. I can’t let him down.

“Oh! Don’t mind him. I’m sure it’s going to be nice and appropriate!”

“Honey— It’s going to be far from nice and appropriate! I can see it now!” Chad closed his eyes as he pictured it in his mind. “You’re going to be sexual and you’ll have that ‘fuck me’ look. And Troy will be doing the same, touching you sensually. It’s going to be a feast for the eyes. Carnal and raw.”

Christ.
I needed a drink. “That Troy better bring it or I’m packing my bags.”

“Trust me—he’s hot! Though not as hot as you are, Blake!”
Why did Chad like to bring Blake into our conversations randomly? Just because the freaking man was almost perfect, didn’t mean he wasn’t capable of being an insensitive prick!
Stupid playboy jerk
, I thought haughtily.

Blake
smiled at Chad’s comment before he averted his gaze to me. He studied me, all the while as the woman caressed him, whispering sweet nothings in to his ear.

My eyes flickered to the
girl. That stupid woman was seriously lapping it up. She was kissing his neck and toying with his hair.

I smirked.
Yeah, keep massaging his ego you stupid flirt; it’s already massive and unmanageable.

I looked away in disgust and anger
from their stupid display of foreplay.

Honestly,
it was stupid. I didn’t have the right to be angry.

I honestly d
idn’t.

Luce and Toby wanted to go home, so we all decided it was best to leave together. I
t was two in the morning and I was ready to get some rest.

“
Want to split cabs? I’ll have you dropped off first?” Chad asked.

“She’
s coming with me. There’s something we have to discuss,” I looked at Blake agape. What was he talking about?
No, we don’t.

“Oh, boo you!” Chad pouted
. “You lovers enjoy the night then,” smiling, showing off his perfect white teeth.

I rolled my eyes, s
eriously, Chad?

Everyone shuffled to leave
, saying quick goodbyes. I looked around expecting to see his “friend” but she was nowhere to be found.

“She’s not here
.”

O
f course, she isn’t.
He probably just dropped her like a hot potato the moment he realized we were all leaving.

Typical.

“What do we have to talk about? I thought you were perfectly clear yesterday. There’s no need to rehash it,” I screeched, angry at his ever-changing attitude.

Is he bipolar?
No, he isn’t.

He just likes brain-fucking.
He’s a pro at that.

“My flat is only a
couple of blocks away. Walking it off would be a good idea, unless you don’t agree?” He peered at me, hands in his pockets, his tone more serious.

“Walking is
fine; I don’t want to be confined next to you in a cab.” I didn’t mean to be snappy, but it was irritating that he thought he could just bulldoze his way around. He didn’t even have the decency to ask if I wanted to go with him. He just assumed that I would go with him.
Well, I was curious and I would’ve gone anyway, but all he had to do was ask.