Controlled Surrender (4 page)

Even as another harsh smack landed behind me,
I was able to slip away into oblivion, into the dream world, where
it would never matter that I was twice the weight of my fellow
female weres. It was a place that I could be who I wanted to be,
who I longed to be without the fear of rejection, without the fear
that Jayson would wake up the next day full of regret.

Chapter 8

JAYSON

How the hell did someone fall asleep while
they were being spanked? Damn. I’d really underestimated her
defense mechanisms. She completely shut down.

My wolf roared, his anger reverberating
through me. I fisted my hands as I stared down at her swollen, red
flesh. I’d wanted to increase my strength, wanted to shake her into
cognizance, but I didn’t want to hurt her. I’d watched her
extremely closely, gaging every slight reaction from her. I was
desperate though.

I spun on my heels and punched my fist
through the wall, grunting in rage. She was the most infuriating,
beautiful woman I’d ever met. Apparently it was going to take more
than a little physical reprimand to break her.

I didn’t know how long she would be out for.
I could only imagine the effort it required for her to close
herself off like that.

Damn it. It’d gone completely wrong. I wanted
her to open up to me. I wanted to help her. I wanted to empower
her, not to beat her into unconsciousness.

I scrubbed my face, the whiskers of my
sprouting facial hair scraping against my palms. I refocused my
gaze on her. A new wave of determination erupted from within as my
wolf continued his angry song.

I wasn’t giving up on her. It looked like I
was going to have to up the ante. I was going to have to keep her
teetering between pleasure and pain, a place that kept her body
guessing and her mind active; it was a place where she wouldn’t be
able to hide from herself or me.

I quickly got to work, grabbing what I needed
from my supply chest. With everything open and ready, I focused on
Laina. I unlocked her cuffs and set about stripping her. As much as
I wanted to take my time and touch every part of her, feel every
curve as I exposed it, I had to remain focused on the big picture,
on the end goal. The moment she was naked, I refastened her
restraints. It was only then that I allowed myself to step back and
enjoy the view.

God, she was breathtaking. Every part of her
was round, was soft, silky curves that I knew would be heaven to
cuddle. Her face was flush, her cheeks stained with tears. Even
seeing the physical depths I’d pierced, she was still beautiful. I
couldn’t stop myself from caressing her cheek, trailing my fingers
down her neck, across her pulse point and along the center of her,
leading to her apex.

Inhaling deep, her scent overwhelmed me. Her
delicious aroma sent my wolf into a frenzy. I could easily release
him to bite her while she slept. But I pressed down on him, holding
strong to my control. At the end of the day, this was about her,
not me. I hadn’t been thinking straight when I’d set out to claim
her. What good would it do to have her beside me if she resented
the position? If we weren’t a united front, they would never
respect us.

I sighed. This would have to be her decision.
It would have to be her choice whether or not she surrendered
herself. I could tie her up forever, but until I breeched that
impenetrable wall around her, I would never have all of her and she
would never accept me.

I was selfish enough to take whatever I could
get from her, but I loved her enough not to. I loved her enough to
hold off on my own wants and needs for her benefit. To an outsider,
I was sure spanking her, restraining her, all of this looked like a
power trip on my part. But it was when you were brought to your
knees, forced to face the darkness at your lowest that you realized
how strong you were, that you could face anything.

I wanted her to know her strength. I wanted
her to know exactly what she was capable of, how much she was
capable of. Even if she refused me at the end, at least I could let
her go knowing I’d given her something she would never again lose:
self-worth.

When you knew exactly what you possessed, no
one could ever demean you. No one could ever belittle it because
you were aware of its full potential, of your full potential.

I watched as her chest rose and fell, her
breasts thrusting up and out with the effort. Her nipples were dark
rosy peaks that had my mouth watering, my groin winding even
tighter.

Damn it. I couldn’t lose control. I had to
ignore my cock, straining up against my stomach. I had to pretend
like my balls weren’t on the verge of exploding, the pressure damn
near agonizing. I cupped myself, squeezing hard, trying to dull the
ache with fresh pain. It did little to relieve the mounting need
building low in my stomach.

I fisted my hands, forcing myself to walk
away. I plopped down in one of the club chairs by the window. I
gripped the arms of the chair, my knuckles white as I clamped down
on the ends.

This was torture. Damn it. I knew beating
myself over things past didn’t change them, but damn, I wish it
did.

I stared at her curvy figure. It was more
gorgeous than I had imagined. Her swells, her rounded features
seemed to ensconce her, wrapping her into an elegant package of
femininity. My hands itched to caress her. Gliding my fingers down
her wasn’t enough. I’d felt her silk beneath them; I knew her
curves would be cushions of satin against my stone.

I bore down on my muscles, punching my wolf
as he pounced towards the surface again. She was lying out, a feast
for us both. I knew the temptation; my body and spirit felt the
temptation, reacted to her lure.

I leapt up the second she began to stir.

She stretched, her eyes fluttering open. The
moment she realized her situation, I saw the panic rise within her.
Her gaze slid down her body, then narrowed on me. She jerked on the
bindings.

“Jayson!”

I watched as her anger slid beneath
embarrassment. She averted her gaze, her cheeks flaming.

I knew it was time. She would learn exactly
what she did to me, and I’d see to it that she embraced the power
she had over me.

I strolled towards her. As I loomed over her,
I cupped her cheek and turned her face towards me. She immediately
closed her eyes.

“Open them,” I ordered.

She hesitantly shook her head ‘no.’

“Laina, look at me.” My tone was more
abrasive this time.

She bit her bottom lip, squeezing her
eyelids.

I moved my hand, depriving her of the contact
I knew her wolf craved. “Last chance.”

She remained deathly still, not heeding my
warning.

I carefully climbed on the bed, ensuring I
didn’t touch her. I placed my knees between hers and leaned
forward, my lower arms holding the weight of my upper body, braced
on either side of her chest.

My wolf punched my core, thrashing about in
an effort to break me. I’d never been so close to her, so close to
what I wanted, yet so far.

I swallowed hard, trying to retain my calm,
hard façade.

I slid my gaze over her. I was captured,
enraptured by her perfect mounds, plush and full. They sat begging
for my mouth to claim them. And that’s when I decided I would
attack them first.

Shifting my weight to my elbows, I grabbed
her breasts. Her breath hitched the second my hands framed her
intimate flesh. Her breasts immediately molded to my palms.

It was her turn to swallow hard. She tugged
her arms, but only proceeded to jam her hands tighter into the
cuffs.

I smiled a predatory smile, a deviant smile
even as she held tightly to her rebellion. Her eyes remained
clamped shut.

I swiped my thumbs across her sensitive buds.
She gasped, her eyelids flying open.

“What are you doing?” she demanded,
indignation resounding in her tone.

“Why don’t you defend yourself?” I flicked my
thumbs again.

She flushed, biting her inner lip. She was
controlling her reaction; the initial shock had worn off quickly. I
would have to become more aggressive with my pursuit.

She glared at me. “I don’t have to answer
that.”

“Fine, but I promise you’ll want to when I
take you to the edge and refuse to let you go over it.”

Before she could respond, I capture one of
her nipples in my mouth. I lapped my tongue over the tight bud as I
pinched her other peak.

Her brows furrowed inwards as she more
sharply bit her lip. There was stress in her eyes. I could tell she
wanted to let loose, but she wasn’t allowing herself to, which
frustrated the hell out of me.

I nipped at her sensitive flesh, thoroughly
laving the tight bud before switching breasts. It was the change
that shocked her, garnering a whimper from her.

I drew back. “Why don’t you stand up for
yourself?”

She frowned, opening and closing her mouth
several times, but not saying anything. When she clinched her mouth
shut for the final time, I growled, squeezing her breasts
roughly.

I slid up her, leaning in near her ear. “You
will answer that question before the day is over.”

I lightly bit her ear lobe, moving down to
kiss the pulse point in her neck. I drew my tongue up and down over
her pulsing vein before running my teeth gently over her jaw. I
nearly shouted in victory when her lower body squirmed.

I held my aching lower half away from her.
Should my cock feel her warmth, I knew it would be over.

Chapter 9

LAINA

My pussy gushed with need, with a novel
yearning that had my legs fumbling, my ankles jerking on the cuffs.
My breasts throbbed, a fresh ache awakened within them. His mouth
had felt like heaven against my flesh; I swore I heard angels sing
when his tongue passed over my nipples.

Of course, I knew what he was doing. He’d
warned me. Perhaps I didn’t have any sexual experience, but I’d
read enough books to know. All the “prep books” I’d devoured didn’t
prepare me for the sensations that wracked my body when he touched
me though.

He smiled knowingly as he kissed a trail down
my neck and over the swells of my breasts. He sucked a tight peak
into his mouth. I wanted to cry out; I wanted to thrust deeper into
his mouth, into the warm, wet soft cave of his mouth. But I didn’t.
I held still. I stiffened my muscles and fought every instinct,
every desire.

His brows dipped in the center before he
switched breasts. I closed my eyes, officially biting through my
skin as his tongue and teeth teased my other taut bud. I pressed my
tongue against the fresh wound, blood seeping from it, as he
continued to torture me.

“Are you ready to answer me yet?” His steady
voice sung his patience.

I couldn’t imagine that he was enjoying this.
Why would he want to make a fat girl feel good? What guy, were or
not, would want, could want, to taste and tease every dip and swell
of her stretched flesh?

With that reminder, my body seemed to cool.
My heart cracked, my chest collapsing in on it. I jerked on the
stupid restraints. Suddenly, his tongue felt like sandpaper against
my skin. There was no reason for him to go to such lengths. Did he
think I wasn’t embarrassed enough by their words, by their
comments? Who wanted to draw that out? I wanted to escape them, not
fight them.

Sensing my change, Jayson immediately let go
me. He sighed, pressing his forehead against the center of my
chest.

Tears burned my eyes behind
my closed lids, prompting me to open them. I blinked several times.
Damn it! I was
not
going to cry again. Crying made me weak. I was fat, but I was
still a were, and weres weren’t weak. They were strong creatures
that slipped in and out of two worlds, living a double life, a dual
existence.

The second a sniffle slipped, Jayson’s head
shot straight up.

His eyes softened as he gazed at me. He
lifted a hand and caressed my face. “What do you need?”

Too choked to speak with the lump in my
throat growing larger by the second, I shrugged my shoulders. Maybe
that was part of the problem. I knew I had issues, but I didn’t
know what it would take for me to change. I didn’t know myself well
enough to know what I needed. I knew what I wanted, but not what I
needed.

How could I be twenty-six and not know myself
yet? How did I get here?

Fear knotted in my chest. I couldn’t answer
him. It wasn’t because I didn’t want to; it was because I couldn’t.
I didn’t know the answer because I didn’t know myself. I knew
facts, like that I was fat; full-figured was the politically
correct title. I knew I loved nature. I knew that Jayson was the
mate nature dictated for me. I didn’t know much else. I’d been so
ashamed of my outside that I hadn’t bothered to get to know myself,
to define myself beyond the superficial.

“Talk to me, sweetie.” Jayson studied me
closely. His eyes were like a microscope, scrutinizing every
twitch, every change in my features.

I shifted my gaze to the ceiling. “I don’t
know,” was my whispered response.

He moved his hand. “Damn it, Laina. You can’t
run forever.” Gone was the kindness. His words were a brusque snap
of his thoughts.

He wasn’t saying anything I didn’t already
know though. People never said anything I didn’t already know about
myself. They pointed out the obvious, never the conspicuous truths
that I wasn’t aware of.

I glanced at him, unsure of how to respond to
that. I could only imagine how pathetic I seemed to him. I was sad
that nature had mated us. It wasn’t fair to him. He was the epitome
of a strong, confident individual. He knew his path, he knew
himself and didn’t waver; he never broke under the pressure of his
roles, never quivered in the mirror. I needed to be more like
him.