Highland Secrets (English Edition) (11 page)

My escort had surprised me. He was nice and courteous to me for the entire evening. He put his arm around me while we watched the dolphins on the ferry and traveled past the small islands where the seals lived. Then, later on at the harbor, he bought me a plaid in the colors of the MacLeods and placed it over my shoulders to stop me from shivering at his side.

He told me about
Dunvegan Castle, the MacLeods and their history and the legend that revolved around the Selkie. Mythical beings that looked like seals, but which were able to shed their fur and turn into human beings. However, we avoided the topics of his father and the murders of the women who Adam had known. I got to know a very different Adam this evening and I was thankful to Molly for having literally thrown us out of the house so that we would go to the harbor festival together.

And yet the evening also had a bitter
aftertaste for me, because the more time I spent with Adam, the more it became clear to me that I was more than just attracted to him. I enjoyed his attention, the way in which he cared for me and how he always asked how I was feeling. And I absorbed his slightest, accidental and maybe even intentional touches.

Yes
, I wanted these touches and I even longed for them inside. My body had won the battle. Everything about me yearned for Adam. This thought made me panic, because I knew that if he just tried it on with me, I would end up losing the game. I would just allow it to happen. I was still able to escape his charms, but what would happen if he crossed the line that still separated us, even my fears might not be able to hold me back. I was prepared to take the risk of feeling an even deeper void. A void that would reach right into my soul, because even though I thought I loved Aidan very much, compared to what Adam made me feel, Aidan was as unimportant as an insect.

On the way back to the car, I bent down to pick up a stone. But I was actually doing this to remove Adam’s arm from around my waist without being too conspicuous. When I had managed that, I stood in front of a shop window looking interested to fall back a little bit. I couldn’t say what was actually in the shop window. I just looked inside without observing anything in particular. I followed Adam two steps behind him so that he couldn’t touch me again. I just had to try and
keep more distance between us again. We had got far too close this evening.

“Are you trying to get away from me?
”, Adam enquired with raised eyebrows. He just stood still and looked at me questioningly, but I could see from his face that he had long since seen through me.

“No”
, I said and walked past him relaxed.

“I think you are.”

When we got to the street where the Porsche was parked, Adam grabbed my arm, pulled me towards him and pressed me up against the stone wall of the church with his body. I gasped in astonishment.

“What is actually your problem?
”, I nagged at him.

“You”
, he said with a troubled gaze. “You get under my skin and I can’t do anything about it. You have to hold me back. I don’t want to hurt you. I know I shouldn’t do it. Not after everything that has happened to you. You’re right when you say that men like me are not right for you. But you make it really difficult for somebody to resist you.”

Feeling his body so close to mine clouded my senses and made me feel confused. I pressed my hands against his chest to do what he had asked of me. But feeling his hard chest muscles and the intense look in his eyes stopped me from applying any real force. My muscles ha
d started to throb. Yes, I wanted to stop him, but I couldn’t do it. Because I liked how it felt to be close to him. His warmth, his breath, his smell.

“Adam, please”, I begged quietly
.

Adam
ignored me and moved closer to me with his face. His aftershave and his masculine fragrance engulfed me and I took a deep breath. I closed my eyes because I hoped to be able to block him out, but that just made everything even more intense. His hands were on my waist and pulled me closer to his abdomen. I could really sense how aroused he was underneath his kilt. I started to panic and experience a pulsating desire. This mixture of fear and lust felt like a thrill.

“You are different to the women who usually come here. You would never have irrelevant, meaningless sex.” He was breathing deeply and rubbed his nose over my neck. “You make me
crazy. Just knowing that I can’t have you makes me even more horny for you. I want to enter you and look into those innocent eyes while you whine and call my name.”

I became wea
k at the knees and I felt as if I was melting. I felt the pull of desire in my stomach, the weight that took over my breasts when Adam pressed his lips on one of my hard nipples through the material of my blouse. A moist heat penetrated the material. I was shaking and my breath was taken away.

“Adam, no”
, I whispered, but I didn’t mean it like that. I was no longer able to stop him.

His dark gaze met mine. “There is this fire in your eyes and also fear.” He closed his eyelids and suddenly he distanced himself. “Maybe you are not
nearly as innocent as you look. You are standing here leaning against a church and your cheeks are red with excitement.” He gave me a look of reproach.

I gasped for breath in outrage and moved away from the wall. “Whatever you think you have seen is not there.”

He moved closer to me again and remained just a breath away from me. “I will prove to you that there can be sex without love. You will sleep with me and then you’ll be able to walk away without suffering. You will just have the feeling that you have had good sex.” He put his hand forcefully on my lower back and then pressed himself right up against me.

“What are you up to?
”, I asked panic-stricken.

“I will taste these full
lips. I have wanted to do this for such a long time.” Without waiting for my answer, he took over my lips. His kiss was not affectionate as I had expected a first kiss to be like. It was passionate and full of desire. It demanded me to surrender.

I threw my hands around Adam’s neck in surrender and
snuggled up to him. As the tip of his tongue pressed against my lips, I opened my mouth powerlessly and let it in. I moaned quietly as our tongues touched each other. I had been kissed before, but it had never felt like this. I melted like ice in the sun. Only Adam’s hands on my neck and back kept me on my feet. I sucked and nibbled his lower lip and sighed. I felt Adam’s erect penis on my stomach. The heat and wetness soaked my pulsating private parts.

I had never been kissed like this before. Aidan had never been as far away from my mind as he was now. Adam’s kiss was
scorching hot. His lips moved on mine softly and roughly. Demanding and eager. We were no longer aware of our surroundings. I felt like I was in a trance and I was only able to feel the butterflies in my stomach and the warm tingling sensation which flickered through every cell of my body.

Suddenly, Adam pulled himself away from me and let out a hoarse groan. “I was wrong to think that you were innocent. If you don’t want me to press you up against that wall there, then we should stop immediately.”
He lifted his hand and stroked my swollen lips with his thum. This soft touch was sufficient to warm me up again immediately. Uncertain, I took a step back. I definitely didn’t want to have sex in the street next to a church. Even though I had to admit that I was quite aroused and I was barely able to resist throwing myself into Adam’s arms again. The vibration between my legs was so severe that I almost wished my private parts didn’t feel a thing. Then, I would cuddle up to Adam’s broad chest and let him take me here right now.

“If you keep looking at me like t
hat with those bedroom eyes, then I will make good on my threat. I am only a man and I’m currently lacking in willpower.” Adam snarled, took my hand and then pulled me towards the car. “Let’s go home. Right now!
”

Everything was dark in the house and only the nightlights were lit up on the top floor, as Adam quickly dragged me up the stairs laughing quietly. When we had reached the top, he stood still, put his arms around my waist and beamed at me with a promise in his eyes that sent a shiver through my body. Then, he had a serious expression on his face.

“You’re having doubts”, he whispered and I nodded, because lying wouldn’t have achieved anything. He could tell from the fear on my face. He stroked my cheek with his warm fingers, laid his hand softly on my neck and his thum over my chin. “Then we’ll put it off.”

I look up at him questioningly because I was worried that he might be angry. But he wasn’t, he shook his head and gave me a soft kiss. “Go to sleep”, he demanded laughing. “I can wait.”

I gave him one last quick kiss and then I fled immediately from Adam back to my room. With a pounding heart and great anger at myself, I fell into bed. I hit my duvet with both fists out of frustration. Why was everything just so complicated? I wanted Adam, didn’t I? But I didn’t trust him.

I was fighting against myself because I wanted to get up, go from this room to the room next door and just crawl up to Adam under the duvet. And when I had decided to do it and had pluc
ked up the courage, I felt this tingling sensation run through me that reminded me how much it had hurt when Aidan had simply ignored me. And Adam would do the same. He would sleep with me and as soon as he had done it he would lose interest in me. The only thing that now irritated him about me was the fact that he had to fight for me. The fact that I wasn’t making it as easy for him as Kathrin, Mel or the bloody Italian girl did.

I was tossing and turning for several
minutes, sobbing and cursing the few tears that came from my eyes unannounced. Then I decided to get a little bit of fresh air. I had to think about something else, otherwise I still wouldn’t be asleep in five hours. Somehow, I had to cool down this agonizing arousal that still flowed through me like hot lava.

I stood up, pulled the plaid that Adam had bought for me securely around my shoulders, took a deep breath and left my room. I went out through the terrace door. My feet took me to the small pond and the illuminated fountain all by themselves. While I watched the water feature, I contemplated why I didn’t just turn around and crawl into Adam’s bed.

What would be so wrong about that? It wouldn’t be a one night stand. After all, we had known each other for almost two weeks, even if we had only talked a little over the last few days. However, I had known Aidan for longer, albeit only as my teacher, and I trusted Aidan as my teacher. I never believed that he really wanted to sleep with me. And when he then started to kiss me, I was overpowered, out of my depth and nervous. And it felt so wonderful to be touched by someone, to be stroked softly and held in their arms that I devoured every second of it.

I hadn’t been touched in a loving way since my parents died. And I was scared of saying no
, because I was worried that he would no longer want me and that these unbelievable feelings and the attention he gave me would be gone forever. Maybe I was too young to deal with the situation?

Now I wasn’t too young anymore. I could say no. And if I did sleep with Adam, it would be all my decision. I would no longer be out of my depth with this decision. And what was actually stopping me from giving in to Adam? It was just my prejudice. I considered him to be a macho.
A man who regularly jumped into bed with new women. But was that really the case? Since I had been here, there had only been three women; the two women I had watched him with and the Italian girl. There had been no more parties either. Maybe I was looking at him in the wrong light? My opinion of him was predetermined from the first few seconds I met him. And in terms of what he had said about his father, about how he thought the professor had seen him, he had done everything to make me look at him in the way I had wanted to look at him right from the start. Maybe I was wrong? No, I wasn’t wrong.

Adam, you have set
every cell in my body on fire and absorbed my thoughts. I just can’t get you out of my head. Perhaps I should just sleep with him one time, then my desire for him would be satisfied. Everything between us was an unquenched, absorbing sexual passion These feelings that he triggered in me couldn’t be anything else. I lusted after him. Every fiber of my being desired him. And if I slept with him one time, I would be free from this desire and everything would be alright.

I shook my head and rubbed my upper arm. I should forget about the past once and for all and no longer let it
dictate my life. Aidan was part of my life years ago. I was a different woman. I was more grown up, more mature and self-assertive. It was time to start a new chapter. Even if Adam didn’t want anything but sex from me, I should learn to deal with it. It was worth it just to feel how powerless this man would make me feel.

On the way back to my room,
I decided to walk around the house in the hope that a little bit of exercise would finally take my thoughts in a different direction. There was a narrow gravel path which led directly around the building and that was lit up by small lanterns. A quiet whimpering sound stopped me in my tracks. I looked around, but I couldn’t make anything out. I listened intently into the night, but besides the singing of cicadas, I wasn’t able to pick up on anything. Only the wind was rustling silently in the trees. When I continued walking, the gravel crunched under my shoes. It only took two steps for a black shadow to emerge from the house wall and a cat shot past me.

I put my hand on my heart trembling and laughed nervously. “A cat.” This little beast had really scared me. I ran back into the house as quickly as I could and got ready for bed.
I fell asleep thinking that I just wanted to see where this thing with Adam would take me. Why should I spoil my fun any longer? Right from the start, I would approach the relationship with Adam knowing that I would be leaving in two weeks.

Even if I did fall in love with Ad
am during this time, the twelve-hour drive would make a serious relationship between us impossible. And there was something else that made this relationship different to what I had had with Aidan; I knew exactly what I was letting myself in for from the beginning. If it didn’t work out and I withdrew into myself again with a broken heart, there would be only one person to blame and that was myself.

I had a restless sleep during the night because I wasn’t able to let go of the worry, fear and desire in my dreams either. I woke up briefly with the feeling that somebody was in my room. I don’t know whether I just dreamt about the creaking of the wooden
floor boards, but when I scanned the dark with my eyes, I couldn’t find anything. I could only hear steps getting closer and then moving away again. Maybe I had heard somebody going to the toilet. Before I could even reflect on why Alfred or his wife weren’t using the downstairs bathroom
, I had fallen asleep again.