In Hiding: A Survivors Journal of the Great Outbreak (25 page)

My lungs and my legs were burning
as I ran and I stopped, dodged and darted in and out of the different
departments. When I came out at the back end of the clothing department I saw
that I had a little bit of space so I ran. I came out on the other side of a
tower of paper towels and saw a group of three zombies blocking the way I
wanted to go. The store may have been big but I had never felt so confined in
my life. I dove into the entertainment department and hid behind one of the
counters. It gave me a quick moment to think and try and come up with a plan to
get out.

I checked how many bullets were
left in the gun. There were only two. That wasn’t good because there was no
telling how many of them stood between me and where I needed to get too. But I
sure as hell knew that it was more then two. I had nothing left with me. I had
abandoned all the supplies and other weapons I had been carrying when the
fighting began. I remember telling myself to conserve ammo, only shoot if I had
too and try and avoid the Zeds as best as I could.

My rest was cut short when a
disgusting face appeared above me, looking down at me from over the counter. I
pointed the gun and fired at extremely close range. Blood and flesh landed all
over the counter and me and I had quickly forgotten what I had just told
myself. I had panicked and I had wasted one of the two bullets that I had left.
I should have just run or smashed its head in with the gun. I could have
avoided it I knew that I could have. But more importantly I needed to keep
moving. I was sure that the sound of the shot would have alerted every Zed that
was nearby of where I was hiding.

I moved through the entertainment
department, ducking low behind the counters and shelves, trying to stay out of
sight. When I reached the opening to one of the main aisles, the one that led
to the door that could get me to the back room I saw that there was at least
one zombie standing out there and it hadn’t seen me yet. I acted out of
desperation and charged at it and threw my shoulder right into its chest
sending it flying into a section of shelving filled with picture frames and
household decorations. Everything including the shelving came crashing to the
floor, making a ridiculous amount of noise for someone who was trying to stay
inconspicuous. That wasn’t the smartest thing to do.

But I had made my opening and it
looked like a clear path to the door except for two Zeds that were looking in
the opposite direction. I blew right past them before they even noticed that I
was there. They didn’t even lay a finger on me. I continued to run as fast as I
could right toward the swinging doors and for a minute I thought that I was
going to make it. I had been so focused on getting to those doors and watching
the other Zeds that I hadn’t noticed what was on the other side of those doors.

I was running full speed and by
the time I looked through the little window on the door it was too late. I
crashed into the swinging doors but they barely moved. At the last second I saw
a zombie standing right on the other side and as I pushed the door I sent her
flying. But I fell backwards hard onto the floor and I could feel the pain in
almost every part of my body as I hit the ground. I got to my feet quickly. I
was running on pure adrenaline at that point. I was in a lot of pain and my
head was pounding, I was stunned but I knew I had to keep moving.

I walked through the door
cautiously. I had knocked that infected woman to the ground and she was
struggling to get back to her feet. So I ran right past her and headed for the
stairway. There were still a few Zeds in the back room and there was very
little space to dodge them back there like there was out on the sales floor. I
searched for anything that I could use as a weapon but came up empty. As I was
looking around I noticed that the woman that I had knocked down was back on her
feet, I was out of time, I needed to keep running.

I was running right towards two
zombies that were standing right next to each other in a place where the back
room was really narrow. I tried to use the advantage of surprise again. The
slow moving, uncoordinated zombies seemed to struggle with that. So as I
approached the first one I kept running and smashed it in the head with the
gun, it stumbled back a few steps, I spun around and tried to keep running just
as the other reached out for me. I ducked underneath its arms, threw my
shoulder into its chest and pushed it back against the wall. Just as I tried to
get running again, the other Zed regained its balance and got a hand on me. I
swung the gun again and struck it in the temple and it fell against the wall.
It reached out again trying to get a hand around my neck but I acted quickly
and kicked it in the stomach and pushed it away.

Before the other one could get any
closer I found myself past them and started to run again. I started running
faster then I ever had in my life right towards the only Zed that stood in my
way. He was standing right in front of the stairway and it didn’t look like he
was going to move. I looked back and saw the three zombies that I had already
encountered marching towards me. I knew there was no time for a struggle with
the final Zed in my way I had to get bye him quickly.

There was no way to go around him
on either side. He was right in the middle of the stairway. So I did something
that I was reluctant to do. I started to slow down just as I got a few feet
away and waited for the Zed to start coming for me. I waited until he was about
a foot away, raised the gun, and squeezed the trigger. His lifeless corpse hit
the ground instantly after I blasted that hole in his forehead. I stepped over
the body and ran up the stairs. I just remember praying that there were no more
Zeds up there.

When I got to the top of the
stairs it looked like I had made it. No zombies, no people, just a clear path
to the ladder. I ran. I was exhausted but I ran. I made it to the ladder and
climbed faster then I thought was possible, I threw open the hatch and crawled
onto the roof and collapsed. I took a few deep breaths before I snapped out of
it and slammed the hatch closed. I moved every heavy object that was nearby on
top of the hatch and took a few steps back.

I sat down on the roof and fumbled
around my pockets to find my cigarettes and a lighter. I took one out, lit it
up and watched the hatch for what seemed like an eternity just waiting to hear
the sound of them banging. They never came. I guess Zeds couldn’t climb ladders
after all.

Eventually I walked out to the
ledge of the building and looked down at the front entrance. There were still
so many of those monsters pushing their way in through the front doors I knew
that there was no way that the others had made it. I couldn’t hear any
gunshots, I couldn’t hear any more shouting or screaming. Besides, I still had
my car keys. I knew they were dead.

I kept watching mostly because I
was waiting to see if Paul would come running out of that garage door laughing
as he made his escape. But I never saw him either. I watched for a while but I
never saw anyone. I just sat there and watched the sunset not knowing what the
night would bring. I didn’t know what the next day would bring or the day after
that.

I just hoped that it was all a
nightmare and believe me it was. It just wasn’t the kind that you wake up from.

It was only a day or so after the
events of that morning that I began to write this. I haven’t kept track of how
many days have past since then. I guess the reason for writing this is because
I feel it’s something worth writing about and that what happened here and the
people who died here is a story worth telling. My hope is that one day someone
will be able to read this and understand what we went through here during this
dark point in history.

I will stay here and wait for rescue.
I am still holding out hope that it will come one day. I have tents to sleep
in. I have food and water to last me. I have the Last Resort Plan to thank for
that. The lower levels have been completely overrun with zombies, but I have
realized that I am safe as long as I stay up here. I am too afraid to open the
hatch and see what’s at the bottom of that ladder. I know they can’t climb that
ladder but I guess I am afraid of what I might see. Maybe I am afraid that I
will look down and see the faces of those that I had abandoned down there.

During those first fourteen days I
made several questionable decisions. Many of which I know were wrong and many
others that I am still unsure of. Not killing Hal, leaving the others to save
myself, I know that I will have to live with those decisions and what they
meant for others. But the one decision that I regret the most was the one that
I made with only the best of intentions.

When I decided to let Paul out of
his restraints that morning I never could have imagined that it would lead to
what it did. He promised me that he would wait until we were in the garage
before he made his escape. I even told him that I was going to be the one to
come and unlock the door and that I would wait until he was long gone. I only
wanted to give him a chance. I just couldn’t leave him there to die in such a
terrible way. I thought what I was doing was right.

I undid the ropes that morning
just before I left to help the others move our supplies to the garage. I told
him once I came back to unlock the door that he should run and try and save
himself. But I guess I should have seen it coming. I was a fool to think that
he wouldn’t betray us like he did. I just thought because I was giving him that
chance that he would afford the others and me that same opportunity. In the end
that mistake cost the others their lives. That and the fact that I chose to
save myself and left them all to die. I am still not sure which decision was
worse.

As the days have past I have
convinced myself that if I hadn’t done what I did that I would be dead just
like the rest of them. That if I didn’t run when I did there would be nobody
left to tell the story of what happened here. I still don’t know if I believe
that but I am learning to live with it.

I am a coward? Sure. I am selfish?
Certainly.

There are worse things to be in
this new world and being dead is one of them. I could blame the extreme
circumstances for what I did or the stress of the situation. But that wouldn’t
be entirely true. I acted out of fear. I was afraid to die and in truth
shouldn’t that be my only fear. There really isn’t much else left to be afraid
of after seeing the things that I have seen.

I have decided to stop writing
after this. I can’t see a reason to write down the events that make up my days.
Days filled with decisions about what canned food to eat for dinner or watching
the horizon in search of any sign of rescue. Days filled with looking for Hal
who I haven’t seen since that fateful day.

There is no need to write down the
hours spent trying to remember song lyrics and the tune that used to accompany
them or trying to remember the sound of my father’s voice, my mother’s voice,
the voice of everyone that I used to know. Everything worth remembering I have
written here in hopes that one day someone will read it. Maybe if luck is on my
side I will still be around to tell it to someone in person.

If someone does find this and I am
no longer around I hope that history will not judge me to harshly. I hope that
they will take into account what the world had become. I know that whoever
reads this will have their opinions about me but I can only hope that they have
seen the things that I have seen. Done the things that I have done and lost
what I have lost. Then and only then do I think that anyone could possibly
understand that I only did what I needed to do.

Goodbye.