Jocelyn's Choice (13 page)

"Really?" Sarah got to her feet, placing her book face down on the sofa. "What a nice surprise."

Oh, you’ll be surprised, all right.

I slowly walked into the study, sticking very close to Alex. My knees were buckling, and my body shook. I wanted to turn around, go home, crawl into my bed, and hide for the next several months.

"Jocelyn, how are you?" Sarah moved closer, but as soon as she got a good look at me, she stopped. "Oh, my."

"Jocelyn is going to have a baby," Alex said.

Thank you, Captain Obvious!

"So we see." Jack got up from the desk and walked over to us. "Hello, Jocelyn."

"Hi." I smiled. "I didn’t want to tell Alex while he was away."

"Oh, Jocelyn." Sarah sighed. "You must have been so afraid." Her eyes filled as she reached past Alex and pulled me into a hug.

"I wanted to tell you," I whispered.

"I know, but you were in a hard position, weren’t you?" she asked.

I nodded, trying to hold back tears.

"It’s going to be okay, sweetie," she whispered into my hair. For the first time in my life, I felt like I had a mother. I sobbed against her shoulder.

She gently rubbed my back for a few minutes, then released me and turned to Alex. She pulled him into her arms. "We’ll figure this out, my baby." She kissed his cheek. "But right now, Jocelyn is freezing, so put her in front of the fireplace, and get her warmed up."

He took my hand and sat me down on the couch in front of the fire. He settled in beside me and wrapped his arms around my body, trying to keep me warm. I closed my eyes and reveled in having him so close to me again. Lord, I'd missed his touch.

"I told you to wear a coat," he said as I rested my head against his shoulder, trying to absorb some of his body heat.

"You let her out in November without one?" Sarah asked.

"She gets overheated." He sounded defensive.

"Alex," she said. "It’s freezing outside."

"It’s not Alex’s fault, Sarah. I don’t have one that’ll zip."

"Why didn’t you tell me that?" he asked.

I shrugged. I was too ashamed to tell him the truth, that I couldn’t afford one. I’d been saving all my paychecks to pay for things the baby would need.

"It’s not a problem," Sarah said. "We’ll get you a coat and whatever else you need." She looked at Alex. "Tonight, make sure she wears one of your jackets home."

He nodded.

"Jocelyn?" Jack took a seat in the chair across from us. "Is everything okay with you?"

"I’m healthy, Jack, and so is the baby." I smiled. "I’m six months along, and I’m due in February."

"I see," he said. "This is why I saw you at the clinic a few months ago."

"The clinic?" Alex asked.

"Um, yeah, I didn’t want to see a doctor from around here." She couldn't stop the little defensive tone that crept into her voice.
It made sense at the time.

"Is there something we can do about that, Dad?" Alex asked. "Can you refer her to someone closer to home?"

He nodded.

"That’s not necessary." I intervened before they could go further. "My doctor is very nice."

"I’m sure she is," Jack said. "But you won’t be able to deliver at my hospital; you’ll have to go to County. You might feel more comfortable closer to home."

"Plus, if you deliver with a practice affiliated with the hospital, my dad can be there," Alex said.

"In the delivery room?" I asked.

"No, not if you don’t want me to be." Jack smiled. "I can just be around if you need me."

"You don’t have to decide this tonight," Sarah said. "We’ll let you think about switching doctors, and if you want, I can go with you to meet potential candidates."

I nodded, but I was feeling uncomfortable about having to change physicians when I was this far along.

"I’d like to call your father," Sarah said. "I’m sure he’s a bit taken aback by all of this."

"Sure," I said. "He’s getting used to it now, but he’s stressed."

"Have you spoken to him, Alex?" Jack asked.

"No, not yet," he said. "I would like to, though."

I was still shivering, so Alex pulled me closer to his side and pressed his lips to my hair. I cuddled deeper into him, relaxing against him when I felt the baby move. It was as if our little one was responding to his daddy's voice.

His parents were doing a good job of reassuring me that everything was going to be fine, and we’d all work together to make sure the baby came first. They were upset and disappointed and were dancing around the idea of me and Alex as a couple.

Honestly, I wasn’t sure if we were a couple or not, since we hadn’t really discussed that yet.

At some point in the conversation, my work schedule came up and how I was still pulling eight-hour shifts.

"You’re on your feet all day?" Alex asked.

"Yes." I smiled; did he think a pregnant woman couldn’t work? "I usually crash after a shift like that though."

"It’s too many hours," he said. "You have to get them cut back."

"I’m fine."

"Dad?" He pleaded for assistance.

"If Jocelyn is healthy, and her doctor doesn’t see the harm in her standing all day, then it’s fine. I do agree, though, Jocelyn, the farther along you get, the more strain it will put on your body. So, if you start feeling like it’s too much, listen to your body."

"I will." I gave him what I hoped was a reassuring smile.

"You need a new car, "Alex blurted out.

What the hell?

"What?" I asked, when I'd recovered enough from my shock to speak. "Mine is okay; it gets me where I need to go."

"Just barely," he said. "I hated the thought of you driving around in that deathtrap before you were pregnant, but now I can’t let you take that kind of a risk.

Where would you put a car seat in that? I don’t think there are any seatbelts in the back."

"I haven’t thought that far ahead, but I wouldn’t put the baby in the car," I said, going on the defensive. "I guess Max will have to drive us where we need to go until I can get something else."

"I’ll take you for a new car tomorrow," he said.

"No!" I sat up. "You’re not buying me a car."

This conversation was beginning to make me feel like I’d done nothing right in the past few months.

"Jocelyn," he said. "Please don’t argue with me. This is a safety issue."

"Alex," Jack said. "Why don’t we give Jocelyn some time to adjust? She’s been dealing with this pregnancy by herself, and now we’re throwing all of these decisions at her. The car can wait."

"Dad, I want her and the baby to be safe." He looked at me. "Joce?"

It wasn’t an unreasonable request, but I just couldn’t let him buy me a new car. I stood up and walked around the room, rubbing my back.

"What’s wrong?" Alex asked. "Are you okay?"

"My back hurts." I shrugged. The aches and pains weren't anything new. "Look, I know you’re all trying to help, but I’ve had a really long day, and I’m a little overwhelmed."

"It’s okay, Jocelyn." Sarah got up and walked over to me. "Why don’t you go up to Alex’s room and rest for a bit? I know this has been difficult for you, and I’m sure you and Alex have a few things to work out."

"I am tired," I said. "But I can go home."

"No," Alex said. "I’ll take you upstairs for a little while."

I wasn’t ready to go home yet. Four months was a long time to be away from him, and I needed to be with him, especially now. I needed to know what his thoughts were on our current situation.

"Okay." I nodded.

"I’ll call your dad tomorrow, Jocelyn," Sarah told me as we headed for the door.

"Alex," Jack called after us, "I want you to make some time for me. I think we need to talk."

"Sure," he replied quietly. "How about in the morning?"

"See me before I leave for the hospital," he said.

Alex nodded.

"Is your dad mad?" I asked as we headed to his room.

"Just disappointed," he said. "But I knew he would be. I’ll talk to him tomorrow."

"Sorry," I said. "Maybe you should have told him without me, and then he could’ve told you how he really felt."

"Nah." He shrugged. "My mother would’ve made me take her to see you anyway."

"She was really sweet." I smiled.

"Will you do me a favor?"

"Sure."

"Will you let her take you shopping for clothes? It’ll make her feel useful."

"I don’t understand," I said. "Why would buying me a coat make her feel useful?"

"Because she’s worried about you, and she’s in mom mode, and she wants to make everything right," he said. "If you won’t let me buy you a car tomorrow, at least let my mom take you shopping."

"I’ll go shopping with Sarah, but I don’t want to hear about the car anymore," I said.

"Fine." He sighed and shut his bedroom door behind us.

"You’ll give up, just like that?"

"For tonight." He smiled and pulled me down on the bed.

"I’m too tired to argue." I yawned.

He lay back, resting against the headboard, and motioned for me to slide up and lie beside him. I hesitated, suddenly uncertain.

"I want to hold you," he said. "Please."

I nodded, slid up, and curled into his side.

"I missed you so much," he said as he played with my hair.

"I missed you too," I whispered. "I wished every night you could be with me."

I didn’t say anything for a few minutes, because the baby kept kicking, and I didn’t want the moment to end, but we had much to discuss. I draped my arm across his chest and said, "Are you mad at me?"

"That’s a hard question to answer. I know why you didn’t tell me, but I wish you hadn’t kept this from me. I could’ve helped you through all of the decisions."

"There weren’t that many decisions, other than finding a doctor and deciding when to tell Max," I said. "The hardest part was keeping it from you."

"That’s why you stopped calling me?"

"I was afraid I’d blurt it out over the phone," I said. "There wasn’t anything you could have done here, but I knew you’d want to come home."

"I could’ve still come home, Jocelyn," he said. "I wouldn’t have had to give up the internship, but we could have discussed all of our options."

"What options?"

"Well, did you consider all of the alternatives? I would've wanted to make sure you were aware of all of the available choices."

"What?" I sat up and stared at him. "You’re not suggesting what I think, are you?"

"No, I'm not suggesting anything." He quickly shook his head. "I wouldn’t have wanted you to do that, but I would’ve supported any decision you made. I just feel like I missed so much. Obviously, it’s too late for that, and I’m extremely thankful that you decided to keep our baby, but you’re so young."

"I’m not that young," I said. "I can do this."

"I know you can," he said. "But I don’t want you to change your mind when it’s too late."

"What does that mean?" I spoke through clenched teeth.
Does he think I’ll abandon
my baby if I get bored?

"Please calm down! I just want you to know you don’t have to do this because you think it’s what I want."

"What?"

"Have you thought about adoption?"

My heart dropped his words. "Is that what you want me to do?" I could feel the tears threatening to spill.

"I just want you to know I’m here either way," he said. "I’m not trying to hurt you."

"I’m keeping this baby," I said. "If you don’t want to be part of this, then that’s fine. But I
am
keeping this baby."

"That’s not what I meant." Now it was his turn to get upset.

"Then why would you bring that up? Do you think I’m like my mother, and I’ll stick you with a baby and take off?"

"What? No!" He sat up and moved closer to me. "That’s not at all what I was thinking."

"I don’t need you, Alex." I climbed out of bed and headed for the door. "I don’t need new clothes, a new car, or a new doctor."

I was hurt and frustrated. None of what had happened was the way I pictured it would happen.

Alex chased after me, stopping me before I could leave.

"I can do this by myself," I cried. "Just like I’ve been doing!"

"You don’t have to," he said. "I’m playing catch-up, Jocelyn. I haven’t had six months to digest this life-altering decision. I’ve known for three hours. You have to give me some time to adjust."

"Take all the time you need." I stormed out of the room.

"Jocelyn, please," he said. "I didn’t mean to offend you. I was trying to help you."

"By telling me to put our baby up for adoption?" I screamed, just as Evan was coming up the stairs.

"Alex," he said. "Why would you tell her that?"

"She misunderstood. I never said that," he said. "I was trying to tell her we could talk about anything. I would listen to whatever she had to say."

"Evan," I said. "Can you please take me home?"

"Of course, Joce." H put his arm around my shoulder.

"I can take you home." Alex moved to stand in front of me.

"No, please," I said. "I’m really tired, and I need some space."

"Jocelyn, I’m sorry. I just need to let this all sink in."

"I know," I said. "It’s a lot to process, and I don’t want you saying or doing anything you’ll regret later. I’m not asking you for anything, Alex."

"But I want to be there for you," he said.

"Maybe after you really think about it, you’ll feel differently," I said. "I wouldn’t blame you."

"Jocelyn—"

I didn’t let him finish. I’d had enough for one night.

"No, I want to go home now." I looked at Evan.

"Alex," Evan said, "you both need to take tonight and think. I’ll take her home."

"I’ll call you tomorrow," Alex told me.

"Okay." I smiled, but I was seconds away from losing it, and I didn’t want to cry in front of him. "We can talk tomorrow."

"Fine," he whispered. "Make sure she gets home safe."

"I will," Evan said.

Alex looked at me one last time before heading back down the hall and into his room. I jumped when he slammed the door.

This is not how this was supposed to go down.