Lost in Flight (33 page)

Frowning he said, “About what?” 

He could tell Bonnie was uncomfortable, but she took a fortifying breath.  “She’s worried that one day you’ll marry someone else and have kids.  She doesn’t want to have to look at that every time she goes to see her family.” 

Riley almost laughed.  He shook his head saying, “That’s not going to happen, Bonnie,” but she was undeterred.

“It might happen.  How would you feel if it were her, Riley - her with someone else and kids?” 

That was simple.  He’d hate it.  He shook his head repeating, “Not going to happen, Bonnie.”

“But it might happen, you don’t know what the future holds,” Bonnie insisted.

Sighing, he looked at Bonnie.  “It’s not going to happen.  She’s been back in my life for less than a week and turned my world upside down.  I thought we were finished, but we’re not.  I’m not sure we ever will be.  I love her, Bonnie, and no one else.  It’s that simple.” 

He didn’t meet Bonnie’s eyes for a bit and when he did he could have kicked himself for being such a sad guy.  He couldn’t decide what was worse: his confession or the look of sadness in Bonnie’s eyes.  Riley wished he hadn’t been so indiscreet.  What if she told her? 

Riley looked at Bonnie and pleaded.  “Please don’t tell her, Bonnie.” 

She came over and squeezed his hand promising that she wouldn’t.  He said, “She’s always been stronger than me.  She can keep away.  I can’t keep away from her, Bonnie – not when she’s close.  I’m like an addict.”

Bonnie shook her head.  “I’m not sure that’s accurate, Riley.”  She folded her arms and glared.  “I don’t think either of you can keep away from each other.  Believe me, Mandy and I
tried
to keep away her away from you last Friday.  She even took on bikers to get to you.” 

Riley’s head spun round so fast he hurt his neck.  “Bikers?  What?” 

But Bonnie ignored him and stared off into the distance.  “I don’t think Dina expects happiness in this world, Riley.  She hasn’t had a lot of it.  She goes through life expecting the worst and it hasn’t really failed her.”

He actually, physically flinched when he heard that.  It was the thing that had nearly driven him crazy and haunted him.  After the divorce, when his mind replayed everything, he would focus on his inability to make her happy.  It had gone around and around in his mind until he became fixated on it.

Riley turned to Bonnie and confessed things he’d never told a soul – not even Dina.  They ended up sitting in her car while he spilled his guts to Christina’s closest friend.  For the first time in ages, Riley talked about Dina from his perspective and for the most part, Bonnie just let him.  She would interrupt him every now and again, and correct him on some point, but she mostly stayed quiet, letting him vent.

He then put his head down and confessed what he had never been able to say out loud to anyone.  “I don’t think she ever really loved me – not the way I loved her and she got rid of me because I was just a fucking inconvenience.”

Bonnie just stared at him in disbelief.  “Riley – you can’t believe that?  She did love you.  Completely.  You didn’t see her afterwards – after you’d torn each other to shreds.  I did.  She was a mess.  I had to hold her because I thought she was going to break into pieces.”

He looked at Bonnie and she nodded with a sad smile.  “Oh, yes.  You two drove each other insane, still do; the way only two people who really love each other and can’t get their acts together can.”  

Riley grimaced.  “I know I messed it up, Bonnie,” but she cut him off with a wave of her hand. 

“It wasn’t all your fault, Riley, and Dina would tell you that herself if you two could ever – you know - use your big grown-up words and have a conversation.”  They shared a grin and Bonnie said, “You know, I’ve always wanted to know a few things.”

“Like what?”  Riley said. 

“Like why didn’t you take Dina with you when you left to go on the road?  I never understood it.  You two were inseparable and then you’d take off for months at a time, leaving her by herself.  It made her miserable.”  

Riley squirmed.  “I always thought she’d be better off at home.  The road is hard sometimes…”

Bonnie stared at him skeptically.  “She’s a Martin.  They have the road on both sides of their DNA.  I mean – look at her – she got out of Shanwick as soon as she could.” 

He listened as Bonnie talked, taking it all in.  “Shanwick wasn’t big enough for her - not her,” Bonnie sighed.  “I just never understood some of the decisions you both made.  Difficult is not something that would frighten Dina.  Dying in a small town was.  Her mother died young, Riley – in a small town with kids.  She wanted… she
deserved
better than that.” 

It had never occurred to him, but when he thought about it, he knew Bonnie was right.  He said, “I felt I couldn’t do anything right by her in the end, Bonnie, so I just stopped trying.  It was like the only time I could get a reaction from her was when we were fighting or f... um, just torturing each other.  I hated myself for doing it, but I couldn’t help it either.  At least I knew she felt something.  If I could take it back and do things different?  Yeah.  I would.  Seriously.  I would, but I can’t.  It’s done.” 

Bonnie nodded.  “I believe you, but why haven’t you ever told her these things?  You’re both alike.  She keeps everything in – like you do - until it explodes.  She fights, Riley, and so do you.”  She laughed and made him laugh too, “I don’t have to tell you that, but come on?  Why didn’t you go get her?  She would have taken you back, especially the first time.  It might’ve taken awhile, but she would have.” 

Riley didn’t say anything.  He just ground his teeth.  “I always thought she’d hate it and come back, and we’d find each other.”  He shrugged.  “It was all around the time her mother died and I thought it was mainly the grief talking.  She was always giving me ultimatums and then we’d get back together.  I thought this time was no different and then it was too late.  I waited to hear she’d come back home, but it didn’t really happen until Mandy and Dave’s wedding.”

He heard Bonnie groan.  “Ri-ght.  Translation, you were too stubborn and proud – just like her – to find some compromise.” 

He grinned and then scowled.  “The second time – after Mandy and Dave’s wedding.  I did go to get her, but she was with someone else.”

Bonnie nodded.  “I remember.  You called her a whore.”  Riley winced and Bonnie shrugged her shoulders and gave him a pointed look.  “But that’s ancient history – where it should stay.  She’s never married again, Riley, and neither have you.  Interesting, isn’t it and both of you could have.” 

Riley stared at her.  “Oh, yes,” she nodded.  “I know about Bianca.”  Bonnie gave him a mischievous grin.  “You know - Mandy – the girl network – nothing’s sacred outside the circle, only on the in.  Dina could have as well, but she didn’t.” 

Bonnie sighed.  “You know, if you do feel the way you say you do about her, now’s your chance to make it right.” 

Riley glanced at Bonnie, then away.  “I didn’t just give her my heart Bonnie.  It’s like I gave her my soul as well.”

Bonnie rolled her eyes.  “I get it.  You’re crazy for one another or just crazy, but seriously, now’s your chance.  Do you want her back or not, Riley?  It’s pretty simple really.” 

Riley didn’t respond for a while.  He had to chew it over.  It was the question he asked himself and he didn’t yet have the answer.  Finally, he said quietly.  “I want her back, but if it doesn’t work out, I’m not sure I’ll be able to put myself back together again.  I want to be with her, but then again, I’m not so sure.” 

********************

Christina, Seattle, The Present, Wednesday 10 October 2012

Christina was engrossed in reading the contents of the envelopes not once, but twice and by the third time, she wished she hadn’t.  She wasn’t surprised at the information, but it still made her feel uncomfortable and more than a little violated.  There were Gabby’s medical records, as well as her own, Johnny’s, and her father’s.  Police reports, Gabby’s ties to political organizations, which were mainly environmental, but some had a radical edge.  

A copy of her mother’s death certificate, Christina and Gabby’s academic records, and work history.  There were complete dossiers on the Martin family from home addresses to financial information, associates and business interests, Johnny’s criminal record, his stints in rehab, and his current girlfriend’s immigration status. 

To her horror, Christina found her dossier included a large section on Riley and his family, including his family trust fund, work history from being a cook to a stripper, to his current position as music manager, CEO of RPM Productions, and links to Mason Glenn.  What was really horrible was Riley’s financial records were displayed and he was a lot wealthier, staggeringly so, than she ever expected or wanted to know. 

Riley had interests in all sorts of areas and owned multiple properties, including the one she was sitting in.  Why hadn’t he told her?  She felt terrible.  He’d left and gone to a hotel room, letting her stay here, and it was his house.  Christina had no right to this information and she put the paperwork back in the envelopes.  She’d read enough and didn’t want to know anymore.  She felt like a stalker.

By the time Mandy arrived in the afternoon, Christina welcomed the interruption.  She dangled Christina’s shoes from her fingers and wiggled her eyebrows saying, “Look what I got!  I got them back from the Biker’s Bar and you owe me for having to go in there and flirt with those guys.” 

Christina had forgotten all about her shoes and she laughingly grabbed them off her friend.  Mandy blinked and looked mischievous.  “Oh, I’ve got some stuff in the car.  Can you help me bring it up?” 

The “stuff” Mandy had in her car was boxes full of clothing that she’d brought for Christina.  After dragging the boxes and Mandy’s luggage up the stairs, Christina cursed her for not leaving it in Shanwick.  Mandy shrugged.  “I was going to leave it there, but you took off so quickly I wanted to give it to you before you went back to D.C.” 

Christina looked at Mandy with narrowed eyes.  “Why are you giving me your hand-me-downs?  Do you think I’m poor and ugly?” 

Mandy stroked Christina’s hair gently off her face.  “Definitely not ugly, sweetie,” making them both laugh.  To divert Mandy from trying to foist her designer label, rock star wife chic, upon her, Christina asked her about the building project in Seattle that Bonnie had informed her about. 

Mandy looked confused.  “Oh, it’s Dave’s idea really.  I wanted to move back to Shanwick, but Dave didn’t want to.  Seattle was as far as he’d go, so when this project came up we decided to go for it.  Why?” 

Why: it was a good question.  Christina wasn’t so opposed to the idea now, but she thought she should be on principle.  When Christina told her how she felt, Mandy was horrified.  “Oh no, no, no, Dina.  If you’re uncomfortable with it, we’ll do something else.  I doubt Riley would live there much anyway.  He always takes off for months over winter.” 

Strange.  Christina didn’t know he left for winter and her lack of knowledge was by design.  She’d made sure the information channels had stopped about them when they divorced – it was a promise they’d both made to each other.  Well, ‘promise’ sounds a lot politer than what happened.  It was more of a yelled “You’re dead to me” retort from both parties. 

Christina used to pretend he didn’t exist, so she could move on with her life and not go crazy (ier) thinking about him.  But that hadn’t worked out so well.  It worked at a distance, but not when they were in close proximity.

As much as she wanted to tell Mandy not to go ahead with the project, she found she could no longer muster the outrage.  “It’s fine, Mandy,” she smiled.  “Really.  You do what is best for you and your family.” 

She heard Mandy say, “Dina, what aren’t you telling me?” 

Christina then found the clothes fascinating, picking items up, and making false compliments until Mandy grabbed her arm.  Using all the considerable tools available, including her big eyes, sad face, and the worst one:  “Bet you’d tell Bonnie.  She’s your
real
best friend, not me,” Christina caved.  In terms of mental arm wrestle and torture, Mandy was good.

So Christina confessed to Mandy about the singing, the dancing, the conversation about pregnancy and periods, the date with plane,s and the kissing.  While Mandy emptied the contents of the boxes on the bed, Christina told her about the lots and lots of kissing.  She braced herself for criticism, but Mandy didn’t say anything. 

Christina said, “It’s crazy, right?” but Mandy shrugged.

“I don’t think so.  I always hoped you two would work it out one day.  It’s only crazy  if you two let it get cray-cray and I’m not telling Dave, because he so wouldn’t get it, but no.  I don’t think it’s crazy at all.” 

Mandy grabbed a particularly skimpy number that would barely cover Christina’s butt, saying “this one.”  Then the women started arguing about fashion and decorum.  Mandy decided she needed back up, so she called Gabby on Skype. 

The three women divided the clothing into piles:  1) Christina, 2) Gabby and 3) oh hell no!  They had serious arguments about it and Mandy kept putting ones from the “oh hell no” pile back into the other two when Christina wasn’t looking.   To Mandy’s annoyance, Gabby would nark on her. 

In exasperation, Mandy snapped.  “You two are like the worst clothes friends in the world – ever.” 

“Hey, Dina,” Gabby laughed, “I think the last time you and I went clothes shopping it was for Mandy’s wedding.  You took me shopping in Seattle and Dad gave me his credit card.  We hammered it!   Then you girls did my hair for the wedding.”  They all looked at each other and laughed until their sides hurt. 

Mandy said, “Oh, that’s a nice memory.  My strongest one was my mother being a wedding Nazi.  Commandant Robinson we called her behind her back.  Oh my god!” 

Christina laughed along with them, but her memories of that time were quite different.

Chapter Eighteen – Return flights