Love, Always (2 page)

After battling traffic and security guards who thought I was a groupie, I finally find Josh with a hotdog in one hand and a beer in the other. Hotdog and beer for breakfast; now that’s where the nutrients from the most important meal of the day come from. His face breaks into the smile that he reserves only for me when he sees me, and my heart settles back into a normal rhythm. We’re gonna be okay. We’re gonna be parents, and all-nighters will take on a whole new meaning, but we’ll make it through. Because we love each other. It doesn’t matter that we’re young. Love is ageless.

Josh leans down to kiss the corner of my mouth on the dimple that drew him to me from the beginning. Who knew a hole on my face would bring me love? Thank the heavens to the angels who kissed my face, or took a tiny bat to it. Either way, dimples are great.

“Hey, love.” Josh drops his breakfast and puts his arms around my waist, caressing my skin with his thumb as he kisses me again. Our tongues unite for just a second before he pulls away, but it is enough; an affirmation to the female population that he is mine. I taste the hotdog from his kiss and almost gag, but smile through the nausea that is currently reminding me I have a pretty big secret to spill.

“So, I have something to tell you.”

“Have you eaten?” he asks, ignoring me completely in his constant attempt to feed me. Apparently he wants more to hold than my size two frame. Lucky for him he’ll be getting more than he knows in a few months. I nod my head and he signals for a cheeseburger from Adam who is grilling behind us.

A cheeseburger. I should be surprised, but it’s hard to do so after two years with this foolish boy whose passport claims he is twenty-one years old. I oblige him and take a bite of the burger as we sit down on the floor across from each other.

“So?” he asks me.

So. No sugarcoating, remember? “I’m pregnant.” How’s that for sticking a dagger in a man’s heart? I should probably rip it out just as quickly. “You’re gonna be a daddy,” I emphasize with a secret smile he can’t see.

His eyes widen seconds before his lips meet mine. “I swear on my unborn child, if you’re lying to me, I will—” He stops mid-sentence and furrows his eyebrows together. “You’re not lying, are you?”

I shake my head and laugh at him. “No, I swear on all our unborn children, I’m telling you the truth. We’re gonna have a baby.”

“You said children, Dee.” Worried, he puts his hand on my stomach. “How many do you have in there?”

“Just one, you idiot.” I slap his hand away playfully. “It better just be one. But later we can have more.”

“Lots more!” he exclaims before grabbing my waist and sitting me on his lap. “Things are finally happening, Dee,” he whispers into my ear and his breath hot and humid against my skin, sends prickles down my spine. I’m gonna have a baby with this man. We’re gonna be a family. “Come on tour with me.”

It’s not really a question or a demand, but a plea for us to be together, to stay together. Like I’d say no.

I shift my body so that I am cradling my legs around his waist and nod once before I give him a quick peck on the lips.

“Yes? That’s a yes?”

“Of course that’s a yes! I don’t wanna be without you.”

“I have one more question, and this better be a yes, too.”

I narrow my eyes at him as he grins at me, and mentally prepare for whatever ridiculousness comes out of his mouth.

“Marry me,” he tells me confidently, but his eyes give away the uncertainty he’s feeling. Marry him. Make us official. We’ll be a real family, with a signed contract professing our undying love to prove it. “You’re killin’ me here, Dee. Say yes.”

I squeeze my legs tighter around his waist and whisper in his ear the same words he once said to me that saved me from myself. “I love you, Josh.”

“Love you too,” he repeats before jumping to his feet with me still clinging on to him. He twirls me around and I laugh, drunk on the euphoria that is my life. “I’m getting married!” he shouts at no one in particular, but loud enough for the world to hear. “My bride is the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen, and together we’re gonna raise the most perfect little baby,” he whispers his declaration loud enough that only he and I can hear it, and that’s enough because we are all that matter in my world.

Adam, sweet sturdy Adam with his light brown hair and natural highlights that I like to tease him about, slaps Josh on the back. Josh sets me down so their bromance can go one step further with a congratulatory hug. I don’t know why he’s congratulating Josh, because I’m the real winner here. Adam’s light green eyes stay on me for a moment before he hugs and spins me around until I feel dizzy. Dizzy from my happiness, all the spinning, or the pregnancy, it doesn’t matter.

Life is hard, but sometimes it proves just how worthwhile it is to simply breathe so you can experience the joy that comes with the hardships. After Adam releases me, I fold myself back into Josh’s arms and open my heart up to his love and our child and the life of greatness we are destined for.

“I want to take care of you,” Josh whispers in my ear as his arms hold me against his chest. “I want to take care of our baby. I swear on everything holy, I’ll take care of both of you.” His serious tone makes me sad, but I smile at him anyway and press my lips to his neck as I breathe him in.

“You don’t have to swear by anything, babe. I already know.”

Josh holds me back for a second so he can see my face, and I know what he is thinking. He doesn’t want us to be broken. His child, our child, will be loved like we were never loved. Our child will be nurtured like we were never nurtured. I guess that’s the bond that connects us; we’re both broken souls trying to repair one another. Who knew our salvation would come in the form of a tiny being created by both of us?

“Of course you do.” With his eyes closed, he rests his head on my forehead and sighs.

“You two are pathetic,” Adam says from behind Josh, snapping his towel at Josh’s ankle before taking off in the other direction.

Josh quickly kisses my forehead before taking off in a sprint after his best friend. I turn away laughing when I see Josh wrestle Adam to the ground. Those two are worse than children. I place my hand on my stomach and rub it slowly, wondering how it’ll feel once the baby is big enough to move around. The concept itself, is exciting yet scary. Josh and Adam run around me, using me as a shield from one another as their banter draws an interested crowd around them. At least I have my boys to keep my fear at bay.

After lunch, with another cheeseburger a la Adam, the band takes the stage, so I join the growing crowd of eager fans. I make my way to the front and spot Josh taking his place behind the drums. Shirt off, sunglasses on, cap backwards – he looks edible. The girls next to me agree and apparently want to try things with him I’ve never thought about. I’ll have to surprise him tonight, you know, to spice things up a bit.

I tune the girls out and watch Josh who has found me in the crowd. He smiles at me before returning his attention to the drums. Adam joins him on stage and the screams from the crowd are so loud I can hardly hear him speaking into the mic.

They’ve made it. During their high school years they were a garage band who won Battle of the Bands and that gained them some popularity, but this is different. They aren’t just popular locally, but full blown famous.

I jump and sing with the crowd but keep my eyes on Josh. My eyes only leave his when Adam’s bass guitar is brought out for his solo. This will be big. Huge. The girls will cream their pants at the sight and sound of him.

He hits a few chords and addresses the crowd by me. Their reaction is instantaneous. They shout his name and push forward to get closer to him. Because who doesn’t want to be close to greatness? And they are great, all of them are. He winks at me, which sends the girls further into their fury, and they push harder towards him until I am almost against the stage. Not wanting to be trampled, I shove my way away from them and their pursuit of Adam.

By the time I reach the outer edge of the crowd, I am pissed. I’ve been shoved, stepped on and cussed at.

Once I am safely away from the chaos, I turn back towards the stage just in time to see the front of the stage fall. Putting my hand to my lips and hearing my own heartbeat in my ears, I search for Adam and Josh. Please, God, let them be okay. My heart settles a little when I see Adam being pulled off the stage by security, but not Josh. Damnit, he must not have seen me leave and thinks I’m still down there.

I climb on a boulder beside me and shout his name as I wave my hands in the air in hopes that he’ll see me and know I’m safe. But he never looks in my direction. He runs towards the fallen part of the stage, looking frantically for me. I shout his name again, but I’m too far away and he can’t hear me. I jump off the boulder and fight against the crowd trying to get away from the stage so I can make my way to him.

But I’m too late. I watch it happen in slow motion as if I am living someone else’s life when the rest of the stage collapses and Josh disappears. With fear coursing through my veins, I call out his name and push my way through the crowd in vain. I can barely get a step forward with all the bodies slamming against me as they run in the opposite direction of my heart.  

Hours, minutes, an incalculable amount of time passes between the stage collapsing and Adam finally finding me. I’m so relieved when he puts his arms around me, but instead of helping me get to Josh, he sends me away.

“Take her out of here,” he tells the security guards surrounding us.

I shake them off of me, determined to help, but one of the men picks me up and carts me away. I thrash around in his arms, kicking and scratching, but he doesn’t let me go. Instead, I am deposited in the tour bus Wasted Circle is to travel in. One security guard keeps a watchful eye over me while the other watches the door.

Anxiety continues to increase the pressure in my chest until I can no longer take it. I stand up and try to push by the security guard, but he guides me back to my seat on the bus.

“No. No, damnit! I have to get to him.” I don’t bother trying to stand up to leave again, but put my head in my hands and hold myself as I sob uncontrollably.

“He’s gonna be fine,” the security guard says from his post by the door. I look up at him, but he looks away, making his words of comfort an obvious lie.

He doesn’t think Josh is going to be fine. He’s thinking the worst. But that’s the lie. Josh will be okay. The world wouldn’t strike him down and erase him from existence. Life isn’t that cruel to strip me of the only happiness I’ve ever felt.

Calmer, I sit myself up on the sofa and refuse to make eye contact with anyone. The other members of Wasted Circle are on the bus with us, and their presence weighs on my shoulders. I lean my body back and stare at my fingers while I wait.

I wait for eternity, and the waiting and not knowing terrifies me. My stomach clenches at the
what if’s
, so I force myself to think about anything else. The security guard hasn’t taken his eyes off of me, but the other members have created their own stupid little game with balled up paper and plastic cups, and the sight of them and their indifference disgusts me. I sigh heavily and squeeze my hands together harder, trying to reassure myself of what I have already convinced myself. Josh is fine, they just need to find him so I can see him to make my thoughts a reality.

The door to the bus opens abruptly and a dirty disheveled Adam storms in. “We found him. He’s not—”

I don’t bother waiting to hear what he has to say as I push past him, not knowing where I’m going. Adam takes my hand, and together we run towards the ambulances. I notice Adam guides me towards an ambulance with its lights turned on already inching forward. I hit the hood of the car hard to get the driver’s attention as I shout Josh’s name through the windshield.