My Sister's a Yo Yo (5 page)

‘Am not.'

‘Are so.'

‘Am not.'

‘Are so.'

‘Am not,' said Eppie, getting louder and louder.

‘Are so!', said Zeke as loud as the horn on a ship in the middle of a foggy night. ‘Are so, are so, are so. You're a selfish, lazy spoilt brat. You're a bum, you're a bum, you're a bum.'

‘I beg your pardon, Zeke,' said Miss Snailheadface, who thought Zeke was talking to her.

‘Um, nothing,' said Zeke.

‘No: I heard you say something, and I think you said that I was a bum, a bum, a bum.'

‘No,' said Zeke. ‘What I said was: “I love my school, I'm as happy as Santa, ho hum, ho hum, ho hum”.'

‘I see,' she replied, ‘and what's that in your hand?'

‘Um … it's my yoyo, Miss Snailheadface.'

‘A yoyo!' she said, ‘A yoyo in my class! Do you think my classroom is a circus?'

‘No,' Zeke replied, ‘I don't think it's a circus.' But he thought it was a good idea.

‘Well you can't have that thing here in my classroom. I'm confiscating your yoyo, from this moment on. Zeke, come here and give it to me.'

She held out her hand and waited for the yoyo, but Zeke was too scared to move. He stood perfectly still … and the clock
ticked loudly.

Meanwhile, skinny Miss Snailheadface (who was probably a witch) was still waiting with her long, skinny hand stretched out. And she said in her high, scratchy, squeaky voice, ‘Well? Zeke, give it to me.'

Zeke thought of a million excuses, a million lies, a million things that he wished would happen right there and then, like being stolen by a robber and traded for gold, or turning into a piece of dust and blowing out the window, or suddenly becoming evil green slime and sliding himself through the cracks in the floor, underneath the classroom, where he could live happily just eating flies and never having to tidy his room, ever.

Zeke thought and he thought, and he tried and he tried, he wished and he wished, with his eyes squished tight. But he just stayed the same old Zeke, with his sister and his yoyo held tightly in his hand.

More seconds tick-tocked by.

Slowly Zeke moved his hand forward towards scarecrow skinny Miss Snailheadface. Zeke was scared, and Eppie was scared, and they both knew now they would definitely get busted and their parents would find out, and they'd never get pocket money ever again for the rest of their lives, and never get to eat pizza or chips or burgers on Friday night, and probably be sent to their rooms for at least two years, and when they were finally released they would walk outside and see that the whole world was filled with strange creatures from outer space and amazing cars, and super cool technology, and actually getting busted was starting to sound all right …

Anyway, Zeke was scared, and Eppie was scared, but of course there was no choice and Zeke had to give the yoyo to Miss Snailheadface. So he held out
his hand and put the yoyo and the tangled string and his knotted tiny little sister into Miss Snailheadface's skinny stick-fingers.

Miss Snailheadface didn't look down. She just smiled like a shark straight into Zeke's eyes and said, ‘There now: that wasn't so hard.'

‘But what will you do with my yoyo?' Zeke asked.

‘Oh,' said Miss Snailheadface. ‘This bit of rubbish? I'll take it up to the principal's office and she will either put it in her bottom drawer and leave it there forever or else she will send it in an envelope to Africa where it will probably get eaten by a large green snake.'

‘Oh great,' thought Eppie, ‘that's just what I need.' (Panic, panic, panic.)

Then Eppie (who was pretty smart) made a squeak just like a hungry mouse and Miss Snailheadface screeeeeeeeeeeeeee
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeamed, jumped up onto the desk and dropped Eppie and the yoyo and the tangled string right into the bin.

‘There, that's that!' said Miss Snailheadface (after her teeth had stopped nattering in fear).

So Zeke sat down, back at his desk, and Eppie sat in the bin, and the lessons returned to normal (except that Miss Snailheadface was still standing on the desk and Dimitri Wilson was trying to look up her dress).

After a while Darryn Pinky got up from his desk and put his leaking texta in the bin, on top of Eppie. Then Claire Blump emptied her pencil sharpener in the bin, Eleanor Tonsil put her ruined wet painting in the bin, Tim Sneak put Erica's plait in the bin, and Jake Rat cleared out the whole back of his desk and put an old orange, a smelly banana and a piece of melted chocolate all in the bin, right on top of Eppie.

Then the bell rang for lunch and Miss Brown told goody-goody Richie Nosesniffle and revolting Emily Pong to go and empty the classroom bin into the great big square metal garbage dump at the very bottom of the school playground.

So, of course when all the other kids went to play, Zeke, who really wanted his yoyo back, had no choice at all but to follow goody-goody Richie Nosesniffle and revolting Emily Pong all the way to the bottom of the playground.

Zeke had to be careful that Richie Nosesniffle and Emily Pong didn't see him because they were both dreadful dobbers and
they would definitely tell their skinny-as-a-stick teacher that naughty Zeke had followed them down to the big square metal garbage dump at the bottom of the garden to steal back his stupid yoyo. Pathetic and um-ah. (I mean there are worse things in the world, like starvation and racism and war.)

So that he would not be seen, Zeke grabbed a big leafy branch that was taller and wider than he was. Then he hid behind it and followed Nosesniffle and Pong down to the dump. His disguise was so good that no one could tell he was Zeke at all, and he just looked like a normal tree wearing sneakers and running down the playground.

Finally Nosesniffle and Pong reached the dump, and they picked up the classroom bin and emptied out all the rubbish. Zeke The Tree waited patiently for the two of them to leave, but they
both just stood there and talked and talked (probably about how fabulous they were). Zeke waited and waited and waited and then, when Nosesniffle and Pong had finally walked halfway back up the playgound, Zeke ran as fast as he possibly could towards the garbage, and dived into the dump.

It was really smelly inside the dump bin and it was overflowing with old sandwiches, orange peel, apple cores, plastic bags, an old
shoe, a lost sock, lots of paper, lolly wrappers, chip packets, drink containers and all the grass and leaves and twigs and bugs from the school lawn mower. Zeke searched and searched for his yoyo but it was nowhere to be found. Finally he called out: ‘Eppie, where are you?'