Ravenous (7 page)

The optimism she held earlier flittered away with each passing minute as they drove into town. When they reached the main street in Holbrook her curiosity grabbed hold of the reins.

“Do you even plan on coming back?” Her throat constricted with every word until she was holding her breath, waiting for his reply.

He remained silent until he pulled to the curb in front of the bakery and switched off the ignition. When he faced her his expression was bleak, the hard line of his lips and the sadness in his eyes speaking louder than words.

“You don’t plan on coming back,” she whispered.

“I don’t get a lot of time off and when I do I like to go someplace bett–”

Wow, she hadn’t expected a brutal brush off. “Take me home, Jesse.” She’d heard enough. She couldn’t listen to the spiel again.
You need to move to the city. More opportunities. Better lifestyle.

“Let me finish.”

She shot him a heated glare and tried not to let the fire in her eyes overcome her. “Take. Me. Home.”

“Erin–”

His hand hadn’t moved to the keys in the ignition. He had every intention of putting her through the same speech he broke her heart with eight years ago. And she had no one to blame but herself. He’d been clear about spending just the weekend together–to have great sex.

Without a second glance, she grabbed her purse and got out of the car, slamming the door shut behind her.

“Erin!”

She strode down the street, ignoring his plea and the way locals stared. His car door slammed and his voice grew louder with another call, but she didn’t stop. When she reached the corner, she turned out of view and began running. She ran for what felt like hours, until her feet were sore. She ran until she reached her mailbox, her chest throbbing and her eyes stinging.

Jesse stood beside his car and watched Erin leave. Every step she took away from him gave the acid in his veins more potency. He wanted to throttle her. If only she would’ve listened to everything he had to say before jumping to conclusions.

He didn’t get a lot of time away from the restaurant and his parents travelled to see him often. There was no need for him to come back to Holbrook. But there was nothing stopping her from coming to Sydney, or going away on a holiday with him.

Yet again she wasn’t willing to listen to reason–or see past her own selfishness.

Sliding back into the car he slammed the door shut and gripped the steering wheel. He wrenched the keys in the ignition and revved the engine.

Go after her or go home?

His palms began to sweat as he considered the options. He didn’t want to end things this way. She was the only reason he decided to hang around after his mother’s party. If there was no Erin, there was no point staying.

Fuck.

He had to go after her.

Jerking the gearstick into drive, he put his foot down and took off with a screech. He drove down the main street, past the submarine tourist attraction and turned left. He needed the calm of open road and high speed. For a few minutes he sped out of town, until clarity started to seep in.

If they sat down and discussed their options, he was sure they could work out a compromise. He’s just been thrown by her question and she’d been surprised by his answer. Or partial answer, anyway.

When his blood pressure was at a bearable level he pulled over to the gravelled shoulder. He waited till the car behind him passed, then did a U-turn and headed back to Erin’s house. She was walking up the driveway and her back stiffened when he drove in beside her.

He switched off the ignition and took a deep breath. “Erin, wait.”

She paused, wrenched her handbag higher on her shoulder and stopped with her back to him.

He got out of the car and walked toward her. “Are you going to give me a chance to explain or are you going to continue to walk off in a huff?”

She glared at him over her shoulder and his chest constricted. Tears streaked her beautiful face, her light eyes glinting with anguish. “No need to explain. I know exactly what you’re going to say.”

“You have no idea what I’m going to say. You’re just jumping to conclusions.”

“Do you plan on moving back to Holbrook, Jesse?” She spat his name out, like the word was distasteful.

“No, not at all, but–”

“Well, then there’s nothing to discuss.”

He ground his teeth together and took a deep breath through his nose, hoping to dilute his irritation. “So that’s it? You’re not even going to say goodbye?”

She faced him and lifted her chin. “No. I can’t say goodbye,” she snapped. “It was hard enough the first time.” Her forehead wrinkled, the smooth lines of her face contorting as he watched her struggle for control.

He took a step closer, holding his hands out to reach for her, but she pivoted on her heels and stalked away. “I’ll see you round, Jesse.”

He bit back his fury as she trudged up the front steps. Did she think this was easy for him?
Like hell it was.

“You’re gunna turn your back and walk away?”

Erin turned and placed her hands on her hips. “What do you want from me?” she cried. “You’ve already taken everything. I have nothing left to give. Just go.” She threw her hands up in frustration. “Leave me alone and don’t come back this time.”

What did he want? He’d show her what he wanted.

He ran for the steps, taking them two at a time before storming up the porch towards her. “What do I want?” he growled. He grabbed her by the upper arms, moved his lips so they were a breath away from hers and stared into her watery eyes. “I want everything. I want you. I want us. I want a fucking future with you.”

Fresh tears streamed down her cheeks and she shook her head. “But you want it on your terms.”

A fresh stab of anger hit his chest and he stepped back, releasing his grip. After all these years she still blamed him for leaving, for ruining their relationship. He laughed without humour. “So it’s still all my fault,” he ground his molars together. “What if things had been the other way around, Erin?”

She frowned.

“What if you were the one who couldn’t stand living in a tiny farming town for the rest of your life? What if you wanted something more? What if you were the one that left me?”

Erin lowered her gaze and wiped her eyes with the back of her hand.

Eight years ago he left town with the heavy weight of guilt on his shoulders. If only he could’ve been satisfied with twelve hour days in the scorching heat of summer and the freezing temperatures of winter. All for money that would come in one hand and straight out the other. He knew everything there was to know about farming. How demanding it was, how temperamental. And still he had considered staying–all for Erin.

Had she even contemplated his point of view?

“Would you have hated me if I was the one who stayed behind? If you wanted a different life, would it still be my fault for not following what
you
wanted?” He shook his head and focused on the ground in front of him. “I never blamed you for not wanting to come with me. Not once.”

Damn it to hell. He didn’t want to leave things like this but he knew there was no way around it. Being with her again was a mistake. A huge mistake that would plague him for a lifetime.

With one last glance he took in Erin’s features, memorising her delicate face, her dark silky hair, her tempting lips. He wouldn’t come back again. He would do as she wished and stay away.

“Goodbye, Erin.” He wrenched his gaze away as her bottom lip quavered. He strode towards the car, his hands balled at his sides and tried to ignore the feminine sobs that made him want to double over.

Two weeks later

Jesse was at the end of the lunch rush. The line at the door had dispersed and his staff were in the process of tidying the restaurant before the hectic dinner patrons arrived. For the last two weeks Bellerin had been his life. His business was the one thing keeping his head above water and the heartache at bay.

He’d worked every day. Every shift. And last Tuesday he’d even spent the night on the couch in the office upstairs, but that was because he’d been too drunk and exhausted to get home.

“Time for a break, boss.”

He gave a half-hearted smile to his favourite waitress, Sonya, who stood at the swinging door into the kitchen.

“I’m serious. Go get a table and I’ll make you something for lunch.”

“I’m fine–”

“It’s true,” Antonio interrupted from his place in front of the stove, his Spanish accent thick and uncompromising. “You look like shit and if you faint I sure as hell won’t be dragging you out of here. Go sit down for fifteen minutes.”

He raised his eyebrows at the other chef and tried not to laugh. “Don’t hold back, man. Tell me how you really feel. You know that sexy voice of yours turns me on.” He placed his paring knife on the chopping board and rolled his head around to work out the kinks. He hated this shit. Long hours were a great distraction but he was bone tired.

“
Tu no pudieras conmigo hombrecito.
” Antonio spoke under his breath, then raised his gaze with a grin. “Go sit down. Let the real man do what needs to be done.”

Jesse chuckled. He had no idea what Antonio mumbled, but by the smirk on the tanned man’s face, he knew the arrogant bastard had tried to make fun of him.

Dragging his feet through the kitchen, he made his way to a quiet corner in the dining area. When his ass hit the seat his feet sighed in relief. Taking his mobile phone out of his pants pocket he switched it on, entered his password and placed it on the table to warm up. He closed his eyes with a sigh and rubbed the back of his neck. Something had to give. He couldn’t go on like this. He needed to figure out how to turn things around.

When work was quiet it gave him too much time to think. Too much time to ponder going back to Holbrook. He didn’t want to go back home, but he didn’t want to give up on Erin either. Every time he closed his eyes she was there, her bright smile beaming back at him.

The jingle of bells sounded twice in quick succession and it didn’t take a wild guess to know at least one of the messages was from his mother. She’d been breathing down his neck since he left the farm two weeks ago. He tried to keep his emotions concealed but the woman noticed too much. She always did.

Picking up his phone he checked the first message. Yep, spot on.
I called the restaurant. Sonya says you’re working too hard. If you don’t get some rest I’m coming up there to make sure you do.

He groaned and threw his head back. It wasn’t a threat. Deleting the message he promised himself to text her later, when he wasn’t so tired and likely to say something he would regret.

The second message was from an unknown number.
My sister’s ass is getting HUGE on chocolate éclairs.

He would’ve laughed at the random text from a stranger, but he was too damn tired.
Sorry. You’ve got the wrong number.

Sonya strode towards him with a plate of food and laid it before him. “Here ya go.”

Steak, salad and chips, his favourite. “Cheers.” His phone jingled again and he picked it up as he smiled his thanks to Sonya before she strode away.

Another message from the same unknown number.
Nope. Not the wrong number. And you are the reason why Erin’s ass will be the size of a Mack truck.

Karen. Exactly what he needed. He didn’t know whether to be angry that she was digging her nose where it didn’t belong or happy to know Erin hadn’t forgotten about him already.
Mind your own business, Karen.

With vivid clarity he could picture the way her face would contort when she read his reply. The woman was nice as pie and loyal to a fault when you were in her good graces. But if you strayed to the dark side you needed to keep a firm eye on your balls, otherwise she’d tear them out with her teeth.

The first bite of juicy steak hit his tongue and melted. Perfect. Then his phone rang with an incoming call and ruined it all. Karen again. Fucking great.

He answered and before he could say hello she started in on him. “Hi Jess. Just to let you know,” her tone changed into a snarl with every word, “my sister will
always
be my business.”

“Good to know,” he drawled and placed another piece of steak in his mouth. She had no hope of making him cower. He hadn’t done anything wrong.

“So when are you going to apologise to Erin?”

Jesse’s mouth gaped and his blood pinged through his veins like the bubbles in a shaken can. “Apologise? You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me. I’ve done nothing wrong except want a better life. Erin can’t even give me the chance to explain. She’s never been willing to compromise.”

His teeth sunk into his bottom lip until the pain was the only thing keeping him from continuing his rant.

“A lot of that is my fault. I think she doesn’t want to leave me here alone.” Karen’s voice was quiet.

“Yeah?” he spat. “Well I don’t give a shit whose fault it is anymore. But it ain’t mine. I’ve tried–more than once. She can shoulder the blame from here on out.”

“And she is.”

The three words sliced through his chest. He shouldn’t care that Erin was hurting and yet the fire in his lungs wouldn’t dissipate.

“I’ve gotta go, Karen.”

“Wait!”

He closed his eyes and massaged his eyelids with the tips of his fingers. And he thought he couldn’t have become more exhausted.

“Jess, if I can get her to speak to you, will you give her another chance?”

A sigh escaped his lips and he opened his eyes to stare across the half empty dining room. “It isn’t your job to get her to speak to me. If she doesn’t want to do it of her own
choosing there’s no point. I’ve had enough. Enough of wanting her, of hoping to be with her. I want to move–”

“But if–”

He shook his head and felt nausea creeping up his stomach, into his throat. “I’ve had enough. I’ll see you around, Karen.” He hung up the phone before she could protest. The whole conversation sat heavy on his shoulders and the thought of taking another bite of his meal made him wrinkle his nose. Pushing his plate away with one hand, he slammed his other palm on the table. “Damn it!” His voice drew curious stares from the remaining patrons but he ignored them. Nothing penetrated the mix of crap swirling through his blood–anger, regret, heartbreak. He needed to let it go, to do exactly what he said to Karen and move on. If only he knew how.