Ravenous (8 page)

Erin awoke with a groan. Someone was banging on her front door. She glanced at her bedside clock. Bloody hell. Someone was banging on her door at five thirty on a Friday morning. And it was her day off!

Rubbing her eyes, she rolled from the bed and shuffled from her bedroom. The jangle of keys echoed down the hall, followed by the sound of the door unlocking. Must be Karen. She was the only one with keys to Erin’s house.

The front door opened as she entered the foyer and her sister stepped inside.

“Morning, sunshine.” Karen beamed–far too chipper to be natural at this time of morning.

“Are you on crack?” Erin ran her fingers through her tangled mess of hair and turned to walk toward the kitchen. Coffee was necessary. Large buckets of coffee. She hadn’t slept properly since Jesse left town. Every night she wrestled with the sheets and her pillow grew damp with tears. During the day she got by, occupying herself with work and household chores. Her floors now sparkled like a disco ball. “What are you doing here?” Her voice was rough from sleep.

“We’re going on a road trip. Go get ready.”

Erin peered over her shoulder and raised her eyebrows. “Why are we going on a road trip?”

Karen mimicked her expression. “You’ve been moping forever and we have a three day weekend, so why not go for a drive?”

Ohh, her sister was trying to be sweet. If it wasn’t five thirty in the morning maybe Erin would’ve appreciated it more. “I’m too tired to enjoy time away.”

“Not taking no for an answer.” Karen walked up behind her, placing her palms on Erin’s shoulder blades and softly pushed her down the hall. “Now go get showered and dressed while I start packing your clothes.”

A groan escaped Erin’s lips. “Oh goody. An impromptu road trip organised by the woman who gets lost driving into town and I get the added bonus of a lucky dip suitcase.”

Karen chuckled and gave her shoulders a shove. “You know you’re actually quite funny when you’re grumpy.”

“Yeah, well make sure you don’t pack clothes that make me look like a hooker.”

Five hours later they were on the highway to Sydney, taking the turn off toward the city. “I thought we were going where the road takes us,” Erin drawled.

“I’m tired. I thought here would be as good a place as any. We can get a nice hotel near Chinatown, have a few drinks at the casino and get some food along the harbour.” Her sister faked a yawn and Erin rolled her eyes. “I’ll just need your help getting to the Novotel.”

She gave a defeated laugh as Karen handed over her mobile phone with the directions to the hotel already on the screen. “So in other words you had this planned.”

Her sister shrugged and looked over her shoulder to merge into a new lane of traffic. “OK, so I lied. I wanted to come to Sydney to go shopping and I knew you’d throw a hissy fit because of Jess.” Karen shot her a glance and smirked. “It’s not like we’ll run into him. There’s like four and a half million people living here.”

Erin stared out her window and tried to concentrate on the cars zooming past. The likelihood of running into him was slim to none, but it still felt like she was in his
neighbourhood, driving past his house. Her skin tingled with longing, her heart pounded with nervous anticipation. She wanted to see his face again, his glinting eyes and gorgeous smile. And yet the thought of being close to him tore her heart to pieces.

Since he left she’d had time to reflect on the way she acted. Not only recently, but when Jesse first left Holbrook years ago. Back then she hadn’t bothered contemplating the situation from his perspective. What if she’d been the one who wanted the city life? Would she have changed her plans for Jesse and risked the future she yearned for on the teetering stability of a teenage romance?

Her thoughts had been lost in her own self-centred pain. She had wanted to have an easy life in the country. Buy a farm and then have children. She hadn’t pondered how hard her easy lifestyle would’ve been on Jesse and the thought of moving to Sydney had been beyond daunting.

Releasing the breath tightening her chest, she shook her head. It was too late to ponder now. She’d made the mistakes and had to live with herself. If only she could get through the early hours of every morning without her tears and depression keeping her company.

All she wanted to do now was become a hermit so she’d never have to suffer from heartache again. She’d given the concept serious thought too. With technology and home deliveries she was sure she could live off a stable sexual diet of battery-operated toys. She would be alone forever but at least the pain in her chest would ease over time.

The drive to the hotel was rife with wrong turns and road rage from passing drivers. It also took an hour and a half when the directions stated it should take forty minutes. When they reached their suite–which Karen had sneakily pre-booked–Erin collapsed on the bed, ready to rest.

“Oh, no. Don’t get lazy on me now. I just drove your ass all the way here.” Karen poked her in the stomach and Erin hunched over with a groan. “And speaking of ‘ass’, yours is getting huge.”

Stupid chocolate éclairs. “Sometimes I want to smother you in your sleep.”

Karen smiled down at her while she removed her mobile phone from her pocket and began scrolling through it. “Go freshen up. I’m starving.”

Erin hauled herself from the bed and dragged her feet to the bathroom. “Have you always been this bossy?”

Karen poked out her tongue, not taking her eyes off the phone. “Have you always been this whiney?”

With the help of Karen’s dictator skills, they were strolling around the harbourside within the hour. The breeze was hot and Erin was thankful for the light mauve sundress her sister packed for her. The strappy sandals weren’t her favourite though and definitely not appropriate shoes for an obsessive shopping spree. They ate a light meal at the nearby shopping centre and spend hours browsing and buying, but none of it distracted her from the thoughts of Jesse. Everywhere she turned she expected to see him–in the casino, on the monorail, over Pyrmont Bridge.

“You’re thinking about him aren’t you?”

Erin put the silky red dress back on the rack and glanced over her shoulder at Karen. “I wish I could stop.” She continuously wondered where he was, if he was happy and most of all, who he was with. The thought of someone else making him laugh or giving him pleasure made her heart thump a little rougher against her rib cage.

Karen gave a sad smile. “Then go see him. You’re already in Sydney. Why not call him and talk things through?”

Because she was ashamed of herself, for starters. Her cheeks were already heating with guilt. “I want to…it’s just…I’ve been so stupid.” Her fingers stroked the soft material of the dress in front of her while her eyes began to burn. “I’m embarrassed to see him. I can’t imagine what he thinks of me after the way things ended, or the way I treated him when he first moved to Sydney.” She shrugged and the movement tugged at her aching chest. “My own heartache made me blind to my selfishness.”

“Why don’t you think on it while we go for a stroll around the harbour?”

Erin nodded and they left the shopping mall in silence, moving out into the darkening light of early night. The hustle of people did little to calm her, but when they moved closer to the water skirting the edge of the walkway, she felt at peace.

When her feet couldn’t take the pain anymore Erin suggested dinner and they started to walk with purpose. Every so often Karen would glance over at her and when Erin made eye contact her sister would look away. Every so often turned into every few metres and every few metres turned into every step.

Apprehension settled over her causing her heart to pound. She searched the walkway, knowing something wasn’t right. Then as Karen slowed her pace and came to a stop, Erin stared straight ahead at the restaurant before them and her mouth dried.

Bellerin
.

“Bellerin,” her sister offered in a soft tone. “Or you could interpret it as Belle Erin.”

Erin swallowed over the restriction in her throat and rubbed her now sweating palms on her dress. The name must be a coincidence. Jesse was a chef! No matter how great he was at his job, she doubted he would have naming rights. The building was beautiful though, with floor to ceiling windows, glinting chandeliers and well-dressed staff.

“This is where he works?” Erin croaked.

“Uh, huh.”

Erin had been expecting this. She’d known the weekend would result in a situation with Jesse before they made the turn off into the city. Even before they left Holbrook and drove onto the highway leading to Sydney instead of Melbourne. Deep down she’d known as soon as Karen had mentioned the road trip. She’d only convinced herself otherwise so she didn’t turn into an emotional wreck.

“You don’t have to go in.” Karen placed a hand around her waist and gave a sideways hug. “We only came here to shop…but that’s his place, Erin…it’s up to you where we go from here.”

Tears stung her eyes and she blinked them away, raising her chin. “Can you give me a minute?”

Karen gave a nod and walked away. Erin didn’t bother to look where she went. Her gaze was fixed on Bellerin. She inhaled deeply and closed her eyes. She blocked out the mass of people walking by, the kids screaming in strollers and the teenagers squealing and chatting. The last fourteen days had been spent thinking about the man she loved. The man she couldn’t live without. And all the things stopping her from taking what she wanted.

His life was the city, hers the country, but none of that seemed important enough to keep her away anymore. Her fingers began to tingle and the sensation moved up her arms, into her chest and stopped nervously at the low of her belly. She peered over her shoulder and found her sister standing a few metres away. Erin motioned her over with the jerk of
her head and turned back toward the restaurant while she waited for Karen to walk back over.

“What’s the plan, Sis?”

“I dunno.” The tingles turned into shakes and she felt her entire body vibrate with nerves. She tried to take steadying breaths to calm herself. “I don’t want to stuff things up again. He means too much to me.”

“There’s a bar upstairs. We can go there for a drink and you can calm your nerves with a little liquid courage before you seek him out.”

Erin glanced at Karen from the corner of her eye. “Why does your knowledge of the restaurant not surprise me?”

Karen gave a devilish grin. “Because I’m wise and worldly?”

With a half-hysterical snort, Erin made the first step toward the restaurant and breathed a thankful sigh when Karen strode ahead to speak with the maître d’. The friendly woman smiled at them both and welcomed them inside, giving directions to the bar.

Erin needed a stiff drink. Her blood zipped through her veins like lightning and her gaze shot from one person to the next. She didn’t even require a glass. Drinking from the liquor bottle would do just fine.

Patrons dined without paying them attention as they walked along the polished wood flooring to the staircase at the back of the room. They approached the kitchen and her heart stopped completely, her chest cavity hollowing even though she could still hear the deep thud in her ears. The bright yellow light over the serving window held her attention and as they approached she couldn’t look away.

“Come on.” Karen paused in front of her, then moved behind to give her a helpful nudge to continue.

Pasting on a smile, Erin nodded to herself, and clutched her handbag tight. As they passed the serving window she held her breath and stopped dead in her tracks.

Where was that bottle when she needed it?

The kitchen was abuzz with life. People in white chef uniforms worked among organised chaos. One chopped, another dished food while one tall man shuffled a pan over open flames on the stove. Then there was Jesse. He sat on a chair at the end of the stainless steel bench that ran down the middle of the room. His eyes were closed as an attractive blonde woman worked her fingers into his shoulders.

Karen rammed into her from behind, making Erin stumble forward. They both swore, the expletives drawing the attention of the people in the kitchen.

“Sorry. Didn’t realise you were stopping in the middle of nowhere,” Karen drawled.

Erin ignored her sister’s sarcasm. Her attention had been captured by Jesse’s gaze. He stared at her while the woman touching him recovered from the shock of the swearing and continued to paw at him.

“I think it might be too late for that drink,” Karen added.

Erin’s stomach flipped and roiled as she looked back at her sister in panic. Her mind had decided to shut down and she didn’t know what to say or do, or even how to breathe.

The swinging door to the kitchen flung open and her gaze shot to the man whose dominant stance overtook the doorway. “Erin?”

Her head bobbed because she couldn’t form words.

“And this would be my cue to find the ladies room.” Karen pivoted on her heels and strode away, leaving Erin to drown in a mix of hysteria and nervousness.

“What are you doing here?” Jesse stepped forward, letting the door swing shut.

“I…” Her gaze sought Karen, a waitress…anyone that could help give her a few seconds to find the perfect words to fix things between them. When her attention drifted back to him, he was resting against the wall, his arms crossed over his chest as he stared at the polished wood floor. “I need to apologise.”

He glanced up through thick lashes and raised his eyebrows. “For?”

She shuffled closer to the serving window, out of the way of a waitress walking past. “For everything…for being selfish. For not trying to compromise when you moved to Sydney. For blaming everything on you, when it was my fault all along.”

Whispers from the kitchen drew her attention. She found a handsome, tanned man ogling her. Beside him stood the woman who’d been massaging Jesse’s shoulders, her eyebrows raised in question. Both were huddled close, leaning towards the serving window.

“Umm, is there somewhere we can go to talk?”

Jesse pushed from the wall and glared into the kitchen. “Get back to work!” He took a step back and pointed toward the stairs. “I’ll take you to my office.”