Substitute Bride (Beaufort Brides Book 2) (12 page)

***

Rose woke up that night to the sound
of Julie crying. Her room was right next to the girls’ so she could always hear
them when they cried.

She climbed out of bed and hurried out of her room, quietly
opening the door to peek inside.

They slept with a nightlight so she could see their figures
clearly in their beds.

Julie was tossing around, still crying softly.

Rose strode over and sat on the edge of the bed, reaching
out for Julie’s restless form. “What is it, sweetie? Did you have a nightmare?”

Julie was awake, her eyes wide and pained. “My ear hurts.”

Julie had always been prone to earaches, so Rose knew what
to do. She leaned down to kiss the girl’s hot face. “Okay. Give me a minute and
I’ll go get some medicine.”

She went downstairs and found the pain reliever they used
and then heated up a hot pad, which usually helped to ease the pain a little,
at least temporarily.

She went back upstairs and gave the girl the medicine. Then
she pressed the hot pad against her ear. “Can you hold it there?”

“It really hurts,” Julie whispered.

Since the girl was a bit of a drama queen, Rose always knew
when things were serious because Julie got really quiet. If it wasn’t serious,
she made a big deal about things. But if it was, she never did.

Rose’s heart clenched in sympathy, and she crawled into the
girl’s bed, pulling her into her arms and pressing the hot pad against her ear.
“I’m sorry, sweetie. It will get better soon. Just try to relax.”

Julie cried for another minute—softly, pitifully—but
eventually she calmed down. She didn’t sleep, though. Her ear must really be
hurting.

Jill always slept like the dead and hadn’t woken up at all.

“Where’s Daddy?” Julie asked, eventually, snuggling into
Rose’s arms.

“He’s in bed. Do you want me to wake him up?”

“That’s okay.”

“I can wake him up, Julie. He won’t mind at all. Do you want
me to?”

Julie shook her head and sniffed. “I’m okay.”

“Okay. Just let me know if you need him. He’ll want to be
here.”

Julie whimpered a little. “I’m a big girl.”

Rose made up her mind. She eased the girl out of her arms
and stood up. “I know you are. But even big girls need their daddies
sometimes.”

She felt a little awkward as she made her way to James’s
room. She really didn’t want to wake him up. She’d never liked having to do so,
but now it was even worse, after what had happened in his room last night.

But Julie was more important than Rose’s awkwardness.

She tapped on the door.

When there wasn’t a response, she knocked even louder. This
time, she heard motion from inside the room and the sound of his steps across
the hardwood floor.

He swung open the door and stared at her, looking sleep and sexy
and strangely tense. “Rosie,” he said hoarsely.

She swallowed at the sound of his saying her name like that.
Maybe he thought she was here to beg for sex or something. She burst out, “It’s
Julie. She’s sick.”

James’s face changed dramatically. “What’s wrong?”

“It’s just an earache, but she wanted you.”

He started immediately down the hall, wearing nothing but a
pair of pajama pants. Rose tried very hard not to look at the lines of his
strong bare back or the curve of his butt beneath the fabric as she walked
behind him.

Julie reached out for her father as he entered the room, and
he got into the bed, sitting up against the headboard and pulling her into his
arms.

Rose gazed down for just a minute, wishing with an intensity
she’d never experienced that this family was hers.

She loved them. All of them.

But they weren’t hers. She was just the nanny.

“Just let me know if you need anything,” she said in a
slightly cracked voice, turning away so James wouldn’t see her expression.

“Stay, Rosie,” Julie whimpered, her head tossing restlessly
against her father’s chest. “I want you too.”

Rose sighed and hesitated. She wanted to stay, but it wasn’t
going to be good for her heart.

“Will you stay?” James asked, his eyes holding hers.

She nodded, completely incapable of saying no, not when both
of them needed her. Julie patted the bed beside James, and Rose crawled in. She
was wearing a tank and thin pajama pants, and she wished either her or James or
both of them was wearing more clothes.

It didn’t feel like anything sexy but it felt far too
intimate and vulnerable.

There wasn’t much room on Julie’s bed, so Julie ended up
cuddled between Rose and James, and James had his arms around them both.

Rose stroked the little girl’s hair, trying to soothe her
until she went to sleep, and she tried not to think about how safe and
protected and cared for she felt like this.

James wasn’t saying anything. He basically hadn’t said
anything to her all day, except the brief conversation about Genevieve. For all
she knew, he was embarrassed and awkward about having sex with her last night.

He obviously didn’t want her. If he did, he would have said
something. If he’d been even the slightest bit polite, he would have said
something.

She knew from hard experience that reading things into a
man’s silence was the worst sort of stupid. If they wanted you, they would say
something, do something. If they didn’t say or do anything, then they obviously
didn’t want you enough.

She wasn’t a silly girl anymore. She wasn’t going to throw
herself at a man who didn’t want her. But it was so hard.

Because it felt—it
felt
—like James wanted her. Not
just for sex, either.

As she snuggled against him and Julie that night, it felt
like his love was extended to her, like he was loving both her and his
daughter.

She wanted to be loved like that.

She wanted to be loved by him.

James was pretty sure he’d made a
big mistake.

He’d had a pretty good thing going before—with Rose as his
nanny. It hadn’t fulfilled all of his needs, but at least he’d had her in his
life, and his girls had had her too.

Now—because he’d wanted too much, because he’d let her slip
out of the designated slot she was supposed to fill—he was afraid he was about
to lose her completely.

If Rose had shown any inclination toward wanting more with
him—if she’d acted at all like the sex they’d had had meant even half as much
as it had meant to him—he would have thrown caution to the wind and forced
himself to tell her his feelings.

But, if she didn’t reciprocate, then he wouldn’t just lose
the chance of being with her the way he wanted. He would also lose the chance
of being with her at all—even as her boss.

It was too much to lose. He’d lost too much already in his
life and had faced the chaos that followed. He wasn’t prepared to risk losing
Rose.

So he wasn’t saying anything. He was waiting and watching
and hoping to see some sign of what he should do.

When Rose had knocked on his door last night, he’d had a few
moments of blazing hope, believing she was there because she wanted to be with
him. He’d been about to babble out something very foolish when she told him
Julie was sick.

It had been like a kick to the heart.

This morning, he was stiff and groggy, and he felt like
everything was going wrong. If he knew what to do, he would have fixed it, but
every choice seemed like it would just make things worse.

At the moment, Julie was still in bed, and he and Rose were
in the kitchen as Jill had breakfast and got ready for school.

“Is she really okay?” Jill asked, looking with worried eyes
up at Rose. She’d always been a sensitive little soul, and she loved her sister
a lot.

Rose was wearing pink pajama pants and a cream colored
belted sweater. She looked beautiful and rumpled, like she’d just rolled out of
bed, and his chest ached as he watched her.

She was usually so expressive. He would have expected to
read her feelings better these last few days. But she seemed to have withdrawn
since they’d had sex, so he had to assume she was silently telling him she
wanted things to go back to normal.

He’d rather have things normal with her than not at all, so
he was going to play along.

“She’s okay,” Rose said, in response to Jill’s concern.
“It’s just an ear infection. You know how she gets those a lot. I’m going to
take her to the doctor later today to get her some new medicine, and she’ll be
feeling better in no time.”

“Maybe I should stay home with her too.”

Rose smiled and leaned over to kiss Jill’s forehead. “That’s
sweet, but I think you better go to school.”

James had been leaning against a counter, drinking his
coffee, but something froze inside him as she watched. He could see so clearly
on Rose’s face that she loved his little girl. It looked like more than just as
a nanny. It looked like she loved her for real—like she was hers.

And James wanted her anew. Not just for himself, but for his
girls too. He’d been on a futile quest for more than a year for a substitute
for his wife, and he saw now he’d been wanting the wrong thing.

Melissa could never be replaced. Rose was completely
different.

But he could love her just as much.

It was such a deep and strong revelation that it almost
leveled him. He had to put down his coffee because his hand started to shake.

Rose was rinsing out Jill’s cereal bowl and checking her
backpack to make sure she had all her stuff. She glanced over at James and must
have seen something on his face.

“Everything all right?” she mouthed, over Jill’s head.

He gave a little nod, although it was a lie. There was
nothing he could say right now. He wasn’t sure he could even speak.

He gave Jill a quick kiss and escaped to his home office,
where he sat in his chair and stared at his computer and tried to figure out
what all this meant.

***

Rose didn’t have a good day.

She was at the doctor’s office with Julie for hours in the
morning, mostly because the doctor was squeezing Julie in and was always
running late anyway.

When she got home, Julie was still feeling really bad, so
Rose was busy taking care of her. When Jill got home, the girl was restless and
cranky, so none of them had a good afternoon.

James was supposed to be home on time that evening, but he
ended up calling in and saying he had an unexpected dinner meeting that would
run really late. Then he said Marta and William offered to pick the girls up
and have them sleep over with them tonight, since he wouldn’t be around.

Maybe it was irrational, but it felt to Rose like he was
avoiding her, like he was even taking the girls out of her care—which couldn’t
be a good sign.

Maybe she should just resign. Obviously having sex had
affected both of them, and their relationship wasn’t what it used to be. She
wasn’t sure it could ever go back to the way it had been before—at least as far
as she was concerned.

The girls’ grandparents came to pick them up just after
dinner, and Rose spent the evening in her bedroom. She was so upset about the
whole thing, she couldn’t go to sleep, even though she had a rare quiet evening
all to herself. She tried to read until ten o’clock and then lay awake in bed
for three hours, staring at the dark ceiling, trying to figure out what she
should do.

Maybe she should just tell James the truth. She’d vowed not
to, since the last time she’d attempted to be open about her feelings with a
man she had completely humiliated herself.

But maybe humiliation was better than this emotional limbo.
Maybe she should just get up tomorrow morning, go to his room, and say that sex
had changed things for her and that she wasn’t sure she could go on like they’d
been.

He would have to say something then. It was possible things
had changed for him—in which case he could just say so. If not, then her heart
would be broken.

It had happened to her before. She could live through it.

She brooded over it for so long that she felt dazed and
fuzzy. She told herself to think about something else, so she thought about
last night, which wasn’t at all a good idea.

She suddenly realized that she’d left her bra in James’s
room last night. He’d taken it off and tossed it, and she remembered now that
it had ended up on the side of the dresser. She hadn’t picked it up when she
gathered up the rest of her clothes that morning.

She was suddenly embarrassed about James finding her bra in
his room, and she got up to go get it. She hadn’t heard him return, so this was
the right time to retrieve it.

Maybe he hadn’t really looked around this morning. It was
probably still there.

She walked down the hall and opened his bedroom door, which
was always kept closed during the day. The room was dark, which was to be
expected, but a little light came in from the hall.

She walked over to the dresser and picked up her bra, and
she was about to turn around to leave when she heard a mumble from the bed.

She froze.

James was home after all, and she’d just barged into his
room at one o’clock in the morning.

 She heard him moving in the bed, the covers rustling as he
did so. She had to do something. She had to move. She had to get out of this
room before he woke up and thought she was there on purpose.

He might think she was trying to make a move on him.

He might think she was as desperate as Genevieve.

She took one step and knocked her shin against the corner of
the dresser, and she took a few steps away from the dresser automatically.

“Shit,” she hissed, holding up her left leg as the pain reached
her brain.

James rolled over, and she realized he was awake now and she
was right next to the bed. She could bend her knees and sit down on it if she
wanted.

She was standing stupidly, balanced on one leg when James
made a wordless, throaty sound.

Then, before she knew what was happening, he had reached out
and pulled her into bed with him.

She didn’t resist. She didn’t want to resist. Instead, she
felt a wave of joy and excitement at the way he’d pulled her into his arms.

James rolled them both over so she was lying on her back.
His weight on top of her was solid and heavy, and his face was so close she
could feel his breath.

He gazed at her with silent intensity, his expression hot
and needy. Her eyes were starting to adjust to the dark from the light coming
in from the hallway.

He combed his fingers into her hair, lifting her head up as
he lowered his mouth into an urgent kiss.

Rose’s arms wound around him, squeezing him in exactly the
way she’d always wanted to. She opened her lips to the advance of his tongue,
moaning deep in her throat as she squirmed to generate friction between their
bodies wherever she could.

She was flushed all over and panting when he finally tore
his mouth away. But then she gasped in pleasure as his mouth descended to her
neck, his lips sucking hard against her racing pulse.

Her hands grasped eagerly at his bare back, clawing her
nails down his skin. Realizing what she was doing, she instead stroked the lean
muscles and smooth plans of his shoulders and back, loving how he felt beneath
her fingers.

Her hands slipped lower, to the waistband of his pajama
pants. She edged her fingers under the fabric, pushing them down as she tried
to reach the tight muscles of his butt.

James moved lower on her body before she could reach, his
mouth closing around one of her breasts. He sucked on one nipple, teasing it
with his tongue through the thin cotton of her top.

Rose gasped again as she felt a sharp tug between her legs.
Her arousal was aching now—so intensely it actually hurt.

She raised her hands until she was pulling on his shoulders,
trying to bring him higher and into a better position to ease the ache at her
center.

He resisted, suckling and breathing loudly around her
breast. Every flick of his tongue sent new sensations shooting down to her
arousal, and she writhed and arched up as her hands flew above her head to
clutch the headboard.

He hummed against the damp cotton between his mouth and her
flesh, one of his hands sliding down the side of her body until he was cupping
her bottom. He used his grip and the weight of his body to hold her still as
she moved restlessly.

“Ah!” she gasped, wondering if she was going to come just
from his mouthing her breast. She was afraid if she let go of the headboard she
might shatter completely.

He hummed again, the vibrations causing her to arch up and
hook her legs around his thighs.

Then she felt his hand moved again. He palmed her groin, and
he must have felt how hot she was, even through the fabric of her pajamas.

She rubbed herself against his hand, exhaling in pleasure at
the feeling.

Then his hand was gone, and he moved at her urging, moving
above her and kissing her again.

She clung to him, wanting him so much it felt like she could
swallow him whole. He smelled like James, the warm, male scent heightened by
the heat and weight of his body and his urgency.

As they kissed, he started to pull down her pants and
panties until she was able to kick them off.

In the meantime James rid himself of his pajamas, and she
spread her legs for him, pulling him into position between them.

He wasted time by slipping his hand down to finger her,
checking to see if she was ready.

Her spine arched in pleasure when he stroked her arousal,
sliding two fingers inside her.

He have a low grunt that made her shiver.

Her thighs tightened around him instinctively, her hips
bucking up in response to his caress.

Soon her whimpers transformed to wordless pleas as the
pleasure threatened to drive her crazy.

She let go of the headboard, which she’d been clinging to
again, and reached to grab him low on the back.

She clawed at his ass and was rewarded when he pulled back
his hand and braced himself on one elbow above her.

Reaching to the front of his body, she found his erection
and something thrilled inside her at how hard he was. He wanted her. Her. Rose.
She stroked him, thrilling again when he sucked in a quick breath in response.

She pulled back as he reached into his nightstand drawer to
grab a condom, like he had the other night. She took it from him and rolled it
on, and then she tried to guide him into position. He reached down with his
free hand to help her, lining up the tip as she spread her thighs further
apart.

She cried out softly as he pitched his hips forward, pushing
the hard length of his erection into her.

Rose bent up her knees, drawing him in even deeper, and she
heard him grunt again. He was breathing heavily above her—the texture of his
urgent pants matching her own.

Then he adjusted until his forearms were folded beneath her
shoulders, holding her in a kind of embrace. She wrapped her arms around him
and squirmed, the tight pressure of his flesh inside her only feeding her
desperate need.

He began to thrust then, a tight, urgent expression on his
face. He started slowly and evenly, but his steady rhythm didn’t last.

Rose squeezed him with her arms, her thighs and her inner
muscles, huffing out eager sounds of pleasure and frustration. James’ jerked
his head to the side instead of devouring her with his gaze, as he’d been doing
before.

He was mid-stroke when Rose’s hands lowered again to his
ass, her fingernails digging into the firm flesh there. He grunted and fell out
of rhythm, driving into her in a short sequence of fast, clumsy thrusts.