Substitute Bride (Beaufort Brides Book 2) (5 page)

Jill and Julie looked at each other soberly, and James had
no idea what was going on between them. They must have had a previous
conversation that his words made them think about.

He had to do what was best for them. He had thought that
having a mother would be the best thing for them, but maybe he was wrong. Maybe
they were better off the way they were.

They had Rose, after all. Maybe they didn’t need a
stepmother.

***

James couldn’t talk to Genevieve
until after the girls went to bed that night.

He’d called her up in the morning, hoping to have lunch with
her to get the conversation over with early. But she’d still been in a snit and
had eventually hung up on him.

He called back later in the day, and she’d finally consented
to meet with him. But she’d claimed to be busy all day until after nine
o’clock.

James tried not to feel annoyed, telling himself she was
still really upset about what she thought she had seen between him and Rose.
Given how he’d been feeling as he danced with Rose last night, James had to
admit that she had some reason for resentment—although it wasn’t at all what
she was assuming. So he’d agreed to her timetable, and they arranged to meet at
a coffee shop halfway between his home and hers at nine-thirty that evening.

He was dreading the conversation. He’d felt sick about it
all day. Part of him was convinced that the only good decision would be to end
their engagement, but he also didn’t want to treat Genevieve unfairly and not
even give her a chance.

They ordered their drinks and sat down at a table in a
private alcove. When she didn’t say anything—just stared at him with a
protruding lower lip—James sighed and said, “Well, I think we need to talk.”

She sniffed. “You need to explain yourself.”

“I explained myself last night. We were playing dress-up
with the girls and pretending we were at a ball.”

“I saw how you were looking at her.”

James wondered whether something of his crazy, intense
feelings had been visible on his face. He sure hoped not. He managed to say
calmly, “I don’t know what you thought you saw, but I have done nothing
inappropriate. The idea that I’ve been cheating on you with Rosie is absurd.”

“I don’t think it’s absurd. You’ve been getting more and
more distant lately, and now I understand why.”

James rubbed his face with his hand and suddenly realized
that he didn’t want to do this. He didn’t want to work it out. He
had
been getting distant from Genevieve lately, and the truth was it was because he
didn’t really want this relationship anymore.

She wasn’t the right woman for him. She never had been. She
might perfectly fill the slot that was open in his life, but he didn’t really
want that slot filled anymore.

The only thing left for him to do right now is end it.

“Okay,” he said. “You clearly don’t trust me, which doesn’t
bode well for our relationship. And you’re probably right about me getting
distant. I don’t think this is working.”

Something changed on Genevieve’s face. “It was working,” she
snapped, “until your slutty nanny started making her move.”

He stiffened with a surge of resentment. “She is not a slut.
You have no right to speak about her that way.”

“See,” Genevieve whined. “You even take her side over me.”

“I’m not taking her side. I’m trying to be fair to both of
you. I understand if you were angry about what you thought you saw. If
everything else was working between us, then we could work that out. But
everything obviously isn’t working between us. I’m not sure either of us is
happy.”

“I’m happy!” Genevieve exclaimed, an urgent expression
covering the sulky one of before. “You can’t just end it over one fight.”

“I’m not ending it over one fight. I’ve just been putting
off the inevitable, and I’m sorry if it hurts you. But I really think we need
to break up. This isn’t working anymore.”

“You can’t dump me!” Her voice was growing shrill, and a
couple of people drinking coffee nearby turned to look in their direction.

James hated the way she always made a scene. Not even being
in public would stop her. “I’m really sorry, but that’s my decision.” He felt
tired and frustrated and discouraged and awkward.

And relieved. Incredibly relieved—like he was finally freed
of a weight that had been dragging him down.

Even his jaw was starting to relax now that this
conversation had been had.

“I’m not going to let you dump me.” Genevieve stood up,
every muscle in her body tight with outrage.

“This isn’t something you have a choice about. The
engagement is off.”

“You can’t do this to me,” she snarled, her face filled with
more icy anger than he’d ever witnessed in anyone before. “I’m not going to let
you do this.”

He just shook his head. There was nothing else for him to
say. She would have to get over it, eventually.

She made a weird throaty sound and stormed off, and James
sat by himself at the table for a few minutes, processing how he was feeling.

He wished it had been a more agreeable conversation, but
Genevieve had always been a little childish, so he shouldn’t have expected
anything else.

He stared at the door she’d disappeared through and wondered
if she was planning to give him back his ring.

She could hock it for all he cared. He didn’t want it back.

***

It was late when he got back home,
and he expected everyone to be in bed. But a light was on in the living room as
he entered, and he saw that Rose was sitting on the couch with a book.

She lowered it as he came in, and he realized she’d been
waiting for him.

“Is everything all right?” she asked.

He nodded and slouched down on the couch beside her. “I
ended it.”

“Oh.” An expression he couldn’t read twisted on her face for
a few seconds. “I’m…I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. It had been ending for a while now. I was just
too clueless to realize it until now.”

“Oh.” She cleared her throat, her eyes lowered to her hands
on her lap. “That’s good then.”

“Yeah. It’s not fun at the moment, but I think it’s good in
the long run. I don’t think she was what the girls needed.”

“Yes. If you don’t mind my saying, I think that’s right.”

He studied her face careful. It was as mild and unassuming
as always. “Why didn’t you tell me that before?”

“How would I have told you that? It’s not exactly something
you tell someone.”

He thought about that for a minute, and finally concluded
she was right. He wouldn’t have appreciated hearing that before. Not because
she was his nanny but because he wouldn’t have wanted anyone saying it.

“The girls won’t be disappointed, will they?” he asked.

She smiled and shook her head. “Uh, no.”

“They’ll be glad?”

“I think so.”

James let out his breath, this knowledge being the final
confirmation he needed that breaking up with Genevieve had been the right thing
to do.

After a minute of silence, Rose asked, “Are you okay?”

He turned to look at her, surprised by the gentle question.
“Of course.”

“It’s never happened to me, of course, but I understand that
a broken engagement is kind of hard to go through.”

“Yeah, I guess. But I mostly just feel relieved.”

“That’s good, then.”

There was an odd note to her tone, but when he checked her
expression, he saw nothing revealing. He’d probably just misheard.

They sat in the dimly lit room for a few more minutes, and
James wondered why it was so easy to sit with Rose like this, not even talking.
It was comfortable and comforting both.

Finally, he asked, “Why haven’t you been engaged before?”

Her eyes widened. “What makes you think I haven’t been?”

He suddenly felt like an idiot, for the hundredth time that
day. “Oh. Sorry.”

She chuckled softly. “I haven’t actually.”

“Why not?”

“No one has ever asked me.”

“Why not?”

“What kind of question is that? I have no idea why no one
has wanted to marry me. I thought I was close once, but…”

When she trailed off, James’s curiosity was piqued. “When
was that?”

“I was twenty-one. I’d been dating a guy named Richard for
almost a year. I thought for sure he was about to ask me to marry him.”

“What happened?”

She sighed. “He dumped me.”

He stiffened, realizing she was sharing something that had
been really hard for her at the time. “Why?”

She shrugged. “I don’t know really. He just said I wasn’t
what he wanted. I was so surprised and devastated. I...” She shuddered. “I
didn’t take it well.”

“I can’t believe you did anything unreasonable.”

“I don’t know.” She cringed slightly. “I really humiliated
myself. I practically begged him to tell me what I’d done wrong and to give me
a second chance. I can’t believe I was so…so desperate. I really believed it
was my last chance to find a man, and if he didn’t want me, then no one would.”

He frowned. “That’s ridiculous. You were only twenty-one.”

“I know. But he was my first boyfriend. My only real
boyfriend. Guys had never been interested in me, and I wasn’t sure anyone else
ever would be. It was…embarrassing.” She gave him a little smile. “I’m never
going to be that way again.”

He thought about what she’d said, trying to imagine what
she’d been like back then. She seemed so quietly confident now. He couldn’t
imagine her that insecure. “Well, you were young. We all do stupid things when
we’re young. Look at me—well over thirty and still doing a stupid thing.”

“You figured it out,” Rose said, as if trying to defend him
from himself.

“Yeah.” He gave a wry chuckle. “Good for me.”

They sat in silence for a few minutes. Then he asked without
thinking it through. “So Richard was the only boyfriend you’ve ever had?”

“Yeah.”

“That’s unusual.”

She shifted slightly. “I guess. Guys just never seem
interested in me.  I guess I’m not exactly what most men are looking for.”

She didn’t sound discontent or unhappy. She sounded
resigned, as if she believed and accepted that truth about herself.

James couldn’t understand it. She was beautiful and sweet
and understanding and intelligent and mature, and she seemed to care about the
things that were most important.

She was a little shy and reserved, so maybe she’d never put
herself out there. If she had, some man would have snapped her up a long time
ago.

It was just as well that no one had, though. If she was
married, she couldn’t have been his girls’ nanny, and she would never have been
in his life.

James wouldn’t have liked that at all.

Rose tried not to be happy about
James’s broken engagement.

She tried very, very hard.

She wasn’t entirely successful, though.

She was so unsuccessful that she actually dreamed about him
that night. She couldn’t remember details but, just before she woke up, she had
a vague awareness of images of his face, his eyes, his broad shoulders and the
sense of how he felt—his warmth, his strength, his distinct presence. She woke
up flushed, her blood racing in excitement, and she strained to bring the dream
back to her, wanting to relish in it before full consciousness dragged her back
to her senses.

It was hopeless. The dream was gone. She stared up at the
plaster curlicues on her ceiling and reminded herself that James wasn’t hers
and would never be hers that way.

She told herself these feelings were normal and natural.
Maybe any woman would feel the same way in her situation—grow too attached to
her employer when their situation felt so domestic.

But it wasn’t domestic. It was strictly professional. She
gave herself a firm lecture on all of those truths before she rolled out of bed
just before her alarm went off at six-thirty.

James might have dumped his snotty girlfriend, but that
didn’t mean he was available for Rose.

Hands off. Eyes off. Thoughts off.

That would be her motto for the day.

***

She only managed to fulfill one part
of her motto by the time James came home after work that evening. She hadn’t
touched him at all, but her eyes and thoughts weren’t quite so controlled, even
with the benefit of his having been absent from the house for most of the day.

James had told her that he was going to be back as early as
possible that evening because he wanted to have dinner with the girls and talk
to them about Genevieve and the fact that he was no longer engaged. They didn’t
have time to talk during their always rushed breakfast, and he wanted to make
sure to answer any questions or concerns the girls had.

Rose was touched by the thought, and she was pleased when he
arrived at the house at barely five-thirty, when he normally didn’t get back
from work until well after six.

The girls were excited to see him, and even more excited
when they saw that he had brought pizza with him.

“Can we eat in the family room?” Jill asked, having claimed
the box of cheese pizza from her father and clearly looking for a place to set
it down. “We don’t need forks and stuff for pizza.”

The family normally ate in the dining room, with no phones,
televisions, or interruptions. Rose had always thought it was a wise,
old-fashioned routine, since it ensured they really talked to each other.

She could see James hesitate at his daughter’s question.

Finally, he said, “We can eat in there, but no TV.”

“Okay!” Jill agreed.

“Yay!” Julie cheered, trying to grab an edge of the box so
she could help her sister carry the pizza into the family room.

Rose gathered up napkins and bottles of water, but she gave
James a sidelong glance before she followed the girls. “I can eat in the
kitchen, if you’d like,” she said softly, making sure to convey no particular
feeling in the words. “You’ll want to talk to them in private, I imagine.”

James blinked. He always looked tired at the end of the day,
and he always needed to shave, but he looked more tired and bristly than
normal, with his tie pulled loose and faint shadows under his eyes.

She wondered if he’d slept at all in the last two nights.

“Of course not. You know everything, and you always eat with
us. The girls would get worried if you stayed in the kitchen.”

His tone was brusque, but he always sounded that way when he
was off-guard, so she didn’t take it as bad temper. She just smiled and carried
the napkins and drinks into the family room, feeling a little nervous for no
reason at all.

The girls were setting up a picnic blanket on the floor in
front of the couch, and the cheese pizza had been placed square in the middle.
They grabbed Rose’s table accoutrements and laid out place settings for the
four of them.

James came in with the other pizza, having taken off his
suit jacket and rolled up the sleeves to his light blue dress shirt. He gave a
half-smile at the seating arrangements and lowered himself to sit on the floor
without comment.

Rose gave herself a quick, urgent lecture. Just because the
meal felt very intimate and domestic didn’t mean it was. They weren’t a family,
and they would never be.

She worked for them and nothing more.

She’d learned her lesson several years ago after the fiasco
with Richard. She wasn’t going to start imagining something that wasn’t there,
since it just led to heartache.

“Thank you for pizza, Daddy!” Julie exclaimed, after taking
her first bite.

“You’re welcome.”

“Is something big happening?” Jill asked, older and
therefore a little more aware of undercurrents. She looked from her father to
Rose as she waited for an answer.

“Well,” James begin, looking a little relieved at the clear
introduction to what he had to say. “There’s something a little bit big. I
wanted to let you both know that I’m not engaged to Genevieve anymore. We have
broken up.”

The girls both stared at him, Julie with her mouth partly
open.

Then Jill asked, “Is it because she was mean to us?”

“Partly. But it’s more than that. Just because you have a
fight, doesn’t mean you break up. But we realized that we weren’t happy
together, so we wanted to end it before we got married.”

Rose wondered if Genevieve had realized the same thing, or
if James was just generalizing for the girls. She could fully believe that
Genevieve would fall into a full-fledged snit for a while, but James was a
great catch—attractive and affluent with a great house and a luxurious
lifestyle. If Rose had read the other woman correctly, she wouldn’t want to let
all of that go if she didn’t have to.

Her thoughts were distracted when Jill nodded soberly. “You
shouldn’t get married if you’re not happy.”

“That’s right,” James said, reaching over to stroke the
girl’s hair back from her face. “I think it was the right decision for all of
us.”

Julie had just stared, chewing on her bite of pizza slowly.
Eventually, James asked her, “What do you think about that, Julie?”

“I’m glad,” the girl admitted, ducking her head as if she
felt guilty. “I didn’t like her.”

“You didn’t?”

Julie shook her head, peeking up at her father. “Is that
okay?”

“Yes, of course, that’s okay. Sometimes it takes a while for
us to warm up to people who we don’t like at first, but in this case there’s no
reason for you to get to know her better, since we won’t be spending any more
time together. But I hope you’ll tell me next time if you don’t like someone
who is around. I want you to tell me anything, even if you’re afraid I don’t
want to hear it. Okay?”

Rose was touched by his earnest words and by the girl’s
serious response, nodding and muttering, “Okay, Daddy.”

“What about Rosie?” Jill asked, turning to look at Rose with
wide eyes.

“What about her?” James asked.

“Did you ask her what she thinks?”

Rose felt her cheeks flushing, ridiculously embarrassed by the
childish question. “Oh, Jill, honey, it doesn’t matter what I think. It’s a
matter for your Daddy and the two of you.”

“But Rosie matters too, doesn’t she?” Jill asked, suddenly
looking concerned. She turned to her father with a beseeching look.

“Of course, Rosie matters,” he said immediately. “She just
meant that it was a family matter.”

“But Rosie is family,” Julie said, her mouth full of another
bite. “Right?”

Rose felt incredibly awkward, and she had absolutely no idea
what to say. She felt bad for James, who had to somehow deal with this without
hurting his daughters’ feelings or giving them the wrong impression about her
relationship to them.

James tightened his lips for a minute. Then he said, “Rosie
is our nanny, and she’s very important. We care about her a lot, and that’s all
that matters. Isn’t that right?”

“Right,” Julie agreed, smiling in relief at this
confirmation.

“Right,” Jill repeated, reaching forward for another piece
of pizza.

Rose’s cheeks were still warm, but she gave the girls a warm
smile, and then she finally dared to look over at James.

His eyes were on her, and she had no idea what he was
thinking.

She dropped her eyes, so he wouldn’t think she was reading
too much into the words.

But it was nice that he’d said she was important and that
they cared about her. She hoped it was true—for all three of them.

Because she cared about all of them. A lot.

***

After they finished the pizza, they
played a board game, and then Rose sent the girls up to change into their
pajamas and brush their teeth. When they came back down, James suggested they
watch a movie, so they all piled on the big sofa to watch one of the girls’
favorite animated films.

It had been a long day, and Julie fell asleep during the
last half-hour of the movie, her head on her father’s lap. Even Jill was a
little groggy as the credits started to roll, so Rose helped her to her feet
and kept her hand on her back as she guided the girl up to her bed.

James carried Julie up, laying her down on her bed—in the
same room as her sister—and kissing her sleeping face. He leaned over to kiss
Jill as well, and Rose couldn’t miss the affection on his face, even though he
was normally so reserved.

He loved these girls, and he wanted the best for them. She
was so glad he’d realized that the best wasn’t Genevieve.

“Kiss me too, Rosie?” Jill asked sleepily, reaching out her
arms to Rose.

Rose went over to kiss her, and then she kissed Julie too,
although the girl wasn’t even aware of her.

She felt James’s eyes on her as she walked to the doorway,
but she was too nervous to check out his expression.

They both went back to the family room when they left the
girls’ room. James collapsed on the sofa with a low groan, and Rose leaned over
to pick up the empty pizza boxes.

“You don’t have to do that,” James said, noticing that she
was cleaning up.

“I don’t mind.” She carried the boxes into the kitchen, glad
of something to do. When she came back, she picked up the empty water bottles
and used napkins and threw them away as well. She felt jittery, like she
couldn’t sit still, but she didn’t want to leave James quite yet, so she
dampened a paper towel and went back to the family room to wipe off the coffee
table, on which Julie had put her pizza crust to get it out of her way.

She was folding up the blanket when James grumbled, “Why are
you cleaning up? You’re not expected to clean, you know.”

She was startled by his grouchy tone, since he’d seemed in
an easy, soft mood all evening. “I know. I just do it without thinking. I like
things to be neat.”

“I guess so.” He sighed and closed his eyes for a minute.

He suddenly looked so tired that Rose felt a flare of
concern. “You should go to bed early tonight. You look like you could use some
sleep.”

“I don’t feel like sleeping yet.”

“Oh. Is your jaw hurting?”

He hadn’t been rubbing it today, and she’d been hoping that
some of his stress had lessened now that he’d ended things with Genevieve.

He opened one eye and glared at her out of it. “No.”

“Okay. Good” She stood, holding the blanket and feeling at
loose ends in a way she hadn’t felt in a really long time. She’d always known
how to act and speak as the nanny. That was her role and she was good at it. For
some reason, all of that felt wrong right now, but acting any other way felt
wrong too. “I guess I’ll head upstairs then.”

“Don’t go yet.” James opened his eyes. “Sit down and keep me
company.”

“Okay.” She was gratified at the idea, but she had no idea
what it meant. She sat down beside him on the couch, a little primly, holding
the blanket in her lap because she’d never figured out where to put it down.

“You think the girls are all right, don’t you?” he asked.

Rose let out a breath, realizing now why he’d wanted to
talk. He was worried about his daughters and wanted to feel her out about them.

Of course, that was all it was. It wasn’t like he would want
her company just for the sake of it. Things between them had never been like
that.

She told herself there was nothing to be disappointed about.
In fact, she should be relieved, since it was a clue that told her how to
behave. “Of course,” she said with a smile. “The girls are just fine.”

“Julie said she never liked Genevieve.”

“She never got to know her, and Genevieve can be
intimidating for kids. It wasn’t anything serious.”

“She never did anything to the girls before the other night,
did she? I mean, she didn’t give them any other reasons not to like her?”

She could see what he was asking. He was worried that
Genevieve had hurt the girls in a way he didn’t know about. Rose said quickly,
“Of course not. I think it was just that she was always kind of distant, and
she never made any effort to really bond with the girls. Kids pick up on that
kind of thing really easily. If anything had happened, I would have told you. I
promise. There’s nothing to worry about.”

James sighed visibly and slouched back against the couch.
“Okay. Thanks.”

Rose nodded and waited for him to say something else. He
didn’t, though, so she wondered if the conversation was over so she should get
up and go to her own room.

She and James were certainly not in the habit of sitting on
the couch together after the girls had gone to bed.

“Did you always want to be a nanny?” James asked, out the
blue. He’d been staring at a blank spot in the air, but now he looked over at
her, his tone and expression both thoughtful.