The Forest Ranger's Husband (13 page)

The recruit carried the hand tool as directed, a new air of confidence in his step as he climbed on the bus. Andie never doubted the importance of these interactive classroom exercises and incident settings. It was the best way to teach recruits.

“So? How’d you do on your physical?” Andie asked casually as she passed by Matt on her way to her next training assignment.

A euphoric grin creased his handsome mouth. “I passed with six minutes to spare. No more cane, ever.”

“I never had any doubt,” she called over her shoulder.

But she did have doubts. About his mental well-being and about his motives for coming back into her life.

As the week of training continued, the recruits were broken out into twenty-member crews. They started out by
learning the organization and hierarchy of firefighting. Andie found herself amazed by Matt’s skill both as a firefighter and as a teacher. He knew so much and had so much to offer that she could no longer begrudge him his career. He’d earned every bit of his success. Now they needed to work on their family life.

Each crew was taken up on the mountain where they learned to work with hoses and hand pumps, and how to clear fuels and limbs off trees as they built fire line. Trainees created fires with drip torches, learning to start controlled burns. Small bombs were lit and tossed into the fire to flare up and create more depth in the fire.

Matt directed the trainees through the motions of what to do when they arrived first on the scene of a wildfire. Working together with Rick Olton and Hank Corbridge, Matt showed the recruits how to take direct action to slow down the fire and then begin to mop up afterward. In essence, the students took the knowledge they had learned in the classroom and put it into action out in the field. And in the process, they cleared a lot of dead wood and other debris off the mountain that could easily catch fire during a lightning storm.

Andie’s fears for Matt’s mental health were confirmed when they taught a safety workshop together. Andie hadn’t asked to teach this class with Matt, but she’d found her name on the roster when the final assignments were handed out.

Standing outside in a clearing surrounded by dried grass, Matt began his lecture. “Every time a tragedy occurs, it’s because one of the ten standard firefighting orders or one of the eighteen watchout situations was disobeyed.” Matt hesitated at the front of the class, his voice trembling slightly. “Above all else…” He coughed and began again. “Above all else, communication is of critical importance. When an order is given, you should…you should repeat it back to ensure you
understand completely. Misunderstanding an order can cost lives.”

He stepped back and reached for his fire shelter. “Never, ever remove your fire shelter from your fire pack. If you ever need to deploy your shelter, pick the largest available clearing you can find and avoid anything that might burn. Wear your gloves and hard hat, and a face and neck shroud if you have one handy.”

He clasped the fire shelter in his hands before pulling the red ring to tear off the plastic bag. Holding the grasp handles, he shook the shelter hard to fold it out. And then he froze, standing like a statue. At first, Andie thought he was gathering his thoughts. Then she tilted her head and saw his expression. He stared down at the shelter, terror filling his eyes. He shivered, as if haunting memories washed over him. It only lasted a few moments before he regained control, but not before she saw his crippling fear.

Oh, no! He wasn’t over the wildfire. In spite of claiming differently and rehabilitating his legs, he hadn’t fully recovered.

“Matt.” She touched his arm and he looked at her, his expression blank. Gone was the strong, confident firefighter, replaced by a mere mortal man.

No! Not here. Not now. If anyone suspected he still had this problem, it could prove catastrophic to his career. She had to help him. Had to protect him.

She wrenched the shelter free of his hands and continued the demonstration, acting like nothing had happened. “You will climb into your shelter and lie facedown. Place your legs toward the oncoming fire and bury your mouth near the dirt. The air can be hot enough to burn your lungs, but the air near the ground is coolest. Use your gloved hand to keep from inhaling dirt, but protect your lungs as much as possible.”

“And…and you must withstand the pain at all costs.”
Matt’s eyes appeared lucid, but haunted. “The pain may be so great from the heat that you think you’re dying. Your natural instinct will be to get out and run. But I guarantee if you climb out of your shelter, you…you will die. Stay where you are. It’s your only chance for survival. I know…I know this firsthand.”

Andie’s heart wrenched. Without intending to, he’d just revealed a lot about the wildfire. She could only imagine what he’d gone through. How hard it must have been. And still he’d survived.

Why? Why had Matt survived when his man had died? Was it a simple matter of greater physical strength and endurance? Or was it something more divine? Surely the Lord had been there with Matt and the other man. Perhaps God had wanted Matt to live, so he could learn a lesson about faith.

And then a new thought occurred to her. Maybe God had spared Matt’s life so he could return to her and Davie. She’d been so angry at Matt that she hadn’t stopped to think that God still loved and cared for him. The Lord never abandoned any of His children, no matter what they did. Had God saved Matt’s life for a greater purpose?

“Rick, will you review the organization of the Incident Command System one more time? Once you’re done, we can move on to the tool-handling workshop.” Taking the lead, Andie nodded at Rick Olton before drawing Matt away from the group where they could talk in private.

“I’m okay, Andie.” He lifted a hand to interrupt her before she could even speak.

She caught the scent of wood smoke from one of the fires built by another training crew and lowered her voice so no one would overhear. “Well, you don’t look okay to me.”

“I just had a moment, that’s all.”

“A moment of what, Matt? I saw your face. You looked horrified. You’re not okay, no matter what you think.”

He ducked his head, his expression filled with angry grief. “I was just remembering. It took me off guard, that’s all. Everything was just fine and then…I’m not sure what happened.”

“That’s because it’s still lurking inside of you.”

“Not when I’m with you and Davie. Then I can forget for a time.”

“Forget what?”

He shrugged, a deep abiding melancholy filling his eyes. “That I survived.”

“Oh, Matt. You’ve got to let it go. I have no doubt your crewman wouldn’t want you to torture yourself like this. He’d want you to live and be happy. He’d tell you to cherish every minute of your life.”

“I’m trying, Andie. I’m trying to make a new life with new priorities, but it’s so hard when—”

He didn’t need to finish his statement. She knew what he was going to say. It was hard when she kept him beyond arm’s reach and wouldn’t let him back in. She needed to do some deep soul searching of her own, but not here and now.

“And what if you freeze up like that on a real wildfire?” she said. “You could get yourself and others killed.”

His face darkened. “Don’t you think I know that?”

“Then do something about it. You need to visit a professional doctor. This is eating you up inside, I can see that. You need to talk about this, Matt. It’s not going away just because you want it to. You’re going to have to deal with it.”

“I said I’m okay and I meant it.” His voice lowered to a dangerous growl and his eyes narrowed. His strong, stubborn chin seemed chiseled out of granite.

He looked at her like she was his enemy, which wasn’t true. She wished him no harm, and she knew he knew it. He was still hurting inside. Hurting and angry, just like her,
except for different reasons. But her anger wouldn’t get her or other people killed. His anger could.

There were worse things in life than physical death. Such as the death of a soul. And right at that moment, Andie feared for Matt’s soul. If he didn’t find a way to deal with his anguish, she feared he might be lost for good. She might never be able to reach him. Not if the Lord couldn’t reach him first.

“Matt, I just want to help—”

“Leave it alone, Andie. It’s not your worry,” he snapped.

She took a step back, surprised at the dark glare on his face. Even before he’d left her, she’d never seen him so angry.

“Matt—”

He turned and walked away, cutting her off.

She stared after him, wishing for the first time in more than six years that he’d let her in. He’d shut her off just like she’d been shutting him out, and it didn’t feel good. He’d always been self-contained and a master at concealing his deeper emotions, but now she didn’t think it was healthy.

Maybe it was time they reconciled. Maybe she’d been too hard on Matt. Everyone carried sorrow inside of them that the eye couldn’t see. Matt was no exception. And she hated the thought that he was hurting inside, and she couldn’t help him.

Yes, it was time to put the broken pieces of their marriage back together. But how? How could they ever reconcile when he still carried the horror of the wildfire deep inside of him? She couldn’t see a way. The only weapon she had now was prayer.

“W
hat’re you doing, hotshot?” Matt greeted Davie as he sauntered up the sidewalk leading to Andie’s front porch.

The hot June weather had brought with it a plethora of blooming flowers, fragrant air, and dry lightning storms that cracked across the Ruby Mountains that skirted the edge of town. Matt didn’t limp at all, enjoying the renewed confidence he felt with not having to walk with a cane.

The boy turned, his eyes round with surprise. “Hi, Daddy! I’m putting out a forest fire.”

Davie waved, but remained where he stood at the side of the lawn. Holding the garden hose with both hands, he sprayed a stream of water at the lilac bush. He wore Andie’s white firefighter helmet and yellow Nomex shirt, the sleeves pushed back on his little arms and the overlong tail dragging across the grass.

Matt chuckled. A feeling of pleasure coursed through his veins when he thought of his son following in his footsteps and becoming a wildfire fighter. Then Matt thought better of it. The last thing he wanted was for his son to be endangered by a forest fire.

Stepping to the faucet, Matt turned the water off with a few quick twists of his wrist.

“Hey! What’d you do that for?” Davie squawked.

“We’ve got better things to do right now.” Matt scooped the boy into his arms, and Davie dropped the hose as Matt headed toward the door.

The helmet slid down to cover Davie’s face, and he pushed it back before looking into his father’s eyes. He grinned when he noticed the dark suit Matt was wearing and the bouquet of red roses he held in one hand. “Are those flowers for Mom? What’re you all dressed up for?”

Matt set Davie on his feet before they stepped inside the house. “You’ll find out soon enough.”

A tremor of excitement ran up Matt’s spine. He just hoped Andie wouldn’t be angry with him. When he’d called her earlier, she’d been outside weeding the garden. Davie had taken the cordless phone to her. Matt had casually asked if she had any plans for her Saturday, and she’d said just chores. She should be cleaned up by now. It was late afternoon and he hoped she wouldn’t resist what he had in mind.

“Well, this is a surprise.” She stood in the hallway wearing comfy blue jeans, her long hair slightly damp from a recent washing and hanging in loose waves around her shoulders. Her gaze swept over him, taking in his immaculate suit, white shirt and tie. And the roses.

Her gaze lifted to his face. “What’s going on?”

Davie stood beside him, wriggling as he waited for Matt to explain. “It’s May thirtieth.”

“And?” Her eyes flooded with tears and she blinked her eyes.

From her sudden emotion, Matt realized she knew exactly what today was. He met her halfway down the hall and handed her the roses. “Happy anniversary, sweetheart.”

Leaning forward, he placed a gentle kiss on her forehead. She didn’t pull away—a good sign. He longed to take her into his arms, but still didn’t dare. For so long now, he’d tried not
to push her too fast, but he was reaching the point where he wished she’d either forgive him or tell him to get lost forever. This middle-of-the-road stuff almost drove him crazy.

“It’s been ten years today. I—I wanted to forget.” Her voice trembled.

“I know. We haven’t had a lot to celebrate. Until now.”

His gaze locked with hers. Emotion bubbled over inside him, and he bit his tongue to keep from telling her all the love he felt within his heart. “I’d like to take us all out for dinner, if that’s okay. I wanted to surprise you. I’ve made reservations.”

Her mouth dropped open, an equal mixture of regret and defensiveness written across her face.

His stomach clenched. He’d made her cry too many times. “You’re not gonna make a liar out of me again, are you?”

She sniffed. “What do you mean?”

“I promised myself I’d never make you cry again, but you’re looking mighty close to tears right now. I’d much rather see one of your sweet smiles.”

She laughed and tilted her head to one side, her eyes immediately drying. “But I don’t have anyone to watch Davie.”

Matt shrugged. “Good, because I planned to take him with us.”

“Yay!” The boy jumped up and down. “Let’s go, Mom. Come on!”

She glanced back and forth between Davie and Matt while she bit her bottom lip. Oh, no! Matt knew that look. It meant she was inclined to refuse.

“Okay, but I have to change first. I’ll be back.” She headed toward her bedroom.

Matt exhaled a sharp breath of relief. “Take your time. We’re in no hurry tonight.”

The minute she disappeared, Davie raced to his room and quickly reappeared carrying his white shirt and little tie. The
shirt looked rather crumpled, but the child had already pulled his T-shirt over his head and was reaching for the white shirt before Matt could speak. It was on the edge of his tongue to tell Davie he didn’t need to dress up. But then Matt thought better. It was good that Davie learn young to show respect to his future wife by dressing up and treating her well. Six months ago, Matt had no idea he had a son. Now he was delighted to be teaching his boy some good behaviors. And yet, Matt had no doubt he’d also teach Davie a few bad lessons, as well. The important thing was to keep trying and never give up.

“We’re gonna look nice for Mom tonight, huh?” Davie said.

“Yes, son, we will.” Matt smiled, loving this boy and his wife so much that his heart ached with it.

He sat on the couch, helping Davie adjust the tie. “Why don’t you bring your comb, and I’ll help you with your hair.”

Davie did as asked. Then they waited. The kid’s show on TV put Matt to sleep within ten minutes. When Andie woke him up half an hour later with a gentle touch on his shoulder, he jerked and blinked his eyes.

A vision of loveliness stood before him, and his mouth almost watered. Andie, wearing a shapely red dress with four-inch-high heels, her makeup in place and curled hair swirling around her shoulders. Was she real? Or a dream?

He stood up fast and inhaled deeply. “Wow! You look beautiful. And you smell nice, too.”

“Yeah, Mom. You smell real nice,” Davie interjected.

She looked down at her son, her long lashes resting against her pale cheeks. “Sorry to take so long.”

Matt’s ears buzzed with happiness. She’d dressed up. For him. When he’d come here tonight, he’d expected anger and resentment. Not this lovely apparition standing before him. “It was well worth the wait.”

She stepped toward the door, carrying a small, glittering handbag. “Shall we go?”

Matt hurried around her to get the door. “Allow me, sweetheart.”

Sweetheart.

Words of endearment just seemed to sneak out of his mouth spontaneously, an unconscious expression of what was in his heart. He found himself peering at her face, awaiting her look of disapproval. When it didn’t come, he grew bolder, holding her arm as he led her to his truck. He’d almost forgotten about Davie until he felt the warmth of his son’s small hand slip into his. Standing between the two people he loved more than life, Matt smiled at them both. This was going to be a great night.

He opened the truck door, hoisting Davie up into the middle and buckling his seat belt. When Andie reached to hold his hand while she climbed inside, Matt’s arm tingled with electric shock waves.

“Thank you,” she murmured as she settled on the seat.

“You’re welcome.” He smiled, wondering at the hammering of his heartbeat. He felt as giddy as a young kid out on his first date.

They shared a delicious meal together—rib-eye steak for Matt, roast chicken for Andie and a hamburger for Davie. With their son listening to every word, they weren’t able to talk much about adult issues, and yet Matt thought that was best. He wanted them to be a family again. And that meant they needed to become comfortable friends first.

“To the most beautiful, accomplished wife a man could have.” Matt leaned closer to Andie as he lifted his glass in a toast.

She hesitated, then reached for her glass. “To us.”

Davie scurried to grasp his glass and ended up knocking
it over. Both Matt and Andie simultaneously jerked back to keep from getting doused by milk.

A shocked expression covered Davie’s face. Andie reached for her napkin and began to soak up the mess. Tears beaded in Davie’s eyes, his little chin quivering. “I’m sorry.”

Matt waved his hand to get the attention of a waiter. “No harm done, son. It’ll clean up easily.”

Matt couldn’t help remembering a time when a mess like this might have upset him. Now he could think of a lot more serious issues he had to deal with. The last thing he wanted was to cry over spilled milk.

Instead, he reached over and hugged his son. Andie kissed the boy’s forehead. Davie smiled, sitting back and looking secure in his parents’ love while the waiter sopped up the spill.

This was what Matt wanted more than anything else in the world. More than his career, fame or worldly possessions. Throughout their lives, they’d undoubtedly spill many glasses of milk. But as long as they forgave each other and clung to their family, they could face anything. Together.

They spent the rest of the evening laughing, eating hot mixed-berry cobbler with vanilla ice cream, and talking about summer activities. Davie grinned as he chewed, both cheeks bulging, a dollop of ice cream on his chin.

Because it was fire season, neither Matt nor Andie planned to take any summer vacations, but Matt hoped they might plan a skiing trip together for Christmas. There was plenty of time to broach the subject with her later.

Back at home, Matt carried a sleepy Davie inside the house where Andie stepped out of her high heels.

“They’re sure pretty. Have you had enough of those torture devices?” Matt teased her.

She nodded with a smile. “Sometimes a woman’s vanity causes her a lot of pain.”

“Read me a bedtime story, Daddy.” Davie rubbed his eyes and yawned.

“Okay, hotshot.” Matt lifted the kid up on his shoulder like an airplane and zoomed him around the room.

Davie squealed, now wide-awake.

Andie shook her head, one hand resting on her slim waist. “Matt, he was almost asleep. Don’t get him wound up again.”

Matt chuckled, but carried the boy to his room where he helped him put on his jammies and brush his teeth. When Davie knelt beside his small bed, bowed his head and folded his arms, Matt followed suit. He’d never prayed like this, but figured it was time.

Davie didn’t ask for help, and Matt breathed a sigh of relief. As he listened to his son’s simple request that God watch over his mommy and daddy, Matt felt abundant gratitude to Andie for teaching their son to love and depend upon the Lord.

“And please keep Mommy and Daddy safe when they fight wildfire.”

A hard lump formed in Matt’s throat.

Thank You, Lord. Thank You for giving me this wonderful little boy and his mother. And please forgive me for ever hurting them.
Matt carried his own prayer silently in his heart.

“Now a story.”

Andie listened outside Davie’s bedroom door as he finished his prayer. Peeking around the doorjamb, she saw Davie hop into bed and Matt slowly stand.

After wrapping a light blanket over his son, Matt reached for a book and held it up for Davie’s inspection. “This one?”

Davie shook his head and Matt tried again. “How about this one?”

“No, I want that one. It’s my favorite.” Davie pointed at a red book with Smokey the Bear on the front cover. A story
about a child who played with matches and accidentally started a forest fire. Andie couldn’t remember how many times she’d read the book to her boy. Maybe hundreds.

“Okay, hotshot, give me some room.” Matt cuddled on the bed with his arms around his son and Davie leaning back against his chest.

Andie liked seeing them together like this. Her child deserved a loving father. Part of her was so happy to have Matt back in their lives. And yet, she felt more empty inside than ever before.

She wanted to forgive Matt. Just like that. She didn’t want to be angry at him anymore. He’d suffered enough. So had she and Davie. But one thing still troubled her. Having witnessed firsthand how he’d frozen up during the fire training course, she knew they had to resolve this problem before they tackled another one. Matt needed psychological help. But how could she convince him of that?

As he read, Matt used voice inflection to act out the various parts of the story. A high tone for the little boy, a deep bass voice for Smokey Bear and a medium pitch for the forest ranger who came to the rescue and put out the fire. As he turned the page, he glanced her way and looked startled to find her there. He recovered quickly, giving her a wink and a smile.

Andie stood leaning against the doorjamb, her arms crossed as she listened. Now that he had an audience, Matt seemed to feel a bit embarrassed. He finished the story quickly, tickled his son one last time, kissed the boy on the forehead and headed for the door.

Andie disappeared, waiting in the hall. Before Matt flipped off the light, she heard Davie call to him.

“I love you, Daddy.”

“I love you too, son.”

Andie’s heart squeezed hard. How could she continue to
hold a grudge against this man? She couldn’t. Not anymore. But she still wasn’t sure that meant she was ready to trust him enough to let him move back into the house. That would take a giant leap of faith she wasn’t yet certain she was ready to make.

Out in the living room, Andie sat in a soft chair, waiting for Matt to join her. No TV. No sounds but the crickets chirping outside the open window. A warm breeze teased the curtains, and she looked up. Matt stood in the doorway leading down the hall, watching her expectantly. What should she do? What should she say?

“Can we talk a few minutes before you leave?” she asked.

Okay, probably not what he wanted to hear on their marriage anniversary, but she’d met him halfway. She didn’t want him to stay, but neither did she want him to go. Hopefully he could accept that.

He sat on the couch, leaning forward to rest his elbows on his knees and gaze into her eyes. “What did you want to talk about?”

“Nothing in particular. I had fun tonight. So did Davie. You’re good with him. Can you believe he dug his church shirt out of the dirty clothes hamper so he could dress up tonight?”