13 Minutes (10 page)

NATASHA:
No. Do you think that’s weird? No, don’t answer. You’re only going to say ‘But do
you
think that’s weird?’ Maybe it is a bit weird. But I feel okay. I wasn’t beaten up or raped or anything. The police aren’t bothered any more. And I mean, I could go crazy wondering about it, couldn’t I?

DR HARVEY:
How was school today?

NATASHA:
Fine. You know, everyone was looking at me but I can cope with that. We had the play auditions. That was good. Hayley and Jenny – they’re my best friends, I guess – they’re sticking to me like glue, which is also nice. I guess.

DR HARVEY:
You don’t sound convinced.

NATASHA:
No, it’s good. They’re great. They’re protecting me from everyone who wants to ask questions. Which is kind of funny. Like
they
don’t have questions.

DR HARVEY:
What kind of questions?

NATASHA:
Mainly what was it like.

(Pause)

The whole being dead thing.

DR HARVEY:
What do you tell them?

NATASHA:
What can I tell them? I don’t remember anything. They’re expecting me to say something about white lights and tunnels, I think.

(Pause)

I invited Becca to the party.

DR HARVEY:
Party?

NATASHA:
There’s one tonight. In my honour for still being alive. I invited Becca. I don’t even really know why.

DR HARVEY:
Should you be going to a party so soon?

NATASHA:
Ha. You’re more parental than my parents.

DR HARVEY:
They don’t mind you going?

NATASHA:
Oh, I’m sure they do. They won’t say so, though.

DR HARVEY:
Becca sounds significant to you.

NATASHA:
She used to be my best friend. A long time ago. I’ve just found myself thinking about her more since all this happened. It used to be me and her, then it was me, her and Hayley. Then it became me, Hayley and Jenny.

DR HARVEY:
Did you have an argument?

NATASHA:
No. Not really. Just, well . . . things change at school and stuff, don’t they?

Different things become important. Who you hang around with. That stuff.

DR HARVEY:
But you’ve asked her to the party.

NATASHA:
Yes. She probably won’t come, though.

DR HARVEY:
So Becca was your first best friend? How old were you when you met?

NATASHA:
Maybe seven? I’m not sure. I feel like I’ve known her for ever.

DR HARVEY:
Perhaps she’s your security.

NATASHA:
What?

DR HARVEY:
There is always a child in all of us. You’re sixteen. You’re almost grown up. But this incident, the trauma you’ve just been through, might make you want the security of your childhood. Perhaps your parents don’t fully provide that. Perhaps you’re looking to Becca for it?

NATASHA:
(Laughs)

I think you’re thinking too much about it.

(Pause)

Although I’m not sleeping well.

DR HARVEY:
Why is that?

NATASHA:
I don’t know.

DR HARVEY:
What’s preventing you from sleeping?

NATASHA:
Nothing. I’m in my room. Everything’s the same.

DR HARVEY:
Perhaps you’re not the same.

NATASHA:
(Quiet)

It’s the dark. I’m afraid of the dark.

DR HARVEY:
What frightens you about it?

NATASHA:
(Long pause. Shuffling. A cough)

I think there’s something in it. Something bad.

Sixteen

Becca didn’t dress up – not like the others would, anyway, just an off-one-shoulder black T over her jeans – but she put her full warpaint on, dark kohl shading all round her eyes tapering to Cleopatra points. She thought it made her look fierce. She
was
fierce. Though right until the moment she came to a stop outside the house that throbbed with music in the night, she hadn’t been sure she’d actually go.

She’d told her mum that she was meeting a couple of other girls from school and that she might stay over, appeasing her clucking worry with
Of course I’ll text when we’re home
and then she texted Aiden and asked if he’d be around to pick her up at about one, maybe earlier, and that she had an all-night pass. That part had made her smile through her nerves.

Mark Pritchard wasn’t as wealthy as Natasha but his house was big, with two downstairs living rooms, a large kitchen and a den at the back before the garden. At first, coming in from the cold, and with her stomach suddenly in knots of nerves, Becca felt almost disorientated. People were flashes of coloured clothes, milling everywhere. Faces she recognised but didn’t really know. A couple of boys who’d left the year before. Music thumped from the front room through the fabric of the building. She was never going to find Tasha here. Coming was the stupidest thing she’d ever done, she decided. Were they all going to laugh at her?

All.
Get over it
, she thought.
Who is all? Just the Barbies. You’re not Hannah. No one else sniggers at you. You’re invisible but you’re not a joke.
But maybe the Barbies were all that mattered. And if the Barbies did something to humiliate her here in front of all their peers then she
would
become a joke. Another Hannah. Maybe she should just text Aiden now. Maybe she should just—

‘Bex!’

She looked up. A hand waved from the kitchen and then Natasha was worming her way through the people talking and drinking in the corridor and grabbing her. ‘Isn’t it great? Mark’s mum even left a load of food and booze. Come on!’ There was no going back now.

She took her coat off in the kitchen, nodding hellos at people and keeping a wary eye out for Hayley and Jenny as Natasha made them both strong vodka and cranberry drinks.

‘Cheers!’ They clinked plastic glasses. ‘Here’s to being alive.’

As she drank – too fast, needing the hit for confidence – Becca thought Tasha had never looked better than she did now, so soon after being nearly dead. Her skin glowed even under the bronzer she’d dusted herself with, glittering like stardust over her bare arms and neck. She was slim and perfect in her skinny jeans and silver strappy sequinned top. She made Becca feel like a rugby player. She looked down at her comfy Doc Martens and then at Natasha’s four-inch cream stiletto heels. Had they really been best friends? How? How much could two people change?

‘So glad you could come.’ Close in, Natasha smelled of perfume and bubblegum. Becca no doubt reeked of cigarettes. ‘You can save me from Mark. He’s starting to piss me off. How many times do I have to say no? And don’t you think it’s strange to want to go out with a girl
more
just because she drowned? He should go out with Hayley. She really fancies him.’

‘Where is Hayley?’ She tried to keep her voice light but her eyes scanned the party-goers warily.

‘Oh, she and Jenny have gone to get some fun. They’ll be back in a minute. Come on, let’s dance.’

Becca had never felt less like dancing, so she necked the vodka and poured herself one so strong the cranberry was barely a pink trace through it before following Tasha towards the music. So far, the ‘dancing’ was just five or six girls swaying in time to the beat while laughing and talking, and they flung their arms round Tasha’s neck and made space for her. Then one of them, Vicki Springer, who’d been at the auditions, did the same to Becca.

‘Becca! If you know who Mr Jones is casting, then feel free to share! Or better still, if you can find out which one of us he’d fuck, I’ll pay to know!’ Her eyes were glazed drunk. She must have arrived at the party early. ‘He’s totally up for it. You can tell. The way he is around us – he’s gagging to get into a teenager.’

‘Maybe he’d let us share him,’ Jodie added. They all squealed and with booze buzzing her brain, Becca laughed along, agreeing how hot Mr Jones was and how they’d all like to bone him even though she didn’t think that at all and she couldn’t imagine cheating on Aiden with anyone. They fluttered around her wanting details about him as if Becca had a special ‘in’ by doing the stage sets. Maybe she did, but maybe that was because she was the only one
not
trying to get into his trousers.

It was still funny, though, she thought, her eyes darting about the room. All the boys were dicking around loudly but secretly watching the girls dance, and all the girls were thinking about fucking someone so much older than them. Her head spun slightly and she laughed for no reason, swaying along with the rest of the pack. She was a stoner, not a drinker, and the vodka was going straight to her head. She was in the hive. She was part of the buzz. That made her laugh a bit more.

Mark appeared from nowhere and grabbed at Natasha. She started to shake him off, but he leaned closer and whispered something in her ear. She nodded and then took Becca’s hand. ‘Come on. They’re back.’ It felt strange having Tasha’s warm, slim fingers wrapped around hers. She felt ten years old again, off on an adventure with her
best friend forever
. It was like a weird dream where the past had melted into the present, making everything surreal. She felt both at home and out of place. The latter took over as the door to the den closed behind her, cramming her in with the Barbies and some of the boys.

‘So,’ Hayley said to Becca as Jenny collected money from the seven or so teenagers gathered. ‘You in? If so, we’ll need some cash. Jenny’s saving for Uni. No freebies.’ Her eyes were fixed on Becca.

‘Like Jenny’s getting into any Uni.’ Mark snickered. ‘Little Miss Maths Retake.’

‘I’ve paid for a gram,’ Natasha said, ‘so Becca can have some of mine if she wants. Don’t be such a bitch.’ It was said light-heartedly but Becca was sure she saw Hayley flinch a little. ‘The same goes for you, Mark. Jenny’s cleverer than you think.’

Hayley hadn’t taken her cool eyes from Becca throughout the conversation, although at this her gaze flicked over to Jenny and then Natasha and then landed back on Becca.

‘Do you want some or not?’ she asked.

‘What is it? Mandy or coke?’ Becca asked.

‘Mandy,’ Jenny said, tucking the wedge of notes into her wallet. ‘Top shit. It will blow your cares away.’ She took out a packet of Rizlas and passed them to the boys, who had already started undoing their wrap. ‘Bomb it, don’t snort it, though. Better buzz. Lasts longer, too. And you won’t spend the next half an hour thinking your nose is on fire.’

‘Staying friends with that dealer your mum dated is the best thing you ever did,’ Hayley said drily.

As the boys began tipping the glittering white powder carefully onto the cigarette papers, Becca looked down at their own wrap on the coffee table, the weight of the Barbies’ eyes on her. ‘Sure. Why not?’

Natasha let out a small whoop. ‘Let’s get this party started.’

‘Are you sure you should?’ Becca asked, immediately hating herself for sounding so sensible. ‘You know, after everything.’

‘I’m physically fine,’ Natasha said.

‘Yeah, you are.’ Mark winked, tossed the bomb of paper containing the drugs into his mouth and swallowed it down with some beer.

Natasha glanced at Becca and rolled her eyes. Hayley’s perfect jaw tightened slightly. Jenny glanced from one friend to the other as she sorted the drugs. Was this a rift in the Barbie camp? Becca wondered. Over an idiot like Mark Pritchard?

‘Here you go,’ Jenny said, four twists of Rizla sitting on her palm. ‘They’re all the same so take your pick.’

Becca took a deep breath as they waited. So it was going to be her first. What was this, some kind of test? Of course it was. Everything in the hive was a test. She picked up one of the bombs. How bad could it be? Not as bad as looking like a twat in front of the school cool gang. She put it in her mouth, wondering if there was a way she could tuck it into her cheek or something and not actually swallow it. There wasn’t.
Fuck it
,
she thought.
Here we go.
She lifted her glass and took a long drink, washing the makeshift pill down.

She stared defiantly at Hayley. ‘Let’s get this party started.’

*

By midnight, she was flying. It had started slowly. As the paper dissolved in her stomach and the drug began to hit her bloodstream, there was a tingle and then a sudden surge of heat and brightness. Her heart beat faster. For a nanosecond, Becca thought,
I’m not sure I like this
, and then that was carried away on a wave of bliss. The music pumped through her, each beat making her throb with pleasure. Natasha was dancing but Becca was content just to watch everyone. This wasn’t her scene. She was happy to be invisible.

In the kitchen she grabbed another vodka. Hayley and Jenny were deep in conversation in the corner of the room, blonde heads bent towards each other. They looked over at Becca and even through the haze of the drug’s buzz she could see their dislike. Was it dislike? Wariness? Something. She grinned at them like an idiot, unable to stop herself, as they came over to her. If only they could be friends. If only they could—

‘What do you want, Becca?’ Hayley said quietly.

‘What has she said to you?’ Jenny joined in. She chewed her bottom lip as they waited for Becca’s response. Becca grinned some more. At least, she thought it was a grin. Her jaw had clenched, so she could have been gurning like a loon at them for all she knew.

‘You guys are so beautiful,’ she said. ‘I mean, really. Even without all the fake shit like make-up and stuff. You really are.’

‘Are you taking the piss?’ Hayley said.

Becca frowned. Hayley’s eyes were sharp. So were Jenny’s. How come they weren’t off their tits like she was?