13 Minutes (11 page)

‘What’s going on?’ she asked. ‘What’s the matter with you two?’

They looked at each other, a silent glance of perfect communication.

‘Don’t worry about it.’ Jenny pulled Hayley away, leaving Becca alone. Barbies. She would never understand them. Suddenly she missed Aiden. Not so much missed as wanted to see him desperately. To wrap herself around him and trap them in their world of two forever. She loved him. She loved him so so much. They were soulmates. Meant to be. Hayley and Jenny could look down on her as much as they liked. She had Aiden. No one else mattered. Not even Natasha.

She pulled out her phone and sent him a text with slightly sweaty fingers to see if he was nearly done working, and then grabbed her coat and went out into the cold night for a cigarette, leaving the front door on the snib so she could get back in.

The drug had made her hot and the crisp air was refreshing. She sat on the step and sucked in the smoke, eyes on the stars above. The night was clear and by morning the slush and snow would have frozen into treacherous ice. She could still hear the thump of music and noise from inside, but it felt a world away from the quiet of the night. All the other smokers were in the back garden with easy access to the kitchen and drinks, and Becca thought this moment could sum up her entire school experience. Always just on the outside of everything.

She smiled. It didn’t bother her. She loved them all right now, anyway. All their attempts to be cool and fit in and be perfect. They were the same really. They were her peers, her classmates, and she loved them.

Her phone buzzed. Aiden. He’d pick her up in ten minutes. Her smile stretched to a grin and her joy at the thought of seeing him sent another rush of drugged pleasure through her, making her shiver. Whatever it was, it was good shit. All the mellow of being stoned but with a clarity of perception. A pureness of emotion. So much warmth. She liked it. Maybe Aiden could score them some and they could do it together. And then they could
do it
together. She giggled aloud at her own joke.

‘What’s so funny?’

Becca turned to see Natasha pulling the door to behind her.

‘Nothing. Just thinking silly thoughts.’

‘Good shit, isn’t it?’ Tasha said, sitting beside Becca on the step. Her pupils were dark and wide, black holes eating up the universe of her irises.

‘Yeah.’ Becca held out her cigarettes and Tasha shook her head. Despite having just put one out, Becca lit a second. The smoke felt good. It enhanced her rush. ‘You do it a lot?’

‘No. Just felt like letting go tonight.’

‘Don’t blame you.’

‘How come you’re out here?’

‘Waiting for Aiden,’ she answered. It wasn’t why she’d come out into the quiet, but it would do as an explanation.

‘Going already?’

‘Yeah, I’ve got shit to do tomorrow. Thanks for asking me, though – it’s been fun.’ She paused. ‘Even if Hayley and Jenny didn’t want me here.’

Natasha’s face darkened and she let out a long breath, mist in the night. ‘They can be strange, but they’ve been nice over the past few days, like guard dogs around me – normal again.’

‘How do you mean?’ Becca watched her. ‘You guys not been getting on?’

Natasha shrugged. ‘I’m not really sure. It’s just been odd.’ She squeezed Becca’s arm. ‘But everything that’s happened has made me look at things differently. I guess it’s why I wanted your friendship back. I just . . . It’s hard to explain. I thought of you when I woke up and knew I needed to make amends for being such a bitch.’

‘Don’t worry about it,’ Becca said. She actually meant it, too. Maybe it was the mandy, maybe it was that Tasha had nearly died, or maybe it was just too much water under the bridge. ‘We’ve grown up very different. We were probably always destined to go our separate ways. And you and Hayley and Jenny, well, you know. You were always going to be close.’

Natasha shrugged and looked down at her shoes. ‘I suppose so. But we all change. Sometimes I think . . . I don’t know. They . . .’

A car turned into the road and crawled towards them, the driver trying to spot the house numbers in the dark.

‘That’s Aiden.’ Becca got to her feet. But then she frowned and turned back. ‘They what?’

‘Oh, nothing. I’m just being stupid. I’m drunk. High. I’d better go back inside, anyway.’ She held out her hand and Becca pulled her up. ‘My adoring fans will wonder where I’ve got to. Well, Mark will, anyway.’ She pulled a vom face and they both grinned. ‘I’ve left him with Hayley. Maybe she’ll make a move and save me.’

‘He’s not so bad,’ Becca said. ‘You’re too hard on him.’ Aiden pulled up to the kerb and flashed his headlights. Becca waved and then turned to hug Tasha.

‘Thanks again.’

‘Enjoy the rest of your night,’ Tasha said with a wink. She looked towards the car. ‘I saw Aiden yesterday. He’s so different now. Like, all grown-up. What’s the score with you two? Is it a proper love thing?’

Becca nodded. ‘Yeah. Yeah, it really is.’

Tasha grinned. ‘Cool. Go fuck his brains out.’

As they both giggled, Tasha leaned past Becca and waved.

‘Laters,’ Becca said and darted down the path.

‘Laters!’ Tasha called after her.

*

Aiden’s car was melted-chocolate hot as Becca slid across the passenger seat to kiss him. She held his face with her cold hands and pushed her tongue into his mouth, the warm, wet sensation making her rush all over again. Drugs were awesome. Maybe they were
bad
but they were pretty fucking awesome, too.

‘Slow down, you nympho,’ he said, laughing and pushing her off him. ‘Let’s get away from here first.’

Becca slumped back against her seat, grinning, then took the half-smoked joint from the ashtray between them and lit it.

‘Good party?’

‘It was pretty cool.’ The weed and mandy made for a good combination. Street lights swirled in the darkness, tracing across her vision as the car moved away.

Aiden glanced at her. ‘You and Natasha looked pretty cosy.’

She shrugged. What was it to him? She frowned, distracted for a moment from the pleasantness of the thrills in her body and the streaking lights outside.

‘You never said you’d seen Natasha.’

‘She and her mum came to Jamie’s house. I didn’t see them, really – took them some drinks and then fucked off back to the studio.’

Becca stared out at the night. Even with the mellow love drug in her system she felt a pang of jealousy.
He liked Natasha first.
She’d come after. She was second prize.

Aiden reached over and poked her playfully in the side, making her cough out a lungful of scented smoke. ‘Don’t go getting weird on me over this. I have no interest in shallow little Natasha.’

‘She’s not so bad,’ Becca said.

‘Give her time to get back to normal.’ He took the stub of the joint from her and finished it, throwing the roach out into the night. ‘Then you’ll change your mind.’

‘I think it’s Hayley and Jenny,’ she said. ‘I think they’ve changed her.’

‘Or she changed them.’

Becca said nothing. She didn’t really want to defend Tasha too much in case Aiden suddenly fell in love with her all over again. She almost laughed at her own exaggeration. He’d never been in love with Tasha – he’d hardly known her, just asked her out once a long time ago.
Get some perspective, Crisp
, she told herself.
And calm the fuck down.
But Natasha was hot, there was no doubt about it. And perhaps Aiden sometimes thought of that hotness when he was sliding between Becca’s legs.

‘Maybe,’ she said, twisting sideways so she could look at him and pulling her knees up under her chin as best she could within the constraints of her seat belt. She didn’t want to think about Natasha. They were being friendly again. She mustn’t let her own paranoia fuck that up. ‘Who cares, anyway.’

‘Exactly.’

‘You are so beautiful,’ she said, the words surging up from her heart and out through her mouth. ‘You really really are. I mean, so handsome. Like a painting.’ She giggled at herself and Aiden joined in.

‘I love you so much,’ she said. ‘I really do. You’re amazing.’

He studied her for a second and then she saw the realisation dawn on him. ‘Your eyes are fucked,’ he said. ‘What are you on?’

‘Nothing really. Just a bit of Mandy.’

‘Who gave you that?’

‘Jenny had some. I didn’t buy it – Tasha offered me a bomb. Rude not to take it.’ She suddenly felt slightly defensive, like she was in a conversation with her parents.

‘Got any left?’ he asked, eventually.

She shook her head. ‘It wasn’t mine.’ He was so handsome and he was hers. She wanted to suffocate in him. ‘Is your mum out tonight?’ she asked.

‘I don’t know. Maybe. She didn’t tell me her plans. Why?’

She stretched like a cat, her legs falling open slightly and her top riding up against her bare stomach. ‘I want to make some noise,’ she purred. She felt sexy. She felt alive. She saw the dip in his throat as Aiden swallowed hard. It made her feel powerful. He wanted
her
. Not Tasha. Only her. Her hand reached over to his thigh and, watching him, her fingers traced and teased until they brushed over the crotch of his jeans. He pressed her hand down onto the hardness there.

They didn’t make it to his flat. Instead, they pulled into the car park by the woods and killed the lights. Within seconds, she’d kicked her jeans off and straddled him, pushing him far inside her, grinding on him like she couldn’t get enough. And she couldn’t. For the first time sex was something for her, not just some mystery for him, and as he pushed her T-shirt and bra up, his eyes glazed and breath heavy, she slid one hand down to touch herself as she fucked him.

‘Jesus, Becca,’ he said, and the helpless need in his voice intensified her own lust. She was lost in the sensation, and as she rode him and worked herself, feeling him getting harder as he fought to control the urge to come, she moaned load and hard and adult. Finally, she collapsed on his shoulder and it was his turn to cry out, all the need, all the anger and lust and love pounding into her with his last few thrusts.

When satiated sanity returned, they smiled and giggled at each other as Becca pulled on her jeans, her legs suddenly cold without the car engine and heater running. Aiden rolled another joint and they shared it in a comfortable silence, both staring out at the night and basking in their afterglow. Becca, although no longer rushing, was still too high to feel awkward or embarrassed about their sex, as she usually did if she thought about actually letting go and doing what made her feel good. Tonight was like the first time all over again. Except this time she felt like an actual
woman
, not a girl.

As they passed the joint between them, Aiden looked at her, almost in awe, and she was hit by the thought that there was nothing dirty in enjoying her body or his, and that he might actually like it if she did just do whatever she wanted. There was nothing to be ashamed of. It wouldn’t stop him loving her. Judging by how he was looking at her right now, it might just make him love her more.

Sex was weird. Or maybe it wasn’t so much that sex was weird, it was just that it was like drugs. All the way through growing up, people tell you how you shouldn’t do it. Then you do it and it feels great. Why didn’t they ever tell you that bit? And at least sex wasn’t illegal. But why make you feel so guilty about something you’re actually allowed to do by sixteen? Not that age had stopped plenty at school. Jenny for one. Everyone knew that Jenny fucked around. Even Becca’s mum knew. When they’d bumped into Jenny clothes shopping with her mum, after the polite hellos and quick escapes, Becca’s mum had glanced back at the rack they’d been browsing and quietly sneered,
Like mother, like daughter.
She might as well have spat
sluts
at them. It was all in the look. Maybe her mum was jealous. Maybe her dad didn’t cut it in the bedroom department. That was a thought and an image she
really
didn’t want to linger on – there weren’t enough drugs in the world to make her want to think about her parents fucking – so she turned on the radio and let the music distract her.

When they’d finished the spliff, Aiden drove them home, Becca’s head on his shoulder even though it meant her midriff was uncomfortable with the stretch. She didn’t care. She loved him. She loved touching him.

It was gone two a.m. when they crawled, naked, into his cold bed, huddling together under the duvet until their feet thawed, and as their shivering subsided, they did it again. It was quieter this time. Gentle.
Lovemaking
, Becca thought, even though the word made her cringe. But that’s what it was.

Seventeen

TAKEN FROM
DI CAITLIN BENNETT’S FILES:

EXTRACT FROM NATASHA HOWLAND’S NOTEBOOK

I let Mark Pritchard snog me. I could see Hayley watching when he did it and I stared right back at her, as if I was victorious. I
was
victorious. She was like an ice queen, as if she was the one who’d frozen to death and come back to life. Perhaps Hayley has grown prettier than me, but she doesn’t have what I have. She doesn’t have my
mystique
. Not now. She doesn’t have Mark Pritchard chasing her like I do.

I met her eyes as he pushed me up against the wall. He was trying be all manly but just made himself seem too eager, and he hurt my spine against the dado rail. Despite that, it didn’t even feel like he was there. Not really. It was all about me and Hayley. Our gazes were locked as he wormed his way between my lips, pushing his thick tongue against mine. She tried to smile but her neck was going blotchy like I’d almost drawn blood.

I pretended I’d done it because I was off my face, the same reason I gave for coming back home rather than staying over at hers with Jenny, but that wasn’t the truth. I don’t know what the truth is. I didn’t want to snog Mark. I just know it felt good to see Hayley beaten. Cool, calm Hayley. The running star. The girl with the perfect abs. The girl who was my second and is now becoming something of her own. Sometimes I think they’re strangers. We’re all strangers. Circling each other.