15 Years Later: Wasteland (21 page)

She got up and walked up to the fences as if needing to throw up, but managed not to.

“This has got to be some sick joke, right?”

He shook his head as he walked nearer to try and comfort her, but she shrugged him off.

“Don’t even touch me. I really do hope this is some sick joke, but I am not laughing. The Boss slaughtered thousands, friends of mine as well. The Boss is a monster.”

“I am sorry. I don’t remember any of it. I don’t know why.”

He tried to get close to her again, but she went back and held up her hands as if to keep him away.

“Don’t you come near me, don’t touch me!” she screamed as she ran away.

He felt awful, but he knew it had to be done. He looked out from the walls and let his mind wander to all the possibilities of what his future could entail. Whatever that might be, he was willing to throw his fate into the hands of those he loved.

As the sun rose, the sound of voices shouting at one another echoed through the town. Lannie and Johnnie were at each other’s throats, and Zed knew exactly why. People were flocking out of their homes to try and understand what was going on. Many looked towards the sound of the furore and waited for them to come out. Everybody knew it was between the two of them, and nobody dared get in the middle of that.

Zed was sitting on the edge of one of the improvised battlements with his legs dangling in towards the town. He could see Sasha approaching. He felt sorry for her, because she would soon have to deal with the same horrendous news he had given Lannie.

“I guess she knows.”

Zed turned to find Rave standing behind him. She had a knack for being able to sneak up and listen in to everything that was going on.

“Lannie? Sure does, now.”

“She’s not taking it well, then.”

“Would you?”

She shrugged. It didn’t bother her at all. In fact, she smiled and found the whole thing rather amusing. She clearly had respect for anyone who managed to take control and power, no matter how they went about it.

“Are we getting thrown out again?”

“I have no idea, but I’m not going without a fight.”

The argument still raged in the distance. Sasha climbed up onto the wall and sat beside him. She had a huge smile on her face and was so close she was touching him. She wrapped one arm over his shoulder and kissed him on the cheek.

“What’s that all about?”

“Me,” he replied miserably.

“Why? What have you done now? I thought they were all ready to throw you a party? You deserve it.”

“No I don’t, Sasha. Really, I don’t.”

“You’re so modest, Zed, and I love you for it. I will stay with you, no matter what.”

That didn’t sit well with him at all. He was beginning to really care for Sasha, and now he was just going to hurt her, too.

“I promise you, Zed, I am with you.”

“No, don’t do that to me. You can’t promise that without knowing the facts.”

“Then tell me, I am willing to listen,” she pleaded.

“I’ve done dreadful things. Much more horrible than you can imagine. I am sure you will hear about it soon enough. Please, just go. Go and see what you think about me tomorrow, and the day after.”

“I know how I’ll feel.”

“No you don’t. If you care for me at all, you will go. I don’t want to see you again, not until tomorrow.”

She began to weep as she got down and stormed off. He hated having to do it, but it was for her own good. One of the townspeople approached him, a man in his mid twenties. He had a sling holding his left arm up from some recent injury.

“Can I help you?” Zed asked.

“My name is Perry.”

It rang a bell, but he didn’t remember why.

“I came to get you off that cross,” he said.

And now it all made sense. It was the man who had taken a bullet when rescuing him from the Jaytown Braves.

“Yes, I remember now. I never got to see your face, or if I did, I am sorry. I was, well…”

“I know how you were. I am glad you are okay, Sir.”

“Don’t call me that,” he said sternly.

Perry looked quite surprised.

“Oh…okay.”

“I didn’t mean to offend. Sorry, I just have a lot on my mind right now.”

“I get it. I just wanted to come and say thank you for everything you have done for us, and for saving Sasha. I knew her a few years ago. It was a brave thing you did.”

That only made Zed feel worse, and he could see his whole world was about to come crashing down. He had been the best person he could be since waking up, but the sins of his past had come back to haunt him.

“Well, thank you again,” said Perry before wandering on.

Zed hated himself for ever becoming what he had as the Boss. He didn’t understand how it had happened, and was beginning to wonder if he could ever walk away from that past. Out of the corner of his eye he noticed someone else walking towards him. It was Rave again.

“Rave, why do you always seem to be hanging on the end of every conversation I have?’

“I like to know what’s going on.”

He stopped and listened to the echoes of the argument from his brother and Lannie, and nodded in agreement.

“Ain’t that the truth?” he added.

“Why did you tell Lannie?” she asked, sitting down beside him.

“Because I am sick of not knowing where I stand, sick of all the secrets and bullshit. If I am going to make something of a life here, it needs to be an honest one.”

“But you could have just said nothing, and we’d all be okay.”

He shook his head.

“I know you don’t get this now, but I had to do this. The town needs to know what I was if they are ever going to trust me.”

“And why would they trust the old Boss?”

It was a good point, and he didn’t have answer for that.

“How did life get so complicated?” he asked her, “A few days ago I was just some random guy you were trying to kill. I didn’t know anybody. Didn’t owe anybody. No regrets, no fears. Just survival. Maybe I should have taken your advice and gone with it.”

She nodded in agreement. He could see she didn’t really fit in in Calico, but she would never leave his side. She seemed to have formed a bond of loyalty to him that was even stronger than family.

“Back in Jaytown, why did you give yourself up to save us?” she asked.

He could see she was genuinely curious. He took a deep breath and thought about it for a moment. He had done it without consideration or doubt. He had never stopped to think of the reason why, and then it struck him. That one moment when he realised he had a chance for redemption, even though it was such a small one, but he couldn’t think of how to explain it to her.

The argument seemed to go on for almost an hour before Johnnie finally stepped out of their home and into the centre of the town to address the worried crowds. Their anxiety was understandable. The two people who had led them for all these years were now at each other’s throats, and nobody knew why.

“I am sorry that we kept you all in the dark on this,” he said before walking away.

Lannie appeared soon after. She stepped into the middle of the crowd. Most of the townspeople had gathered. It was clear that she had been crying an awful lot. She peered up towards Zed and looked at him with a bitter disgust, but also sadness. It was the same sadness that he felt when he found out what he had been, and realised there was nothing he could do to take it back.

Lannie looked away. She couldn’t bear to look at him any longer, and he didn’t blame her.

“What’s going on?” yelled someone in the crowd.

She took a deep breath and tried to compose herself as she looked at all of their faces. She didn’t even want to tell them. She didn’t want them to have to share in her grief and hate.

“I am sorry to have to call you all here to hear this. What I have to tell you is no joke, and I wish it were. There is a secret here among us. A terrible and awful secret that cannot be held any longer,” she said, looking up at him again.

He couldn’t tell if that was hatred, or some chance for him jump in and stop her. Either way, he did nothing. He wasn’t going to run and hide from reality anymore.

“This what I think it is?” Rave asked.

Zed nodded.

“Then we will be dead before the day is out. You think they will let you live?”

“You might be okay.”

But they both knew that their fates were intertwined. They had been from the moment they met. They turned their attention back to Lannie to learn what that might be.

“Recently a man returned to us that we used to know, my ex-husband and Johnnie’s brother. We accepted him with open arms and friendship. But I am sorry to tell you that he is not the man we thought he was. My husband, Johnnie’s brother, died a long time ago. That man up there, he is the worst of us all. He is the Boss. The man who has kept us under his thumb all these years; the man that killed over one hundred, and almost killed Johnnie when we dared rise up and try and live as free men and women. That is him!”

There were cries of doubt from the crowd and boos. They didn’t believe it, and they didn’t want to accept it.

“How could he be the Boss?” called Perry, “He’s been a hero since he came here!”

“And does that make up for all that he has done, all those crimes? You know what the Boss did. The people he enslaved, killed, and tortured!”

Perry shook his head.

“I don’t believe it. It can’t be true. That man up there ain’t the Boss and never was!”

A number of others cheered in support.

“Ask him! Go ask him for yourselves!”

Zed was in hearing distance of them all, and a few turned back as if expecting an answer, but he said nothing. Perry made his way through the crowd and stood before him. Zed didn’t want him to speak. He didn’t want to answer the question because he knew he couldn’t lie, and there was no truth they would be willing to accept and go along with. Rave leaned over and whispered in his ear.

“Say no. Tell them anything. She can’t prove it.”

“You know I can’t do that. I am through being him.”

There was silence as everyone in the town waited for him to answer.

“Well?” Perry asked.

He got up, laid down his rifle against the far wall, and turned back to address them. He wanted to word it in such a way that he wouldn’t sound like he was trying to lie or con them, but there seemed no way of doing it. The reality was that he was an awful person, and had been for a long time.

“You know, life ain’t always that simple. Sometimes you don’t even know who or what you are, or why we do the things we do,” he began.

He already knew he was bullshitting them.

“Yes or no?”

He looked down at his feet and sighed. This was going to be a defining moment that would change his life forever, but he had to stand by his convictions and be honest. He looked up at the crowd and their faces as they waited for him to respond.

“Yes!” he responded firmly.

There were a few gasps of astonishment, and others mumbled insults under their breath, but it soon died down.

“But why?” Perry asked.

There was utter silence as they waited for a response.

“Why what?” he asked.

“Why did you do it?”

“Perry, you can ask me any question in the world, and I guarantee you I will answer you with absolute honesty, but you know there is plenty I can’t remember.”

“Why should we trust anything you say?” called another.

“You shouldn’t. I wouldn’t. I have been trying to find answers to the questions you will have right now since I woke up in this world. I wish I had them for you. All I can say is that I don’t remember being that man, and I don’t think I am him anymore. I can’t explain how or why.”

“And yet you came here and let us risk everything?” asked someone else.

“I never asked anything of you. I tried to do my best by you, and when I realised what I was, what I used to be, I left. I didn’t take anything. I didn’t expect anything, and I fully expected to never come back here again. I went looking for Sasha, the last hope I had of finding some happiness. I never could have believed that anyone here would have come to my aid when I was in trouble.”

He could see that Perry and a handful of others were sympathetic to his position, but most just looked at him with disgust, distrust, and hatred. They looked like they wanted to lynch him just like the mob of Braves back in Jaytown did.

“What will you have me do? I am all yours. I am at your mercy. Do what you will, or send me away. All I ever wanted was good for this town, and if that means me leaving, I’ll do it. I did it once. I’ll do it again.”

“Why should we let you off that easy? The Boss killed by son. You killed my son!” a woman screamed at him.

He held up his hands as if to surrender.

“I don’t care what happens to me. Just don’t take it out on anyone else. Rave didn’t know who I was. Nobody did. I told Lannie because I didn’t want to have any secrets anymore. If that costs me my life, then so be it.”

“Kill him!” a voice called out.

He didn’t respond. He did as he had promised. He wasn’t going to fight them, no matter what.

“You’re just gonna lay down and give up?”

“It’s not my decision anymore, Rave.”

Sasha rushed up onto the battlements and to his side.

“Tell me it isn’t true! It can’t be a true. The Boss was a monster. You are not a monster. It can’t be true!” she screamed.

She could see in his eyes that it was. She turned and ran away crying. It was heart wrenching to see, but he couldn’t go after her.

“What do we do with him?”

“Every one, please, listen!” Lannie yelled, “We are not animals. We will do this right. There is no denying that Zed has done some good, but he cannot be forgiven for what he did before. Not in my eyes, anyway. We are going to have to put this to a vote, and I will accept what you decide, no matter the outcome.”