3 Heads & a Tail (19 page)

“
F
ine
.
”

He didn
'
t
look round or
ask how she was.

Undeterred, she tried again.
“
I was thinking m
aybe we could go
to the pub
and play pool
some time
. It
was fun
.
”

“
Maybe,
”
he mumbled
, and picked up his mug.
“
See you later.
”

Ok
ay
, so
he was definitely pissed off.
She thought as much the other day when she
'
d asked him what band was playing in the pub, and he had been abrupt
almost
to the point of rudeness.
Had she been
off with
him
that night
she
got
drunk? This was not good. She must have said s
omething bad.
How she wished she hadn
'
t drunk so much that night.
Josie decided to speak to him about it when she next saw h
im.

Turning on the oven, she put the pie in, and then checked the fridge for vegetables. A couple of skinny carrots, a gone-off tomato and a piece of li
mp lettuce stared back at her.
Time for a tin of baked beans, she thought.

While she was eating
her food
in the kitchen, s
he heard the front door
slam
. It m
ust have been the woman who came in earlier, she thought.
Josie
wondered if she was a relative of David
'
s
as she
'
d gone up to his room – perhaps
his
mother
, although
they
didn
'
t look similar. She imagined
his mum would look like a
model, unless his looks came from his father, who she thought might be Italian
with film-star looks
. Munching away while daydreaming, she didn
'
t notice Ben come back in until the sound of him washing his mug broke her reverie.

“
Oh, hi, sorry, I didn
'
t notice yo
u there. I was thinking
,
”
she said.

“
That
'
s
fine
.
”

“
I was wondering... d
id I say something bad to you in the pub or on the way home? I
'
m sorry if I did. I think I drank too much.
”

“
You didn
'
t.
”

“
Oh,
”
said Josie, relieved,
though
he didn
'
t
sound
friendly.
“
Did I do something crazy? The end of
the night is a bit of a blur.
”

Ben coughed, like he was hiding a laugh.

“
I didn
'
t insult you or do anything wrong
,
did I?
”
She was grasping at straws now.

“
No, nothing like t
hat, d
on
'
t worry,
”
he replied, and left
the kitchen.

She put down her fork, astonished. What was wrong with him? If she di
dn
'
t do anything, what was it? He m
ust have had a bad day at work, she thought, and chided her
self for being too sensitive
. She took another
bite
of pie.

“
Yo!
Ben!
”
said David, poking his head round the kitchen doorway.

Ben stopped munching his cereal.
“
Hey!
”
He
didn
'
t look up.

“
You alright, mate?
”

“
Yeah, course. What
'
s up?
”
asked Ben, folding the newspaper, realising he wasn
'
t going to get to read it right now.

David slid into the seat opposite him.
“
Well,
”
he said, folding and unfolding his hands.
“
I just wanted to check that you were ok
ay about me and Josie.
”

Ben
, feigning indifference,
tried to eat his c
ereal calmly
.
“
What about you and Josie?
”

“
You know... well,
I guess you don
'
t.
”
David sighed.
“
About me and Josie having a thing?
”

“
A thing?
”

“
Yeah, you know – a
thing
!
”
repeated David, making a sex face.

“
Ah
,
that kind of thing. No
,
I
'
m fine with
it,
if that
'
s what
'
s going on.
”

“
Good, good
,
'
cos mate
, I was worried. I didn
'
t wanna step on your toes. You spoke to her first when she answered the room ad.
”

Ben
shrugged
.
“
I just see her as a housemate. She
'
s nice. That
'
s it.
”

“
Good, good. Also, I was wondering
if
Glen need
s
a walk
'
cos I
'
m going to the park...
”

Ben nodded
.
“
Sure, he likes as many walk
s as possible that one!
”

Glen, who was sit
ting under the table,
buried his head under his paws.

“
Did he just whine?
”
asked David.

“
He
'
s fine, but m
aybe don
'
t
walk him long if he
'
s not in the mood
.
”

“
Sure thing,
”
replied
David, picking up Glen
'
s lead from the hook by the door.
“
Come on
,
boy.
”

Ok
ay
, here
'
s the thing: how much do I want to go for a walk
? I could stay here. It
'
s
stuffy and I
'
m bored, o
r I could go with Mr Tight Pants Asshole here. Decisions, decisions.
“
Voof. Voof. Grrrrrr.
”

Ok
ay, growling isn
'
t helping
. Now Ben
'
s looking under the table at me. In a minute he
'
s going to ask me what
'
s up, and voof
,
I wish I could really tell him. Hey, your housemate and so-called friend is a bum. If only I can tell him all of the secrets I see in this house. You know,
Ben,
when you
'
re not here
, David
goes in your room and sneaks around. He uses your stuff. He drinks out of your cup. He
'
s not really seeing Josie. I heard
him tell you he is
. Ok
ay
, so I crept over to the steps and listened, but voof
,
I know
.
And
I
'
m sure she
'
s not interested in him.

He
'
s just bullshitting, b
ut then I
'
m pretty sure that Bullshit is his middle name. David Bullshit Up
-S
hit
-
Creek
Asshole Jacob-Murphy. His name i
s too long anyway, voof,
so
may as well add some extra names in. An
d then there
'
s the BIG secret – the HUGE
secret you don
'
t know. But maybe it
'
s more funny than bad. I tell ya
'
, Ben, I laughed when I found out.

All this human
crap aside, the park
will be
nice. Fresh grass, nice flowers, glorious trees, sunny day... and Miss Posh Lab may be having her walk. It
'
s the time of day when she might. Ok
ay, that swings it!

“
Voof!
”
I
'
m up and I
'
m going walkies!
I see a look of confusion on Ben
'
s face. Maybe he knows I wasn
'
t going to go. He
'
s looking at me like
he
'
s reading my mind today.
I
'
m giving
him
the big brown-eyed
'
I
'
m a stupid mutt
'
look just to get
him
off my scent. And I
'
m telling ya
'
, you really don
'
t
wanna
be
sniffing me unless I
'
ve just had a wash
. Ben, aren
'
t I due a doggy bath? I
'
m starting to
honk of
a wee bit
more than nice doggy fur aroma,
and then I
'
m never going to score
, ever – just
maybe
with some real old dog
with no teeth and wobbly legs, and
really, really
stinky breath.

I
'
m coming, I
'
m coming. David
'
s getting a bit impatient. Mind what you
'
re doing with that lead. W
hoa, don
'
t pull me!
Those
are stairs, they go down, and I
'
m going to be flying down
'
em on my
butt
in a minute
if you don
'
t stop... thank you,
that
'
s much better. How come you
'
re in such a hurry
anyway? I
'
m running
a bit to cat
ch up here. Hey, look down here!
Ok
ay,
just ignore me. I
'
ll just puff a bit.

Hello
,
miss! Hey
,
deaf ears,
“
voof
”
, did you see that girl who walked past? She looked down at me and sort of smiled. Probably felt sorry for me, being dragged along the pavement like this. I don
'
t want to walk this fast. I wanna strol
l, real slow, sniff the flowers and
take in the sights. No, no, no, don
'
t make me walk through the poopy... w
hoa!