50 Ways to Soothe Yourself Without Food (10 page)

~self-soothing technique~

Switching to Shutdown Mode

When you feel overwhelmed, remove as much stimulation as is possible. This helps you to reduce the number of items your brain has to identify and sort through:

• The next time you realize that you are feeling overwhelmed, move to a quieter place.
  
• Be unreachable. Turn off your cell phone. Shut down your e-mail.
  
• Be mindful of your caffeine intake. Your system can be overstimulated by drinking too much caffeine. Caffeine can also cause you to feel wired or jittery.
  
• Imagine being a human statue. Be very still.
  
• Turn down all of your senses. Begin by turning off the lights. Cover your head with a pillow. Lower the shades. If you can’t control the lighting, just close your eyes. Simply removing the visual cues to your brain eases its load a little.
  
• Unplug anything that makes noise. Turn off the radio. Find a quiet place. If it isn’t silent enough, find a quieter place, even if it’s only the stall of a bathroom. This is often a great place to recharge, as no one will bother you there.
  
• Remove any strong smells. If you can’t get rid of strong odors, try taking a sniff of something pleasant, like a green apple, a cup of coffee, an orange peel, or a drop of vanilla.
  
• Change your clothes to something softer. Put on a cozy sweater. Your clothing might not be comfortable. Put on something loose and flowing.
  
• Put on a pair of headphones. Even if you don’t have music on, people will leave you alone when you are wearing them.
  
• Go somewhere very quiet, like a library or a museum, or just sit in your car with the radio turned off.
  
• Use your hands to block external stimulation. For a minute, place your thumbs over your ears. With your thumbs still covering your ears, use your index fingers to cover your closed eyes. Sit that way for several minutes.
  

Unlocking the mystery of why I emotionally eat has been a challenge. There are so many reasons. The best thing for me is to not even ask why and just focus on stopping it in its tracks. Sometimes I do self-hypnosis. Basically, this is just a way of talking to my body and telling it how to relax.

—Kayla

If you have ever done any relaxation training or yoga, you may also be a fan of self-hypnosis techniques, like progressive muscle relaxation. Basically, self-hypnosis is verbally walking yourself through detailed instructions on how to relax your muscles and your whole body.

Progressive muscle relaxation involves tightening and relaxing specific sets of muscles in a series. Try it briefly for a moment. Make a fist and squeeze tight. Hold the fist for at least ten seconds. When you let go, you will notice the change in tension. This technique works because you are forcing the muscle to become tense and then relaxed. When you force your muscles to become tense, they return to a more relaxed state than when you started. Then those muscles send signals to the rest of your body to also move into a more relaxed state.

~self-soothing technique~

Progressive Muscle Relaxation

Start with the top of your head and work your way down your body. Consciously place your attention on each part of your body as you tense and relax it. Feel the way your body seems to sink down as you release a muscle or a group of muscles.

1. Get comfortable. Sit with your feet flat on the floor, or you can lie on the floor. Breathe deeply.
   
2. Start at the top of your head. You will be tensing and relaxing the muscles around your face. Squeeze your eyes closed tight for a minute. Hold it. Then relax them.
   
3. Clench your jaw. Hold. Relax.
   
4. Tense your shoulders. Hold. Relax.
   
5. Feel your hands. Clench your fists. Hold. Relax.
   
6. Squeeze your buttocks. Hold. Relax.
   
7. Feel your upper legs and thighs. Tighten your muscles. Hold. Relax.
   
8. Feel your knees. Tense the muscles around them. Hold. Relax.
   
9. Clench your toes. Hold. Relax.
   

When you have progressively relaxed your body, mentally scan it to see if any part of you is still tense. If so, repeat tensing and relaxing that part.

~self-soothing technique~

Warming and Calming Your Body

Try a mini exercise similar to autogenic training, which is a technique for relaxing your body (Setter and Kupper 2002). When you give yourself these verbal commands, try to turn the words into pictures in your mind. Sit comfortably. Close your eye if you like. Breathe deeply. Focus on sensing what you are telling your body to feel. Say the following statements to yourself slowly, and try to feel the sensations you are instructing your bodily parts to feel.

My right arm is heavy.

My left arm is heavy.

My right leg is heavy.

My left leg is heavy.

My neck and shoulders are heavy.

I feel calm and peaceful.

My right arm is warm.

My left arm is warm.

My right leg is warm.

My left leg is warm.

My neck and shoulders are warm.

I feel calm and peaceful.

My forehead is warm.

My stomach is warm and full.

My stomach feels warm and satisfied.

My heartbeat is calm and regular.

I feel calm and peaceful.

Repeat the entire sequence as many times as you like.

Dao yin is a part of Chinese medicine. Basically, it’s self-massage. When I do it, it helps me restore balance in the parts of my body that feel tight or achy. When I get into the self-massage techniques, I can feel the blood flowing and I feel calm—much calmer than when I stress eat.

—Eric

If we could all make appointments at a spa for a therapeutic massage, that would provide most of us with an ideal soothing technique. Unfortunately, most of us can’t do that as often as we would like. And you need the benefits of massage in the moments when you are wrestling with emotional eating, not at the time of your massage appointment. Luckily, you can do self-massage and get many of the same benefits. You may already do some form of self-massage and not understand that this is what you’re doing. For example, if you have a headache, you might rub your forehead where it hurts. Or if you had a tough day, you might kick off your shoes and rub your feet.

For massage to be truly effective, you must be mindful of your body. Tune in to the spots that need comfort and healing. Do your shoulders feel tight? Is any part of your body in pain? Which part of your body needs soothing? The nice part of doing self-massage is that you are in control of the pressure applied. You can explore your body at your leisure and discover what truly feels good to you.

Massage therapy provides several important health benefits, such as improved blood circulation, reduced muscle tension, and relaxation. It also lightens your mood by providing you with stress relief and increasing your levels of endorphins or other biochemicals that make you feel good.

~self-soothing technique~

Be Your Own Masseuse

If physical discomfort is at the heart of your emotional eating, try some of these techniques. You may find that by addressing your physical discomfort, your desire to eat for emotional reasons has diminished.

• Hands.
  You will need some lotion for this technique. After you apply a dab of lotion to your hand, rub the palms of both hands together. Observe that some heat is created by the rubbing. Then clasp your hands together. Your fingers should be entwined. With your thumb, massage the area just below your other thumb in a circular motion. Continue massaging and move outward to the center of the palm. Rub each hand for two minutes.
  
• Feet.
  This exercise can be done standing or sitting. To massage your feet, you will need a hard beach ball, golf ball, or tennis ball. If you are standing, be sure to hold the edge of a chair for support. Place one foot on the ball. Then roll your foot back and forth over the top of the ball. Next place the arch of your foot on top of the ball. Apply pressure gradually. Roll the ball around under your arch. Then roll the sole of your foot. Finally, roll under your toes and your heel. Follow the same procedure for your other foot.
  
• Shoulders.
  You can also use a tennis ball for massaging your shoulders. Place the ball against a wall behind your shoulders. Roll the ball back and forth over and between your shoulder blades until you feel your shoulders relax. Do this for approximately three to five minutes.
  
• Eyes.
  Do you feel tension in your eyes? Briskly rub your palms together. As you rub, your palms will become warm. Then quickly, and gently but firmly, cover your eyes with your palms. Keep your eyes covered for half a minute. The warmth of your hands will transfer to your eyes.
  
• Ears.
  Using your thumbs and index fingers, begin by gently rubbing your outer ear rims. Then rub your earlobes. Continue doing this until your ears feel warmer.
  
• Face.
  For massaging your face, use the knuckles on your thumbs. Gently rub both thumbs’ knuckles up and down alongside your nose, massaging up and down. If you want gentler pressure, do this with your fingertips. Then rub circles around your eyes with your fingertips. Make the circles large enough to completely reach around your eyes and above your eyebrows.
  
• Head.
  Rest both elbows on a table. Place your fingertips on your scalp underneath your hair. Massage your head with your thumbs and fingertips.
  
• Stomach.
  It’s a natural response to rub your stomach when you overeat. Using clockwise, circular motions, rub your hand or palm over your abdomen approximately twenty times. Clockwise is the same direction that food travels in your intestines. This type of massage aids your digestive processes.
  

In terms of stress or emotional eating, you can use mindfulness skills to help you cope by focusing on whatever is bothering you in an open and curious way. So some might think that distraction is the exact opposite of mindfulness. But in this context, distraction means something quite different. When you want to eat for emotional or stressful reasons, distracting yourself means to actively focus your attention on something other than food.

When you distract yourself, you are not avoiding or escaping your feelings as you do when you act mindlessly.
Distracting yourself
means to strategically divert your attention away from an emotional situation to a more neutral activity. It can be a very helpful coping skill when you can’t seem to free yourself from stress eating.

Distraction is especially helpful if you are not truly physically hungry. Engaging your mind in another activity can help you be less caught up in negative emotions. Distraction can help you step aside and pause for a moment to observe how you are feeling. Sometimes distracting yourself can even physically take you away from the vicinity of food. If you are swimming, you can’t dive into a box of crackers. Active behaviors remove the option of eating. You can also distract yourself with daydreams and simply choosing to think about something else that is soothing.

Distraction is especially helpful when it takes place
before
you engage in eating, rather than while you are consuming food. Note that distracting yourself while you eat a meal can actually increase the amount you consume (Bellisle and Dalix 2001). For this reason, reading and eating at the same time is not a wise idea. The kind of distraction techniques discussed in this chapter should be implemented as soon as you become mindful of the desire to emotionally eat.

Sometimes I don’t know if I eat because I want the food or if it just feels good having something to chew on. The pencils on my desk are completely chewed down to stubs. Popping a fruity piece of gum into my mouth often helps curb my desire to munch on a donut. I’m glad I’m not a smoker or I would be smoking like a chimney. I am constantly putting something into my mouth. Now it’s just a matter of chomping on things that don’t make me gain weight.

—Monica

For some emotional eaters, consuming food feels good for the pure act of eating. The bottom line is that putting something sweet or chewy in your mouth is enjoyable. The sensation of chewing is both stimulating and calming. If Freud were alive today, he’d have a thing or two to say about this. He’d call this need to self-soothe by eating an “oral fixation.” According to Freud, the oral phase of development takes place during the first eighteen months of life.

If you’ve ever had a child, you know that everything goes into a baby’s mouth at this stage. Infants explore the world through tasting and touch. Freud believed that if this developmental stage is not appropriately resolved (that is, if the child is weaned from the breast or bottle too early or too late), it sets up the child to become obsessed with putting things into his or her mouth later in life, whether it be cigarettes or food. Oral fixations are thought to contribute to problems related to the mouth, such as overeating, being overly talkative, having a smoking addiction, overindulging in sugar, chewing on straws, and having an alcohol addiction. Other symptoms include a sarcastic or biting personality, in which people become verbally hostile using their mouths. One might think that Freud’s theory is a bit simplistic, as there are many psychological, social, and biological factors that contribute to all of these issues. Regardless of such criticism, we do know that sometimes the act of chewing can be pretty calming.

~self-soothing technique~

Soothing Chewing

• Try chewing on something that isn’t food related, such as a breath mint, a stick of gum, a straw, or even your pen if nothing else is handy.
  
• One of the easiest ways to cope with a strong oral fixation is to drink plenty of liquids. Keep an eight-ounce, refillable water bottle beside you. Continue to refill it. The water (or other liquid) should help to calm your mood. Consider that your body is primarily made of water. When you add water, you’re restoring the natural balance. Skip the coffee, tea, or caffeinated sodas. They deplete your body of water rather than adding to it. You can also try sucking on an ice cube.
  
• You may want to get a chew stick from the health food store. They come in many different flavors. They replace the eating behavior, and it’s claimed that they’re good for your teeth and gums. They may also help people quit smoking.
  

I’ve earned it. That is what my mind tells me about eating the cupcake sitting in front of me. I’m a good person. I work hard. I deserve this cupcake. This is a dangerous way of thinking that walks me right into emotional overeating all the time.

—Mimi

In times of economic distress, economists refer what is called “the Lipstick Indicator.” Historically, during a downturn in the economy, there is a noticeable rise in lipstick sales. Buying a lipstick is an easy, affordable way for women to get a quick pick-me-up that can brighten their day because it doesn’t break the bank or cause weight gain.

If you eat food to reward yourself or to indulge or pamper yourself, you may want to consider shopping as an alternative. Some people have called buying things just to feel good “retail therapy.” Buying something new can give you a little rush. Making a purchase actually raises levels of
dopamine
, which is the neurotransmitter in the brain that governs pleasure, satisfaction, and excitement. However, a word of caution here: Shopping can become a dangerous habit. It is still using something outside of yourself to provide comfort, rather than calming yourself with positive thoughts or actions. Also note that shopping can be just as addicting and damaging (to your wallet) as too much food can be to your appearance and health.

The positive aspect of retail therapy is that just getting out of the house and browsing can sometimes help distract you and take you away from the vicinity of food. Also, online shopping makes it possible to shop at any time of the day. If you’re pacing the floor at night trying to avoid eating a midnight snack to take the edge off your mood, you can go shopping at your computer in your pajamas.

~self-soothing technique~

Find Your Lipstick Factor

Make a list of small, affordable pick-me-ups that have nothing to do with food. Your list could include a small bottle of lotion, your favorite gum, a new tool, a pair of sunglasses, a paperback book, or a song from iTunes. A new lipstick or lip balm (if you aren’t a lipstick wearer) isn’t a bad idea. It soothes your lips. When you feel the urge to eat, get out the lipstick (or lip balm) and apply some to your lips.

When you’re about to engage in boredom eating or you need to distract yourself, try window shopping. Mindfully browse. You don’t have to buy anything. Go to
www.ebay.com
or peruse books on
www.amazon.com
.

I ride a train to work. I used to take a sack filled with food and eat it during my hour’s commute. It kept me entertained. On the days I had to give a presentation and dreaded going to work, I nervously ate the entire time. Now I pack my iPod full of movies. I can stop and start the films at any time. Sometimes I can’t wait to get onto the train to finish up the movie. It’s a heck of a lot better than filling my time with eating salty snack foods and candy.

—Katie

To the brain, movies are like candy because they stimulate the senses so intensely. They flood the brain with complex images, sounds, lighting, and dialogue. If your brain is stuck on food, being inundated with a movie’s stimulants can help to dislodge the desire for food. Many clients refer to various movies during their counseling sessions. They talk about the characters that have inspired them, and sometimes they model the way various characters from films cope with difficult life situations.

Many of my clients have also shared the ways in which they connect with certain movies on a deeper level. For example, Katie revealed a connection with Jenny from
Forest Gump.
Jenny, an abuse victim, spent many years damaging her body and spirit with drugs and abusive relationships with men. Although Katie’s issues weren’t an exact copy of Jenny’s, there were many things about Jenny’s life that were familiar to Katie. She too had engaged in many years of self-sabotage.

When she watched
Forest Gump
, Katie sobbed uncontrollably. She had harmed herself with food and let her damaged self-esteem guide her choices. Seeing those choices unfold on screen helped her to recognize the forces that were driving her emotional eating and weight gain. A truly good work of filmmaking can make you laugh and cry. It can tap directly into your deepest emotions and reveal them to you.

~self-soothing technique~

Movie Therapy

• Watching movies often requires a chunk of time. If you are technically savvy, download a few movies onto your iPod or get a portable DVD player.
  
• Here are the names of some books that may help you find a movie to match your mood:
  Cinematherapy for the Soul: The Girl’s Guide to Finding Inspiration One Movie at a Time
  ;
  Reel Therapy: How Movies Inspire You to Overcome Life’s Problems
  ; and
  E-motion Picture Magic: A Movie Lover’s Guide to Healing and Transformation.
  Most likely they are available from your local library.
  
• If you can’t get any of these books, think about your favorite movie. What was the most recent film that lifted your spirits? What did you like about it? Ask a rental store to recommend a similar type of movie.
  

Knitting is my new passion. I never tried it despite my grandmother’s repeated attempts to teach me. My grandmother always had a ball of yarn in her lap. As a child, I was mesmerized by the movements of her hands. As a teenager, I thought knitting was very uncool and old-fashioned. I never dreamed that I would pick up the same habit as a way to soothe myself when I wanted to overeat. It’s impossible to eat and knit at the same time. But it’s more than that. When I’m knitting, I calm down right away. I wander into the kitchen to munch on food much less often than I used to do.

—Regina

Expert knitters talk enthusiastically about the therapeutic and intoxicating nature of knitting. This craft can be so absorbing that many knitters can do it for hours on end. The sound of the clicking knitting needles and the movement of the hands does wonders to help clear the mind.

Dr. Herbert Benson, the founder and president of Harvard’s Benson-Henry Institute for Mind Body Medicine and the author of
The Relaxation Response
wrote that knitting is soothing because it’s a type of meditation (Benson 2001). In fact, the quiet, repetitive motions can induce the relaxation response. The relaxation response is the same set of reactions that occur when you meditate, are mindful, or do yoga. The body goes into a resting, relaxed mode that decreases heart rate and respiration. This may explain why some knitters rave about the soothing quality of knitting.

Not only is knitting physically soothing, but when you finish, you have something for your labor—a scarf, a baby hat, a blanket, or a sweater. If you knit a blanket, you may find yourself snuggling under it as it grows. Knitting is a soothing skill that you can take with you. Just stuff yarn into your carryall and pull it out anywhere you go.

~self-soothing technique~

No More Idle Hands

• Sign up for a knitting class. Look for knitting socials at local craft and yarn stores.
  
• If you don’t have a class close by, you can seek instruction on the Internet or buy a book that demonstrates knitting techniques.
  
• If knitting is too difficult or you don’t have time to learn, you can substitute any kind of stitching, such as cross-stitch, crocheting, embroidering, or simply braiding yarn.
  
• If knitting or crocheting is not for you, find another hobby with the same goal in mind—to keep your hands occupied and moving.
  

Eat Thai food in Thailand. Write a steamy romance novel.Live in Colorado. Learn Italian.Make up with my ex-boyfriend.

—Ella

The sentences above are a few examples from my client Ella’s bucket list. Ella named her list after the movie
The Bucket List.
It’s about two men, both terminally ill, who go on a road trip together. They create a list of activities they want to do before they “kick the bucket.” Since she made her list, whenever Ella has the urge to soothe herself with food, she reads it and thinks about her desires. Sometimes she adds another goal as a way to distract herself. It’s fun and she easily gets caught up in daydreaming about her positive desires.

The idea of a list of things you want to do before you die may sound a little morbid. But creating this kind of list is a great distraction technique. It’s an activity that requires only a pen, a piece of paper, a creative and active imagination, and some soul-searching. The main point of making such a list is to help yourself see the big picture. If you’re struggling with emotional eating, you may be fixated on the present moment, on feeling good in this instant, or on immediate gratification. You may be attached to the idea that you really want to eat this food or you won’t survive. But when you start to look at what you really want from life, these extra mouthfuls of food are not going to meet your needs, nor will they bring you satisfaction for the rest of your life.

A bucket list is a reminder of what is truly satisfying and what you really want from life. It’s guaranteed that whatever you were planning to nibble on just a minute ago isn’t going to make your top ten list.

~self-soothing technique~

Make a Bucket List

If you feel the urge to eat, pause for a just a moment. Ask yourself, “What do I really want from my life?” Then make your list. Or you might answer the following questions mentally. These topics will help to get you started on your list: