50 Ways to Soothe Yourself Without Food (8 page)

How do I sabotage my diet? I have a hundred different ways. But the one that gets me into the most trouble is when I use food to stall. If I want to procrastinate, I suddenly feel that I really need a snack. I can waste a lot of time poking around the kitchen getting a snack.

—Ellen

“I can’t think about that now. I’ll think about it tomorrow.”
These are the famous words of Scarlet O’Hara from the classic novel
Gone with the Wind
. She was actually juggling quite a bit of stress: being caught in the middle of a war-torn country, losing (she thought) the love of her life to another woman, and marrying men she didn’t love for financial stability. It was a lot for a girl to handle. So what did she do? She decided that she couldn’t worry about some of it right then. Mentally, Scarlett put her worries on an imaginary shelf, and she took them out only when she was ready to handle them.

Shelving a problem is different from avoiding or ignoring it.
Shelving
a problem means to approach the issue strategically and commit to dealing with it at a specific time. As the saying has it, Timing is everything. This idea is quite like putting away the pictures of your ex after a difficult breakup. When you’re upset, pictures can trigger mournful thoughts and keep you stuck in dwelling on the breakup. When you’re ready to see them without becoming depressed, you can look at them again.

~self-soothing technique~

Shoebox It

Snacking is often an avoidance technique. If you allow yourself to tackle a problem when you are truly ready instead of rushing into it, you may not have to find ways to stall. And you may not have to keep yourself so busy with food that you won’t have time to deal with the problem. Reassure yourself that it’s okay to hold on to some of your problems and that when you’re ready, you’ll deal with them mindfully.

To use this technique, you’ll create a box that will be the temporary storage place for anything bothering you that you can’t deal with at this moment. You can use a ready-made box or you can make your own. When you struggle with a problem, write about it. Then stuff the piece of paper into the box. If you aren’t near your box, imagine putting your problem into the box. Where can you put your box until you’re ready to deal with the problem? The top shelf of your closet? Under your bed? In a drawer? When you feel ready to deal with the problem, get the box and open it. Commit to taking just one step at a time to deal with this difficult issue. Write a list of the needed steps. Then deal with only one task at a time.

I carry around a special pen in my pocket. I got it the day I graduated from college. I have a learning disability. Graduating was the proudest moment of my entire life. Whenever I get upset, I hold on to the pen. It comes out during stressful meetings and conflicts with my landlord. I grip it tightly. No one really notices. Lately, the pen helps me cope with the urge to emotionally overeat. Sometimes I hold it just to remind me what it feels like to be proud of myself. I feel very good about myself when I don’t use eating to feel good. If I’m angry and want to stress eat, I scribble on a piece of paper. If I get into boredom eating, I doodle with my pen until the craving for food has thankfully passed. Sometimes I even chew on it.

—Morgan

Linus from Charles M. Shultz’s Peanuts cartoon was very attached to his security blanket. As most little kids do, he took it everywhere. You could see why he’d need something to make him feel better. Lucy, his sister, and Sally, his friend, were constantly tormenting him. Although you have likely grown out of your need for a security blanket, we all take comfort from objects that hold special meaning for us.

These objects are what psychologists call transitional objects. A
transitional object
is a physical object that replaces the mother-child bond and allows for the development of a separate self, much like the way Linus uses his blanket. A blanket or teddy bear is a substitute for the cozy comfort of a mother. As a toddler, the child may move on to an imaginary friend or special stuffed animal. As we get older, we may treasure sentimental items that have no value other than how we feel about them, such as a particular picture, a coffee mug, or a pillow. It can lift your mood when you look at it.

It’s likely that you own a transitional object. It might be a lucky rabbit’s foot or a shell your lover picked up during a romantic stroll on the beach. Sometimes you may carry it around in your pocket to touch, or you may find that rubbing it can shift you into a better mood. If you have such an object, it may be helpful to keep it close by. You never know when you may be tempted to snack your way to a better mood, and this object might help you not do that.

~self-soothing technique~

Finding a Soothing Object

• Spend some time identifying items around your home that hold sentimental meaning for you. You might find an article of clothing. Or it could be a card someone sent you for your birthday. Place these items in a special box. Put the box aside so the items in it are ready when you need them. Do this task well before you are in need of those items.
  
• Note that this book can be a transitional object for you. When you need comfort, just pick it up and flip through the pages. Reading various passages aloud or just holding it might make you feel better. You may feel comforted and understood.
  
• Jewelry can be an especially good soothing item. It doesn’t have to be expensive. It just has to be special to you in some way. Maybe it was given to you by your soul mate. Perhaps your great-aunt gave you a necklace before she died because you were her favorite. Maybe you bought a bracelet as a special gift to yourself for getting a promotion. Bracelets, necklaces, and rings are great because you can wear them all the time and touch them when you need a moment of comfort. Be careful not to choose jewelry that saddens you, like a ring from your ex-husband. If you don’t have any jewelry, that’s okay. Look around your home for other objects with sentimental value. Slip a ticket stub from your favorite band into your purse or put a photo that always makes you smile into your wallet. If you can find something that fits into your hand or pocket, that’s very helpful.
  

I read that affirmations can help me to be more positive. I’m a bit of a pessimist. When something could or does go wrong, I stress out and then eat myself silly. So I wrote three positive statements and pasted them on the refrigerator. I committed to saying each one out loud at least once a day. What did I have to lose? At first, I felt really dumb. But I kept doing it anyway. I know the exact moment it clicked. I was having a hard day and was about to open a candy bar when I heard myself say inside my head, “It’s not the end of the world. Tomorrow will be better.” I put down the candy bar. This was an affirmation I had on the refrigerator! It had popped into my mind with no effort at all. Somehow it had crept into my subconscious when I wasn’t looking. It’s a pretty painless way to lighten up and stop pigging out on food when I’m stressed-out.

—Brenda

Buddha said, “What you think, you become.” Although this statement is centuries old, it still holds true. If you think positively, you will act in more uplifting ways. If you think you can calm yourself down without food, you will act in ways that will help you to do exactly that. If you don’t think it’s possible, you won’t even try. For this reason, your thoughts hold an enormous amount of power.

So how can you convince yourself that soothing yourself without food is possible after so many years of doing the opposite? Affirmations are a helpful step. Affirmations are positive, affirming statements about yourself. They’re the opposite of negative self-talk. You can use affirmations to retrain your brain to think confidently and optimistically about your ability to choose nonfood methods to calm yourself down.

Critical self-talk can hold you back and damage your confidence that you can change your unhealthy food habits. Affirmations focus your mind on positive thoughts and help you hold on to the idea that change is possible (Epton and Harris 2008). Also, you can direct affirmations toward many different aspects of your life. Here are some to use for specific purposes:

• Physical:
  I have a healthy body.
  
• Emotional:
  I am a strong person and a survivor. I’ve coped with many difficult things in my life. I can cope with emotional eating too.
  
• Intellectual:
  I’m a smart person. I can find many logical ways to soothe myself that will work better than eating.
  
• Creative:
  I know how to think outside of the box. I can find many solutions to stress eating.
  
• Relationships:
  I deserve respect. When I take care of my body, I am respecting myself.
  

~self-soothing technique~

Encouraging Words to End Stress Eating

Adopting a more positive outlook takes some effort and practice. Say the following statements out loud several times a day. You can train your mind to bring affirming statements into your consciousness automatically. Choose one or more that resonate with you. Write the statements on cards and place them in easy-to-see locations, like your car’s dashboard, a mirror, a door, or on your telephone.

When you say these affirmations, try to stay in the present. Instead of saying, “I will learn how to stop stress eating,” say, “I am learning how to stop stress eating right now.” Here are some examples you may find helpful:

• I’m on the road to feeling calmer.
  
• Eating won’t resolve this problem.
  
• I’m good at tackling a challenge head-on.
  
• I can do this. It just takes time.
  
• I can wait. My hunger will pass with a little patience.
  
• I can soothe myself. I don’t need food to do that.
  
• I am going to feel less stressed any minute. I can hang in here.
  
• I enjoy being healthy.
  
• I feel good inside, and my outer body is just about to catch up with me.
  

There is nothing more maddening than me telling myself, “Well, you blew it, so you might as well give in completely.” These words take away any chance I have of stopping the stress eating before it’s too late.

—Terri

Terri struggles with what some of my clients have creatively named “zebra thinking,” or what is more traditionally thought of as black-and-white thinking.
Zebra thoughts
are extreme statements with little flexibility or room for shades of gray. “I always screw up,” is a good example of zebra thinking. Most likely the word “always” isn’t completely true. Words like “always” and “never” overstate the facts. Nonzebra thinking is less extreme and often more accurately describes the situation. For example, it’s probably true that you engage in stress eating sometimes, rather than always. The more polarized you become in your thinking, the more extreme your reaction may be.

Emotional eaters tend to be very good at zebra thinking. They feel that they either must eat just right or else all of their eating is completely wrong. This way of thinking frequently happens automatically, and sometimes it isn’t in the emotional eater’s awareness. It’s important to be aware of your own zebra thinking. This mind-set can talk you into overeating or into giving up completely. Zebra thinking doesn’t see the difference between a little emotional eating and a lot. And there is a big difference!

~self-soothing technique~

Letting Go of Zebra Thinking

Your task is to break out of old ways of black-and-white thinking. Here are some tips for actively choosing more soothing and realistic thoughts.

• Watch for trigger words.
  This includes absolute terms like “always,” “never,” “ever,” “perfect,” “disaster,” and “impossible.” If you hear yourself saying these words, try to counter them with a less extreme term, like “sometimes,” “occasionally,” “good enough” and so on. In the context of eating, typically these words form sentences like “I’m a complete failure,” “I’ve totally ruined everything,” and “I will never be able to stop stress eating.” Instead, focus on a more realistic statement, such as “I am often able to soothe myself with activities other than eating.”
  
• Set up realistic expectations.
  Feeling overwhelmed is often partly due to unrealistic goals that you can’t possibly achieve. Emotional eaters are notorious for setting themselves up for failure. Statements like “I will eat only healthy foods tomorrow,” or “I will never eat another donut” are zebra statements. You have to give yourself some leeway that you might slip up here and there.
  
• The two-minute rule.
  Emotional eaters often feel that they must do things perfectly or they give up. They think they’ll do half an hour of exercise or none at all. Instead, whatever it is, commit to trying it out for just two minutes. For example, try just two minutes of a self-soothing technique. See what happens.
  

Much of stress eating is really about finding a way to unwind and relax. Chewing a hamburger or licking an ice cream cone is relaxing and pleasurable to the body. The good news is that there are a number of healthy ways to soothe your nerves and body that have nothing to do with eating. In this chapter, your task will be to try out new ways to relax. An increased awareness of your body helps you to take better care of yourself. Fortunately, your body is one of the best natural tools you have to cope with the rush and stressfulness of everyday life. There are lots of healthy ways to calm your body. In this chapter, you will learn about relaxation techniques, exercise, yoga, and ways to pamper your senses. Soothing your body can train your mind to become less reactive to stress.

Your body often takes the brunt of stress and stress eating. People who are chronically stressed often exhibit the evidence. They tend to catch more colds due to their lower immunity, and they get gray hair earlier in life. Feeling overwhelmed and overburdened causes people to either lose or gain a lot of weight. Moreover, when you are living with chronic stress, your body holds on to weight by storing it in your belly region. The impact of stress on your body makes a strong case for finding healthy ways to soothe yourself rather than potentially harming yourself with emotional eating.

Let’s take a brief look at what stress does to your body. In general, when you experience a threat or danger, the HPA axis (comprised of the hypothalamus, pituitary, and adrenal glands) becomes activated. It signals your body to release the stress hormones cortisol and adrenaline, as well as the neurotransmitter norepinephrine. These substances produce the fight-or-flight response that prepares your body to deal with a stressful event. This complex response affects your body in many ways. One way is the manner in which you crave food and store energy.

You may have noticed that your desire for sugary, fatty, and salty foods skyrockets when you are under a lot of pressure. That’s because your body tries to restore the balance of your hormones and neurotransmitters quickly and naturally. When the stress continues and your body is unable to return to its natural equilibrium, your body sends signals to your brain that it needs to find a way to restore balance. Often you do this by seeking foods that will regulate your neurotransmitters and stress hormones and temporarily boost your energy.

When you can calm down, you lessen the physiological and chemical stress reactions that are taking place. For this reason, how you cope with stress has a direct impact on your body. Your job is to quiet your mind and calm the physical response you have to stress. Soothing your body can help you return to equilibrium naturally after being flooded with stress hormones and, in turn, help regulate your appetite.

Ahhh. This is the sound that escapes from my lips the moment I take a sip of hot tea. It stops me from emotional eating because I actually enjoy drinking it. I crave the warmth spreading throughout my body as I slowly sip. I try to let go of my worries and follow the sensation as my body warms up, just as if I were sitting next to a cozy fireplace.

—Carmela

There really isn’t any mystery about why some foods are so soothing. The scent of freshly baked cinnamon rolls smells like heaven to your nose. A bowl of hot beef stew warms up your body on a cold day. A dish of creamy ice cream can cool your tongue while it stimulates your taste buds for sweetness. People often seek the comfort of food because it is one way of pleasing their senses. Fortunately, there are a lot of healthy, noncaloric ways to improve your awareness of your sensations—that is, to improve the quality of what you see, hear, touch, taste, and smell.

~self-soothing technique~

Slipping into Soothing Sensations

When you are looking for comfort, try calming one or more of your senses. You’ll be amazed at how well this lessens the need to emotionally eat.

• Light therapy.
  Sunlight or bright full-spectrum light on your skin can significantly improve your mood. It’s one of the main forms of treatment for seasonal affective disorder (SAD), which is a mild form of depression some people experience during the winter months when there is little sunlight (Golden et al. 2005). Sunlight helps reset your internal clock and increases your serotonin levels. When you feel you need comfort, sit by a window in indirect sunlight or go outdoors for thirty minutes—but don’t forget to use sunscreen and sunglasses. If there’s very little sunlight in the wintertime where you live or if you can’t get outdoors, investigate buying a therapy light. These are bright lights you can use indoors that have the same healing effect as sunlight does.
  
• Sip hot or cold tea.
  If there’s a pattern to your stress eating, you may want to schedule teatime for yourself at some point in the day when you might be prone to eat for emotional reasons. Tea is chemically complex. It has many different ingredients that affect neurotransmitters and other mood-regulating chemicals. Black tea has been shown to lower cortisol, a stress hormone (Steptoe et al. 2006). Chamomile is one type of herbal tea well-known for its soothing and calming properties.
  
• Apply a warm or cold washcloth.
  To calm your body, put a damp washcloth over your eyes, feet, or forehead. Choose a warm or cool cloth depending on what sounds the most soothing to you at the moment.
  
• Wrap up in a blanket; cocoon yourself.
  Not only will this warm you up, but pulling an afghan around your body can make you feel very protected and soothed. You might also want to invest in soft flannel sheets and a heavy comforter to cover yourself in bed.
  
• Buy an inexpensive fountain.
  The sound of water cascading is very relaxing and pleasant to the ears. In recent years, affordable small desktop waterfalls have become available.
  
• Wear your favorite outfit.
  Put on your favorite cozy sweater or the skirt that people always compliment. Wearing attractive clothing can be a great pick-me-up for days when you aren’t feeling at your best.
  

The smell of warm cinnamon buns sends me from zero to crazy in ten seconds flat. Just one sniff of the aroma triggers all kinds of emotions. It’s amazing how the scent, even if the cinnamon rolls aren’t anywhere in sight, creates a frantic need to eat them. Other aromas are comforting to me. I love to light a jasmine-scented candle. I inhale slowly. The smell of lavender is also amazingly soothing. It isn’t as yummy as a piece of pie. But a small whiff can create an instant Zen mood.

—Melanie

The ability to smell is hardwired in the brain in a very different way than the ability to hear, see, taste, or touch. Scents are processed directly by the brain instead of being relayed through other brain structures, as with your other senses. Memories are often triggered by scents because they affect the
hippocampus
, the brain structure that stores memories. Smells also impact the
amygdala
, the brain organ that mediates emotions. This is why a whiff of freshly cut grass may bring back very powerful memories of being a kid playing outdoors. The smell is encoded in your brain along with your memories and emotions.

Versions of aromatherapy have been around for a very long time. The ancient Greeks and Romans relied on essential oils as perfumes. The original Olympic athletes rubbed scented oils into their muscles to soothe tension. Aromatic oils were well-known staples in ancient Eastern medicine. There are many references to the use of oils in the Bible. In recent years, these ancient practices of aromatherapy have been tested and found to have physical, emotional, and cognitive benefits (Moss et al. 2008).

In general, soothing scents have many positive effects. A pleasant aroma acts quickly to soothe you, much like food. Its effect is immediate. Pleasant aromas have no side effects, in contrast to drugs and antidepressants. It can’t hurt to try some. Although catching a whiff of hot brownies can cause a lot of tension and make you afraid that you might overeat, many aromas don’t have that effect. They don’t generate any worries about weight gain.

~self-soothing technique~

Sensational Scents

If the scent of baking bread or sizzling bacon stimulates your appetite, try curbing it with changing the scent entering your nose as quickly as possible. Scents can be administered in two ways: absorbed through the skin or through olfactory channels.

Go to a health food store and investigate the essential oils. Look for 100 percent essential oils, which are the substances linked with soothing and calming tension. Stash some in your desk at work. Take a few whiffs when you’re tempted to take an afternoon stroll to the vending machine. Or carry a bottle in your purse.

Don’t know which scent to choose? The most soothing scent is said to be lavender. Other soothing scents are chamomile, rose, peppermint, lemon, eucalyptus, and lemongrass. But, keep in mind that what smells good to you is a matter of personal preference. Test a few scents and find one that works for you.

For the worried eater or night eater:
Wash your sheets with a hint of lavender. Lie down on the lavender-scented sheet for a while when you need to decompress emotionally or when you are tempted to stress eat. The scent also may help you to sleep better at night.

For the grazer:
If you find yourself grazing on food, light a scented tea candle. A tea candle is very small and generally burns quickly. Agree to delay eating until the tea candle burns out. It is likely that your craving for food will pass while you are waiting and focusing on the soothing scent.

For the anxious eater:
You can combine scents with massage. Massage scented oil on your feet, wrists, or neck. If you want to smell the scent as well, try rubbing a little on your earlobe. Be careful about which scents you choose. Make sure to get a doctor’s approval and to read the label.
Caution:
Some herbal scents applied directly to your skin can be absorbed into your bloodstream or may irritate your skin.

Eating from boredom and to unwind:
Rosemary and jasmine are invigorating scents. For boredom eaters, stimulating your brain with energizing scents may be helpful. If you don’t have any scents available, you may have to improvise. Coffee is a powerful aroma that many people find calming and stimulating at the same time. Keep a plastic bag of aromatic coffee beans in your purse. Be sure to close the bag tightly or your entire purse will become saturated with the scent.

Yoga is the only thing that works for me. I can’t exercise because of my bad knees. But yoga poses are easy for me to do. After doing a few poses, I feel more relaxed. I’m not so dead set on stress eating. It loosens up the muscles that get tight from all the tension and stress I’m carrying.

—Natalie

Natalie was like many emotional eaters. Initially, she turned her nose up at yoga, saying, “It doesn’t make you sweat like aerobics. So how is it going to help me manage my weight?” Natalie soon changed her mind. Let me tell you why.

Yoga may not always make you sweat, but it can help you cope with the urge to nibble between meals. It can also curb stress eating (Boudette 2006; Daubenmier 2005). Basically, yoga teaches you how to have a strong mind-body connection. Strengthening this relationship allows you to listen to your body better. When you slow down and turn your attention to your stomach, you begin to know more accurately what it wants and needs.

Your body sends you cues that let you know when you are hungry and when you are full. But you have to be able to recognize them. Yoga teaches you how to tune in to your body’s sensations so that you can feel your body and know it well. Then you can more accurately distinguish emotional hunger from physical hunger. When you are truly mentally present and in the moment, which you learn how to be in yoga, you are aware of your body’s internal movements. This awareness prevents you from mindlessly popping food into your mouth when you are anxious or upset.

Natalie began practicing yoga every day. She soon noticed the benefits that many people who do yoga often describe. She increased her flexibility and stamina and strengthened her muscles. When she was tense, she did a few yoga poses to relax instead of munching on food, as she used to do. Cutting out stress eating from her life caused her to lose weight, even though she never sweated.

~self-soothing technique~

Strike a Yoga Pose

When you can’t seem to get a handle on your nibbling, stop what you are doing and commit to doing ten minutes of yoga. Set a timer. When the bell rings, reassess your hunger level. It’s likely that you’ll feel a lot calmer and more in charge of the urge to eat. Keep in mind that you don’t have to do these poses perfectly.

• Cross-legged pose.
  Try learning just one simple yoga pose. Become an expert on it. When you’re in a bad mood or find yourself on the verge of an emotional eating binge, try the
  sukhasana
  pose, also known as the perfect pose. Essentially, this is sitting in a cross-legged position. Think about how easily this way of sitting came to you as a child. Once you get into this position as an adult, think about how it makes you feel. It’s highly likely that you will need some time to relearn this position. You may notice yourself crossing your legs and working to find a comfortable position. Sit in this position for five minutes. Focus on your breathing. Notice the posture of your body. Pay attention to how your sensations change over time while you sit there.
  
• The warrior pose.
  It takes a lot of courage and strength to fend off food cravings. Call in your inner warrior. This pose strengthens the entire body while improving self-control. Spread your feet about two feet apart. Place your right leg about one foot behind you. Then raise your arms so that they are parallel to the floor. Slowly bend your left knee until your thigh is parallel with the floor. Raise your arms over your head. Then gently and slowly lower your arms, with your left arm pointing straight ahead and your right arm pointing behind you, until your arms are parallel to the floor. Concentrate on a spot in front of you. Take a few deep breaths, lower your arms to your sides, and bring your legs together. Reverse the position with your right arm and leg forward. If these instructions are too complicated for you to follow, just freeze into a position that you imagine a warrior would take. If you want to learn more advanced poses or you want to see pictures, visit
  www.yogajournal.com
  .