52 Cups of Coffee: Inspiring and insightful stories for navigating life’s uncertainties (13 page)

Angela Shetler

Skype call from Michigan to Japan

Venti black coffee from Starbucks

Get comfortable with being uncomfortable.

I
’d set my alarm early enough to run to the corner Starbucks and back before nine. I hadn’t gotten used to the early-morning routine of the semester, and knew waking up would require something stronger than what my puny coffeemaker could brew. Once back in my room, I sat down at my computer and got ready to chat.

Angela Shetler
was also drinking coffee at her computer, and likely just as tired, but for the opposite reason. Halfway around the world, it was 11 p.m., and Angela had finished a busy day teaching English in a Japanese high school.

* * *

After graduating from Michigan State’s Professional Writing Program in 2005, Angela had found a job writing copy for the American Cancer Society. She’d enjoyed her job, and she was good at it, but her husband (also an MSU grad) had wanted an adventure abroad. They knew if they waited too long to travel abroad, they’d get comfortable in their careers and never leave the U.S., So they had decided to apply to the Japan Exchange and Teaching (JET) Programme.

With the applications submitted, Angela and her husband
began a waiting game, to see what the next chapter of their lives would bring. Weeks later, when the acceptance letters had arrived, they’d sold their furniture, packed their suitcases, and moved 6,000 miles away to start new jobs in a very foreign place.

Luckily, with the magic of technology, Angela had stayed connected with her American friends, which was how we had originally met. We
’d found each other on Twitter and had a few friendly exchanges. Nothing substantial, but enough to know she was living in Japan. Her experience fascinated me because, although I’m fairly adventurous when it comes to traveling and moving far from home, I’m not sure I could brave moving to Japan.

I had hoped to meet up with her while she was home for the holidays, but I
’d been home in Wyoming by the time she made it back to Michigan. I dreamily considered a weekend trip to Japan for coffee—but decided Skype was a much more economical option.

So that
’s how Angela and I shared Cup 24, which was easily one of the most peculiar Cups I’d had at that point—not because of Angela (she’s great) but rather the process. After 23 Cups, I’d grown accustomed to the process of physically meeting someone new for coffee, but this meeting broke all the rules. There wasn’t the typical, “Hi, are you Angela?” exchange, followed by a handshake and hello. There also wasn’t a coffee-shop ambiance or the ability to read full-body body language (which was far more important than I had realized). Our conversation was confined to a pixelated image on a computer screen.

Despite the
strangeness, the conversation started rolling when Angela told me about the differences between the two cultures. It was a reminder that we could get so caught up in our cultural norms that we forget people in other cultures often live vastly different lifestyles.

For example, she made the coffee she was drinking with a
single-serving coffee filter placed on top of her cup as she filled it with hot water. She held it up to her camera, so I knew what she was talking about; it was a smart little contraption, and something I’d never seen in the U.S.

She explained that the Japanese don
’t use coffee as essential morning fuel, the way Americans do. They drank it midafternoon, and if they bought it in a store, they drank it in the store—no grabbing a cup in the middle of the afternoon commute.

They also
weren’t big on peanut butter, cereal, or really sweet foods (although Angela had found 43 different flavors of Kit Kats). Another surprising fact, which I found shocking, seeing as I’m a normal college kid, was that Facebook isn’t big there. Japanese teens used other social networking sites that allowed for more anonymity.

Hearing about these differences was interesting, because it revealed how drastically Angela
’s life changed when she moved. It hadn’t been just a few small changes, like coffee and technology; she had fully submerged herself in a new culture, which you can’t do without getting a few bumps and bruises in the process.

When she
’d left the U.S, she didn’t know how to speak Japanese, which essentially made her illiterate as she tried to navigate the streets of her new home. In addition to that, blond, blue-eyed women were a rare sight in Japan. It was common to have locals stare and babies look at her in wonderment. Of course, she already had an idea of what she was getting into. Before leaving, she had done her research, and read about the four stages of culture shock, but that hadn’t made it any easier. It helped that she had her husband with her. Together they had signed up for an adventure and accepted that the adjustment period was a price they’d have to pay for the experience.

Now, almost three years later, their adventure was ending
, and they were preparing for a new one. Once the school year was over, they would be moving to Australia, where Angela would pursue a Master’s degree. Her original plan for grad school had been going back to MSU. She was comfortable with the school and knew it was a good option. But that was before the Japan experience.

When I asked her how moving to Japan had changed her, she said this, “The experience has made me comfortable with being uncomfortable.”

Three years ago, she hadn
’t had what it would take to move to Australia for grad school. But challenging herself to move to Japan revealed her strengths and capabilities. Overcoming the struggles helped her realize she could tackle more than she thought.

I could relate to her statement. I had left the Wyoming town I grew up in for the unknowns of Michigan, and
I faced a few hurdles of my own in the transition. Despite that, I ultimately had an incredible experience in Michigan, and learned that so often the most rewarding things in life were those that were the most challenging.

* * *

While I had previously learned the value of trying new things firsthand, I enjoyed the reminder. The thing about change is that if you wait long enough, the uncomfortable eventually becomes comfortable. After four years, I felt right at home in Michigan and the idea of uprooting to a new location and starting from scratch again frankly wasn’t appealing.

I had discovered this resistance to moving
a few days before meeting with Angela, and it scared me a little. I had been planning on moving to a big city, so when the idea of staying closer to the familiar Midwest popped into my head, I was surprised and a little worried.
Was I losing my courage? Was I thinking about settling? Was I actually considering the comfortable route over the adventurous one?

Cup 24
is a reminder that you have to work constantly to stay comfortable with being uncomfortable. This doesn’t necessarily mean moving to a foreign country, like Angela did. It means staying open to trying new things, taking risks, and finding new challenges instead of getting stuck in the comfortable routines of life. The ability to explore difficult situations is like a muscle; if you stop exercising it, the strength goes away.

If I start choosing the easy route over the one with a few twists and turns,
I might never discover just how far I can go.

Betsy Miner-Swartz

Edmund
’s Pastime in Lansing, Michigan

Small house coffee

When life gets tough, take it one step at a time.

By the time I got to the Edmund
’s, I was 15 minutes late and flustered from an unexpectedly hectic afternoon. I called to let Betsy know of my delay, but that didn’t loosen the knot in my stomach, knowing I’d potentially ruined a first impression.

I rushed into the restaurant and spotted Betsy immediat
ely. She was patiently waiting at a booth, basking in the warm sunlight streaming in from the tall windows facing Michigan Avenue, cup of coffee in hand.

“Betsy! I am so sorry for being late!”

Her response was untroubled and lifted the worry off my shoulders, “I think there are worse things than having to sit and enjoy a cup of coffee for 15 minutes.” I knew immediately I was going to like Betsy, and with the mayhem of the day behind me, I was ready to slow down and enjoy good coffee in good company.

* * *

Betsy is a communications specialist with Gift of Life Michigan. Since 2009, she has worked diligently to promote statewide organ-, eye- and tissue-donation and grow the Michigan Organ Donor Registry. It is an important job, because Michigan has fallen behind the national average in terms of number of registered donors. Michigan also has 2,993 residents waiting for transplants.

As we were discussing the nature of the issue, Betsy fid
geted with her cell phone, which had a “Donate Life” sticker prominently displayed on the back; tt was clear the organization meant more than just a job to her.

* * *

In 1986, Betsy graduated with a Journalism degree from Central Michigan University. Three days later, she found herself navigating the real-world newsroom at the Sturgis Journal. She’d known she wanted to be a journalist since high school, and had been determined to build a strong career. It wasn’t long before her writing skills and work ethic landed her a gig in Port Huron, then later at the Lansing State Journal.

For more than 15 years, she worked at the State Journal, moving up through the news ranks, collecting awards and accolades along the way. After
a series of promotions, Betsy found herself running the news desk—feeling more pressure than ever before.

It had been the most
challenging role of her career, especially with the uncertain future of print media, but Betsy had always been able to handle high-stress situations. She knew she could make it work.

But then
, something happened in her personal life that changed everything. In 2005, her father was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer.

The diagnosis had been completely unexpected. At age 67, Betsy
’s father had been in great health. He should have had years of life left to live. It was difficult news to receive, and Betsy, the oldest of three daughters, responded by taking an active role in his treatment and providing support for her mother.

It soon became clear she had too much on her plate. That
’s when Betsy’s partner of seven years, Robin Miner-Swartz, encouraged Betsy to do something she would never have considered: quit her job. Robin also worked at the State Journal, a job that offered full benefits for domestic partners. It was a big decision, and one Betsy was grateful Robin helped her make. She turned in her resignation letter and shifted her priorities to what mattered.

As Betsy sa
id, if you have to get cancer, pancreatic isn’t the type you want to choose. She braced herself for the worst and, sadly, lost her father in 2006. Then, as if dealing with the loss of her father hadn’t been hard enough, her 66-year-old mother was diagnosed with Stage IV ovarian cancer a year and a half later. She passed away in 2009.

It was
impossible for me to fathom what it must have been like going through such an experience. I wasn’t sure how to respond, but I eventually settled on asking her how she’d done it—how she’d climbed the Mount Everest of life challenges.

Her answer was
simple: “I focused on one thing at a time.”

She said she
would choose one thing—the most-important thing on her to-do list—and then do it. That might have been taking a shower or driving to the funeral home to plan a funeral. When she finished that task, she moved on to the next important one. She wouldn’t think about the bigger picture because it was too overwhelming; the stress would have broken her down.

Today
, as she looks back, it is clear the experience has changed her outlook on life. Her priorities have changed. As Betsy said, “Grief shapes us.” Without the adversity in her career and personal life, she wouldn’t have been able to appreciate the satisfying life she now has. Each day, she wakes up thankful for another day and the blessings it brings.

Betsy also said she firmly
believes that everything happens for a reason. While losing her parents was the hardest thing she has ever endured, without that experience, she wouldn’t have quit her job, and if she hadn’t quit her job, she would never have found the opportunity with Gift of Life Michigan, a role that allows her to help save lives every day.

* * *

Grief, heartache, and loss are inevitable; we can’t predict what will happen or when. However, what I learned from Betsy is that we get to choose how we are going to deal with the challenges that life brings. Betsy proves it is possible to tackle adversity head-on, and find strength to keep going until the worst is over. Cup 25 provides inspiration to keep going despite the circumstances.

I know
that life will throw twists and turns my way—that I’ll encounter plenty of rough spots along my journey—but keeping Betsy’s story with me will be a powerful reminder that, with the right attitude and the right people at my side, I can find the strength to endure anything. It’s just a matter of focusing on one thing at a time.