A Baby to Care for (Mills & Boon Medical) (16 page)

‘I did let you in,’ she said softly. ‘And you hurt me.’

Dex’s eyes widened at that and his heart cramped. ‘I’ve hurt you?’

T
HERE
was such confusion, such anguish in those three brief words that Iris turned and looked at him. Was he playing a game? Was he trying to let her down more easily? Was he lying to her?

‘How? How have I hurt you?’ He desperately wanted to know because he’d been doing his utmost to keep his distance so he didn’t cause her any hurt. Now she was telling him otherwise?

‘You shut me out of your life, Dex. When we went to Perth, I thought we’d…you know…moved onto a different level of…friendship.’

‘Relationship, you mean.’

‘Well, yes. All right. Friendships
are
relationships but you know what I mean. Things became more intense as we helped each other through those crazy days. You were there for me, standing by Anya’s bedside in the hospital, barking orders, making everyone jump to your tune, and I thought you’d done all that because you cared…cared forAnya and…and for…me.’

Dex raked a hand through his hair. ‘I do. I do care, Iris. Far too much.’

‘And so you’ve stayed away?’ Her look was one of total confusion. ‘We arrived back from Perth and it was as though you cut us right off. I’d helped you through your tough time, you’d helped me through mine. Job done. See you later.’ Iris
paced a little as she spoke, knowing if she just stood there looking at him, she wouldn’t be able to get these words out.

‘At the very least, Dex, our friendship became a lot stronger.’

‘It did.’ The words were said softly. ‘But when we got back, you didn’t need my help. You had everyone in town helping you.’ And he’d needed to keep his distance because she was far too appealing.

‘So you just…what? Decided that as you thought you were incapable of having a lasting relationship, that you’d somehow screw it up, which is ridiculous, by the way, that you’d just push me aside?’

‘Iris, it’s not as cut and dried as that.’

‘No? You know, when Tim first died, I was in hospital, I was in pain…’ She looked down at the floor, unable to meet Dex’s gaze. ‘Disfigured, and all I could feel was guilt. As I recovered, the guilt remained but I managed to push it to the back. I needed to get on with my life because that’s what people do in tragic situations. You go on living.’ She looked at him now. ‘So that’s what I did. I lived but because I hadn’t dealt with the guilt, I became…lost. For the past few years I’ve been wandering around in a sea of confusion, trying to figure out where my life was. What was I supposed to be doing? The fact that I lived through that horrific night should mean I still have work here to do on earth, or something like that. I didn’t die so I thought surely there must be a reason for that.’

‘And now you have Anya. A good reason to have lived, wouldn’t you say?’

‘Well, there is that…but I don’t know if that’s all. I’m not meaning to sound morbid here but had I died, Francie would have chosen a different guardian for Anya. Don’t get me wrong. Anya is an incredibly important part of my life and I love her very much. I’ve already put the paperwork in place to officially adopt her. I want her with me, always. And, yes…’ She held out a hand to him. ‘I will be telling Anya right
from the beginning that she is adopted. I’ll be telling her about her wonderful parents and all the good work they did throughout their lives.’

Dex nodded. ‘Good. That’s the way it should be. I was so mad when I found out that I was adopted. I think because I’d always known, somewhere, deep down inside, that I was…different. It wasn’t that my parents treated me any differently, or loved Xandi and Mason more. It was just…I don’t know…something.’

‘That inner core deep down inside each of us.’

‘Exactly. In the end, I guess I was more mad that they’d lied to me. After that, it made me question so many things. I had so much rage in me and if Joss hadn’t encouraged me to come to Didja, goodness knows what would have happened.’

She couldn’t even contemplate such a thought. ‘But it didn’t.’

‘No. Just like you didn’t die in that fire.’

‘We were meant to live.’ She spoke softly and her eyes met his. The heat in the room intensified as he took a step towards her.

‘Meant to be here.’ His gaze flicked down to look at her mouth and heat raced through her at the action. He kept moving forward, closing the distance between them. ‘We were both meant to be here. Right now. In this time. At this place.’ His words were deep, hypnotic. ‘With each other.’ He cupped her cheek and she leaned into the touch as she rested her open hands on his chest. He’d been unable to resist touching her, unable to keep his distance, to keep things platonic.

‘You’ve come into my life, Iris. You’ve helped me to realise that there’s more to learn, to look at the glass as though it’s half-full rather than half-empty. You have been through so much and yet you go on. You have so much strength and when I’m around you, I feel the strength too. You’re incredible.’

Her breathing had rapidly increased and she slid her arms up and over his shoulders as his other arm came around her, holding her close. ‘Dex.’

‘I’ve missed you, Iris.’

‘Have you? Why?’

‘I’ve missed talking to you. Spending time with you. Being with you.’

‘Because of Anya?’

‘No.’ The word was wrenched from him. ‘Not because of Anya. Because of
you.
You give me strength, Iris. You were there when I faced my family. You supported me through one of the most difficult times in my life and I was able to do it because of your inner strength. You urged me on. You made me believe in myself.’ He reached around to the back of her hair and pulled the band from the back of her plait. ‘I thought I was just some guy who would be wandering around in the desert for the rest of my life. I was unable to make a firm connection with anyone because I was so disconnected.’ His fingers worked to free her hair and he touched the long tendrils delicately. Then he bent his head and pressed little kisses to the side of her cheek and around to her ear.

‘You changed that, Iris. You talked to me, you opened me up simply by being yourself. You’ve been through so much and I admire you.’

Iris closed her eyes, trying to focus on the important words he was whispering to her as he pressed a blazing trail of kisses to her face. He worked his way down her neck and she tilted her head back to allow him access. She couldn’t believe what he was saying. She’d helped him? Really helped him?

When he unbuttoned the top of her shirt, faint alarm bells started to ring but he kept kissing her, the heat of his lips on her skin almost like a drug, and it was a drug she craved. Another button was undone and the alarm bells started to ring even louder.

‘Dex?’ She whispered his name and put her fingers into his hair.

‘Mmm. Your skin tastes like…’

‘Like what?’

‘Heaven.’ He kissed her lower and her eyes flew open as his finger grazed over one of her scars.

‘Dex!’ She dug her fingers into his hair and wrenched his head back. Shock and total confusion were in his eyes. ‘Don’t. Don’t touch me there.’ She couldn’t believe she’d been so stupid. Why had she let him go so far? Why hadn’t she been able to resist him?

‘You’re angry?’

‘I’m scarred, Dex.’

‘I know, and I know why you’re scarred, too. That makes no difference.’

‘Oh, so what is this, then? Take pity on the woman who is so ugly no other man would ever want her? What am I to you? I told you I wasn’t going to be another conquest.’

‘What?’ Dex couldn’t believe what he was hearing. One second she was all relaxed and pliant in his arms and the next she was like a fire-breathing dragon. ‘What? No. It’s not like that at all.’ He tried to gather her close again but she pushed him away. ‘Iris.’ He placed his hands on her shoulders and turned her to face him, her glorious mane of hair fanning out around her face, falling over his hands and down her back. ‘Stop it. How could you even think that?’

‘You’re a playboy.’

‘And you think that because in the past I’ve spent time in the company of other women, I’m taking pity on you?’

‘The other women are beautiful. I know I’m not beautiful. It’s a fact I’m reminded of every day.’

‘You’re insane, honey. How could you not think you’re beautiful? Your eyes, which are flashing bright emerald fire right now, are so powerful I tremble with desire every time I look into them. And your hair.’ He ran his fingers through her hair, the silky strands sparkling their glorious reddish-blonde. ‘It’s the most incredible colour and so long and luscious. I can’t get enough of it and I get annoyed whenever you tie it back. And your skin. It’s so soft, so special and so mind-numbing
whenever you let me touch you. Iris. Of course you’re beautiful. You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met.’

‘No, I’m not.’ She shook her head. His words, which she could hear filled with sincerity, were making her start to believe him. ‘I’m strong. I’m reliable. I helped you. You feel grateful. You’re only—’

Dex cut her off by placing his lips angrily over her own. He pulled her to him and put everything into that kiss. Everything he was feeling. Everything he’d ever felt. Everything he’d hoped to feel. It was a whole second later that Iris kissed him back, matching his intensity as though she was punishing him for wanting her.

‘I love you,’ he ground out when he eventually let her up for air. ‘I’ve been trying to fight it. Trying to figure things out. I was even considering leaving town just so you could stay here in Didja and raise Anya because it’s the best place for both of you to be right now.’

‘You were going to leave?’ There was no anger in her words and although she wanted to believe him when he said he loved her, she still wasn’t sure.

‘I had to.’ He looked away and then looked into her eyes again. ‘When we got back from Perth, I realised how I felt about you. That’s why I tried to put distance between us. With Anya in the picture, it only made matters worse. I don’t think I’ll make a very good husband and I don’t think I’ll make a very good father. I’ve made so many mistakes in my life, done so many stupid things that I couldn’t bear it if I made a mistake and hurt you both. The only person who has ever really been there for me is Joss. And then Melissa came. And then…there was you. That’s why it’s so vitally important that I don’t hurt you, that I don’t screw up any more, and the only way I can do that is to let you go. You’ve been hurt too much in the past and I don’t want to be responsible for inflicting more on you. I realised you’ve obviously seen these flaws in
me because that’s why you’ve been keeping your distance these past few weeks.’

Iris stared at him, her mind still trying to absorb the words he’d said. He loved her?

‘You’re insane,’ she started, and then brought her lips to his, wanting him to feel how deeply wrong he was. She’d always thought there was no way he could possibly want her and now he was telling her that he loved her. He loved her so much he was willing to let her go? ‘Don’t you dare let me go,’ she said, breathing heavily.

‘What?’ Dex shook his head. ‘I’m dazed and confused.’

‘You say you love me, right?’

‘Yes. I’m sorry if that makes things more confusing for you but—’

She placed her finger across his lips. ‘Shh. I need…I need to work this out.’ She paused, trying to think logically, but it was so difficult when he was this close to her. ‘You love me. Scars and all?’

‘Emotional and physical scars.’

‘You’re not repulsed by them?’

‘Repulsed? No. Iris, how could you think that?’

‘Because I’ve been repulsed by them for so long.’

‘They remind you of a bad time in your life but they’re a part of you, a part of who you’ve become during these last four years. They symbolise your inner strength, your bravery.’ He took her hands in his and looked into her gorgeous eyes. ‘Will you show them to me?’

Iris wasn’t at all sure at first but the more she thought about it, the more she realised that the sooner she got it over and done with, the sooner whatever illusions Dex was under about her being beautiful would disappear. He’d be as repulsed by them as she was. He’d let her go. He’d move on and she could get back to the life she was trying to carve out for herself with Anya. Alone.

‘Please?’ He looked at her with those brown puppydog eyes that were so difficult to resist, and without a word she started to unbutton her shirt. Her fingers started to tremble after the first few buttons and Dex immediately helped her with the last few before the shirt hung limply open.

Her flesh-coloured bra was practical and sensible. The essence of Iris yet Dex knew it was just underwear and didn’t really signify a thing. He brushed the shirt open a little further and then slipped it from her shoulders, marvelling at her natural beauty.

‘Wow.’ The word was a whisper.

‘I know. Horrible, aren’t they?’

‘No. I meant
Wow.
You are…Lady, you’re taking my breath away.’

‘But…’ Iris pointed to the scars on her abdomen, the ones higher up on her arms and then turned so she could show him the ones on her back, which had required skin grafts.

‘Oh, honey.’ There was pain in his voice now and a second later she realised he’d dropped to his knees and was brushing kisses across her scars. Iris gasped at the touch and closed her eyes. It was so intimate. So giving. So loving.

His hands were at her waist and slowly he turned her to face him before he proceeded to kiss the scars on her abdomen. Slowly, he kept kissing her, making his way up to the soft tissue around her cleavage. Then he nibbled her neck and then her ear and finally he placed a kiss on her lips.

‘Beautiful.
All
of you.’

‘I didn’t think you wanted me. That’s why I’ve been avoiding you.’

‘You didn’t think…’ He stopped and shook his head. ‘Iris, I’ve wanted you for far too long, my sweet, sweet lady. I’ve been crazy about you for ever. The life I was living before you arrived was more like an existence.’

He took a breath before continuing, knowing how important
it was to get this moment right. If she turned him down…He couldn’t think about it. ‘Iris. If you’ll let me…will you give me permission to…to court you? To date you. To spend time with you…and Anya, of course. I realise she’s a big part of your life now but I want to take the opportunity to really get to know you, my lovely, beautiful Iris.’