A Benjamin Franklin Reader (10 page)

Franklin had a lot of fun with his paper, but there was one belief he held deeply and sincerely: that of the value of a free press. When he was criticized for something he printed that was considered profane, he responded with what is the classic defense of journalistic freedom and opposition to censorship. Yet it is noteworthy that he also includes a section on how such freedom also carries with it a duty to act responsibly.

T
HE
P
ENNSYLVANIA
G
AZETTE
, J
UNE
10, 1731

Being frequently censured and condemned by different persons for printing things which they say ought not to be printed, I have sometimes thought it might be necessary to make a standing apology for my self, and publish it once a year, to be read upon all occasions of that nature. Much business has hitherto hindered the execution of this design; but having very lately given extraordinary offence by printing an advertisement with a certain
N.B.
At the end of it, I find an apology more particularly requisite at this juncture, though it happens when I have not yet leisure to write such a thing in the proper form, and can only in a loose manner throw those considerations together which should have been the substance of it.

I request all who are angry with me on the account of printing things they don’t like, calmly to consider these following particulars.

1. That the opinions of men are almost as various as their faces; an observation general enough to become a common proverb,
so many men so many minds.

2. That the business of printing has chiefly to do with men’s opinions; most things that are printed tending to promote some, or oppose others.

3. That hence arises the peculiar unhappiness of that business, which other callings are no way liable to; they who follow printing being scarce able to do any thing in their way of getting a living, which shall not probably give offence to some, and perhaps to many; whereas the smith, the shoemaker, the carpenter, or the man of any other trade, may work indifferently for people of all persuasions, without offending any of them: and the merchant may buy and sell with Jews, Turks, heretics, and infidels of all sorts, and get money by every one of them, without giving offence to the most orthodox, of any sort; or suffering the least censure or ill-will on the account from any man whatever.

4. That it is as unreasonable in any one man or set of men to expect to be pleased with every thing that is printed, as to think that nobody ought to be pleased but themselves.

5. Printers are educated in the belief, that when men differ in opinion, both sides ought equally to have the advantage of being heard by the public; and that when truth and error have fair play, the former is always an overmatch for the latter: hence they cheerfully serve all contending writers that pay them well, without regarding on which side they are of the question in dispute.

6. Being thus continually employed in serving all parties, printers naturally acquire a vast unconcernedness as to the right or wrong opinions contained in what they print; regarding it only as the matter of their daily labor: they print things full of spleen and animosity, with the utmost calmness and indifference, and without the least ill-will to the persons reflected on; who nevertheless unjustly think the printer as much their enemy as the author, and join both together in their resentment.

7. That it is unreasonable to imagine printers approve of every thing they print, and to censure them on any particular thing accordingly; since in the way of their business they print such great variety of things opposite and contradictory. It is likewise as unreasonable what some assert,
that printers ought not to print any thing but what they approve;
since if all of that business should make such a resolution, and abide by it, an end would thereby be put to free writing, and the world would afterwards have nothing to read but what happened to be the opinions of printers.

8. That if all printers were determined not to print any thing until they were sure it would offend no body, there would be very little printed.

9. That if they sometimes print vicious or silly things not worth reading, it may not be because they approve such things themselves, but because the people are so viciously and corruptly educated that good things are not encouraged. I have known a very numerous impression of
Robin Hood’s Songs
go off in this province at
2s.
per book, in less than a twelvemonth; when a small quantity of
David’s psalms
(an excellent version) have lain upon my hands above twice the time.

10. That notwithstanding what might be urged in behalf of a man’s being allowed to do in the way of his business whatever he is paid for, yet printers do continually discourage the printing of great numbers of bad things, and stifle them in the birth. I my self have constantly refused to print any thing that might countenance vice, or promote immorality; though by complying in such cases with the corrupt taste of the majority, I might have got much money. I have also always refused to print such things as might do real injury to any person, how much soever I have been solicited, and tempted with offers of great pay; and how much soever I have by refusing got the ill-will of those who would have employed me. I have heretofore fallen under the resentment of large bodies of men, for refusing absolutely to print any of their party or personal reflections.

In this manner I have made my self many enemies, and the constant fatigue of denying is almost insupportable. But the public being unacquainted with all this, whenever the poor printer happens either through ignorance or much persuasion, to do any thing that is generally thought worthy of blame, he meets with no more friendship or favor on the above account, than if there were no merit in it at all. Thus, as Waller says,

Yet are censured for every bad line found in their works with the utmost severity….

I take leave to conclude with an old fable, which some of my readers have heard before, and some have not.

A certain well-meaning man and his son, were traveling towards a market town, with an ass which they had to sell. The road was bad; and the old man therefore rid, but the son went a-foot. The first passenger they met, asked the father if he was not ashamed to ride by himself, and suffer the poor lad to wade along thro the mire; this induced him to take up his son behind him: he had not traveled far, when he met others, who said, they were two unmerciful lubbers to get both on the back of that poor ass, in such a deep road. Upon this the old man gets off, and let his son ride alone. The next they met called the lad a graceless, rascally young jackanapes, to ride in that manner thro the dirt, while his aged father trudged along on foot; and they said the old man was a fool, for suffering it. He then bid his son come down, and walk with him, and they traveled on leading the ass by the halter, till they met another company, who called them a couple of senseless blockheads, for going both on foot in such a dirty way, when they had an empty ass with them, which they might ride upon. The old man could bear no longer; my son, said he, it grieves me much that we cannot please all these people: let us throw the ass over the next bridge, and be no farther trebled with him.

Had the old man been seen acting this last resolution, he would probably have been called a fool for troubling himself about the different opinions of all that were pleased to find fault with him: therefore, though I have a temper almost as complying as his, I intend not to imitate him in this last particular. I consider the variety of humors among men, and despair of pleasing every body; yet I shall not therefore leave off printing. I shall continue my business. I shall not burn my press and melt my letters.

Along with such high-minded principles, Franklin employed some more common strategies to push papers. One ever reliable method, which had particular appeal to the rather raunchy young publisher, was the time-honored truth that sex sells. Franklin’s
Gazette
was spiced with little leering and titillating items. In the issue a week after his “Apology for Printers,” for example, Franklin wrote about a husband who caught his wife in bed with a man named Stonecutter. The next issue had a similar short item about a horny constable, who had “made an agreement with a neighboring female to
watch
with her that night” and then mistakenly climbs into the window of a different woman, whose husband was in another room. And then there was the story of the sex-starved woman who wanted to divorce her husband because he could not satisfy her. After her husband was medically examined, however, she moved back in with him.

T
HE
P
ENNSYLVANIA
G
AZETTE
, J
UNE
17, 1731

Friday night last, a certain St-n-c-tt-r was, it seems, in a fair way of dying the Death of a Nobleman; for being caught napping with another man’s wife, the injured husband took the advantage of his being so fast asleep, and with a knife began very diligently to cut off his head. But the instrument not being equal to the intended operation, much struggling prevented success; and he was obliged to content himself for the present with bestowing on the aggressor a sound drubbing. The gap made in the side of the st-n-c-tt-r’s neck, though deep, is not thought dangerous; but some people admire, that when the person offended had so fair and suitable an opportunity, it did not enter into his head to turn st-n-c-tt-r himself.

T
HE
P
ENNSYLVANIA
G
AZETTE
, J
UNE
24, 1731

Sure some unauspicious cross-grained planet, in opposition to
Venus,
presides over the affairs of love about this time. For we hear, that on Tuesday last, a certain c-n-table having made an agreement with a neighboring female, to
watch
with her that night; she promised to leave a window open for him to come in at; but he going his rounds in the dark, unluckily mistook the window, and got into a room where another woman was in bed, and her husband it seems lying on a couch not far distant. The good woman perceiving presently by the extraordinary fondness of her bedfellow that it could not possibly be her husband, made so much disturbance as to wake the good man; who finding somebody had got into his place without his leave, began to lay about him unmercifully; and ’twas thought, that had not our poor mistaken gallant, called out manfully for help (as if he were commanding assistance in the king’s name) and thereby raised the family, he would have stood no more chance for his life between the wife and husband, than a captive L——between two thumb nails.

T
HE
P
ENNSYLVANIA
G
AZETTE
, J
ULY
29, 1731

We are credibly informed, that the young woman who not long since petitioned the governor, and the assembly to be divorced from her husband, and at times industriously solicited most of the magistrates on that account, has at last concluded to cohabit with him again. It is said the report of the physicians (who in form examined his
abilities,
and allowed him to be in every respect sufficient,) gave her but small satisfaction; whether any experiments
more satisfactory
have been tried, we cannot say; but it seems she now declares it as her opinion, that
George is as good as de best.

Before he had entered into a union with Deborah, Franklin had courted a woman from a wealthier family. Dowries being common for such matches, Franklin sought to negotiate one of approximately £100. When the girl’s family replied that they could not spare that much, Franklin suggested rather unromantically that they could mortgage their home. The girl’s family broke off the relationship, either out of outrage or (as Franklin suspected) in the hope that the courtship had gone so far that they would elope without a dowry. Resentful, Franklin refused to have anything more to do with the girl.

Franklin satirized the process in the
Gazette
a few years later, after he had married Deborah without a dowry, using the pseudonym Anthony Afterwit. The piece also returned to his theme of the virtue of frugality. Afterwit, after complaining about having to elope with no dowry, goes on to ridicule his wife for adopting the airs and spending habits of a gentlewoman, including her desire for a tea set.

The Anthony Afterwit essay had an interesting side effect. His fictional wife, Abigail Afterwit, was the name of a character that had been created by Franklin’s brother James almost a decade earlier in the
New-England Courant.
James, who had since moved to Rhode Island, reprinted the Anthony Afterwit piece in his own paper along with a reply from a Patience Teacraft. Benjamin in turn reprinted the reply in his Philadelphia paper, and the following year he visited his brother for an emotional reconciliation.

T
HE
P
ENNSYLVANIA
G
AZETTE
, J
ULY
10, 1732

Mr.
Gazetteer,

I am an honest tradesman, who never meant harm to any body. My affairs went on smoothly while a bachelor; but of late I have met with some difficulties, of which I take the freedom to give you an account.

About the time I first addressed my present spouse, her father gave out in speeches, that if she married a man he liked, he would give with her £200 on the day of marriage. ’Tis true he never said so to me, but he always received me very kindly at his house, and openly countenanced my courtship. I formed several fine schemes, what to do with this same £200 and in some measure neglected my business on that account: but unluckily it came to pass, that when the old gentleman saw I was pretty well engaged, and that the match was too far gone to be easily broke off; he, without any reason given, grew very angry, forbid me the house, and told his daughter that if she married me he would not give her a farthing. However (as he foresaw) we were not to be disappointed in that manner; but having stole a wedding, I took her home to my house; where we were not in quite so poor a condition as the couple described in the scotch song, who had

For I had a house tolerably furnished, for an ordinary man, before. No thanks to dad, who I understand was very much pleased with his politick management. And I have since learned that there are old curmudgeons (so called) besides him, who have this trick, to marry their daughters, and yet keep what they might well spare, till they can keep it no longer: but this by way of digression;
a word to the wise is enough.

I soon saw that with care and industry we might live tolerably easy, and in credit with our neighbors: but my wife had a strong inclination to be a
gentlewoman.
In consequence of this, my old-fashioned looking-glass was one day broke, as she said,
no mortal could tell which way.
However, since we could not be without a glass in the room,
my dear,
says she,
we may as well buy a large fashionable one that Mr.
Such-a-one
has to sell; it will cost but little more than a common glass, and will be much handsomer and more creditable.
Accordingly the glass was bought, and hung against the wall: but in a week’s time, I was made sensible by little and little, that the table was by no means suitable to such a glass. And a more proper table being procured, my spouse, who was an excellent contriver, informed me where we might have very handsome chairs
in the way;
and thus, by degrees, I found all my old furniture stowed up into the garret, and every thing below altered for the better.

Had we stopped here, we might have done well enough; but my wife being entertained with
tea
by the good women she visited, we could do no less than the like when they visited us; and so we got a tea-table with all its appurtenances of
china
and
silver.
Then my spouse unfortunately overworked herself in washing the house, so that we could do no longer without a
maid.
Besides this, it happened frequently, that when I came home at
one,
the dinner was but just put in the pot; for,
my dear thought really it had been but eleven:
at other times when I came at the same hour,
she wondered I would stay so long, for dinner was ready and had waited for me these two hours.
These irregularities, occasioned by mistaking the time, convinced me, that it was absolutely necessary
to buy a clock;
which my spouse observed,
was a great ornament to the room!
And lastly, to my grief, she was frequently troubled with some ailment or other, and nothing did her so much good as
riding;
and
these hackney horses were such wretched ugly creatures, that
—I bought a very fine pacing mare, which cost £20 and hereabouts affairs have stood for some months past.

I could see all along, that this way of living was utterly inconsistent with my circumstances, but had not resolution enough to help it. Till lately, receiving a very severe dun, which mentioned the next court, I began in earnest to project relief. Last Monday my dear went over the river, to see a relation, and stay a fortnight, because
she could not bear the heat of the town.
In the interim, I have taken my turn to make alterations,
viz.
I have turned away the maid, bag and baggage (for what should we do with a maid, who have (except my boy) none but our selves). I have sold the fine pacing mare, and bought a good milk cow, with £3 of the money. I have disposed of the tea-table, and put a spinning wheel in its place, which methinks
looks very pretty:
nine empty canisters I have stuffed with flax; and with some of the money of the tea-furniture, I have bought a set of knitting-needles; for to tell you a truth, which I would have go no farther, I
begin to want stockings.
The stately clock I have transformed into an hour-glass, by which I gained a good round sum; and one of the pieces of the old looking-glass, squared and framed, supplies the place of the great one, which I have conveyed into a closet, where it may possibly remain some years. In short, the face of things is quite changed; and I am mightily pleased when I look at my hour-glass,
what an ornament it is to the room.
I have paid my debts, and find money in my pocket. I expect my dame home next Friday, and as your paper is taken in at the house where she is, I hope the reading of this will prepare her mind for the above surprising revolutions. If she can conform to this new scheme of living, we shall be the happiest couple perhaps in the province, and, by the blessing of god, may soon be in thriving circumstances. I have reserved the great glass, because I know her heart is set upon it. I will allow her when she comes in, to be taken suddenly ill with the
headache,
the
stomach-ache,
fainting-fits, or whatever other disorder she may think more proper; and she may retire to bed as soon as she pleases: but if I do not find her in perfect health both of body and mind the next morning, away goes the aforesaid great glass, with several other trinkets I have no occasion for, to the vendue that very day. Which is the irrevocable resolution of, Sir, Her loving husband,
and
Your very humble servant,

Anthony Afterwit

Postscript,
You know we can return to our former way of living, when we please, if
Dad
will be at the expense of it.