A Brief Moment in TIme (21 page)

He wanted someone to spend his life with, and he was pretty sure he wanted to have children one day. He could see himself married to Kate, but he didn’t know how she felt about children. The fact that she didn’t have any at her age led him to conclude she’d either chosen not to or wasn’t able to. Gavin knew he loved

Kate enough to let go of that dream. He had two nieces he adored, and Sandy had confided in him that she and her husband were trying to get pregnant again, so he would have the experience of a baby in his life.

He tried to turn his attention to other areas of his life and imagine what he would create if he were truly unlimited, but instead fell asleep with thoughts of Kate, memories of their amazing afternoon, and anticipation about the day ahead.

Chapter 20

DRIVING TO GAVIN’S farm was like replaying the scene from her dream. Kate sipped her favorite latte and turned the radio to an 80s channel, but she didn’t need the props to help her relive the day. She passed fields and buildings that she had seen before. When she got to Redding, she remembered the turnoff as if she traveled the road frequently. The final stretch to Gavin’s farm reminded her of the issues he was wrestling with as they neared his home.

More than anything, she was thrilled to be seeing Gavin again. She might have been nervous about meeting his parents, but Gavin had called the night before and told her of his mom’s reaction. Afterward they’d talked long into the night, and she felt like a young girl in love for the first time.

As she pulled into the McDermotts’ yard, a dog bounded up to the car, barking and wagging his tail in greeting. She questioned the variance from her dream visit and immediately wondered what other differences she’d find. Gavin came out to meet her and settled the dog, which he informed her was a recent addition to their family. “I’m imagining that I’m kissing you right now,” he winked.

“We’ll have to behave ourselves,” Kate replied, unable to keep the smile off her face. “I don’t want your parents to think I’m some cougar trying to snatch herself a delicious morsel.”

“That’s quite the analogy,” Gavin laughed. “I kind of like it.”

He led the way into the house and made introductions. Kate was pleased to recognize Gavin’s parents and relieved to feel the same warmth she’d received during their first meeting. After a few moments of small talk, Gavin’s dad excused himself to work in the garden, and Carol joined them as they moved into the living room.

“Gavin’s told us about your program,” Carol smiled at Kate. “It sounds impressive. I think it’s great that he’s going to be involved in it, too.”

“It is,” Kate agreed. “I worked hard trying to get the funding for a trial program. I wanted my team here with me, but now that it’s just me, I’m grateful to have help. Gavin’s ideal for this. He can relate to what the men are going through. He’s already helped me see things differently. We’re going to adjust the program slightly, now that he’s given me insights on the men I’ll be working with.”

“Tell me more about the work you do with the men.” Carol sounded genuinely interested.

Kate was thrilled to talk about her work. It was truly her passion. She gave Carol a summary of the program. “Our first goal is to help the men find their emotional/spiritual center. I call it their inner space. Through guided meditation, I help them create and maintain their space. It’s the foundation they need to begin the rest of the work.

“This space becomes their control room, so to speak, the center, the hub. I help them see that the condition of their space determines the condition of their life. It’s based on the premise that our thoughts determine our experience; what we think about expands to become our reality.

“Once they begin to see the correlation between their thoughts and what plays out in their life, I help them see that individual thoughts and even entire belief systems can be changed thereby changing the outcome of their experience.”

“That sounds marvelous,” Carol exclaimed. “Gavin mentioned that you’ve already had success with this teaching in other areas. It’ll be great to see what you can do to help the men in Swenton.”

“I can’t guarantee success, but I can offer hope, and I can provide tools for those willing to change. Most people who’ve committed a crime have done so from a place of extreme powerlessness. Often the act is a way of trying to take back power in their lives. I show them other ways of reclaiming their power.

“I also introduce them to the idea that all human beings are interconnected and part of something much bigger. Whether they believe in God or want nothing to do with the idea of a higher power, this process works and can be tailored to meet their individual needs.”

Kate noticed Gavin watching her as she spoke, and saw love radiating from him. She was illuminated when she finished, as she often was when she shared her teaching. His mom was smiling, too.

“Well,” Carol stood up, “that all sounds so interesting. But I’m sure you have work to do to prepare for this, so I’ll leave you two alone. I have peas in the garden that need picking. Kate, you’ll stay for supper?”

It was more of an assumption than an invitation, but Kate smiled graciously. “I’d love to. Thank you, Mrs. McDermott.”

“Oh please, call me Carol.”

Kate thought she noticed her wink at Gavin as she turned to leave the room. She nearly laughed, but managed to hold it until Carol had gone outside.

“Did I see right?” she asked, still trying to suppress her laughter. “Did she wink at you?”

“Yeah,” Gavin moved toward her on the sofa. “She knows something is going on between us, and she obviously approves; she’s a very perceptive woman. I think we should confirm her suspicions.”

“I agree.” Kate leaned into his kiss and was catapulted into rapturous bliss. Kissing Gavin was the most intoxicating experience and the only thing she wanted to be doing in that moment.

The blissful moment didn’t last nearly long enough, however, as their kiss was interrupted by the side door banging. They quickly created a distance between them as a little girl, whom Kate recognized as Gavin’s niece, scooted into the living room and stopped short, obviously not expecting to see a strange woman sitting beside her favorite uncle. When Gavin opened his arms, the little girl giggled and ran happily into them.

Kate watched the heartwarming exchange and felt the usual longing that accompanied such a scene, but this time a new thought entered her mind.
Gavin’s great with kids; it’s so obvious. Will a future with me be fair to him if it means no possibility of children?

Carol came in minutes later and apologized for the interruption. “I forgot to tell you that Rob was dropping off the girls today. Sandy’s working days, and he has a meeting this afternoon. We’ll try to keep them entertained outside.”

Gavin kissed the little girl and sent her off with her grandma before turning back to Kate. “Now, where were we?”

Kate sighed. She hated to spoil their precious time alone, but needed to address the subject, and the moment seemed opportune.

“What’s wrong?”

“There’s still so much we haven’t talked about. When I see you with your niece...I mean...you’re a natural with children, Gavin. I’m sure you’ll want kids of your own...one day.”

The look on his face told her she was right, and she felt her stomach tighten.

“Kate,” he took a deep breath and reached for her hands. “My life hasn’t exactly been normal, but I don’t regret it. I don’t know how the rest of my life will unfold, but I have to trust it will be what it’s meant to be, that my desires will be met somehow. Right now my greatest desire is to be with you. I don’t just mean for now; I want to spend my life with you. I want to marry you, Kate.”

The impromptu proposal shocked Kate. She wasn’t sure if it was a proposal or just an impulsive statement, an indication of his desire in the moment.

“Gavin, I’m forty-two…” She stopped, not sure how to finish the sentence.

“And I’m thirty-six,” he responded with passion evident in his voice. “I’ve spent nearly eighteen years in prison for murder. As much as I love kids, I’m not sure it’s a good idea to have them under those circumstances. How do you explain to a child that his father killed someone?”

Kate hadn’t thought of it from that perspective but could understand his concern.

“I’m so sorry, Gavin. I’ve only been thinking of myself. We’ll work this out.”

“While we’re on the subject,” his voice softened, “I was wondering...why didn’t you have kids? I mean…were you not able to or was it a choice?”

“Both, really. I always thought I would one day, but Kevin and I were so caught up in our work. The year before he died, I started thinking more about it. You know, the biological clock ticking and all that. I stopped using contraceptives, but nothing happened. Now I’m not sure I can conceive.”

“But you still would,” he looked at her optimistically, “…if you could?”

She sighed. To be honest, if she was suddenly presented with the opportunity to have children, she was quite sure she would take it. But there was so much more to consider now. She looked at Gavin, trying to read his thoughts.

“I think so,” she admitted.

“Then marry me.” He took her hands again. “And let’s let whatever happens, happen. If we’re meant to have kids, we will. We’ll find a way to explain all this to them. Who knows,” he paused to smile, and Kate loved him more in that moment than she ever thought possible. “Maybe there’s a little soul waiting up there—someone who just happens to want an ex-con for a father and a wise, mature, accomplished woman for a mother.”

She had to laugh at his delightful picture. When he talked, things made so much sense. When she was with him, all potential problems faded away, and the future became a bright, well-groomed path waiting for them to walk down together. She wanted more than anything to take that path. Her heart was already there calling her forward, urging her on.

He looked in her eyes, waiting for her response. Still, she hesitated. Her rational mind wanted to have its say.
How can I agree to marry someone I’ve known only two days?
she argued.

Taking the other side of the debate, she countered,
Well, that’s not really true; I’ve known him so much longer than that. But what will people say?

Since when have I cared what other people say? I need to do what’s right for me. Can I trust my heart, though? Can it really be that simple?

She knew the answer to her questions, and she knew the answer she wanted to give Gavin. Every fiber of her being was screaming
Yes!
—quickly drowning out the weak objections that common sense had tried to bring up. She looked at him and smiled.

“Well…?”

“Well, what?” she teased, wanting to hear his proposal again.

“Kathryn Harding…” Still holding her hands, he went down on one knee beside the sofa. “Will you marry me?”

“Yes,” she said faintly, then repeated it, leaving no doubt in either her mind or his. “Yes!”

Chapter 21

GAVIN WAS LIVING a dream. He had just proposed to the most fabulous woman in the universe, and she’d accepted. Details needed to be discussed, of course, and decisions made—such as whether to tell his family right away—but he quickly dismissed the thoughts and focused on kissing the woman he loved, caring only about the moment and how good it felt.

“I can’t believe all that’s happened in such a short time, but it feels right,” he shook his head, astonished and overjoyed, as he set Kate down on the sofa.

“I know,” she smiled dreamily. “And that means it
is
right.” She gazed at him lovingly and asked, “Do you want to tell your parents right away, or should we wait a respectable amount of time before we announce we’re engaged?”

“What’s respectable?” he laughed. “An hour, a week, a month?”

“I’m not sure,” she grinned. “But they’ll know something’s up just by the look on our faces. We should probably try to concentrate on work. We can go over the files I started on the men nearing their parole dates.”

“You’re probably right; we should,” he agreed. “But I’ll really have to concentrate. With you here beside me, agreeing to be my wife, all I can think of is how much I want to make love to you.”

“Me, too.” Kate stroked Gavin’s face.

Gavin knew his mom would be in soon to make lunch, and as much as he wanted to hold Kate and kiss her endlessly, he knew he had the self-control to wait. They would create more opportune moments, but for now, the work they’d planned to do together was important, too. He moved a reasonable distance from her on the sofa and smiled, “Let’s get to work.”