A Christmas Knight (10 page)

And yet, at the same time, it felt so good to have someone to lean on. Someone to share the worries with. She'd spent so many years on her own, being strong; was it so wrong to lean on a shoulder when it was offered?

Torn between pushing Dominic away and sobbing on his shoulder, she took refuge in silence. Dominic sat quietly with her, just holding her, while Tyler slept. And finally Gillian arrived at the ward again.

‘I brought your things, love,' she said. ‘And I'll stay with you. We can take turns keeping awake and watching over him.'

‘And that's my cue to go,' Dominic said.

Louisa frowned. ‘But you came with us in the ambulance. How will you get home? We're miles from Brighton.'

‘Don't worry, Andy or Ric will come and pick me up. And I'll call Essie, tell her what's happened and get her to arrange cover for you. They'll probably discharge him in the morning and I assume you'll want to stay with him for a few days.'

‘I…' Louisa found herself shaking uncontrollably. ‘Yes.'

‘If anything changes,' he said, ‘I want you to promise me that you'll call me. No matter what time of night or day it is. And I'll be there straight away.'

She swallowed the threatening tears. ‘Thank you.'

‘Promise me.'

‘I'll call you.' At the intense look on his face, she added, ‘I promise.'

He wrapped his arms round her. ‘Hang on in there. He's going to be fine. And I'll speak to you tomorrow, unless you need me here before then.'

Louisa and Gillian stayed at Tyler's bedside, taking turns to doze for a couple of hours while the other watched over the little boy. And, the next morning, just as Dominic had predicted, Tyler was discharged. Gillian drove them home and Louisa sat in the back with Tyler, holding his hand and thanking God that her little boy was safe. She'd never, ever put anyone before him again.

B
UT
,
in the middle of the morning, Tyler was violently sick.

‘Mummy, my head hurts,' he whispered.

‘Worse than yesterday, or better, or the same?' she asked, trying to keep her voice as even and controlled as she could.

‘Worse,' Tyler said, looking woebegone. ‘It really hurts.'

It wasn't uncommon for children to be sick after a head injury, but she had a bad feeling about this. She needed him checked over—right now.

‘All right, sweetheart. Let's go and get you checked over.' She called an ambulance, giving them full details of Tyler's symptoms and the background.

All the way to the hospital, holding Tyler's hand, she thought about it. Was it an extradural haemorrhage—bleeding into the space between the skull and the brain, caused by a rupture in an artery? The blood clotted and caused pressure in the skull, which in turn caused headaches, drowsiness, vomiting and seizures; it could take several days for the clot to grow and symptoms to turn up. If Tyler had a clot…

He was sick twice more in the ambulance, and the best she could do was wipe his face with a cool, damp cloth.

Please, let them get to hospital.

And let them be in time.

She'd never forgive herself if anything happened to her precious child.

Dominic was there to meet them in the ambulance bay. He took one look at her face and gave her a brief but fierce hug. ‘You're in the right place, Louisa. Don't borrow trouble.'

The paramedics gave him all the information about the observations they'd taken, and Dominic examined Tyler swiftly. ‘CT scan, I think,' he said.

Louisa swallowed hard. So he suspected a clot, too.

‘I have a low index of suspicion with children and the elderly, remember,' he told her, clearly picking up on her worries.

It seemed to take for ever for the scan. And as soon as she saw the image on the screen, she knew. There was a definite clot.

Liam, the neurosurgeon, came straight down to see her. ‘It's an extradural haemorrhage. We're going to drill burr-holes in his skull to release the clot, then we'll tie off the bleeding vessel. Try not to worry, because all the signs are good. His breathing is fine and his pupils aren't too bad, and there's no sign of any paralysis.'

But all Louisa could think about was the classic ‘talk and die' scenario, where the patient appeared to get better and then collapsed.

Dominic nudged her. ‘Louisa?'

She blinked, shaking her head. ‘Sorry—I'm all over the place. What did you say?'

‘Liam needs to know. Has he eaten anything this morning?'

‘Two pieces of wholemeal toast with Marmite and no butter, and a large glass of milk—the same as he always has for breakfast. I think it all came up when he was sick.'

‘That's good, because it means his stomach's empty,'
Liam said. ‘Now, stop worrying. He's in good hands, and you know that.'

‘He's my baby,' she said, her voice a scratchy whisper.

‘I'll take care of him, Louisa,' Liam promised.

She dragged in a breath. ‘I need to tell Mum and Dad what's going on, but I can't leave Ty.'

‘Give me their number, and I'll ring them,' Dominic said.

She took her mobile phone from her handbag and promptly dropped it because her hands were shaking so much. ‘Sorry.'

He retrieved it for her. ‘It's OK, honey. He's in good hands.'

‘I can't stop thinking,' she whispered, ‘about what could happen.'

He wrapped his arms round her. ‘Go through all the muscles and all the veins and all the nerves, count backwards from a thousand in thirteens—whatever helps to fill your head and leaves no room for thoughts like that. What's your mum's number?'

‘It's under “Mum home”.'

‘I'll call her now and I'll be up with you as soon as I can.' He rested a hand on her shoulder. ‘Hang on in there. He's going to be fine. I promise.'

She swallowed the bile in her throat. ‘You can't promise that, Dominic. It's not under your control—or mine.'

‘Liam's the best there is. I trust him. And that's why I can promise,' he said softly. ‘Go to Theatre. I'll be there soon.'

She went up to Theatre with Tyler, and stayed while they gave him a pre-med and shaved his hair. ‘You're going to be fine. I know the surgeon,' she reassured him, ‘and he's brilliant. He'll sort it out and your head will stop hurting.'

But when the anaesthetist came to give Tyler the general
anaesthetic and she was forced to wait outside Theatre, every second felt like a lifetime.

She was sitting with her head in her hands, praying silently, when Dominic joined her.

‘Right now you need to be held, and that's exactly what I'm going to do—hold you.' He wrapped his arms round her.

She was shaking. ‘Dominic, if he dies…'

‘He's not going to die. He's in the best hands and your instinct was spot on. You got him here early enough for them to do something about it.'

How could he be sure? She wasn't. She didn't know anything, any more. All her years of nursing training meant nothing.

Part of her wanted to push him away. She'd promised herself she'd never ever put anyone before Tyler again, and here she was, letting Dominic wrap her in his arms like he had yesterday. Leaning on him.

But she was so scared. So very, very scared. And she needed to be held. She so desperately needed someone she could lean on. Dominic was solid and reliable and
there
.

‘I spoke to your mum. Your parents are on their way right now.' He gave her phone back to her.

‘Thank you.' She dragged in a breath. ‘I keep thinking of the cases I've seen in the past. Cases where—where they…' She couldn't get the word out. Couldn't say it in case she made it come true.
Cases where they died.

‘Every case is different,' Dominic said. ‘I know it's easier said than done, but try not to think about them. Tyler isn't going to die. Liam's a brilliant surgeon and he won't let that happen.'

He was still holding her when her parents rushed into the waiting area, asking questions at a hundred miles an
hour; Dominic calmed them down and reassured them, the same way he'd reassured Louisa.

‘Thanks for waiting with me until Mum and Dad got here,' she said when her parents finally sat down. ‘And I'm sorry for keeping you from work.'

‘You're not. Essie's got someone in to cover for me. I'm staying with you at least until Ty's out of Theatre.' He stroked her hair. ‘And now that's clear, I'm going to get you all a hot drink. Don't argue. It'll give you something to do and stop the wait being so bad.'

The hot drink turned out to be sweet tea. She pulled a face. ‘This is horrible.'

‘Yes, but you know as well as I do that it's effective, so drink it—that goes for all of you,' Dominic directed. ‘And it's occurred to me, Gillian and Matt—Louisa knows what the surgical procedure is, but you don't.' He grabbed a pad and pen from his pocket and drew a swift sketch to show her parents where the clot was. ‘What the surgeon's going to do is drill some holes into the skull here, take out a little lid of bone, and then remove the clot and tie off the blood vessel so it doesn't bleed again. It sounds an awful lot more scary than it is, and Tyler will be absolutely fine afterwards. He'll heal nicely.'

But the waiting dragged on and on and on.

Were there complications? Louisa wondered silently. Had something gone wrong? Was Liam going to come out of Theatre, looking drained and empty, and tell them that he'd done his best but he hadn't been able to save her son? Oh, God, no. Please don't let her lose him. He was the light of her life. Without him…

The thought was so terrifying that she couldn't breathe.

Every time she glanced at the clock, only a few seconds had dragged by. Each minute seemed like a lifetime; and each time she glanced up a little more hope seeped out
of her heart. Her baby, her precious baby… How was she going to bear it without him? How could she carry on with a Tyler-shaped hole in her life?

When Dominic fetched sandwiches for them, she shook her head. ‘I can't eat.' Swallowing would choke her.

‘You have to eat,' he said, relentless. ‘If you don't eat to keep your strength up, you're not going to be much use to Ty, are you? And he's going to need you after this.'

‘What if—?' she began.

‘No,' he cut in. ‘Don't borrow trouble. These things take time. It feels like years out here and nanoseconds in Theatre. And it's better that Liam's thorough than if he rushes the job. It's going to be fine.'

At last, Liam and the neuro team came out.

And he was
smiling
.

Everything was all right.

Louisa closed her eyes and offered up a prayer of thanks.

‘I'm delighted to tell you that the op was a success,' Liam said. ‘I've removed the clot, located the bleed and tied off the blood vessel. I want him to stay in for a week, just while he's getting over the op, and then he can go home. He'll have headaches for a while, but he'll be absolutely fine. He's in the recovery room at the moment, coming round, and you should be able to see him in a few minutes.'

Her baby was safe.

Tyler was going to be all right
.

All the worry and the fear stopped; and she'd been tense for so long, holding herself together, that she simply imploded. She burst into tears, sobbing out all the worry and the nightmares; and Dominic held her, letting her cry all over him.

‘It's OK,' he whispered. ‘You don't have to be brave any more. I'm here. I'm not going anywhere.'

Finally, she was all cried out; when she lifted her head off his shoulder, she saw that she'd soaked his shirt.

‘I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to bawl all over you.'

‘It's relief,' he said softly. ‘You know that—we see enough relatives being brave, holding everything in, fearing the worst; and when they know everything's all right they know they can let go and that's when they start crying. Come on, let's go and splash some water on your face, and then you can see Ty.'

The coolness of the water against her skin made her feel better, and she'd managed to pull herself together by the time the anaesthetist came out to tell her that she could go in and see her son.

‘Aren't you coming?' she asked when Dominic hung back.

He shook his head. ‘It's not my place. But I'll come and see him when he's settled on the ward. You know where I am if you need me.'

She could see from his eyes that he was sincere; he really would be there, if she needed him. Yet she still couldn't shake the feeling: if she hadn't got involved with Dominic and agreed to let Tyler take part in the jousting day rather than be just a spectator, this wouldn't have happened. Her attention would have been completely on her son, as it should've been, instead of partly on the man who'd tempted her to risk her heart again.

So maybe she should heed the warning and back off. At least until Tyler was old enough to look after himself more.

Which made her feel incredibly guilty about leaning on
Dominic just now, letting him believe that there could be more between them—but, in future, they'd better stick to being colleagues.

 

Though Dominic didn't make it easy for her. He visited every morning before his shift, during every lunch break, and every evening at the end of his shift. On day three, when Tyler was starting to get bored and irritable and sick of being cooped up in bed, he produced a magnetic chess set and taught the little boy to play. ‘Chess,' he said to Tyler, ‘is the best game in the world. And, better still, you can play it any time. You can even play it long-distance—my brother and I used to play by email when we were students. He'd send me his move, and then I'd send him mine.' He grinned. ‘Nowadays, we do it by text.'

And at the same time he nagged Louisa about eating properly, kept her in touch with what was happening on the ward, and brought in tubs of prepared out-of-season strawberries to tempt Tyler's appetite and, she suspected, her own.

Although Louisa tried psyching herself up to say to Dominic that they should stop seeing each other, she couldn't do it. Not when Tyler didn't stop talking about him. Plus she saw the way Tyler's face brightened as Dominic arrived, and the enjoyment mirrored in Dominic's eyes as they got out the chess board. How could she destroy that growing friendship and closeness? And Dominic never, ever missed a visit. He might get someone to call up and say he'd be late, but he was always, always there.

When Tyler was well enough to be discharged, Dominic continued his visits, except at her house rather than the ward. Every morning on his way to work he dropped in to start a game of chess with Tyler, and every evening on his way to the stables he called in, made Louisa a cup of tea
and handed her a magazine or book to make her sit down and take a few minutes' break, and finished off the chess game.

Though she noticed that Dominic had stopped touching her. No hugs, no hand-holding, no resting his hand on her shoulder. And, whenever he left, he kissed her cheek. Not her mouth.

So had he, too, had second thoughts about their relationship? Yet, if that were the case, surely he would've stopped visiting Tyler? Not that she could ask. She didn't have the energy: and, besides, she wasn't sure what she wanted the answer to be. She was bone-deep tired, miserable and lonely, and she couldn't see a way through it. Not without having a heart-to-heart with Dominic—a conversation that she didn't want to start.

But eventually Louisa let her mother persuade her into letting her look after Tyler during the day so she could go back to work. Gillian promised faithfully to call her if she had even the slightest worry about Tyler.