A Cold Season (29 page)

He felt her forehead again, this time gauging her temperature. ‘Cass, can you hear me? Can you understand what I’m saying? You look ill. I – I was going to come anyway, you know. This place – I never thought it was good for us. I would have come as soon as I heard something from you, but this wouldn’t wait for that.

‘Everything will be all right again, Cass.’

His words didn’t make sense. Was she supposed to be happy? She knew Remick was alive – he would always be alive, long after her life was over. She licked her lips. They tasted like dust.

‘He tricked me,’ she whispered.

‘No, Cass, no, he didn’t – not on purpose. There was an attack and he was taken prisoner. Then they thought he was someone else, and he couldn’t speak, not for a long time. But he’s back now. He’s come back to you, love. He – he’s scarred, sweetheart; you should expect that. But he’s here.’

She blinked. ‘Pete?’

‘Of course. Peter – Pete. Who did you think?’ Her father smiled, squeezed her arm. ‘He’s here, Cass. He’s outside.’

She tried to get up and follow him to the door but in the end she leaned back against the wall and let him go.
Her father nodded as though he understood. He held out his hand to Ben. ‘Do you want to come and see your daddy?’ he asked.

Ben shrank back against Cass, shaking his head, and Cass’ father glanced at her. He looked half-puzzled, half-disapproving. Cass heard his footsteps retreating down the hall. He wouldn’t come back, surely he wouldn’t come back. The idea was disconnected, somewhere beyond her reach.
I’ll give you your life back.
That was the thing she clung to, that played over and over in her head.
I’ll give you your life back.
And the thing Remick hadn’t said:
As soon as it’s no good to you any more. As soon as you no longer want it.

It was Ben who opened the door to reveal Cass’ father, and someone standing behind him, a little taller, a little broader.

Her father stepped aside.

Pete was thinner than before. His cheeks, once softly rounded, were hollow. The skin was roughened, possibly burned.

Cass’ mouth twitched.

Pete smiled at her, lifted his hand, let it fall back to his side. There was a light in his eyes and Cass was putting it out; she could see that. She didn’t know what she could do to stop it. It was like seeing someone she had known a long time ago, a childhood friend, perhaps, all the more odd because of how they’d changed. The marks of years on their faces. Pete’s eyes were paler than she remembered. Desert-pale. Burned by a brilliant sun.

‘Cass.’ He tried a smile. ‘It’s me.’ His voice was a croak,
not the way she remembered it. Ben stepped out from her side and Pete fell to his knees and threw his arms around his son. He held him tight, whispering words into his hair, and Ben let out a sudden exclamation and hugged him back. They both started to cry.

Pete straightened and put his arms around Cass. His frame was broad, tall, not the right shape. She didn’t want him touching her.

‘It’s so good to see you, Cass,’ he said. He waited, expecting something from her she could not give. ‘I tried to get to you,’ he said, his voice breaking. ‘I thought I’d never get home.’

‘Cass.’ It was her father’s voice. She felt the wall at her back, all wrong somehow. ‘Cass,’ he said again, urgency in his voice. She could choose, she knew. She could meet his eyes and face this, or go into the dark. She closed her eyes. The dark was waiting and it rose to meet her.

THIRTY-THREE

Remick came to Cass while she slept. His arms were open, but not in welcome; it was as if he were presenting her with a gift. He smiled. His eyes were darker than she remembered. He opened his mouth to speak, but she didn’t hear the words because it was stuffed with blue stones. As he spoke they fell, one by one, to the ground. Cass reached out but they slipped through her fingers. She understood them now: half of this world, half of another, and every single one of them a lie. Fool’s gold. They wouldn’t be caught.
He
wouldn’t be caught.

She opened her eyes and pale blue eyes looked back. She took a deep breath. ‘Pete.’

He smiled, and his hand curled around hers. ‘You’re back. I was worried there for a while.’

‘
You
were worried?’

He laughed, and it made her remember. It was a sound from the good times, before either of them disappeared. It made Cass think of the day she’d spent with Remick, when she had been new and he called to see them and
they had walked together through the snow like a family.

She closed her eyes. She could smell the book, tainted, like meat hung too long, and then came the sensation of the teacher’s hands on her body. She opened them again and looked at Pete. His eyes were almost transparent, and she felt she could see right into him.

‘I missed you,’ she said. ‘I missed you so much.’

‘Sorry I’m a bit late.’

She slapped his arm, smiled back. It felt good.

‘Of course, if you will run away to the back of beyond … ’

Her smiled faded. She looked around and realised she couldn’t see Ben anywhere. She pushed herself up. ‘Where’s—?’

‘Ben’s fine. Your dad took him for a walk. He’s been really good, actually, much better than he used to be. Anyway, Ben looked like he needed some air. Cass, have you been okay? How long have you been cooped up inside?’

She shook her head.

‘Maybe you need some air yourself. You said some pretty weird things in your sleep.’

She frowned.

‘It sounded like you were having some kind of flashback.’

‘I did?’

‘Something from when you were a kid – stuff about hell and damnation.’ He looked at the door. ‘It must be your dad’s influence. Cass, are you okay, really?’

It was in his eyes, the real question: how could she not be okay when he’d come back to her? What might possibly
stop her being happy about that? An image flickered before Cass’ eyes: Remick’s hand resting on her breasts. She shuddered.

‘Shouldn’t Ben be in school?’

She shook her head. ‘It’s closed. The heating’s broken. There’s no need for him to go back, is there? I mean we’re leaving, aren’t we?’

She could go back to Aldershot, resume her old life, surrounded by other women, people she could be friends with; people she could trust. She need never see Remick again, except perhaps in her dreams.

‘If you like, Cass – if that’s what you want.’

‘Yes.’ She forced a smile, and realised her husband looked just the same, really; apart from the weight he’d lost, the scarring on his cheek, it was the same Pete. She could have her life back, forget about Darnshaw. It would be an episode of madness, of delusion, none of it real. She would escape over the moors and everything would fade behind her, swallowed by the fog.

She took Pete’s hand. ‘It is what I want. I can’t wait.’

The door opened and closed and Ben ran in, smiling in a way she hadn’t seen in a long time. It lit up his eyes. He opened his arms and threw them around his dad. Cass rubbed her son’s hair, pulled them both closer, laughing. She felt a hand on her arm, looked up and in an instant she was a child again, with a dark shape looming over her, staring at her dress.

Her father spoke. ‘I need to talk to you, Cass.’

Not good enough
, she thought.

Her father’s agitation showed in the quickness of his look, darting from Cass’ eyes to her hair to her crumpled clothing. He closed the kitchen door behind them.

She opened her mouth, but he spoke first. ‘How did Ben get that mark on his hand?’

She found she couldn’t meet his gaze and stared at the linoleum. It was scuffed with footprints. How long had it been that way?

‘Tell me, Cass.’ His voice was gentle.

‘He—’ Cass thought of the boys, sitting together in a circle, children making a blood pact, becoming brothers. ‘He was messing about with his friends. It’s nothing.’

‘Don’t lie to me, Cass. I’ve seen it before. I know what it is.’

So why ask?
There was a hollow place inside her chest and she wanted to curl up and climb into it, never come out.

‘Where is he, Cass?’

She looked up.

‘I should never have let you come back here. I knew, as soon as I heard. I knew you’d be in danger, but I told myself it was all over. He tried it when you were a child – did you know that? He tried to teach you things, but he
lost
, Cass. He lost. I got you both out.’

‘
What?
’

‘Cass, you have to understand – I thought I did the right thing, leaving you both, making your mother get out of Darnshaw. When I went into the church, I dedicated you to the Lord – do you remember that? I thought I was protecting you. I thought it was enough.’

Cass blinked. What did this have to do with leaving them behind? He had abandoned them – he didn’t want them any longer because she wasn’t good enough.

‘I knew I’d have to face him again – how could I not? I vowed to fight him in all his forms, Cass. I thought if I went my own way, left you two out of it, you’d be safe.’ Spittle flew from her father’s mouth. ‘I was wrong – such a bloody fool. Cass, I should have armed you better – I tried, I did try …

‘What has he done, Cass?’

She tried to speak, found herself choking out the words. ‘He took e
verything
,’ she said. ‘I thought he was my friend. Daddy, please—’

‘Aye, that would be right. He is the Father of Lies, Cass – did you listen to nothing I taught you? But Ben – he’s nothing but a child, an innocent. He can’t understand what he did.’

‘No, no, he’s free. Remick said so.’

‘Remick, is it, now?’ He paused. ‘Right, we’ll go, get you out of here, the pair of you. I’ll come back on my own, once you’re safe.’

She shook her head once more and he looked into her eyes and after a moment he got it. ‘Cass –
Gloria.
No—’

She didn’t need to answer. His face paled and he stepped back, leaned against the table, stayed that way for a long time. Then he bent to Cass and kissed her forehead. He strode from the room and she heard the front door bang behind him.

Ben came chasing into the kitchen, followed by Pete, who bent and caught the child, his bass laugh mingling with Ben’s giggle. He looked up at Cass and his smile faded. ‘Where’s your dad? Cass, what’s going on? I thought we were leaving.’

‘He— There’s something he had to do.’ Cass’ face twisted.

‘What’s up, love? There’s something not right, isn’t there? Are you going to tell me?’ Pete bent and whispered to Ben, who ran from the room to set up his video game.

‘There’s somebody he needs to see. He had trouble with him when he used to live here, and now he’s back.’

Pete stared. ‘It’s hard to see how anyone’s caused trouble for him when he’s not been here ten minutes … unless it’s you that’s in some sort of trouble. Cass?’

‘It’s complicated – you wouldn’t understand, Pete. It’s more my father’s sort of thing.’

‘What, a religious thing?’ He snorted.

Cass stared at the floor.

Pete dragged out a chair, but he didn’t sit. He stood with his hands resting on the back of it. ‘So you come here to the middle of nowhere, and what – have some sort of conversion? Is that it?’

She shook her head.

‘Then what does this have to do with your father? Who’s he gone to see? Is it a man, Cass, is that what it is? Have you met someone?’ He looked at her, his frank blue eyes preparing to feel pain.

‘Sort of. Pete, I – I guess that’s part of it. But it’s more than that. He’s not really a man, Pete, or not just a man. He – he’s evil, that’s all, and he made me do something.’

‘What? Did he force himself on you?’ Pete straightened. There was an expression in his eyes that was something like anger, but also something else, a little like hope. She couldn’t bear to look at it.

‘No, Pete, he didn’t force me to do anything, but he did manipulate me. Pete, he took everything from me. He took my soul.’

Pete let out a snort and pushed the chair away and it rocked, almost fell. ‘What? Cass, you’re getting as mad as your father. You know that doesn’t make any sense. You never believed in any of this stuff. I know things must have been hard, but—’

‘It’s true.’

‘Did you sleep with him, is that it? And now you can’t face up to it? Is that what this is about?’

She shook her head, but not in denial. ‘Pete, that’s not it. I mean, I did sleep with him, and I’m sorry: I thought you were gone. But Dad – he’s trying to save my
soul
.’

Her husband looked away, staring around at the kitchen as though trying to memorise it. ‘Where is this guy?’ he asked quietly.

‘He … ’ Cass realised she wasn’t sure. ‘The church, I think.’

‘So he’s like Satan, and he’s in the church. Right? Right.’

‘Pete, Dad’s trying to help me. Please believe me. I was stupid, but I tried to do the right thing. It’s just he had Ben, and—’

‘He
what
?’

‘He was Ben’s teacher, or pretending to be. I don’t know, it all sounds completely insane.’

‘He had my son?’ Pete’s voice was quieter, more dangerous.

‘Sort of. He—’