A Companion for Life (13 page)

“He’s not in love with me; he married me out
of kindness.”

“No man is that kind and he called you
Cariadon. He wouldn’t call you Beloved in Welsh if he didn’t mean
it.” Lily froze as her mind was overwhelmed by the possibility of
Mr Bowen being in love with her. It was too good to be true; why
would he love her? The young man was mistaken. Her heart sank in
disappointment. “What did I say? Have I upset you? Please don’t
tell Uncle…he’ll kill me. I’m terribly sorry if I hurt you. I’m not
a bad person even if Uncle Penryth says I’m a selfish little
toad.”

“You were in love.”

“I must have been under a spell.”

“Love does cast a spell. One minute you’re a
rational creature with a heart and the next you can’t tell if the
sky is above you or below you.”

“Are you in love with Uncle Penryth?”

Lily avoided the enquiring eyes. “He married
me and I’m very grateful.”

“Grateful? No wonder he’s upset. Couldn’t you
fall in love with him a little? If he felt you loved him, you could
persuade him not to hate me.” Lily silently agreed with Mr Bowen’s
conclusion that the boy was a selfish toad. She finished wiping his
face and stood up.

“You must be hurting; I’ll go ask the maid to
prepare you some laudanum.”

“What did he call you? Lily? Aunt Lily…I know
I don’t deserve your pity after what I did to you, but couldn’t you
beg him not to hate me? He’ll listen to you. I’ll think you the
best Aunt in the world. He’s all I have left…I don’t even have a
memory of a fiancée. Please?”

“I’ll ask him.”

“Thank you…he must love you for your
kindness.”

The young man might as well have said Mr
Bowen wouldn’t have had any other reason to marry her. The backward
compliment was a painful jab. Mr Bowen wasn’t ever going to love
her for her kindness or any other reason. William had obviously
misunderstood his uncle. “He’s not in love with me. I’ll send in
the maid.”

“What did I say? You sound upset. Don’t tell
him I upset you, he’ll kill me.”

“I’ll ask him not to hate you. Good night
William.” Lily closed the young man’s door and shivered in the dark
passage way as the smell of sweet tobacco pulled her towards the
sitting room. Mr Bowen was standing in front of the fire in his
nightshirt, his body outlined against the firelight. She stared at
the strange sight. There was something eerie about the way the
stiff white fabric responded to his slightest movement over the
outline of a man. Any moment he’d transform into a swan. She
tiptoed up to the fire and stared up at him, waiting to see if it
would happen. Dark eyes swiveled towards her and the white linen
rippled with pleasure.

“Good. You’re safe.”

“Don’t hate him, he’s young.”

“He’s a selfish prat. I’d blame his father,
but I’m the one who’s taught him to be a man.”

“Are you sure you’re a man?” She blushed as
he peered at her through a cloud of smoke with a raised eyebrow. “I
mean…I know you’re a man…”

“That’s comforting.”

“You look so beautiful in white…like a bird.”
That hadn’t come out right. He was going to think she was a
lunatic. “My head hurts; I’m going back to bed…”

“What kind of bird? I hope you don’t think
I’m like a dove. Carmarthen has a dovecote full of the foul
creatures. They appear driven to leave their droppings on anything
of value.”

“I wouldn’t say you were like a dove.”

“Good. Do you think me a big white
gander?”

“No.”

“That doesn’t leave many options
Cariadon.”

“What does Cariadon mean?”

He paused before slowly blowing a mouthful of
smoke towards her. “It’s what a Welshman calls his wife.”

“Oh…”

“So am I like a big white chicken?”

“No.”

“A little white duck?”

“No.”

She couldn’t move. Dark eyes held her fast
with a knowing smile. “That must mean I look beautiful in white
like a swan. That’s an evocative image Mrs Bowen. You know swans
mate for life. Have I told you I love your ears? This new hairstyle
isn’t all loss. I must get you some earrings.” Her thoughts were
thrown into confusion as he traced one of her ears with a finger.
“You’d best go back to bed before I start courting you with a
display of my finest plumage.” He winked at her and turned away
towards the fire. “Good night Cariadon.”

She couldn’t speak. She stood there staring
at his profile until his eyes flickered towards her with a look
that promised more than a display and she turned and limped back to
his bed hoping he’d follow. She heard the sitting room door open
and close and footsteps, but they didn’t come to her. Another door
closed suggesting he’d returned to visit his nephew. Impulsively
she crawled out of bed again, snuck down the passage and put her
ear to William’s keyhole. “I’m not sorry I hit you…” Mr Bowen still
sounded angry. “If that bloody traffic had held me up another ten
minutes I’d probably be a widow and you’d be in gaol awaiting the
hangman.”

“I’m sorry Uncle Penryth; I didn’t know you
were in love with her. I didn’t know you liked fat women.”

“I’m not in love with her.” Hearing him say
the words left no room in her heart for hope to hide. She crouched
there feeling faint as tears splattered the floor.

“But you called her Cariadon. Why do you call
her Beloved if you don’t love her?”

“It’s none of your business what I call my
wife.”

“Well I’m glad you don’t love her because she
doesn’t love you.” Lily started in horror; the lying toad was going
to ruin her life.

The room seemed silent for an eternity before
Mr Bowen said, “How the hell would you know what my wife
feels?”

“When I asked her if she loved you she said
she was grateful that you’d married her. Hardly the words of a
woman in love. Why did you marry her?”

“Because I wanted to…mind your own business.
You forfeited nine month’s allowance before attacking my wife; one
more unkind word about her and you’ll be penniless till you’re
twenty-one, if you live that long.”

“Nine months? What did I do to lose nine
month’s allowance?”

“You said nine rude things about your Aunt
Lily to my face after I warned you not to.”

“Why did I do that?”

“Because you were in love with Miss Philips
and assumed you’d be marrying her over an anvil, but fortunately
for you she changed her mind. You’ll be out of pocket for nine
months and if you complain I’ll make it a year.”

“I must have been insane…you don’t hate me do
you?”

There was a long pause. “No. Go to sleep.”
Lily forced her numb legs to hurry back to bed. She pulled the
bedcovers over her head and sobbed into a pillow that smelled of Mr
Bowen. Her prayer that he wouldn’t come back to bed was answered
and she fell asleep exhausted and alone, her head throbbing in time
with her aching heart.

Lily woke to find the pounding in her dreams
had stopped. She uncovered her head and sat up and winced as the
pounding resumed in the next room. The carpenter had arrived to
ensure there was no reason for her to sleep in her husband’s bed.
She rubbed her sore eyes and focused on the wingback chair in front
of the fire. It hadn’t been there the night before. “Mr Bowen?” Her
hopes and fears that she’d have to face him were crushed when one
of the maids jumped out of the chair and curtsied.

“Good morning Mrs Bowen. Is there anything I
can get you? Mr Bowen said you’re to have whatever you wish. He
said if you wanted the moon Mrs Jones was to fetch it.” The young
girl giggled in amusement. “Mrs Jones didn’t think that very funny.
She told him only a lunatic would want the moon because as everyone
knows it’s made of cheese and it’s been there so long it’s probably
gone bad. He gave her one of those looks that I wish I could give
her and told her not to be daft. If I told Mrs Jones not to be daft
she’d clip me round the ear.” The maid skipped over to the bedside
and stared at Lily’s head. “Would you like me to trim your hair? It
looks like you’re preparing to become a nun. If I was married to Mr
Bowen I’d never want to be a nun.”

“Where is Mr Bowen?”

“He went out. He left you some gifts on the
dressing table. I think the large box is bonbons. It smells
sweet.”

“Did he say if when he’d be back?”

“He just said a footman was to remain outside
your door or near your chair until he returned and that I was to
wait on you hand and foot. He said if he returned to find you hurt
in any way he’d sack the whole household. Jones thought that rather
hard considering he’s known Mr Bowen all his life, but there’s no
reasoning with a man in love. My Ma said my Da was the most
predictable bore imaginable until he fell in love with her sister
then he went mad and spent his life’s savings trying to convince
her to marry him, but Aunt Suzie was in love with the baker so she
wouldn’t have him so Da married Ma instead.”

“Didn’t your mother find that painful?”

“Oh yes Madam, she said if she’d known
childbirth would be so painful she’d have died an old maid.”

“Did your father ever love your mother?”

“No he tried to pretend Ma was Aunt Suzie,
but it didn’t work. A year after I was born he hung himself from
the big apple tree with a note in his pocket saying he wanted all
the apples on the tree to go to Aunt Suzie, but Ma burned the note
and gave them instead to farmer Wilson who was looking for a wife.
She thought he fancied her, but he really fancied Aunt Suzie. Mr
Wilson sold the cider made from Pa’s apples to buy Aunt Suzie a
tallboy as a wedding present. She promised to leave it to me when
she dies, but her son says if I want it I’ll have to marry him, but
I couldn’t marry a man who’s two years younger than me. I’d feel
like his mother.”

“But Aunt Suzie was in love with the
baker…”

“Oh that ended when she caught him in the
barn with Mrs Cooper. Mr Cooper flogged the baker at the whipping
post and Mrs Cooper wasn’t allowed to buy her bread after that
though I can’t say the same for several other ladies who like their
bread fresh from the oven if you know what I mean. Shall I fetch
you something to eat Madam?”

“Yes thank you.”

“Is there anything you’d particularly like? A
piece of the moon?” The young girl giggled in amusement. “Mrs Jones
would have a fit.”

“No, just some chocolate, eggs and toast…is
the bread fresh today?”

“It was made this morning, but not by Mrs
Jones. Master Bowen kept complaining he didn’t want a doorstop on
his plate every morning so she demanded he increase her
housekeeping to pay a baker or find a new housekeeper. Mr Jones
says his stomach will be eternally grateful to Mr Bowen. Shall I
order a bath?”

“That would be lovely; six cans of water will
be enough…” The maid’s cheerful rambling had momentarily lifted her
spirits, but in the silence it was difficult to forget she wasn’t
living a love story; she was in one of those penny dreadfuls where
people lived miserable lives and then died painful deaths. If the
plot went unchallenged she’d be lucky if she died in childbirth
leaving an orange haired child to remind Mr Bowen of his impulsive
folly.

When her tray arrived she picked at her food
and couldn’t finish it. Even her cup of chocolate remained barely
touched. She remained silent while the maid trimmed her hair and
then helped her wash and change into a clean nightgown. Even the
fact that Mr Bowen had taken one of her dresses away to a
dressmaker to have some new ones made up from it couldn’t bring a
smile to her face. He was very kind and she was grateful, but at
the same time she wasn’t grateful and it made her feel worse.
“Madame are you in pain? Would you like me to prepare a glass of
laudanum? Mr Bowen said you could have two drops in water if you
need it.”

“No I’ll just sleep and have nightmares…”

“I’d have nightmares if Master William cut
all my hair off with a penknife, but you needn’t worry about him.
Mr Bowen made him drink enough laudanum this morning to bring down
a horse. He’s snoring like a dog…”

“Did Mr Bowen say where he was going?”

“No, but I’d wager he’s gone to buy you more
presents. Did you want to open the one’s he bought yesterday?
Looking at them makes me feeling like Christmas has come
early.”

“I’ll have the bonbons first.” Sitting in
front of the fire, Lily opened the box to find rows of carefully
decorated confections.

“Oh Madam…he must love you very much. I was
in the dining room when he kissed you. I hope a man buys me bonbons
hoping I’ll pay him with kisses.” The young woman sighed. “It’s so
romantic. Years ago Mr Jones wagered Mrs Jones that Mr Bowen would
never fall in love again and this morning he lost a whole guinea.
Mrs Jones says she’s going to buy herself a new Sunday hat so he’ll
be reminded once a week he’s not always right.”

“Mrs Jones will have to give back the
guinea.” Lily’s voice was as flat as her heart. “Mr Bowen isn’t in
love with me. He’s just being kind.”

“Of course he’s in love with you…I’ve seen
him smile at you and then Mrs Jones says the fact Mr Bowen has been
humming and singing proves it as he only hums when he’s happy and
they haven’t heard him hum or sing in years though how anyone rich
and beautiful could be miserable is beyond me.”

Tears dripped from Lily’s eyes onto several
bonbons. “He’s not in love with me. He said so himself.”

The maid looked stunned. “He told you he
didn’t love you?”

“I overheard him tell William.”

“Well he wouldn’t tell William he loved you.
Men don’t tell other men that sort of thing. Besides, Mrs Jones is
certain he’s in love with you. She’s heard him call you Cariadon
and according to her no Welshman would call an English woman that
unless he loves her. It means Beloved…how can he not love you?”

“Maybe his father always called his mother
that?”