A Complicated Love (Complicated Love #1) (14 page)

I have woken up today in a better mood than I’ve been in for the past few months. I’m up a little early, it’s only 7:00 a.m. but I’m feeling great. I had Aunt Sylvia on the phone yesterday telling me that I have to get on with my life. She said that I’m wallowing and even though it was a terrible loss losing the baby, I have a man who wants me and wants to take care of me and when we are ready, we could try again.

My Aunt Sylvia is always wise and she’s right. I have a job to get back to. A man I love unconditionally…

Whoa, wait, what?
I love Joshua?

I do, I really do.

I’ve been so stupid pushing him away like I have. All he wanted to do was take care of me and be there for me, and all I’ve done is throw it back in his face. He lost our baby too, and I never took his feelings into consideration. I’ve been so selfish. I shower and dress in black jeans and a purple tunic. I don’t bother drying my hair, so I tie it up in a ponytail. I grab my mobile and notice two messages waiting and they are both from Joshua.

Ananblle, I hae b sooooo stpid! I lkok yoj <3 Wi nde 2 tak

I stare at my mobile and I can’t make out what he’s trying to say. It was sent late last night. It seems to me he sent this when he’d been drinking.

Oh Joshua! This is what I did to him, by pushing him away. I select the next message from Joshua that was sent this morning.

Hey Annabelle. I would really love it if you came round now, to talk.

That’s all it says and it was sent ten minutes ago.

Why is he up so early?
Maybe he hasn’t been sleeping well. I know I hurt him by pushing him away. I grab my light jacket and bag before locking up the apartment. I quickly send Joshua a text.

Just leaving now. I miss you too and I really want to sort this out. I have something to tell you, but I will wait until I get there. See you soon xx

I get a text back straight away.

Don’t bother knocking, just walk right in. I’m in bed, as I’m a bit hungover. Had a late one last night.

I knew that was probably the case. I’m going to get there and tell him that I’ve been really stupid, and I was wrong to push him away. I’m finally going to tell him that I love him. It didn’t seem right to tell him in a text. I just hope he feels the same and it’s not too late.

I arrive fifteen minutes later and run up the steps to his apartment door. I take a minute to compose myself then take a deep breath and walk in. It’s really quiet. I walk through the lounge and kitchen to the hallway where the bedroom is located.

“Joshua?” I don’t get a response, so I walk toward his bedroom door that’s shut. I knock lightly, but I don’t hear him reply. He must have been really bad last night. I feel like it’s my fault. I grab the handle and turn the doorknob and walk straight in. I’m not prepared for what I see. Joshua is naked apart from a pair of boxers. He’s lying on his stomach with his head facing me. I can tell he’s asleep. The covers forgotten at the base of the bed and lying curled up next to him is Tammy. She is in a light pink baby doll with matching knickers. I stand there for what feels like hours. I lock eyes with Tammy and notice that she’s awake. She curls her lips into a sly smirk and shuffles closer to Joshua. He turns over to face her and drapes his arm over her. I can’t take it anymore, so I turn on my heels and dash out of there.

Why is Tammy here?

He replaced me with
her!

I feel sick and I can’t breathe properly. I dash out of his apartment. I need to get home.

I arrive home in record time. I don’t know what to do. I’ve lost him. I kick my shoes off and pad into my bedroom where I curl up in a ball and sob until I can’t sob anymore. It’s my fault this has happened. I shouldn’t have treated him like I did.

I get angry. I pushed him away, so he jumped straight into her arms.
How can he do this?
My emotions are all over the place. I don’t know if I’m more hurt or angry. I feel like I can’t be angry at him. He deserves better than what I’ve been giving him… but Tammy?

That’s what makes me angry!

I love him so much, but I’ve lost him to that witch. I can’t help the next sob that comes. I sob uncontrollably until I’m so worn out that I fall asleep.

I love the feeling of her in my arms. All the drama that’s happened is over and she’s here. She smells incredible. I really love her and want to be with her always. Annabelle is my life.

My head is killing me and I find it hard to open my eyes. Why did I not stop when I knew I’d had enough? What the hell happened last night? I remember vague bits and pieces, but I do know why I was drinking last night. Annabelle is my reason. An arm wraps around me. I jerk awake. Is Annabelle here? I sit up as fast as possible and I wish I didn’t see what I do.

“What the hell are you doing in my bed?” I jump out and quickly pull on my jeans and a T-shirt.

“What baby, don’t you like your surprise?” Tammy places her head in her hand as she lays on my bed, trying to do a sexy pose. I cross my arms and glare at her.

“You can’t be here… go now.” She laughs before removing her light pink baby doll.

“Don’t you want this, baby? I can make you feel good after the night you’ve just had.” She giggles and goes to remove her knickers.

“No, you don’t.” I sweep the baby doll up and offer it to Tammy. “Please put this on, now Tammy. I don’t want you like that.” My eyes widen as I realise this could actually be a lot worse.

“Did we… ?” Tammy giggles and looks at me beneath her eyelashes.

“Did we what, Joshua? Did we fuck all night long? Did you make me cum all night long?” She’s enjoying this a bit too much. “Do you really want to know the answer to that?” She laughs. The colour drains from my face and I feel sick. I sit on the edge of the bed and put my head in my heads. I can’t believe I’ve let this happen.
What about Annabelle?
I’m going to lose her. Tammy climbs across the bed and kneels behind me while draping her arms around my neck. I jump up and she falls forward. She laughs.

“Don’t touch me, Tammy.” She giggles again. She’s really annoying me now.

“Oh, relax Joshua, we didn’t have sex. I just wanted to lie with you all night. When we have sex, it will be when you can remember it.” She winks.

“I will not be having sex with you, ever, Tammy. I don’t want you like that. How many times do I have to tell you? I love Annabelle. She is the one I want.” She narrows her eyes and huffs before getting off my bed and dressing.

“How can you
love
her Joshua? She’s treated you unfairly and we used to have a great time together before she came along.”

“Tammy, we didn’t work and we never will.  I’m sorry, but I can’t do this anymore. I thought we could be friends for my mum’s sake, but we can’t. Just go… now.”

“
Fine!
Have it your way.” She collects her shoes and puts them on. She straightens her spine and saunters into the living room. I follow behind to make sure she leaves this time.

“Have fun trying to get Annabelle to even speak to you.” She opens my door and peers at me over her shoulder with a sly smirk on her face. “After what she saw earlier.”

My heart stops, and now I’m panicking.
What does she mean?

“What do you mean, Tammy?” She cackles loudly, before looking me straight in the eye.

“Well, let’s just say that Annabelle popped round earlier and she looked quite shocked and very upset by what she saw. I think the last straw was when you cuddled into me and draped your arms over me. Very nice touch, by the way.” She smirks again, and I can’t take it anymore.

“Get. Out. Now!” Without saying another word, she walks out and slams the door. I can’t believe this. Annabelle was here this morning? She thinks I slept with Tammy? I rush back into the bedroom and grab my mobile from my bedside table. I see Annabelle’s message and then the other messages I sent her, or rather, Tammy sent her. I dial Annabelle’s number, but she doesn’t pick up. I have to go and see her. I have to tell her what really happened. I just hope she believes me.

Today is turning out to be a miserable day, so I have my feet up on the coffee table. I’m still in my pyjamas and I have a big bar of Galaxy and I’m being reckless and drinking full fat coke. Yes, I know what a rebel. I’m watching an old film on demand. It was one of my favourites,
‘Fifty First Dates’
and it’s so sad. It’s definitely a great movie to watch when I’m feeling the way I am. It gives me a reason to cry. I have a pile of tissues on standby.

This is how I’m spending my day. Aunt Sylvia keeps phoning in to check up on me and I keep convincing her I’m fine. I haven’t told her about Joshua. I don’t think I can talk about it right now. Every time I think about it, my heart gallops and I end up sobbing. I’ve cried so much over Joshua and I’m determined not to do it anymore. Joshua has tried calling me for most of the day, but I can’t answer. I have nothing left to say to him.
What does he want to talk about anyway?

There’s a knock at the door. I huff, as I have to pause my film before walking to the door. I open the door wide and I’m shocked to see Joshua standing there. Why does he have to look so gorgeous in his jeans and a blue T-shirt? He looks so casual and don’t forget
hot!
Why is life cruel?
I glance up and notice he looks quite pale. My eyes lock with his and his sparkle as he takes me in.

I hate that I love him right now.

“What do
you
want? Why aren’t you having
fun
with Tammy?” I cross my arms while I narrow my eyes at him. He looks lost.

“Annabelle, you have to believe me when I say that what you saw isn’t what you think you saw.” He looks concerned that I won’t believe him. “Please, can I come in,” he pleads.

“Oh, I’m looking forward to this. Please come in and make yourself comfortable.” I’m being sarcastic. I sit down in the armchair while Joshua takes the sofa. He turns toward me so he’s facing me.

“Annabelle, what you saw this morning is not what you think. You have to believe me. I saw Tammy at a bar last night and she tried coming on to me, but I pushed her away. She wasn’t happy about it, but I went home alone—”

I can’t help but butt in. “So how did she end up at your apartment… in bed with you?”

“She turned up later at my apartment, and I asked her to leave. She went crazy and I thought she’d left, but when I woke up this morning she was in my bed. But I swear, we never slept together,” he says in a pleading voice. His eyes look really sad and he’s on the verge of crying. I can’t stand to see him like this.

“How can you not know if she left or not? Did you at least show her to the door?” My temper’s getting the best of me, but I can’t help it.

“I didn’t show her out. I just went to my bedroom and closed the door. I told her to leave and I swear I thought she had.”

“How do you know that you didn’t sleep with her? The first message I received from you, I couldn’t even read and it didn’t make sense. You were that drunk last night.”

“I swear, I didn’t. She told me we never. She says she wants me to have sex with her when I’m not drunk.”

I don’t think he realises how that sounded. I jump up with my hands on my hips and my face is fire red. “
What?”

He stands up and crosses the distance to me. “No, I don’t mean I’m going to have sex with her. I don’t want her, Annabelle. I promise you.” He cups my cheek.

“How can I know for sure? I’ve been so selfish lately Joshua, and I pushed you away. I wouldn’t blame you for moving on and forgetting about me, but please don’t let it be
her
. You’re too good for
her.
” My breaths are coming rapidly and my heart feels like it’s beating out of my chest. I don’t want him to move on. He smiles at me.

“Annabelle, there is no one else for me. I want you and only you. I know that this has been hard for both of us, and I understand why you pushed me away. I can’t do this anymore. I’ve missed you so much and to be completely honest, Annabelle… I love you.”

He loves me?

Oh my god!

Secretly I’ve been waiting for him to say this to me for quite a while.

“I… ” I don’t get time to say anymore. Joshua pulls me to him so that I’m flush against his chest. Every part of us is touching and it feels amazing. It’s so silent that all that can be heard is both of us breathing. He gently glides his fingers through my hair.

“I want you, Annabelle… Only you and no one else.” He glides his hand down my cheek and runs his thumb along my bottom lip. My heart is thundering. “I want to make love to you like you deserve.”

I slowly nod my head. Joshua smiles a really gorgeous smile before capturing my lips in a slow passionate kiss. He pulls me toward him. I don’t know how we can get any closer. My nipples are rubbing against his chest and are hard beneath my tank top. I move my hands up his chest and wrap them around his neck. Joshua intensifies the kiss and I gasp. His tongue enters my mouth and he doesn’t leave any part of my mouth untouched. My tongue joins the party and dances with his. It feels electric, and I can feel how much he loves me. He moans while he wraps his hands around my waist. He breaks the kiss to travel kisses down my throat and my collarbone.

“Oh… Joshua.”

Before I know it, he scoops me up and walks toward my bedroom. He deposits me on the bed, and I can’t help but take in his appearance. He’s breathtaking and beyond gorgeous.
How have I gotten so lucky?
He takes off his T-shirt and jeans and stands before me in only his black boxers. He smiles a devilish smile before pulling me toward the end of the bed. He slowly pulls my pyjama pants down leaving me in my white knickers. I’m embarrassed they’re not sexy… I was supposed to be going to bed. My face flames with embarrassment, but he doesn’t seem to notice. He takes my hand and helps me sit up. He glides my tank top up and over my head. I went braless, so I’m left in just my white knickers. He gazes at me and I see the desire flame in his eyes.

“God, you’re so gorgeous, Annabelle.” I take the initiative and slowly scoot up to the head of the bed. I’m trying to be seductive, but I’m not quite sure I’m pulling it off. His devilish smirk is visible as he crawls up the bed until he’s laying over me. He places his elbows either side of my head, so he doesn’t crush me and I spread my legs as he rests nicely in between. His gorgeous green eyes devour me at this moment. I feel like he can see right into my soul. My heart is fluttering a million miles a minute, and it feels like it’s going to burst. His intense emerald green eyes stare into mine. I see all the love he has for me in his gaze and I hope I’m conveying my love for him too.

I want to tell him, but I’m scared.

I’m scared, but I don’t know why.

He softly kisses me on the lips and trails sweet kisses along my jaw and my collarbone. He circles my nipples with his tongue and it causes them to harden until they hurt.

“Please… Joshua,” I gasp as he takes my nipple into his mouth. I moan as the sensation is mind blowing. He takes his time savouring each nipple and I feel ready to explode. I’m tingling all over and my knickers are already wet. His hand glides down my body until he cups my mound. I moan and arch at his touch. I grab the sheets as Joshua moves his hand over my mound, rubbing me up into a frenzy.

“Please Joshua, I need you inside me.” He chuckles and hooks his fingers into my knickers. He gently slides them down and off. He stops and stares, and I’m beginning to feel insecure. He smiles a wide smile.

“You’re all mine, Annabelle… always.” I smile wide as he removes his boxers, and I see his cock standing proud. He crawls back over me and positions himself in between my legs.

“I love you, Annabelle.” Before I have time to speak, he thrusts into me. We both moan at the same time and I feel like this is so right. This is where I belong, with Joshua. He’s my everything and I love him. He slowly thrusts into me and I work hard to meet him thrust for thrust. I feel the tingles starting in my stomach and it’s building and building. I smooth my hands over his chest and grip onto his shoulders. His thrusts become erratic, and I can’t take much more. He kisses me firmly and sweeps his tongue into my mouth. My body is tingling all over from my head to the end of my toes. In one more thrust, I shatter into millions of pieces.

“Joshua!” I moan and he thrusts a few more times before spilling his seed inside me. He chuckles.

“I love that you called my name.” I laugh and smack his arm playfully. Joshua pulls out and I’m left feeling deeply satiated.

“Be back in a minute.” He walks naked to my en-suite. Seconds later he comes out with a wet cloth and leisurely cleans me. He goes and deposits the cloth back in the en-suite before returning to the bed. We get under the covers and spoon with my back to his chest. He wraps his arms around me and I feel like I’m finally home in his arms.

“I’m sorry about everything that’s happened.”

“Joshua don’t. It’s fine. I’m the one that was being selfish. I should have opened up more to you.” He cuddles me closer and kisses me behind my earlobe.

“It’s okay. I do understand how hard it was for you, but I’m here now and I’m not going anywhere. You are my life, Annabelle. I want to be with you. I love you,” I smile as he says the three words I love hearing come from his gorgeous mouth.

“I love you too, Joshua.” It’s silent for a while and I’m not sure what’s wrong with him.

“Say it again,” he whispers and I know what he wants to hear.

“I love you, Joshua. I want to be with you too.” He squeezes me to him.

“Let’s get some rest. I’m awfully tired.” I giggle and tap him on the arm. “Night Annabelle.”

“Night Joshua.” A few minutes later and I hear his breathing even out. I lay there thinking about the events of today. I went from wallowing into the evening, to Joshua turning up and saying he loves me. It’s been crazy. I’m still feeling insecure about Tammy though. I trust Joshua and I believe him when he says he never slept with her. Tammy is one sick bitch for going to that extreme to get rid of me. I’m just hoping she will give up and leave us alone now.