A Controller's Destiny (Unit Matched #3) (12 page)

“Let’s all go home and rest. We figured this out; the rest will fall into place.” I try to sound hopeful for everyone. Graham rubs his hand up and down my back, filling me with warmth and love.

“Wait,” Amaya stops everyone from standing up. “Check the book. See if the timeline has changed.”

I nod and grab the book from the entertainment shelf. I flip through the page to our future. I look up at them and shake my head.

“They’re the same.”

Amaya curses again and I see Graham pale.

“Come on, Xaviera.” Thaddeus stands, helping her off the loveseat.

We all hug each other and say our good nights.

I shut the front door and lay my head on the cool wood. Graham wraps his arms around me and kisses my temple. His love calms me.

“I’m not going to let anything happen to you.”

I lean my head back against his chest, wishing that were true.

Chapter 14

Reality

“Okay, read it again.” I point at the problem on the page my three girls who need extra tutoring are studying.

“It’s too hard, Mrs. Centers.”

“No, it’s not. Read it again,” I say firmly but in a low tone.

The three girls: Michelle, Cassie, and Jane were Paired together and are having issues with some of the word problems.

“Shorty, um,” Graham stops at the door. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt.”

“No, it’s fine. Give me a minute.” I smile at him.

Graham is about to turn when the girls pipe in, “Hi, Mr. Centers.”

I glance at them all and hold back my smile as the ogle my Matched.

“Hello, girls,” he nods and leaves.

“You are so lucky to be Matched to him, Mrs. Centers.” Michelle sighs.

“Michelle, you can’t say things like that; it’s not proper.” Cassie bumps her elbow.

“I’m with Michelle, Mrs. Centers. Mr. Centers has that bad-boy attitude going on. We’ve all seen the truck.” Jane blushes and sighs, “I can’t wait to be Matched.”

“All right, girls. How about we do some math?” I’m more firm with my tone to get them to focus. All three girls giggle.

As we finish the last problem, my mind wanders back to the fact that it wasn’t that long ago that the girls and I were in this same classroom. We had been dreaming of our Matched, our ceremonies, and our futures.

Now look at us.

Now look at me.

Once the girls finish the problem. We all say our goodbyes and they leave. Graham is waiting in the hallway. The girls glance at him, softly giggle, and race down the hall.

“I think you have admirers.” I tease him, taking his hand.

He rolls his eye. “Mr. Centers? I hate when people call me that. It makes me look over my shoulder thinking Dad is nearby.”

“You know the rules. Once you’re Matched, you become a Mister to the younger ones.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” he mumbles and we head to the truck. “What are we going to do tonight?”

“I can say one thing, no battle strategies. I mean it. This week has been exhausting.” I shake my head.

Every night everyone has come over to our house, to make Graham practice, and discuss what is going to happen in the battle. We all agreed not to tell the King and Queen or my mother because the prophecy said it was going to be just the six of us. We still couldn’t figure out how the battle would start. We highly doubted we would just walk over to the woods willingly.

There are still a lot of unanswered questions.

“Could we go home, have a nice cooked meal, watch a movie, and relax?” I softly beg.

Graham smiles at me. “That sounds perfect.”

I quickly text the girls and tell them not to come over tonight. Of course, Amaya has to assume that I’m going to have sex. I ignore her comment and become even more excited at the fact it’ll be a quiet night.

And it will be with Graham.

He has been sleeping in our bed more, but there still hasn’t been any kissing or touching beyond him holding me.

Along with all the emotions that are on edge, my hormones aren’t helping matters. I feel like a raging horn-dog sometimes. Other times I think I’d pass out if Graham touched me in any other form besides holding me.

“Shorty, are you coming in or going to sit in the truck all night?”

I hadn’t even realized that we were already home. Graham’s standing there with the truck door open for me, staring at me.

“Sorry,” I mumble, feeling my face turn red thinking of him in that intimate way.

We go into our house and instantly we both stop at the threshold. Someone’s been in our house. Nothing had been moved or out of place, but something’s different.

We both know it instantly.

Graham stands in front of me, like a trained Protector would. We softly move into the kitchen and I gasp.

“Damn it,” Graham growls. “You two about got your lights knocked out.”

I peek around Graham to see Thaddeus and Oliver setting up the table with food.

“We figured you would want the night off. So, Amaya made you both lasagna for dinner and cookies for dessert,” Oliver told us.

“Xaviera made the salad,” Thaddeus adds. “You two enjoy your evening.” They slap Graham’s shoulders as they walk out and nod to me.

Once we know they’re gone, my stomach growls. I know that Amaya’s the best cook around and I can’t wait to dive into the food.

“You’re hungry.” He looks at me with a knowing smile.

“Starving.”

He laughs as he pulls out my chair and he goes over to grab something to drink for us. I dish up the food onto our plates as he sits down.

We don’t talk a lot as we eat. Graham tells me that he’s going to be working in the office more with his mom the next couple of weeks to refresh his memory on how to do the accounting of the office. I laugh because I know that he hates it so much.

After we clean up and change into something more comfortable, we head into the living room.

“What do you want to see?” he asks me.

I shake my head. “You pick tonight.”

“Really?”

“Yes.”

Graham ends up picking
Captain America
. I don’t mind this too much since Chris Evans is in it.

Once he sits down, I curl up next to him. I’m surprised at myself on how the two of us are touching and holding each other more, but still not pushing things too far.

When the movie is over, we still sit there on the couch.

Together.

“You know, you never answered the question that I asked?”

“Oh,” I look up at him. “What was the question?”

“Your bucket list.” His voice is low, and the sadness is back.

“I told you already. I want you happy.” I sit up from him. “That’s all that’s on it.”

“There has to be more. Do you want to travel, or see a play on Broadway, or something?” he suggests and I know what he wants me to tell him, but the truth is I can’t tell him.

“There is something, isn’t there? I can tell you’re lying.”

I shake my head at him. “No, I’m telling the truth. I want you happy.”

“Okay, that’s number one on the list. What’s number two?”

I fidget with the hem of my plain green T-shirt. I can’t tell him the truth. I don’t want him to feel pressured.

“I wanted my Matched to love me and you already fulfilled that.” I swallow back my emotions and pray to Mother Nature he lets this go.

“I do love you. What’s number three?”

“Graham,” I groan. I can’t do this. I can’t say it.

“Shorty, come on. You know that I can get it out of you.”

“Please, don’t make me say it,” I beg; I’m so embarrassed. 

“Why, Shorty? What is it?” he takes my hand and gently squeezes it.

“I want to be a mom.” I whisper. I shut my eyes from the pain in my heart, knowing that it’ll never happen.

Graham gasps and I can feel his hurt. “I’m sorry.”

“There’s nothing we can do about that, right?” I wipe the tears falling down my face.

“I still believe that you’re not going to die, Shorty. I know that we can figure this out so we can fulfill that wish.” He pushes my hair back, tucking it behind my ears.

“Please, stop.” I jump up from the couch. “Stop being so damn hopeful.” The sweet moment that we were having is gone as rage… real rage… pulses through me. “I am sick and tired of hearing you and everyone else telling me that I’m not going to die.”

“Shorty.” Graham tries to grab my hand, but I jerk away.

“No, Graham. Enough. Look at the timeline. Look at what it says if you don’t believe me. Even with all the discoveries that we’ve made this week, it hasn’t changed. I die. Don’t you get that? Stop thinking that at the end of the fight, rainbows and unicorns are going to bounce us off into some miraculous sunset. That’s not what’s going to happen.”

“Why are you so hell bent on dying?” he leaps up from the couch, matching my intensity.

“I’m not,” I scream at him. “You, out of everyone else, know that I’m scared to death, but I’ve dealt with it long enough to know that I’m not going to live. But, every damn time I look at you and your hopefulness, it breaks my heart more to know that you’re going to be wrong. Damn it, Graham.” I wish that he could see the bigger picture and that is my dying is for the ones that I love. Maybe, I could have my mother explain it to him. Maybe then he’ll understand.

“Gia, I want you to have hope, too. I don’t want you running into the woods to your death. I want you to fight. You’re betting everything on that book and prophecy, and it’s possible that it’s all wrong. You don’t have to die. You can fight.”

“Don’t you think that’s what I’m doing? Don’t you think that’s what I’ve been doing for the past twelve years? Every single day I fight. I fight to keep my Pairs safe. I fight to keep Unit safe. I fight for you.”

We stand there and stare at each other for a moment. He doesn’t understand. No one can understand what I’m really going through. My emotions are up and down and every which way because May fourteenth is growing closer.

I can’t stand to be in the same room as he is, right now. I need to breathe. I run to the back door and throw on my shoes and race out the door. I run as hard and as fast as I can without a second of hesitation. I feel like the Unit walls are closing in on me. I feel like I’m in quicksand and nothing is going to help me get out of it.

I thought Graham would be able to help me and understand what I’m going through. Now, I wonder if I can even handle what I’m going through.

I run up through the trails to the edge of the wall. I want to punch it so badly but I know I’ll break it. I watch the fog of my steamy breath as I heave to catch it.

I drop to my knees and rest my head on the concrete wall.

I can’t do this.

I’m not strong enough.

I’m alone.

When I was a teenager, I would think that this all was a horrible dream and one day I would wake up and it would all be normal. Mom would tell me that I needed to accept what was going to happen.

I wish I could right now, but I want it to be a dream.

I want to wake up from this nightmare.

I want normalcy.

“Have you lost your mind?”

I leap to my feet seeing Amaya standing there.

“You can’t go running off like that, Gia. Here,” she hands me my coat and I push my arms through it.

“How did you find me?” I hiccup from my sobs.

“It’s Unit. It’s not that hard to figure out.” She steps over to me. “I saw you running away from your house and Graham was chasing you. I’m still faster than he is,” she winks.

“Did you hurt him?”

“Unfortunately, no. He still has his
super
powers. I told him that I would talk to you and that’s what we’re going to do.” Amaya crosses her arms. “Now, talk.”

“Amaya.”

“No, Gia. We’re all here for you.”

“I am alone. Don’t you get that?” I shout at her like I had Graham. “No one else carries this burden but me. If I fail, the whole world goes to shit and it’ll be because of me. Why can’t anyone get that?”

“Hey, Mrs. Pissed-off-at-the-world, look around you. You’re not alone. The five of us are trying to figure out a way to save your scrawny ass. You want to be mad then I suggest you go kick Zane’s ass all over the place and not die.” She uses the same tone as I did.

“The book says…”

“Fuck. The. Book. That damn book means nothing. It doesn’t have feelings. It can’t fight for you. It’s not a weapon. Have you forgotten that if you die, all of us are going to suffer, too?”

I look at her. Her words cut through me.

“Xaviera and I are going to lose our Paired. Graham’s going to lose his Matched. Your mother will lose a daughter. Unit Middle will lose a great teacher. Have you been so selfish to forget about us?”

“Selfish? How dare you, Amaya?” I seethe at her. “I’m doing this because of everyone you named. I’m the least selfish person here.” I scream louder at her.

“Are you sure? Because I’m thinking you’re being a big baby.” She sings out the last word.

“Shut. Up.” My throat hurts at I continue to yell at her. “I hate this. I hate my life right now. I hate that Mother Nature chose me for this. I hate that I’ve never had a normal life. I hate that I can’t have a life with Graham. I hate that’ll never be a mom. I hate that you all will have these great lives and I’ll be dead. And I hate that I feel that way.”

I drop to my knees and my dear sweet Protector catches me in her arms. I sob on her shoulder and she rocks me back and forth. She doesn’t say anything. She only holds me.

After about ten minutes, my legs are numb from the cold and snow. My tears are practically frozen on my face and I can’t cry anymore. I pull away from her.

“Do you feel better?”