A Cousin's Prayer (14 page)

When Katie returned to the kitchen, she found two ham and cheese sandwiches sitting on the table.

“Is the boppli doing okay? I don’t hear her crying anymore,” Freeman said.

“She’s fine. I changed her
windle,
and she went right back to sleep.” Katie pulled out a chair and sat down. After they’d said their silent prayers, she looked over at Freeman and said, “I did some serious thinking this morning, and I’ve decided that it’s time to take Susan to the sheriff.”

“But you said before that your folks won’t be back until the end of the week. What made you decide to see the sheriff today?”

“I’m growing attached to the boppli. It’s only making me feel worse because I know I can’t keep her.” Katie groaned. “I should have notified the sheriff right away. Keeping the baby wasn’t right, and I feel guilty about it.”

“When do you want to go?”

“As soon as we’re done eating, if you have the time.”

“I’ll make the time.” Freeman looked away and dropped his gaze to the floor.

“Is something wrong? You look kind of thoughtful.”

He pulled his fingers through the back of his hair and grimaced. “Something’s bothering me, Katie, and I’d like to talk to you about it, but I’m not sure how.”

“What is it?”

“Well, someone mentioned...” He cleared his throat a couple of times. “This is so hard for me to say.”

“Did someone mention something about me?”

He nodded.

“Is it about the boppli?”

“Jah.”

“Does someone else know that I found little Susan on the porch?”

“Uh, no...” Freeman blew out his breath in a puff of air that sent the napkin on his knees floating to the floor. He lifted his gaze and looked at her. “Are you in a family way, Katie?”

She sucked in her breath, and her face heated up. “Who—who told you that?”

“I’d rather not say.” He looked at her with such intensity that her heart started to pound. “Is it true?”

She shook her head so hard that the ties on her covering whipped around her face. “I’ve never been intimate with any man, and I can’t believe someone would spread such a rumor about me.” Tears stung her eyes, and she nearly choked on the sob rising in her throat.

“I didn’t want to believe it, Katie, but I had to ask so I could put a stop to any rumors that might be going around.”

“Who told you that I’m pregnant? I need to know.”

“It doesn’t matter who told.”

“It matters to me!”

“I shouldn’t have said anything. I’m sorry I’ve upset you.”

“So you’re not going to tell me who told you I’m pregnant?”

He shook his head.

Bitter disappointment weighed Katie down. She couldn’t believe Freeman wouldn’t tell. With a sense of irritation, she pushed her chair aside and jumped up. “I’ll get the boppli ready now. As soon as you’re done with your sandwich, we can head to the sheriff’s.”

Freeman blinked a couple of times. “Are you sure you want to do this right now? Your face is awfully pale, and you look kind of shaky. Maybe you should eat something before we go.”

“I’m not hungry!” Katie’s legs wobbled as she raced from the room.

When she returned with the baby several minutes later, Freeman had finished eating and was washing the dishes.

“We’re ready to go,” she said in a voice barely above a whisper.

Freeman dried his hands and reached for the diaper bag Katie held under one arm. Then he opened the door and waited for Katie to go out first.

She hesitated a minute, drew in a quick breath, and plodded down the stairs.

As they were headed to Freeman’s buggy, a car came up the driveway. When the back door opened, two people got out.

Katie gulped. “Oh no. It’s Mom and Dad!”

“Katie, whose boppli is that you’re holding?” Mom asked as their driver pulled his car away.

Katie’s mouth felt so dry she could barely swallow. She glanced over at Freeman, hoping he might say something, but he stood beside her with a blank expression.

“Katie, answer your mudder’s question,” Dad said sternly. “Whose boppli are you holding?”

Katie moistened her lips with the tip of her tongue. “I ... uh ... found her on our front porch the night you left for Ohio.”

“What?” Mom’s eyes widened, and Dad looked like he’d been hit over the head with a hammer.

Katie quickly explained about the note that had been attached to the baby’s blanket and how she’d taken care of little Susan for the past several days.

“Did you notify the sheriff?” Dad asked.

She shook her head. “Freeman and I were—”

“I can’t believe you kept the boppli all this time and didn’t let the sheriff know about it!” Mom’s shrill voice sent shivers up Katie’s spine. “What on earth possessed you to do such a thing?”

“I was afraid to drive the buggy, and I—well, I became attached to the boppli and didn’t want to give her up.”

Mom glared at Katie. “What an upheaval you’ve caused by your immature actions!”

“Calm down, JoAnn. You’re gettin’ yourself all worked up.” Dad touched Mom’s arm. “We just need to take the boppli to the sheriff, and that’ll be the end of it.”

Mom shook her head forcefully. “No, it won’t. What if the sheriff puts Katie in jail?”

Katie’s heart pounded, and her throat constricted. The thought that she might be put in jail for keeping the baby had never entered her mind.

As if sensing her fears, Freeman touched her arm and said, “It’s gonna be okay, Katie. I’m sure once we explain things to the sheriff and he sees that the boppli’s unharmed, he won’t—”

Dad moved closer to Freeman. “How long have you known about the boppli?”

“Since the morning after Katie found her,” Freeman replied. “I came over to see if Katie was doing all right, and she told me about the boppli.”

“So you’ve kept Katie’s secret the whole time we’ve been gone?”

Freeman’s face flamed as he nodded.

“Didn’t you even think to suggest that she take the baby to the sheriff?”

“I did. Even said I’d take her myself, but she didn’t feel ready to go there until now.” Freeman gestured to his horse and buggy tied to the hitching rail. “We were getting ready to go to the sheriff’s office in Middlebury when you and JoAnn showed up.”

Dad gave his beard a tug. “You can go home now, Freeman. Katie’s mamm and I will see that the baby is taken to the sheriff.”

“I’d like to go along,” Freeman said.

Dad shook his head. “No need for that. I’m sure you’ve got things you need to do at your shop.”

“Besides,” Mom put in, “this is
our
problem, not
yours.
”

“Okay.” Freeman offered Katie a sympathetic smile. “I’ll be praying for you.”

As Freeman drove away from Katie’s house, he couldn’t help but feel concerned. She was not only upset with him for asking if she was pregnant, but now she was faced with going to the sheriff’s, fearful that she might be arrested. She’d looked so pathetic trying to explain things to her folks. Seeing the way her eyes glistened with tears had tugged at his heartstrings.

I should have insisted that she notify the sheriff right away,
Freeman berated himself.
The longer she kept the baby, the more attached she became. Now she’s in trouble with her folks and could be in trouble with the sheriff.

Freeman thumped his head a couple of times. “I’m as much to blame for all this as she is.” He knew that keeping quiet about the baby was wrong, but he’d gone along with it in order to appease Katie.

Maybe I’m too softhearted for my own good. Maybe Fern’s right. I might need someone to tell me what to do.

Freeman thought about the look of agony he’d seen on Katie’s face when he’d asked if she was pregnant, and he wondered if she’d ever trust him again.

By the time Freeman turned onto his driveway, he’d gotten himself all worked up.

Pray for Katie. Pray for Katie.

Freeman halted his horse in front of the buggy shed and bowed his head.
Heavenly Father, please be with Katie when she goes to the sheriff’s. Give the sheriff an understanding heart, and may Your will be done for Katie and the boppli she found.

Katie sank to her bed with a moan. They’d returned from the sheriff’s office a short time ago, and she’d gone straight to her room. She could still see the shocked expression on the sheriff’s face when she and her folks had walked into his office with little Susan. After Katie had told him the story of how she’d found the baby, he’d told them an equally surprising story. Three days ago, he’d gotten a call from an English woman who’d said that their teenage daughter had told them she’d given birth to a baby the week before while she was staying with a friend. The young woman knew she couldn’t care for the baby, so she’d left it on an Amish family’s front porch. When her parents asked where the house was, she’d said it was dark outside and she couldn’t remember exactly where she’d gone. She just knew it was an Amish home because she’d seen a buggy parked outside by the barn.

Katie let her head fall forward into her hands and gave in to the tears she’d been holding back all day. She was relieved that she hadn’t been accused of any crime, but it had hurt to see the compassion in the sheriff’s eyes when Mom said, “Our daughter suffered a tragic loss several months ago and hasn’t been the same since, so she wasn’t thinking clearly.”

Katie squeezed her eyes tightly shut as tears trickled down her cheeks. It seemed as if every time she opened her heart to someone, she lost that person. She’d not only lost little Susan, but thanks to Freeman’s accusations, she’d lost him as a friend, too. After all, why have a friend who wouldn’t tell her who’d been saying she was pregnant? Who was Freeman protecting, anyway?

A knock sounded on Katie’s bedroom door, pulling her thoughts aside.

“Supper’s ready,” Mom called.

“I’m not hungry.”

“You need to eat.”

“I don’t want any supper. Please leave me alone.”

Katie felt relieved when she heard Mom’s footsteps clomping down the stairs.

She stretched out on her back, staring at the ceiling and searching for a ray of hope that would offer comfort yet finding none. Sometime later the shadows in Katie’s room faded into darkness, and she fell asleep.

As Katie hung a towel on the clothesline the following morning, a pang of regret shot through her like a knife. It was the same towel she’d used when she’d bathed little Susan. It seemed like everything she did caused her to think about the baby.

I need to keep busy and try not to think about the boppli. It’ll only make me sadder if I think about how awful I felt having to give Susan up to the sheriff.
Katie swallowed past the lump in her throat.
How could any mother leave her little girl on the porch of a complete stranger like that? If I had a boppli, I’d never give it up.

Forcing her thoughts to come to a halt, Katie hurried through the process of hanging the clothes and was getting ready to head back to the stamp shop when Dad came out of the house and motioned to her.

“I was wondering if you’d do me a favor,” he said when Katie joined him near the porch.

“What do you need?”

“I’d like you to go to the Kuntry Store and pick up the clock I ordered for your mamm. Since tomorrow’s her birthday and we’ve made plans to eat supper out, I want to be sure I get the gift on time.”

“Can’t you pick it up?”

He shook his head. “I don’t have the time for that today. I’ve got several customers coming to pick up windows they ordered, and I need to get out to my shop right away.”

“Can’t your helper take care of the shop while you’re gone?”

Dad shook his head. “Alvin’s sick, so he won’t be in today.”

Katie shuffled her feet a few times and stared at the ground. The thought of driving the buggy anywhere made her feel sick to her stomach. “I ... I don’t have the time, either,” she mumbled. “Mom needs my help in the stamp shop.”

“You haven’t been that busy all week. I’m sure your mamm can manage fine on her own for an hour or so.”

“But what am I supposed to tell her? I mean, you don’t want her to know about the clock you ordered, right?”

“Just tell her you’re running an errand for me. She doesn’t have to know where you’ll be going or what you’re getting.”

Katie kicked at a clump of dirt with the toe of her sneaker as she mulled things over. She didn’t want to go anywhere in the buggy alone. Just the thought of it made her face feel hot and her stomach churn.

Dad nudged her arm. “What’s it going to be? Will you pick up the clock for me or not?”

Katie didn’t want to disappoint Dad, and she wanted Mom to have her birthday present on time, so she gave a slow nod and said, “I’ll go right after lunch.”

Dad smiled and patted Katie’s shoulder. “Danki, I appreciate it very much.”

Katie’s arms ached as she guided her horse, Dixie, to pull the buggy slowly down the road. She clung to the reins so tightly that her fingers felt numb, but she wouldn’t relax her grip. She had to keep the horse from going too fast; she had to stay focused on the road.

Things went along fairly well for a while—until they came to a bend in the road. A car whipped around them, blasting its horn. The horse whinnied, reared up, and then bolted down the road.

A shrill scream tore from Katie’s throat, and she jerked on the reins.

Dixie kept running, full speed ahead.

Katie’s face flooded with heat, and her heart thumped furiously; then she was hit with a wave of nausea. The dreaded feeling of unreality converged on her like a dark cloud, ready to snuff out her life. Everything seemed to be moving in slow motion. She could see things around her, but they didn’t seem real. She gulped in a quick breath of air and looked around frantically, searching for something that would help her gain some control.

Katie grabbed the lever on the windshield wipers and pushed it back and forth. Anything to bring her back to reality.
Squeak! Squeak! Squeak!
The wipers scraped noisily against the front window.

She could see Dixie’s rear end, but the horse seemed far away, as though Katie was seeing her in a dream. She gulped in a few more breaths and started counting.
One ... two ... three ... four ...
There, that was a little better. She could see things clearly again, although her heart still pounded and her hands felt so clammy she could barely hold on to the reins.

“Sachde!”
Katie shouted as her senses returned. “Slowly, Dixie! Go slower, now!”

Dixie finally slowed to a trot, and then she continued with a normal walk.

Katie was tempted to turn around and head straight for home but knew she’d have to answer to Dad if she showed up without Mom’s gift.

“I have to go on,” she told herself. “I need to get to the store and get back home.”

By the time Katie arrived at the Kuntry Store, she was shaking so badly she could hardly walk. Gritting her teeth, she tied the horse to the hitching rail and forced herself to go into the store.

“Do you have the clock my daed ordered?” Katie asked Laura Petersheim, the middle-aged Amish woman behind the counter.

“Got it right here.” Laura bent down, picked up a cardboard box, and placed it on the counter.

Katie reached into her purse and handed Laura the money Dad had given her.

Laura’s forehead wrinkled. “Are you all right, Katie? Your hands are shaking.”

“My horse spooked on the way here, and it ... it upset me real bad.” Katie picked up the package, and was almost to the door when she bumped into Ella, who was just coming in.

Ella’s forehead wrinkled as she stared at Katie. “Are you okay? Your face is nearly as pale as goat’s milk.”

“I’m fine.” Katie pushed past Ella and hurried out the door. She’d just placed the box in the back of the buggy when Ella stepped up to her.

“Are you feeling grank?”

“No. I said I’m fine.”

“I don’t believe you. Tell me what’s wrong.”

Katie knew she would never get away from Ella if she didn’t offer some sort of explanation, so she told her about the horn honking and Dixie getting spooked, but she left out the part about her panicking and the strange sensation of things being unreal that had followed.

“That must have been frightening. I wish folks wouldn’t honk their horns when they pass.” Ella grimaced. “I think some people get impatient with our buggies.”

“You’re probably right.” Katie shifted uneasily, thinking about the trip home. She dreaded getting back into the buggy. What if she had another panic attack? What if she couldn’t control the horse? What if the buggy flipped over or ran into a car? What if she were killed?

Ella bumped Katie’s arm. “Did you hear what I said?”

“Uh, jah. You said some people get impatient with our buggies.”

“That wasn’t the last thing I said.”

“What’d you say?”

“I was telling you about an article I read in today’s newspaper. I wondered if you’d read it, too.”

“What article?”

“It was about a teenage English girl who’d given birth to a boppli, kept it for a week, and then left it on some Amish family’s porch.” Ella slowly shook her head. “Can you imagine such a thing?”

Katie swallowed hard. Did Ella know that she was the one who’d found the baby? Should she say anything?

“Did you read the article?” Ella asked.

Tears welled in Katie’s eyes. She figured she may as well own up to it, because the newspaper might have given her name. “I’m the one who found the boppli,” she murmured.

Ella gasped. “Seriously?”

Katie nodded.

“Tell me about it.”

Katie quickly related the story of how she’d found little Susan and had taken care of her for several days.

“Why’d you keep the boppli so long?”

“I was lonely with my folks gone, and the boppli kept me company. Besides, she was so sweet, and it was hard to let her go.”

Ella’s disapproving frown made Katie cringe. “If you were lonely, you should have let me know. You could’ve come over to our place to stay, or I could’ve stayed with you. Didn’t you realize that the sheriff needed to be told about the boppli right away?”

Katie sniffed, trying to hold back her tears. “You don’t have to be so judgmental. Freeman understood why I kept the baby so long. He didn’t try to make me feel guilty.”

Ella’s eyes opened wide. “Freeman knew you had the boppli, and he kept quiet about it?”

Katie nodded once more. “He went to the store to get me some things for the boppli, and then the day Mom and Dad got home, he was going to—”

“I can’t believe you’d do something like that, Katie. I’m really disappointed in you.”

Katie’s throat clogged, and her eyes stung with tears. “I—I need to go.” She stepped up into the buggy, gathered the reins, and clucked to the horse. She wished she’d never run into Ella. She wished she hadn’t agreed to pick up the clock for Dad. She wished she’d told him she had a headache, because she had one now!

JoAnn glanced out the window of the stamp shop and frowned. Katie had been gone a long time, and she was beginning to worry. What if something had happened to her as she was out running the errand for Jeremy? Ever since the accident Katie and her cousins had been involved in last fall, JoAnn had worried about Katie.

But for the grace of God, it could have been Katie’s life that was taken that day,
she thought ruefully. But the Lord had spared Katie, and even though she’d suffered from the emotional effects, she hadn’t been physically hurt. At first JoAnn had thought Katie just needed some time to get over the shock of losing Timothy. But when she’d tried to get Katie to visit Timothy’s grave and seen her reaction, she’d realized that Katie had a long way to go in overcoming her grief over losing Timothy. Now, with Katie having all sorts of physical and emotional problems, JoAnn was even more concerned. What if Katie never snapped out of it? What if she got worse instead of better?

The
clip-clop
of horse’s hooves drew JoAnn’s attention to the window again. She was relieved to see Katie climb down from her buggy. Now she could stop worrying and get back to work.

When Katie entered the stamp shop a few minutes later, JoAnn said, “That errand your daed sent you on must have taken some time.”

“Jah, it did,” Katie said with a nod.

“Wouldn’t have anything to do with my birthday, would it?”

Katie grimaced as she rubbed her forehead. “I really can’t say.”

“What’s wrong? Aren’t you feeling well?”

“I have a koppweh. Seems like I’ve been getting a lot of them lately.”

“I’m sorry to hear that. Why don’t you go up to the house and lie down for a while?”

“Don’t you need my help this afternoon?”

“Things have been slow here today, so I’m sure I can manage on my own.” JoAnn smiled and patted Katie’s arm. “Run along now, and take a couple of white willow bark capsules before you lie down.”

Katie nodded and hurried out the door.

When Freeman looked up from the bike he’d been working on and saw Ella enter his bicycle shop with a pinched expression on her face, he knew she must be upset about something.

“What’s wrong? Is there a problem with your bike?” he asked, picking up the wrench lying beside the bike’s back wheel.

She shook her head.

“Do you need some part or new reflective tape?”

“No.”

“What’d you come in for then?”

“I just came from the Kuntry Store, and while I was there, I saw Katie. She told me about the boppli.”

Ella’s word pierced Freeman like a knife, and he dropped the wrench on his toe. A shooting pain zinged up his foot, causing him to grimace. A cloud of doubt settled over him. Could Katie really be pregnant?

“What boppli are you talking about?” he rasped.

“The boppli Katie found on her porch.” Ella leaned against Freeman’s desk. “She said you knew about the boppli but kept quiet about it.”

Freeman nodded, feeling a sense of relief. At least Ella wasn’t saying that Katie was pregnant. “Katie asked me not to tell anyone about the boppli she found.”

“And you agreed to that?”

“Jah, I did.”

Ella’s face flamed. “What in all the world were you thinking?”

“I wanted to help her, and I figured—”

“What you did was wrong! You didn’t help Katie one little bit by protecting her, either.” Ella eyed him critically. “I hope you’re not leading Katie on.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Katie might think the interest you’ve taken in her goes deeper than friendship, and I don’t want her to get hurt.” Ella shook her head. “She’s already been hurt enough, and I hate to see how naerfich she’s become.”

Freeman tapped his foot, feeling more frustrated by the minute. “I’m not leading Katie on. I just want to help her deal with her panic attacks.”

Ella drew back like she’d been stung by a bee. “Katie’s having panic attacks?”

A burst of heat shot up Freeman’s neck and spread quickly to his cheeks. “I—I figured from what you said about Katie being nervous that she must have told you she was having panic attacks.”

“I knew she was nervous and had been struggling with some health issues, but I had no idea she was having panic attacks.”

Freeman groaned. “Guess I shouldn’t have opened my big mouth.”

“I’m glad you told me. Now that I know, maybe I can help Katie.”

“Have you ever had a panic attack?”

“No.”

“Then what makes you think you can help her?”

Ella blinked in rapid succession. “Well, I—”

“Unless you’ve had panic attacks and have been treated for them, I doubt you could help her at all.”

“I care about Katie, so as soon as I have the chance, I’m going over to see her, and if there’s any way I can help, I surely will.”

Freeman knew he had to talk to Katie before Ella did. “Sorry, Ella, but I can’t talk anymore. I’ve got an errand to run.” He grabbed his hat and rushed out the door.

As Freeman headed over to Katie’s on his bike, he rehearsed what he was going to say. He’d been wanting to see how she was doing since she’d turned the baby over to the sheriff, and now he needed to let her know that he’d blabbed to Ella about her panic attacks. It seemed that he’d been messing up a lot lately where Katie was concerned, and he needed to make things right.

When Freeman entered the Millers’ stamp shop a short time later, he spotted JoAnn stacking some scrapbook paper on one of the shelves, but he didn’t see Katie anywhere.