A Faint Cold Fear (21 page)

Lena believed him for just a beat, then allowed a smile when she realized he was joking.

He walked down the hall, asking in a loud voice, 'Do you like this song?'

'Of course not,' she told him, debating again whether to call this whole thing off. She could just get the kid's name and let Jeffrey handle it tomorrow.

Ethan said, 'What kind of music do you like?'

'The kind that doesn't give you a headache,' she said. 'Are we going to talk to this friend or not?'

'This way.' Ethan gestured toward the front stairs.

A piece of plaster fell from the ceiling above her as they walked into the main hall, and though Lena could hear only the music, she knew that the floor was creaking overhead.

Upstairs there would be a large central gathering room at the head of the stairs with a TV and tables for studying, not that it sounded like anyone was studying now. There would also be a community kitchen, but, judging from the other student dorms Lena had seen, probably all it contained was a hairy refrigerator, a microwave with the door stuck shut, and some vending machines. There were fewer rooms on the second floor, and even though these rooms were smaller, the second floor was more coveted. Having smelled the odor from the more often used bathrooms on the lower floor, Lena could hazard a guess as to why.

'This way,' Ethan yelled.

Lena followed him as they wound their way through the people sitting on the stairway. Not one of them looked older than fifteen, but they were all drinking a pink concoction that had enough alcohol in it for Lena to smell it as she walked by. She recognized the third odor in the house: hard liquor.

The upstairs hallway was more packed than the stairs, and Ethan gently took her hand so she would not get lost. Lena felt herself swallow at the sudden contact, and she glanced down at his hand in hers. He had long, delicate fingers, almost like a girl's. His wrists were bony, too, and she could see the knobs sticking out just below the sleeve of his shirt. The room was so cramped and hot she couldn't imagine how he stood the heat. No matter what Ethan hid under his sleeves, it couldn't be worth sweating to death in a room filled with at least a hundred people, all of who were jumping up and down to the beat of what could only loosely be called music.

Suddenly the music stopped. The room groaned in unison, then laughed when the lights were turned off.

Lena's heart jumped into her throat as strangers bumped into her. A man next to her whispered something, and a girl laughed loudly. Behind her another man pressed his body into Lena's, and this time there was something more purposeful to the contact.

Somebody said, 'Hey, let's get the music back on!'

Another person answered, 'Gimme a minute,' and a flashlight was turned on over by the corner as the DJ tried to get his shit together.

Lena's eyes finally adjusted, and she could make out shapes of people all around her. She inched forward, and the man behind her followed like a shadow. He slid his hands up her waist and breathed 'Hey' into her ear.

Lena froze.

'Let's go somewhere,' he said, rubbing against her.

Lena tried to say 'Stop,' but the word caught in her throat. She lunged toward Ethan, wrapping her hands around his arm before she could restrain herself.

'What?' Ethan asked. Even in the dark, she could see him look behind her and get his answer. His muscles tensed, and he slammed his fist into the guy's chest, hissing, 'Asshole.'

The guy backed off, holding up his hands like it was a simple misunderstanding.

'It's okay,' Ethan told Lena. He draped his arms around her, protecting her from the crowd. She should have pushed him away, but she needed a couple of seconds to calm her heart before it broke out through her ribs.

Without warning, the music started back up and black lights flicked on. The crowd cheered and started dancing again, their white T-shirts and teeth glowing purple under the light. Some started waving green and yellow glow sticks in front of one another. A few had small flashlights they used to shine in other people's eyes.

'It's a rave,' Lena said. At least, she thought she did. The music was so loud she could not hear her own voice. The crowd was rolling on Ecstasy, and the lights enhanced the experience. Paul's pacifier made sense. He would use it to keep his teeth from chattering while he was rolling.

Over the music, Ethan yelled, 'Come over here,' making her walk backward. She reached behind her, stopping when she felt a wall.

'You okay?' he asked, his face close to hers so she could hear him.

'Of course,' she said, pushing her hand to his chest to put some space between them. His body was as solid as the wall, and he did not move.

He brushed her hair back with his fingers. 'I wish you had worn your hair back.'

'I didn't have anything,' she lied.

He smiled, watching his fingers glide through her hair. 'I could get you a rubber band or something.'

'No.'

Ethan dropped his hand, obviously disappointed.

He changed the subject, offering, 'You want me to go talk to that asshole again?'

'No,' she said, but part of her wanted him to ore than part of her, actually. She liked the idea of Ethan's beating the shit out of the jerk who had rubbed up against her.

'All right,' Ethan said.

'I mean it,' Lena told him, knowing that it would be wrong to send Ethan after the guy. She said, 'This is a rave. He probably assumed-'

'All right,' Ethan cut her off. 'Stay here. I'll go get us something to drink.'

He was gone before Lena could say anything else.

She watched his back until he disappeared into the crowd, and she felt like some sort of pathetic schoolgirl.

She was thirty-four, not fourteen, and she did not need some punk kid to fight her battles for her.

'Hey,' somebody said, bumping into her. A perky-looking brunette offered Lena a couple of green capsules, but Lena waved her off, bumping into someone else who was standing behind her.

'Sorry,' she said, stepping away and bumping into yet another person. The room started closing in on her, and Lena knew she would start screaming if she didn't get the hell out soon.

She pushed her way through the throng of people and tried to get to the stairway, but the crowd moved against her like an undertow. The room was still dark, and she felt in front of her, using her hands to push people out of her way, until she could feel another wall underneath her palms. She turned around, guessing from the light on the other side of the room that she'd gone the wrong way. The stairs were on the opposite end.

'Dammit,' she cursed, feeling along the wall. Her hand found a doorknob, and she pushed the door open, blinking in the bright light. Her eyes adjusted to see a boy lying on his back in bed. He stared at Lena with a sly smile on his face while a blond girl went down on him. He motioned for her to join in, and she slammed the door, turning around and running into Ethan.

'Whoa,' he said, holding a cup of orange juice to the side so it would not spill.

The pitch of the music started to wind down, Lena guessed to help the ravers trip. No matter the cause, she almost said a prayer of thanks as her eardrums stopped hurting from the noise.

'I didn't know what you wanted,' Ethan said, indicating the cup. 'This has vodka in it. I made it myself to be sure.' He pulled a bottle of water out of the pocket of his baggy jeans. 'Or you can have this.'

Lena looked at the cup, wanting a drink so bad her tongue curled in her mouth. 'Water,' she said.

He nodded, as if she had passed a test. "I'll be right back,' he said, setting the cup on a nearby table.

'You're not going to drink it?' she asked.

'I'm going to get some juice. Wait right here so I can find you.'

Lena twisted off the top of the bottle of water, watching him go again. She took a long drink, keeping her eyes open so no one could surprise her. Half the kids on the dance floor were so wasted that the other half had to hold them up.

She found herself glancing over at the table where Ethan had left the vodka. Before she could change her mind, she went over and drank the entire cup in two quick swallows. The drink was nearly neat, with just a splash of orange juice for color. Her chest contracted as the vodka went down, a slow flame filling her esophagus, like swallowing a burning match.

Lena wiped her mouth with her hand, feeling pins and needles stab into her sore wrist. She tried to remember what time she'd taken the Vicodin. The movie had lasted at least two hours. Walking to the dorm had taken half an hour. How much time were you supposed to allow between dosages? 'Fuck it,' Lena said, taking the pill out of her pocket and popping it into her mouth. She looked around for something to wash it down with and saw a cup of the pink punch sitting on the table. She stared at the cup, wondering for a split second what was in it before she took a healthy gulp. The concoction tasted like vodka with just enough cherry Kool-Aid to give it its pink color. There was not much left in the cup, and Lena finished it off, banging the cup down on the table when she was done.

Lena waited three long breaths before the alcohol hit her. A few more seconds passed, and she looked around the room, feeling mellow but far from drunk.

This was just a regular party with a bunch of harmless kids. She could do this. The alcohol had taken the edge off, just like she needed. The Vicodin would start working soon, and she would be feeling normal again.

The music changed to something slow and sensual, the beat lessening in her ears. Someone had apparently turned down the volume again, this time to an almost tolerable level.

Lena took another sip of water to wash the clingy feeling out of her mouth. She smacked her lips, looking around at the kids in the room. She laughed, thinking she was probably the oldest person here.

'What's funny?' Ethan was standing beside her again. He had a bottle of unopened orange juice in his hand.

Lena shook her head, feeling a sudden dizziness.

She needed to move, to walk off some of the effects of the alcohol. 'Let's find the friend.'

He gave her a funny look, and she flushed, wondering if he noticed the empty cups on the table.

'This way,' he said, trying to lead her.

'I can see,' she said, slapping away his hand.

He asked, 'You like this music better?'

She nodded, nearly losing her balance. If Ethan noticed, he did not say anything. Instead he ushered her to one of the side hallways leading toward the dorm rooms. She could hear different music playing in each room, and some of the doors were open, revealing kids snorting coke or fucking like rabbits, depending on how many people were around.

She asked, 'Is it always like this?'

'It's because Dr. Burke's gone,' he said, 'but they do this sort of thing a lot.'

'I bet,' she said, glancing into another room, then wishing she had not.

'I'm usually at the library,' he said, though she thought he might be lying. Lena had never seen him there. Of course, the library was pretty big, and Ethan looked like the kind of guy who could easily blend in.

Maybe he was there, though. Maybe he had been watching her all along.

He paused outside a door that was remarkable only for its lack of stickers and lewd notes.

'Yo, Scooter!' he shouted, rapping his knuckles on the wood.

Lena looked down at the hardwood floor, closing her eyes, trying to make her thoughts come together.

'Scoot?' Ethan repeated, banging the door with his fist. He knocked so hard that the door bent back at the top, showing a flash of light between itself and the jamb.

Ethan said, 'Come on, Scooter. Open up, you stupid fucker. I know you're in there.'

Lena could not hear much going on behind the door, but she gathered that someone was moving around. Several more minutes passed before the door opened, and a wave of the worst body odor she had smelled in her life hit them like a warm bucket of shit.

'Jesus,' she said, putting her hand to her nose.

'That's Scooter,' Ethan said, as if it explained the smell.

Lena breathed through her mouth, trying to adjust.

'Stinky' would have been a more appropriate nickname.

She said, 'Hey,' trying not to gag.

Scooter was remarkable in his differentness. Where most of the boys Lena had seen so far had tightly cropped hair and wore baggy jeans and T-shirts, Scooter had long black hair and wore a pastel blue tank top and bright orange Hawaiian shorts. His left bicep had a yellow rubber tourniquet around it, the upper half of his arm bulging from the compression.

'Aw, man,' Ethan said, picking at the tourniquet.

'Come on.' The rubber snapped off Scooter's arm and flew back into the room.

'Shit, man,' Scooter groaned. He stood blocking the doorway, but completely without menace. 'She's a goddamn cop. What's a cop doing here, man? Why'd you bring a cop to my pad?'

'Move,' Ethan said, gently pushing him back into the room.

'Am I gonna be arrested?' he asked. 'Hold on, man.'

He went to the floor, looking for the tourniquet. 'Hold on and lemme do this hit first.'

'Stand up,' Ethan said, pulling Scooter up by the band of his shorts. 'Come on, she's not going to arrest you.'

'I can't go to jail, man.'

'She's not taking you to jail,' Ethan said, his voice loud in the small room.

'Yeah, all right,' Scooter said, letting Ethan help him up. Scooter put his hand to his neck, and Lena noticed that he was wearing a yellow chain much like the one Paul, Ethan's friend from before, had been wearing. Scooter's was missing the pacifier and had what looked like a key collection, tiny little skeleton keys of the sort that came with a teenage girl's diary.

'Sit down, man,' Ethan said, pushing him onto the bed.

'Yeah, all right,' Scooter said, as if he did not realize he was already sitting.

Lena stood just inside the doorway, still breathing through her mouth. An air-conditioning unit was stuck in the window, but Scooter had not turned it on.

Addicts usually liked to stay cool so the drug did not sweat out too fast, but from the smell of him, Lena imagined there was enough grease on Scooter's body to clog every last one of his pores.