A Fallen Woman (23 page)

‘
I don’t care,’ he told Adam quietly. ‘And no, I am not merely
saying it. I really don’t care. I have always known that Rachel
Sheridan is the woman I am meant to marry. One way or another, I
have been given another chance to secure her good opinion. Now tell
me, if you will. Today or tomorrow?’

For what seemed
an age, Adam studied his friend’s face, as if searching out the
truth of the matter. Then he grinned, so wide it split his face and
Adam, the man he had always known, was back again.

‘Tomorrow, you dog! Let me have my day, I beg you. But may
I just say… you are getting a wonderful woman and Charlotte and I
will support you in every possible way.’

‘Tomorrow,’ Nash repeated, and sighed. He had known this
would be the answer, really. ‘Very well, but I had better make it a
morning interview. Suddenly, I am not at all inclined to patience.’
He wondered at this sudden need to speak to Lord Sheridan, to speak
to Rachel and do what needed to be done.

I want to secure my future. Somehow, the concept of being
single is not nearly so appeal
ing as I thought it was. Suddenly, a life without
Rachel in it seems utterly unbearable…

‘
Does Rachel know of your intentions?’ Adam asked
curiously.

Nash hesitated. ‘No. But I do not think she is entirely
indifferent to me. We
certainly get on well together.’ He experienced a
sudden apprehension. ‘Do you… do you think she will refuse
me?’

Adam considered this for a moment, then shrugged. ‘If there
is one thing I have noticed about Rachel, it is that she seems to
have a horror of tainting others with what she perceives to be her
shame. It is absurd – anybody who has ever met the girl must know
that she is as fine a person as anybody is ever likely to meet –
but there you have it.’ He gave Nash a sympathetic look. ‘As
extraordinary as any sensible
person might think it, she might say
no.’

‘To hell with that!’ Nash muttered. He had sworn once that
he would never ask Rachel Sheridan to marry him again and he had
meant it at the time. But things had changed and now he was going
back on that oath. He made another one in its place; he
would
ask Rachel to marry
him but he would make damn sure she did not refuse him again. ‘You
may be right, you know. She can be dashed stubborn when she wants
to be.’

His friend
cocked his head to one side consideringly. ‘You really love her,
don’t you?’

‘
I do,’ Nash agreed.

‘I suppose you never fell
out
of love with her?’

‘I believed I had. I really believed
I had left that chapter of my
life behind. When I returned to England I barely gave her a
thought. Or not,’ he amended wryly, ‘a conscious one. But her name
was raised when I had not been more than two nights in the country
and then it was very much on my mind, although I would have denied
it if anybody had asked. And then you went and told me that you
were engaged to her sister…’

‘A bit
of a facer,’ Adam murmured. ‘You never said anything when I
asked you to come to Thorncroft with me.’

‘What was
I supposed to say? Hell no, I would rather attend a year of evening
visits to that den of female iniquity Almack’s before I’d set foot
in Northumberland? I was too busy pretending that I didn’t give a
fig for the girl to do anything of the kind. In fact, in my
infinite idiocy I convinced myself it would be a good thing as it
would finally prove, once and for all, that Rachel was my past.
That I was free to move on with my future.’ He gave Adam a sapient
look. His friend was looking a little stunned. ‘Too deep for this
time of morning, I agree. Let me just say that I found that I was
wrong. And now I want to stake my claim before any other desperate
hopeful tries to secure her.’

Adam was
startled. ‘Do you think they would?’

‘
I think there were several gentlemen present last night that
might decide being eschewed by Society would be a reasonable
exchange if only they could claim Rachel as their bride. Thursby,
her erstwhile friend, was looking at her as if he had seen the Holy
Grail for much of the evening.’

Adam chuckled
softly. ‘Poor Rachel. Her first sojourn into Society in years and
she is suddenly the object of men’s desires.’

‘
She’s always been that.’

‘Not
since she has been a ruined woman. She doesn’t seem to be able to
enjoy her glorious isolation, does she? Her family, her hopeful
swains -’

‘One
hopeful swain,’ Nash interjected firmly. ‘I am not ceding the field
to any would be pretender.’

‘If she
will have you.’ Adam seemed determined to dash cold water over
Nash’s hopes.

‘
Oh she will,’ he said with cool determination. ‘If I have to
ruin her all over again, I am going to make Rachel Sheridan my
wife.’

There was a
moment of startled silence and then Adam began to laugh.

‘
What?’ Nash demanded.

‘You’ve
changed. I seem to recall a pleasant fellow who would not have said
boo to a cat, lest he upset the status quo, yet you seem quite
content to thumb your nose at everybody and steal the day. What
happened to you when you were gone? You’re a changed
man.’

Nash was surprised by the question but a moment’s thought
told him he shouldn’t be. He
was
a changed man, there was no doubt about it. As the only
child of overprotective parents, the hopes of the Worsleys had been
heavily invested in the single son, the heir who would continue a
line that had been unbroken for three hundred years. He supposed he
could have developed in various ways, anything from outrageously
arrogant to painfully precious but Nash had always liked to get on
with people and he had managed other people’s expectations by the
simple expedient of giving them nothing to complain about. He had
gone along with things because it was the easiest course. Going to
London by himself had been the first real step he had taken on his
own. It had been the start of a journey that he had finished away
from hearth and home.

Had
falling in love with Rachel been his first act of bravado? He did
not think so. What he had felt for her had been then, and still
was, as genuine an emotion as one could ever care to
experience.

H
is
retreat to the Continent had been something else again. Rejected by
the woman he loved, he had been unable to face the monumental task
of taking his place in Society. Abandoning England, he had also
abandoned many of the values that he had thought were ingrained
into him. Nash had learned to live a life very different to the one
that he had always known and liked himself the better for it. He
had found his feet on his own terms.

‘
I grew up,’ he said finally and gave a crooked smile. ‘Some
would say it was more than time to do so.’

‘
They kept you wrapped up in cotton, did they not?’ Adam
observed quietly. ‘Well, you certainly fought your way free of it.
Do you really intend to set Society on its ear again? You’ve only
been back for two weeks.’

‘I am not
an unreasonable man,’ Nash returned, knowing he felt anything but
reasonable. ‘If people accept my choice of a bride then there will
be no problems. But if they do not…’

Adam laughed
again. ‘It’s good to have you back again, my friend. I had not
noticed it until now but it seems to have been devilish dull
without you around.’

Nash
grinned and realized that, far from being concerned for what
Society might think of him when he presented Rachel as his bride,
he was spoiling for a chance to slay her dragons.

Let them think
what they will. Let them say what they will, as long as it is to me
they are saying it. For I will not have Rachel upset, not for
anything. Once I secure her hand it will be my job to chase off
anyone that might overset her happiness. For I will make her happy.
One way or another, no matter what, I will make Rachel Sheridan the
happiest woman in England…

There had
been some concern over the weather and the amount of snow that was
falling but, as if the heavens were bestowing their blessing on the
forthcoming union between Adam Casterton and Charlotte Sheridan,
the fat flakes had stopped falling by ten and by twelve, the mile
long drive to the church had been cleared by the gardeners. Miss
Charlotte could expect a smooth passage to her nuptials. Lady
Sheridan had thanked Faulkner, her head gardener, reminding him
that a special celebratory luncheon was being laid on for all the
staff and that there would be no more work for any of the grounds’
staff that day. The cook and the maids would still have a job on
their hands but by seven o’clock it would all be over and no
further assistance would be required by the family. The day was to
be a celebration for all who resided at Thorncroft.

As Margaret Sheridan and Rachel –
sporadically ‘assisted’ by Liza, who
contributed to the hustle and bustle by recounting anecdotes of all
she had seen the evening before (when she was supposed to be in bed
but was actually observing the proceedings from a small,
inconspicuous balcony that overlooked the ballroom) – prepared
Charlotte for her big day, Rachel felt as if she was expanding with
a quiet happiness. Her sister, her own dear Charlotte, was marrying
a delightful man who would take excellent care of her, ensuring a
wonderful future. It was as if a weight had been lifted off her
shoulders, one that she had not truly understood she had been
carrying until Charlotte had confided that Adam was ‘talking to
Papa’. Despite her delight at the news, Rachel had not really
relaxed until a date had been set and the banns read, lest some
cruel fate intervene and throw good fortune to the wind. Now, on
the day of the actual wedding itself, that final frisson of anxiety
she had not been able to divest herself of (lest Adam suffer an
apoplexy, be thrown from his horse or was kidnapped by fretful
relatives to stop him uttering his vows) finally sloughed away,
leaving nothing but joy behind.

‘
You are,’ she pronounced, standing back to admire their
handiwork, ‘a very beautiful bride. Is she not, Mama?’

Margaret
Sheridan obviously was thinking much the same thing for her eyes
were shining as she studied her daughter. ‘It is quite true. You
are a vision, my love.’

Charlotte turned and with scant regard to her careful
ensemble, hugged both her mother and her sister, arms wide as she
gathered them into an all-encompassing embrace.
‘
Is it silly
of me to feel nervous and eager at the same time?’ she inquired,
voice a little uneven.

‘It is perfectly natural,’ her mother assured her. ‘On the
day I married your father my teeth were chattering with terror but
I
could
scarcely wait for the parson to arrive. My father kept him talking
for twenty minutes before the ceremony and I wanted to
scream
with
frustration.’

Two of her
daughters laughed at the image of their mother, considerably
younger and a good deal less composed, impatiently waiting for the
minister to hurry up and get on with things but Liza merely looked
interested.

‘
Why were you in a hurry? Did you think Papa was going to run
away?’

‘
Perhaps,’ Lady Sheridan smiled at her youngest child fondly.
‘One can never be too sure when it comes to matters of the heart.
At least, it feels that way at the time.’

‘
What does that mean?’ Liza inquired dubiously.

‘
It means that while one might know very well what is going to
happen, there is still a little part of us that is terrified that
it might not come to pass,’ Charlotte explained, bending to drop a
kiss on the top of Liza’s head.

‘I saw
Adam at breakfast,’ Liza reassured her sister kindly. ‘I’m sure
he’ll be there for the wedding.’

Which caused
her female relatives to laugh again and left the youngest Miss
Sheridan’s short nose somewhat out of joint.

Adam did
indeed turn up for the wedding, standing before the altar, his face
wearing a look of such love and pride when he set eyes upon his
bride that it left nobody in doubt as to his feelings. It was cold
in the church but Charlotte shed the fur lined cloak she had worn
at the door and trod lightly down the aisle in the lovely cream
sarcenet gown with its silver underslip. If she felt the cold, she
appeared oblivious, eyes forward as she approached the man she was
about to be bound to. Lady Sheridan, Rachel and Liza followed,
slipping into a pew at the front. Rachel looked towards Worsley who
was standing to one side of the groom, silent and grave in his
immaculate morning suit of dove grey. Their eyes met and he smiled
and she smiled back, unable to stop herself, her heart giving the
curious little lurch that it usually gave each time she set eyes on
him when they met again.

He will be leaving soon
, she reflected and noticed uneasily the pang of
unhappiness this thought brought her. It was just as well he would
be leaving soon! Instead of being relieved when he had confided
that he had changed his mind about departing early, she should have
encouraged him. But she had not. Nor would she. It was unclear what
he had meant last night but she did not mean to inquire. For once
in her life she was determined to just enjoy whatever time she had
with him and try to forget the consequences, even though it might
lead to pining for him at a later date. She would deal with that…
at a later date. Had she always felt easy in his company, even when
her poor, tangled thoughts had been elsewhere? She suspected so and
if it had not been for the presence of Mr. Salinger in her life,
who knows where that easiness could have led. Could she have fallen
in love with the humorous, self-effacing earl? Was she in any
danger of falling in love with him now?