A Father In The Making (8 page)

Lacy measured the boys' feet and then looked over to Nate, gesturing to one section of the wall that held boots and running shoes and sandals in smaller sizes. “Why don't you and the boys pick some boots out and I'll see if we have them in stock.”

Nico was already on the floor, tugging on the ugly running shoes he wore. He dropped them with a thump on the carpeted floor and bounded to his feet to follow his brother.

“What price range are you looking at?” Lacy asked as they joined the boys who stared, wide-eyed, at the selection.

Nate waved off her question. “Doesn't matter. I want to get them good boots.”

“Okay, let's see what we can find.”

“I wish Mommy could be here,” Josh was saying as Nate helped him choose a pair of black boots with bright red stitching.

“Where is Mia?” Lacy asked. Nate easily heard the curiosity in her voice.

“She's settling stuff at the insurance agent. I thought I would give her a break and take the boys.”

“That must be so hard for her. And with all those kids.” Lacy shook her head, her ponytail bobbing in commiseration. “I always thought it was so awful how Al left her when he found out she was expecting twins. Not that it mattered that much. He wasn't such a nice guy. He was always flirting.”

Nate took the boot Nico was showing him, his mind trying to wrap itself around this information. Part of him, the part curious about Mia, wanted to ask more, but knew Mia wouldn't appreciate the chatter.

Instead, he turned his attention back to the boys. “Are these the ones you want, Nico?” he asked, holding out the brown boots with the green shaft.

Nico nodded, his eyes shining, his mouth open.

Nate waited a moment, his heart vibrating in anticipation, but Nico just stood there. Silent.

“Okay. I guess they've made up their minds,” Nate said, handing Lacy the boots.

She took them, holding his gaze longer than he thought necessary and then, thankfully, she left. She returned a few minutes later with a stack of boxes. “I took a larger size for each of them. Just in case,” she explained as she set the boxes on the floor and opened the top one.

Nate helped Nico get the boots on, and when the boy stood, Nate didn't think he could smile any more.

“Mine fit. Mine fit,” Josh called out, bounding to his feet, holding them out for Nate's inspection.

“They look great,” Nate said, grinning at the boy's enthusiasm. But at the same time his heart ached for Nico, stuck in his silence.

Nate bent over to take the boots off, but Nico pulled his foot back, shaking his head.

“They can wear them right away if they want,” Lacy said, taking the boys' ratty running shoes and setting them in the box the boots came in.

Nate shot her a thankful look. “I don't think we're getting them off.”

Lacy just beamed.

“Now some clothes,” Nate said. “Some blue jeans and shirts.”

“Of course. I can show you where they are.”

Josh grabbed his one hand, Nico, the other, and bracketed by these happy, thrilled boys, Nate felt a thrum of joy followed by a sudden uncertainty.

What was he doing? He was leaving in the next few weeks. He had to.

Or did he?

Chapter Eight

I
t was beyond disaster. Beyond incomprehensible.

Mia stood in the back room of her flower shop, her arms clasped over her midsection, as if holding her emotions inside.

Charred and blackened timbers held up a roof with exposed beams. Fixtures with broken glass hung from bare wires dangling from the ceiling. The floor was a mass of soot and water stains covered with remnants of drywall. The door of the walk-in fridge that had held her flowers hung drunkenly on one hinge, melted containers and buckets scattered over what was left of her worktable and the floor.

“You don't have to see this.” Nate spoke quietly beside her, his own expression shuttered. Mia wondered if he was reliving that moment when he ran into this very building when it was ablaze.

“I had hoped I could salvage something,” she said, her voice small and weak. “Anything.”

“Don't think there's much left here.”

“And I'm not allowed to go upstairs.” Where all her important stuff was. Clothes, jewelry handed down to her from her grandmother. The fine china her parents had bought her as a wedding present.

“There's probably not much left there, either,” Nate said quietly.

Mia looked around again, thankful she had brought the children to Evangeline. She didn't want them to see what had become of their home. Her store.

How was she supposed to carry on? This store had been her salvation. It had taken her through those dark days when she was alone, pregnant with the twins and responsible for two young boys.

A faint sob crawled up her throat. She fought it down, swallowing again and again.

The kids need you. You have to stay strong.

This time Other Mother was right. Mia pulled in a shaky breath, but then felt Nate's hand on her shoulder. Why was this man always around at these difficult times? She was about to turn away when a breeze sifted through the building and a piece of paper floated down from a room above.

One corner of it crumbled to ash as Mia, curious to see what it was, picked it up. She turned it over and her heart stuttered over its next beat.

Nico and Josh grinned at her, each of them awkwardly holding a baby. The girls were crying, their faces scrunched up under the frilly brims of bonnets that had been a gift from Mia's mother.

Mia's hand trembled as her fingers traced the children's features. She had hoped to make a scrapbook of her children's photos one day. Her friend, Renee, who owned a scrapbook supply store, was going to help her.

And now...

Mia clutched the picture as tears welled up in her eyes, blurring her children's features.

“It's all gone,” she said. “Everything I have.”

The true devastation of the fire hit her right then. Her world had sharply tilted and she was doing everything she could to keep her feet underneath her. She faltered, reaching back to steady herself and then, once again, she felt Nate's arms around her. She knew she should pull away. Stand on her own two feet. But she allowed herself to stay a moment longer in the strength of his embrace. Allowed herself the feeling of having someone hold her, support her. Be strong for her.

But even as she leaned against him, a more practical and insistent voice took over.

He's leaving. He can't supply your needs.

It was that last comment that made Mia straighten. Made her look away as she drew in a wavering breath.

When Al had left, Mia had sat on the floor of her bedroom, her Bible in her lap. She had prayed, read and prayed some more. It was in that moment that she came to the realization that the only one who could supply all her needs was her Savior, Jesus. No man could do that for her.

Nate couldn't do that for her.

Then, just as she had centered herself spiritually and emotionally, she felt the gentle brush of Nate's lips on her forehead.

He was just consoling her, she told herself.

Then why did that light touch make her heart race?

She took a deep breath as she slowly pulled back from him, looking at the devastation surrounding her as if to imprint it into her mind. Remind her of what her priorities were.

“We should go.” And without a second glance at him, she turned and walked out of what was left of her flower shop. Back to her children, waiting for her. Back to her real life.

* * *

“You're looking pensive,” Evangeline said as she dropped the last dish in the dishwasher. Supper was over. The children were all in bed and the house was quiet. “Are you upset that Nate didn't join us for supper?”

“No. Of course not.” Even as Mia dismissed Evangeline's prodding question, her hand crept up and touched her forehead where Nate had kissed her. She still wasn't sure if she had imagined it or if it had actually happened.

At the same time she was thankful he had stayed away.

“But something is bugging you,” Evangeline pressed, folding her arms over her chest in her “I mean business” gesture. “You're all squirrely.”

Mia realized Evangeline wasn't going to quit and as she glanced at the carrier bag from Family Fashions, hanging from the stairs' banister, she chose to home in on that. Distract her friend with the other thing that did concern Mia.

“I don't know what to think about the stuff Nate bought the kids,” she said. The bag not only held blue jeans, a couple of plaid shirts and a few T-shirts for the boys, it also held a couple of ruffly dresses. One in pink and one in green and half a dozen sparkling white Onesies and some sleepers.

The boys were wearing the boots when they joined her and Mia had to pry them off their feet before bedtime.

Evangeline gave her a sly smile. “Cut the tags off?”

“Be serious. It's too much. I don't know what to do with it all. It makes me uncomfortable.”

“How?”

“It's like I can't take care of my own kids.” Which was only part of her discomfort. The other was the shift in her and Nate's relationship.

“I'll tell you what you're going to do with those clothes.” Evangeline grabbed Mia's hands, giving them a light shake. “Take them out tomorrow and let the boys wear them. Save the little dresses for the girls to wear to church on Sunday. You're going to let this kind and generous man give your kids a gift.”

Mia pressed her lips together, reining in her protests, realizing how ungrateful she sounded.

“You are allowed to let people do things for you,” Evangeline continued, laying one hand on Mia's shoulder and giving her a light squeeze. “You would do the same for anyone else if they needed your help.”

“But that's different—”

“It's not different.” Evangeline cut her off. “Just because he's a guy doesn't change anything. He wanted to get your kids something. I know you have a hard time taking things. You're so independent. But sometimes you have to let people give things. For
their
sake.”

Mia realized the truth of what Evangeline said. She did have a hard time accepting help, let alone gifts. But still...

This was Nate, not a member of her church or community.

Yes, it was generous of him to give her boys these clothes, but tangled in that was what happened at her store when she leaned on him. When she felt his gentle caress.

“You still don't think you should accept this, do you?” Evangeline said with a teasing smile.

Mia's innate sense of self-preservation kicked in. But weariness and exhaustion also clawed at her with a relentless hunger. She had few reserves left to carry the load she'd been lugging around since Al left her.

“I'm scared,” she said quietly, the admission, spoken aloud, increasing the emotion. “I'm scared of what's happened the past few days.”

Evangeline, still holding Mia's hand, pulled her down to the kitchen chair behind them and sat down across from her. “Of course you are. It's been huge.”

“It's not only the store,” Mia said, blowing out a sigh. “It's Nate. I don't know if I'm overreacting to him or if I'm reading too much into simple actions.”

“What actions?”

Mia pulled her hands away from Evangeline's, twisted her fingers around each other and let her hands rest in her lap. Her broken nails and rough hands mocked her. The hands of a florist.

Not anymore.

“Right now, Nico needs me a lot. Trouble is, according to Dr. Schuler, he also needs Nate. And it's scary how quick Nico has attached himself to Nate and how easy Nate is with the boys.” And even more scary how she felt this heightened sense of awareness. “I feel like he's winding himself into our lives.” Her foolish thoughts slid back to that moment in the flower shop–the brush of his lips on her forehead and the faint thrill it gave her.

“
Our lives?
As in you and the kids?”

“I can't let this happen. I don't have the reserves—the strength.” Mia looked up at her friend, catching the sympathy in her eyes. “He doesn't own a home. He hasn't settled down since he left Denny's parents' ranch. I can't afford to let him take up even the tiniest space in my heart. I have four kids. I have a divorce behind me. My life is a tangle of obligations and trouble and mess and there's no way I can fall for him.”

“And yet you have.”

“Not all the way,” Mia said. “But I'm teetering. And I'm carrying so much baggage that if I tip even a bit more, I will fall. And I don't know where I'll land. And I don't know if I can trust that he'll be around to pick me up. I mean, what man would want to be saddled with four of another man's kids? I feel like I'm making the biggest presumption in the world by even thinking he might be attracted to me.”

Evangeline gave her a gentle smile. “I'm not blind. I see the way he looks at you when you're not looking at him. No man looks like that at a woman he's not interested in. I also think Nate is enough of a realist to know what he's getting into by being attracted to you. And I think he genuinely likes your kids.”

In spite of her misgivings, Mia's heart fluttered and anticipation sang through her. Had that casual kiss meant what she thought it had? Could she dare think that he wasn't toying with her?

“Nate is a good-looking guy,” Evangeline continued. “And he's great with your kids.”

“Too great for a single guy,” Mia put in, her innate common sense quenching the hope Evangeline's words had created. “It takes nothing and he's making the girls smile, Josh laugh and Nico's eyes sparkle the way they used to.” She wrapped her arms around herself in a protective gesture. “Al never even could make the boys laugh the way he does.”

“Maybe if Al had a cowboy hat and horses,” Evangeline said with a twinkle, her lips pursed as if considering that scenario. Then she grew serious. “I can see what your problem is. But I remember you talking to me when I was so confused about Denny. I had the same issues, only he was the one with the baby. I was afraid and you talked to me about how life isn't always neat and tidy. That sometimes it's messy. And you are right. Falling for Nate right now seems like a mistake. I know from what Denny has told me about him, that Nate had a desperately hard life before he came to the ranch. Maybe he doesn't think he deserves any happiness. But maybe, just maybe, he needs a reason to stay. Maybe he's never had a reason to settle down. Maybe you could give him that reason.”

Evangeline's quietly spoken words wound themselves around Mia's lonely and confused heart. But even as the part of her that still longed for her own happy ending, even as the part of her that still hoped romance would come into her life, her reality was her four children. Their happiness and comfort and their needs were first in her life.

She didn't know if she dared open herself up enough to Nate to take a chance that maybe it would work out, maybe it wouldn't.

* * *

“Glad to see you boys are wearing your boots,” Nate said as he helped Nico into the saddle, and handed him the leather reins. “Now you don't have to worry about your feet slipping through the stirrups.”

Nico wiggled his feet as if checking. Then he looked up at Nate and gave him a huge smile.

Things were progressing, thought Nate, his heart quickening at the sight of Nico's happiness.

“I got mine on, too,” Josh called out. “I look like a real cowboy now.”

Nate gave him a thumbs-up, wishing for a moment he had given in to his impulse and bought the boys each a cowboy hat to boot. Trouble was, he wasn't sure how Mia would have reacted. He didn't know what to think of her not letting the boys wear their new clothes today. Maybe he had insulted her. With someone as proud and independent as she was, you never knew.

He looked over his shoulder to where she sat outside the corrals, blanket spread out on the grass, Grace and Jennifer playing beside her. The sun shone on her short hair, enhancing her delicate, elfinlike features. Her legs in their beige capris were folded up under her. She wore a plain white tank top that left her arms bare to the sun.

She looked great.

She looked up and they exchanged a look that pressed into his heart. His mind skipped easily back to that moment when, once again, he held her in his arms in the burned-out hulk of what was her flower shop. He still wasn't sure what had come over him when he brushed a kiss over her forehead. He would have liked to blame it on sympathy but in his deepest soul he knew it was a different emotion.

“Can I ride my horse by myself?” Josh asked, pulling his attention back to the reason he was here.

“Maybe later,” Nate said, walking over to his horse to fiddle with his stirrups, make sure the cinch was tight. Unnecessary adjustments that gave him a moment to regain his mental equilibrium. “Okay, cowboys, I think we're all set,” he said, fitting Josh's foot into the stirrup.

Nate handed Josh the reins. “Don't pull on these. I just want you to get used to the idea of holding them. I'll be leading the horses with the halter ropes.”